CNN – Behold the Face of the Lords
Merciful mother of man Beyonce hath blessed us this morn, allowing us lowly mortals, in all her benevolence, to gaze upon the faces of her sacred bounty. Behold, peasants, Sir and Rumi Carter (this is exactly how you thought it would be):
Can you imagine being the person who designs these elaborate mis-en-scenes? “Hi, my name is Jared and I designed the Sir and Rumi unveiling. Check out www.wix.com/jaredspics for more of my portfolio.”
Refinery 29 – Tom Holland, Zendaya NOT Banging
The more important aspect of this story is there is some trick out there trying to cop my internet swag using MY NAME (Katelyn Reilly):
Your name is Kaitlin and you work for R29? Congrats, you’re basic. Outta my face, bitch.
Page Six – Alexander Skarsgard Broke Up With Alexa Chung
I know what you’re wondering, so I’ll just come out and say it: yes, it is because of me and my charming wiles and my unparalleled oral tricks.
Yes, Alexander and I are doing fine. We’re spending the weekend on the coast with our two rescue dogs and a pitcher of margaritas. We languish the day away under the sun, lazing about on a soft warm chaise. Every now and then, one of us will turn a glowing face to the other, smiling sleepily behind a $430 pair of designer sunglasses. We’ll casually stroke the other one’s hard, hot body with the back of our index finger, sigh contently, and look back out to the sea, thinking about nothing but our luck and good fortune. At night we dine on delicious buttered conch and clink our glasses of Maximin Grunhauser Abstberg Riesling Spätlese 2004, before retiring to our massive white bed chamber to make love atop a bed of lilies. We’ll fall asleep holding hands, whispering about ships and vikings and the romance among the ancient gods, waiting for a brand new day of nothing but this.
Yes, Alexander and I are simply delirious, my friends, and he hasn’t given Alicia (was that her name?) a second thought.
Us – I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS
a) Who is Katie Price? b) Why is she promoting autism awareness is such a horrific fucking manner? c) Why would she ever do this to her son? Actually… that’s it. That’s all my questions. BUT I NEED TO KNOW.
Jezebel – Now This Seems Like a Very Smart Young Man, Wouldn’t You Say?
Hey bitches, it’s your girl Paris Hilton here, just checkin in from Ibiza to remind you that my man is #boyfriendgoals! You know how I know my boyfriend’s the bestest boyfriend there is? Well first of all, he’s dating MEEEEEE, second of all, he looks like the hot roided up vampire from Twilight, and third of all, this is what he got carved into his arm so he can look at it forever and ever, until the sad, slow hours in which he dies:
Isn’t this just the SWEETEST? It’s like the lion is pissed off it has to look at that every day! Haha hashtag my name foreverrrrr!
Well, you know what they say! Stars (and Paris’ boyfriends) Are Blind! Have a great weekend, everyone!
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