Hey Trash Bags!
Alright, so we have seven “chefs” left on Food Network Star, which means we are halfway through. That’s it?! Well, anyway, halfway through the competition means midterms for some random reason, so they are going to have a challenge. Some magazine puts out an issue where they give 50 simple ideas for cooking with one item. The item that these morons will have to use is (drum roll) POTATOES! Great! I can’t wait to see curly fries, waffle fries, cheese fries. Ooh! Maybe someone will make tater tots!
YOU SAY POTATO…
Well, our stay-at-home mom, Amy, LOVES potatoes…they just make her butt bigger. Those Kardashian girls must eat a TON! Odd, I only see them eating boxed salads. Anyway, they have 45 minutes to make a personalized dish and then present it. Cory makes some pork loin with sweet potatoes. Jason also uses sweet potatoes, but uses his signature holy trinity of Bourbon, bacon and butter. Addie uses red potatoes to make her husbands favorite, Pac-Man Potatoes. She boils them and them smashes them so they look little little Pac-Men. Umm, is her hubby five? PS…they look nothing like Pac-Man.
UMMMM?! GAME OVER.
I forget what dish Amy was making because Giada stopped by and was a total bitch to her, telling her she talked too much and too fast. Shut up Giada. Do we tell you that we hate the way you pronounce pasta? Well, I would if I met her, but whateves. Anyway, Rusty uses purple, David makes something curry, and Matthew makes mashed potatoes.
It’s time to present their delectable dishes and Cory is up first. He crashes and burns, but I think Giada wants to bone him, so he’ll be fine.
YOU CAN BE MY SWEET POTATO ANY DAY
Amy slows down and does a good job. Rusty is great, but is left with 10 seconds and he kinda freezes…AWK-WARD! Addie is a nerd and was valedictorian of her culinary school class. Sorry, I fell asleep during her presentation, so who knows how the Pac-Man potatoes turned out. Jason does his typical southern sayings. David is all about the curry and he uses the dreaded word “delicious,” so he wasn’t great. Matthew, who you all know I despise, is a raving lunatic. He made mashed potatoes, but, goes into a story about a mentor of his that gave him the business or something? Then, he doesn’t have a fork near enough to him, although there are tons a few inches away, so he uses his finger to dip and taste his food. Apparently he thought he killed it, because then he stares off camera with an angry face as if he’s just knocked out Mike Tyson or something. Weird.
FINGERS OVER FORKS
Giada and Bobby, who I forget is on the show, do not appreciate his antics, and they feel he is two different people on and off camera. He claps back at Giada and they have a mini bitch sesh. This is the one and only time that I have ever liked Giada. Only because I hate Matthew so much more!
Well, Amy wins the Most Improved award, so she will have an advantage in the next challenge. Yay! I like her.
Next up, we meet Emily Silver, the GM of Lipton Iced Tea. Of course, I immediately think of David Silver of Beverly Hills 90210, which will actually come into play later.
Summer is the time for tea, so they will each have to make a dish that accompanies a summertime, outside party. There is a wheel of parties, and Amy as the winner of last challenge, gets to pick first. She also gets to choose everyone else’s party for them…DUN DUN DUN!
BOBBY LOOKS THRILLED
Amy chooses picnic in the park for herself and…
Matthew- pool party
Jason- 4th of July
Addie- country boil
Cory- Christmas in July
Rusty- Garden party
Cory seems to think that this shows that she thinks he is her biggest threat. Well, duh.
They have 90 minutes to cook and set up their parties. Rusty is a little thrown off, because he is not the “garden party type,” but he is making some vegetarian garden dish. David immediately says he’s making a delicious clam….damnit David! You’re not supposed to use that word! Amy makes a lamb sandwich. Jason is making “summer on a plate.” Matthew is making a ceviche, and yells out that they have 10 minutes left when they have 40. Ugh! He’s such a douche. Time is almost up and they are told that they have to incorporate the Lipton tea into their dishes. They are all shocked. Uh, why did you think Ms. Silver wasted her day with you idiots?
They all finish their dishes, tea included, and set up their parties. I was painting my fingernails a nice coral color, as one does when she is bored with this show, when they announced they were having a guest judge and I heard a familiar voice. I look up and it’s none other than Kelly Kapowski herself! Oh, Tiffani-Amber Thiessen, how I love thee. I do not watch her on whatever cooking show she has, but I HAVE seen every episode of Saved By The Bell, multiple times. Not to mention, every episode of 90210 where she played one Valerie Malone. I must add that I was totally Team Brenda and was not happy when she left the show. I know, it’s a shocker that I would love the raging bitch on the show. Anyway, I really didn’t think our sweet little Kelly could pull off a bad girl…but she did, and I loved her. Now, let’s just get stupid Giada off this show and replace her with Tiff. A girl can dream.
BBBBBB GO BAYSIDE!
Okay, blah blah blah. Everyone does fairly well as they are presenting their food to the judges. Amy is a little awkward, and Giada kinda steers her into talking. Tiffani loves her sandwiches, but thinks maybe she should have a drink before she presents. After all, that’s what she used to do before some auditions to take away some anxiety. Could we love her more? Everyone else is decent, except Addie. She is super stiff and has zero excitement and no personality. Hmm…I guess she WAS mentored by Martha Stewart. It allllll makes sense now.
Well, Rusty and Jason did the best, so they are safe. Matthew is still talking and is upset that he wasn’t in the top. UGH!! SHUT UP! God, I wish he’d go home! Well, he doesn’t. Addie the robot gets the boot and I’m fine with that. See ya next week loves!