Hey Trashies, here we are at week two of BB’s Summer of Temptation, and it’s already happening! Cody is hated by everyone and hanging on by a thread, it’s a beautiful, Christmas-in-July kind of thing, isn’t it?
Okay, let’s get to it…
We open with the Candy Crush HoH competition. The HGs are pelted with balls from the ceiling as Cody glares at them from behind the ticket counter. Paul interviews that things are perfect.
Now we flash back to the end of the last eviction. Mark still respects Cody as a reasonable facsimile of a carbon-based life form, so he cops to voting Jillian out, because they didn’t have the numbers.
Now Harlot-sicca goes at Black History Month, which was so great they had to show us twice. She screams that BHM is a coward, because she said Whore-suckler wasn’t “allowed” to have a voice.
“Don’t do it, Christmas!” cries Josh, infuriatingly holding her back.
Cody interviews that he knows Josh is a turncoat, and tries to shame him publicly in the kitchen. “Who did you vote for Josh?” he challenges.
“Why are you confronting me?” replies Josh.
“Yeah, that’s what I figured,” sneers Cody. He tries to start a fight, but Josh throws him off by saying nice things, thereby shorting Cody’s circuits, and leaving him nothing to do but slink up to the HoH room and shoot springs out of his ears.
Back to the Candy Crush competition. Jason is up first, and gets to explain the ball-rolling portion of the game, by very naturally using the phrase “sweet sugar shot”.
Can they show that on TV?
Next up is Alex, who interviews that she only trusts Jason and Josh by now. At least she’s half-right on that one.
F is for fifty percent
Then Kevin is up, and barely misses on the straight ramp. Next is Hobag-icka, followed by Josh.
By now, the other HGs have begun stockpiling tickets and handing them off to Paul. Mark bravely draws a line in the sand with Cody, handing Paul tickets out in the open.
Meanwhile, Cody tries to give Alex and Chuckenuts advice, while pouting and whining like a helpless little drugged-up baby.
“Waah, it’s not FAIR!”
After perfecting his shot, Paul goes for the win. Aaaaaand… it’s in! He jumps up on Mark, humping and shouting, “What’s up, baby?” a gazillion times, until, well, you know.
A hashtag is born
So Our Boy wins HoH, and guess what? That candy was pretty sweet. But not as sweet as the sweet, sweet revenge he has planned for Cody. Yesss!
In the pantry, sweet gangster Kevin lies to Cody’s face, then shares in the Diary Room that he’s friends with Greek Easter. Not only that, she makes him breakfast every morning. “If a woman made you breakfast every morning, would you pick her?” he asks.
So it turns out Quaaloady are self-imposed Have Nots this week, like that’s going to get them anything but an evenly-spaced array of geometric bruises on their backs. They decide to confront Ramses in the Have Not room. Ramses insists he was faithful, but Cody shouts him down, calling him a “lying-ass snake”.
What a sore loser.
Now in comes Josh, who wants to patch things up, but Cody shouts him down, too, calling him a victim and a traitor. For her part, Miss Feminist-y Hobag calls Josh a “little girl”.
Josh takes the high road, enraging Cody by saying, “God bless you, I wish you the best in life.” Then he runs off to cry in the bathroom. There, Raven and Dominique comfort him. Dominique urges him not to share his weaknesses, while Shriona offer him a pep talk, wherein Elena says, “You are not weak, you are smart,” on account of him picking the right side.
Time for Paul’s HoH room tour! Jessi-slut hides in the Diary Room and Cody glares, as the others ooh and ahh over Paul’s hairless cat, and enjoy a letter from his family.
– [Insert ‘hairless pussy’ joke here] –
Cody shoots one final bitch-glare, and storms off. “Awkward,” snicker the others.
Now Paul shares his plan to do the opposite of Cody, and be open and honest with his team. He wants to backdoor Cody, with Matt and Raven as pawns. He explains that if Matt comes down, he can’t possibly imagine anyone coming after that “sweet little angel”, Raven.
The others are leery of the plan, because it risks the safety of their alliance members. Dominique thinks it’s best to take pawns from the other side, while stealth-chess-player Shrek points out they’re six votes off the block, so why take away any votes?
It’s Den of Temptation time!
Turns out America voted for Kwanzaa this week — way to go, America! Kwa wins the Ring of Replacement, which allows her to replace one HG in a veto competition of her choosing, so now Cody is officially toast.
Now Kwan gets to choose three HGs for a curse. We heard elsewhere that she first chose Cody, Jessica and Ramses, but had to switch out Ramses, so she chose Nutless-Wonder, who broke her foot then voted her out just to please Cody — good call, Kwanzaa!
The other noteworthy thing that happened in the Den this week is that Cody proudly announced he’s not into dolls. So we guess he’s over Jessi-blowup-hooha, and not a moment too soon, as her creepy doll-hair plugs are falling out like so much tar-coated dandelion fluff on a blistering summer day.
“Note to self: purchase Hair Club for Hos gift membership”
Shriona finally talks Paul into putting Alex up — that is, if he can be sure she won’t save Cody. Now Paul is off to assemble his pawns.
First up is Alex, who feels her back is against the wall, since her side lacks numbers (never mind working brain cells or a shred of moral fiber). But she appreciates Paul being up-front with her, so she’ll go with it.
Next up is Josh, whom Paul quickly enlists on the grounds that he can easily psych Cody out by being nice.
Let’s DOOOOOO it, mothafukkaz!
The gang assembles at the round table, and Paul begins his speech. But wait! Ramses gets up, announces his curse, and puts himself on the block. Now Paul may proceed.
“Carry on, Our Friendship Boy”
Paul nominates Josh, for calling him “meatball” like, thirty times, and Alex, for not taking the time to make a personal connection with him. Ramses prays to the Lord Almighty there’s a backdoor plan to take out Cody, while Cody shrewdly figures out there is.
The only thing that could go wrong now is if Ramses wins the veto and takes himself off the block… aaaagghh, the suspense!
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