Hello Catfishaholics! This is SnoopK8 filling in for Catburns, who had a babeh! Congrats on the new addition to the Trashtalk family.
But internet scammers wait for no man, woman or newborn child, so let’s get to this week’s kinda boring episode.
Nev and Max are in Jacksonville, where Nev reads an email from this week’s victim: Bianca, 20, from Durham, NC. She met “Brogan” on Facebook and of course they had an “immediate” connection based on a mutual love of tats and piercings. They had really great phone convos, but natch, no video chats. Suddenly, Brogan stopped responding and deleted her FB profile. Bianca was sad, but eventually moved on. However, she always wondered what happened to the catfish that got away.
About a year later, Brogan texted Bianca out of the blue and they picked up where they left off. Brogan never explained where she went and Bianca never asked. However, they still have that unbreakable connection that comes from months of exchanging tat selfies.
Nev and Max video chat with Bianca, and ask why she never asked Brogan where she disappeared to.
Bianca, who looks fairly normal despite the piercings and ear gauges (yuck), says she was afraid to ask because she was afraid Brogan would vanish again. Bianca says she has a hard time fitting in because no one in her small town has the same interests (i.e. face tats, music and lesbians). Bianca wants to move out of state to play music and travel and would like someone to share that journey with. So the boys are off to Durham to solve the Mystery of the Be-tatted Brogan.
This week, we have special treat! A “ride-along” sidekick in the form of “supermodel” Selita Ebanks, whom I’ve never heard of, but Google tells me she worked for Victoria’s Secret and appeared on Celebrity Apprentice.
She also had her photos stolen by a catfish who went so far as to set up a fake voicemail pretending to be her. So her qualifications are clearly impeccable. She meets with Max and Nev and tells them it will be intriguing to see catfishing from different perspectives. Especially when it’s some girl-on-girl action. And this will be the first of many times that I yell “Shut up, Selita” at the TV.
They are heading to Creedmoor, NC, a tiny town about 15 miles outside of Durham. Fun Fact: Creedmoor was once the largest mule trading center in the world and had the nickname Mule Town. (You’re welcome.) Selita calls shotgun, sending Max and his camera to the backseat to plot his revenge.
At Bianca’s house, she says there are not a lot of gay people in the area with whom she has a lot in common and so she spends most of her time talking and texting with Brogan. Selita elicits that Brogan disappeared after they’d been talking for about five months and that up until the disappearance, Bianca had no reason to believe anything was amiss. Selita says that’s good, because usually it’s the first three months of a relationship when people “send a representative” before showing their true colors. Most people also spend time in physical proximity of their beloved during those first three months, but this is the parallel world of Catfish, so…. Bianca says Brogan seems perfect except for the whole disappearing-and-reappearing-as-if-nothing-happened thing. (Details, details.)
The group adjourns to a laptop to assess the sitch. They find Brogan’s FB profile, which has a pic of her “brother,” although he is not tagged. There is a picture of two legs with the words “sweet” and “heart” tattooed on them.
Nev warns that if Brogan is supposedly so skittish that Bianca couldn’t ask where the hell she went for a year, their getting involved might freak her out as well. Bianca says that’s a risk she’s will to take to find out the truth.
Nev, Max and Selita use the car ride back to the hotel to speculate about what could have caused Brogan to disappear for a whole year. Nev suggests the army, but the other two say she would probably have been gone longer if that were the case. Selita says maybe she got knocked up, because it’s common knowledge that pregnant women aren’t allowed to use the internet. Or maybe she got sent back in time to a convent in the 1960s to have the baby and pretend like nothing happened. I sort of know what she’s saying, but I mean, if you are faking your identity on the internet in the first place, what’s one more lie?? Shut up, Selita.
Back at the hotel, Max tells Selita that she’s “about to get schooled in the art of internet research.” (Also known as “Googling shit.”) However, they are interrupted when Selita gets a call from “David Spade.”
There must be some kind of shitty MTV show coming out starring Selita and David Spade because why the hell else are these random people on my TV?