Hi, Trashies. So, we’re down to the final six. This is the week where Becca will decide whose families she’ll be meeting. Also, it’s the much teased episode about Colton’s virginity and we start to see Blake unravel. There’s a lot to unpack, so let’s get right to it!
We open in the Bahamas. It’s nice that the producers finally decided to take Becca someone that doesn’t have to be followed by “I guess” or “really?”. We find out that she’s never been here before (neither have any of the guys, apparently), so this is a dream come true for her.
It’s nice, but you can dream bigger, Becca.
We cut to the guys and Colton is reciting his script perfectly. The guy really does speak like someone gave him a “Cliches From The Bachelor/ette” book before he came on the show. That’s when Becca arrives to let them all know that there will be four dates – three one-on-ones and a group date. The first date goes to Colton and this is where Blake starts to lose his mind.
Blake is the new Chris, it seems.
Why do all the guys talk about Colto being a virgin? I’m going to go on a bit of a rant about this whole ordeal in a little bit (have your drink ready), but I’ll just say that the whole discussion is just so stupid. With that, let’s go to the date. Of course, we’re going to spend the whole time before the big confession listening to Becca talk about how physically attracted he is to her. That’s all spliced together with Colton trying to bring up his virginity when…
They get conch blocked.
So, there’s a big segment where Becca and Colton go diving for conch and then they eat it because it’s supposed to be an aphrodisiac. The producers of this show are not subtle.
So, the nighttime portion of the date involves the big confession. Before we get into it, can we just take a moment to recognize how often Becca says “not gonna lie”? She always says it about things that not one would ever lie about. “This place is gorgeous…not gonna lie” or “Colton is handsome…not gonna lie.” Why would you lie about that, Becca? Anyway, Colton tells Becca that he’s a virgin and it’s because he spend his time focusing on sports and not on dating. As a result, he’s a virgin. And here comes my rant. Feel free to skip this part or get some extra alcohol.
OK, first of all, let’s not make this seem like Colton had some huge football career. He was on a few practice squads and ultimately released from them. That being said, I really hate the way the show makes huge storylines out of people who haven’t had sex. Who fucking cares? I don’t think this is some huge announcement that needs to be made. Also, Colton’s reasons seem to change. First it’s football, then it’s “I’m waiting for the right person.” Seriously, I’d have so much more respect for the guy had he just said, “Look, it just never happened. There’s no big reason why.” Along with that, I’m pretty much done with this ass hole after he tweeted back at Wendy Williams that he respects women which is better than her being cheated on by her “three baby daddies every weekend.” Look, I’m not a Wendy Williams fan, but the woman has one child…with her husband of more than 20 years. And I’m not going to pretend there weren’t any racial undertones to Colton’s comment. I wanted to like him so badly because of his cystic fibrosis charity (that’s names after himself for some reason), but I just can’t anymore.
*Gets off soapbox.* Thanks for reading if you did. Here’s a cute animal.
After the confession, Becca gets up and walks away. Both she and Colton have confirmed that this didn’t happen at all the way it was shown. This was taken from another moment when Becca got up to use the restroom. Anyway, I’ve also got a quick mini rant. It made me sad how much hate Becca got for seemingly having to contemplate if Colton’s confession changed things. Look, having similar views on sex is important in a relationship. If this made Becca realize that she and Colton are not on the same page, it’s perfectly OK for her not to want to be with him.
Anyway, back at the hotel, the other guys are also talking about Colton’s virginity. It makes me kind of sad that Blake refers to this as a skeleton in Colton’s closet. That’s just stupid. Also, when did this discussion come up? If Colton is so scared for people to know this about him, why is he telling random dudes he’s known for all of a few weeks? I really wish this show would stop making such a big deal about both people having sex and not having sex.
OK, really done with the ranting. Becca comes back and Colton gets the rose because of course he does.
“The producers require that we have at leas one virgin every season, so here’s a rose.”
Back at the hotel, Blake again freaks out when Garrett gets a one-on-one date. They go on a sea place…and it’s actually named Tia. Oh, fuck off.
Can Tia just leave my screen already?
Also, let’s compare Becca’s plane ride with Garrett to her one with Leo…
I wonder which guy is getting a hometown date.
The date isn’t much of anything. They just play on the beach and make out a lot. Seriously, it’s obvious that Garrett is her favorite. Garrett tells Becca that he never gets down. Yeah, this is a man who has been divorced and claims his ex-wife emotionally abused him.
Back at the house, Blake finally gets his one-on-one. I think the guy is falling victim to the first date curse. He got a lot of early attention, so he assumes that he’s the only one Becca likes. I’m glad he got the date because, after watching Chris last week, I can’t handle any more man tantrums. That means that Wills, Jason, and Leo have the group date. We all know that Leo is definitely leaving that one, right?
OK, the nighttime portion of the date is more about Garrett’s marriage. Oh, and just a friendly reminder that this is the guy who thinks the victims of the Parkland shooting are “crisis actors.” You know, just in case you forgot who this guy really is. Literally no one is surprised that Garrett gets the rose and hen they go swimming in the ocean.
Remember just a few seasons ago when this was a huge scandal?
Blake finally gets his one-on-one date so he can stop whining.
Oh, look. The Baha Men still exist.
Nothing really happens. The Baha Men sing a song about butts and Blake and Becca “dance.” At least I think it’s dancing. Blake might be having a seizure. For some reason, Becca brings up Arie again to say that she can sympathize with him when it comes to falling for more than one person. That’s kind of mean for her to tell this to Blake. I mean, I don’t think anyone on this show thinks that they’re literally the only person she likes, but she doesn’t have to say, “Look, I’m totally really into other dudes. You’re not that special.”
The nighttime portion of the date is all about Blake’s mother cheating on his dad and leaving for the other. Blake didn’t find out from his parents – he found out from people at school. Look, I’m not condoning cheating, but I feel kind of bad for Blake’s family. He signed up to be on the show. They didn’t sign up to have their dirty laundry aired to an audience of millions. I’m very conflicted on all of this.
Sob stories get roses.
So, time for the group date. There’s one rose up for grabs here. We can all agree that it’s not going to Leo, right? I want both Jason and Wills to stay. Can we go back in time and take a rose away from Garrett or Colton so both of those guys get to stay on my TV a little longer? The date is just some beach volleyball. I do have one question – how have Wills’ parents been married for 50 years? He’s like 30. Nice to know his parents kept their sex life going all that time. Well done!
When Leo finally gets some one-on-one time, it’s just awkward. He tries to say something about being different from the other guys. While the other guys can offer her a nice house or an easy life, he can offer her love. I wonder if Leo knows that it’s possible to have all of those things in a relationship. Anyway, at least he’s aware that he’s far behind the other guys. He knows he’s not at the same place as the other guys and flat out says that he’s not sure if he wants to be with Becca in the end of this, but he’ll figure it out during hometowns.
See you in Paradise, Leo.
So, it’s down to two guys. Jason and Wills both profess their feelings to Becca, but it’s Wills who is going home. That makes me sad. I really liked him. He just seemed so above all the drama and just came across like a really great guy. I wouldn’t be mad if he’s in the running to be the next Bachelor. I’d take him over Colton (who it seems they’re setting up) any day. Wills’ exit is just heartbreaking. He even has them stop the car just so he can get some fresh air.
I’ll give you a hug Wills!!!!
So, that’s it, Trashies! Hometowns are next week. We get to see where all these jokers come from and cringe at their families being way too protective of them.
Until next week!
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