Welcome back KardashiFANs … to another incredible episode in the lives of the famously rich. This week we get to see Scott and Bruce go helicopter shopping; Kourtney and Khloe do aerial yoga; Kim and Khloe compete in a mud run; Bruce gets a new costume; and Kris ponders if maybe she has been too controlling in all aspects of her life. “Am I a crazy Bitch?” Is that a rhetorical question? But the sweetest part of the episode is when Scott (aka Lord Disick) puts aside his grandiose plans to put a helipad in his backyard in favor of installing a super-duper crazy-fun slide for the kids. Way to go, Scott! You are the man! So let’s get on with the show.
The opening scene is with Mason coming into a room at the Jenner house, where Khloe is getting a manicure. Kris, Kendall and Kylie are there. Best line of the whole episode: When Khloe is playing with Mason, he finally says “Can I just stop?”
Scott and Bruce are having lunch with Mason. Scott asks Bruce about the weekend. Bruce says it was good; he got in a little paddle boarding and little golfing. “Life’s good.” Scott says Bruce is really utilizing Malibu. Bruce says you can’t be a spectator in life, you have to be a participant. Bruce asks Scott, while he has food in his mouth no less, how Scott is doing since the tragic loss of his parents. Scott says it is still devastating. Bruce says, family-wise, you are stuck with us. It truly is nice that Bruce is showing support to Scott.
Khloe and Kim are going on a test exercise hike to practice for their upcoming mud run obstacle course. (This makes no sense, and it looks like they are just in somebody’s backyard.) Rob is there with them. Kim is being very competitive and keeps talking about how fit she is and how much energy she has.
Then Kim reports what her psychic said: Khloe cries herself to sleep every night (Khloe says, anyone can Google that); some details about Kim’s work that are accurate, but not given; Kim will be getting pregnant soon; Rob should get a puppy, and he is not bipolar. Khloe asks if she is going to have any kids. The psychic says Khloe should get a sperm donor and the guy will come later (obvious joke there). Khloe protests at that.
Now we are at the Jenner’s house.
Kim is demonstrating a new product called a Baby Shusher – she asks if it is annoying or calming. (I vote for annoying.) Scott wants to get one for Kourtney. Kourtney asks why Kim just can’t shush on her own; Kim says she can’t for so long.
Two prototypes of the Baby Shusher
Scott asks if anyone has seen the Wolf of Wall Street movie. Scott wants to get a chopper just like in the movie. He’s got room for a helipad in his new backyard. Bruce asks who will fly it and Scott says:
“Bruce, do you not remember you are a pilot?”
Kourtney and Kris are shopping and Kourtney is complaining about Scott getting a helicopter.
Look Mom, Kim made my pants.
But she doesn’t’ want to be like Kris was with Bruce by telling him no for everything he wants. Kris apparently took away all of Bruce’s toys when they first got married. She defended herself by saying they owed a lot in taxes and she needed to take financial responsibility. Kris tells Kourtney that she needs to be the voice of reason and manage the finances in her family, too.
First you need to control your husband
At Kourtney and Scott’s new house, Bruce brings over a helicopter flying simulator. But Scott wants the real deal, not a simulator.
This doesn’t feel real
Kourtney tells Scott she will let him decide if he wants to put the helipad out there or not. Scott accuses her of using reverse psychology, which she has used before. She says if he thinks it’s a good idea to put a chopper pad in his backyard, he should go for it. She tells the camera she doesn’t want to be the boss, that he needs to be happy and get what he wants. He muses that there are other things he should be asking for, but he’ll take the chopper pad while it’s being offered.
By the way, these are my gardening shoes
Are you for real? I can buy a helicopter?
Khloe and Kourtney are on their way to an aerial yoga lesson. (The sign says: The Aerial Classroom: Circus Training and Fitness) It’s supposed to be great for strength training, which Khloe wants to improve her chance in competing with Kim on the mud run. (Again, they are practicing for a mud run in another really weird way.) When Khloe works out she is hardcore and full throttle. She’s trying to get an edge over Kim, who is being very competitive. (What kettle is calling what pot black?) Kourtney and Khloe both exhibit yoga moves in the air with wraps hanging from the ceiling.
Next let’s join the circus.
Heliport consultant, Ricarda Bennett comes to Scott’s house. She asks if Scott is a pilot, he says Hell no, he can barely drive a car. He will hire himself a pilot.
Say What? You can’t even drive a car. Who will be the pilot?
Does this answer your question?
Seriously, this is my pilot
Since he has a small window with Kourtney’s okay, Scott needs to get this chopper pad idea moving along. He asks the consultant if she has a lot of experience in home helipads. She says she usually works for hospitals and corporations. She talks about the flight path needed, and that trees will need to be removed. Bruce is amazed that Kourtney is letting Scott do this – Kris never would have let Bruce do anything like this. Scott asks the consultant if he should call the Homeowners Association first or FAA. He makes a KY jelly joke about greasing up the Homeowners.
More gardening shoes!
Mason and Penelope are trying on boots in Khloe’s closet. Kourtney and Kim are there too. Kim is trying on outfits for the run, basically a bikini top which shows off her boobs. Khloe asks if she is trying to distract people by showing her boobs.
I would never show my boobs for attention
Bruce and Scott are at Rotor RX, meeting with John Mowatt, Chief Flight Instructor. Scott sits in a few of the helicopters. He is very excited. Forget about Lord of the Rings, he wants Lord of the Air. He wants to hire a whole fleet of LD uniformed humans. He asks how long will it take one of these helicopters to get him to Vegas– about 1 ½ hours. Bruce is proud of Scott for pursuing this — that it is good to see Scott getting excited about something. Bruce and Scott are two guys who love toys – their bonding in this episode is sweet. Scott tells the salesman that in London they call him Lord Disick.
Okay – here is the big Mud Run scene. The race is officially called “Mud Factor: Serious Fun, 5 K Obstacle Run.” Khloe is excited to show Kim up. Worst line of the episode is when Kim says “Once you are a mom you are stronger at everything.”
Khloe is clearly ahead of Kim for most of the race, until she loses her shoe in the mud. Kim hopes this will give her an advantage she needs to beat Khloe.
Kim and Khloe start fighting and pushing each other, falling down in the mud. Kim screams that she is going to get a serious yeast infection sitting in the mud (second worse line in the episode). In the end, they agree they liked spending sister time together.
The Sisterhood of the Traveling Mud Pants
Can we get a slide like this for the backyard?
Kris is on the phone with her anesthesiologist — she tells Bruce she is getting her teeth fixed. Bruce thinks she says getting her seat fixed. Not only does he lisp, but he has a hearing problem.
I have arms of leather!
Scott brings Bruce a helicopter pilot uniform with “LD Air” on the cap. Kris asks him if he already bought a helicopter. Scott says if his pilot has the uniform, the chopper will HAVE to come next.
It’s not a costume, it’s a uniform
Kris is furious that Kourtney did not stop Scott. Bruce reminds Kris how excited she was when they were first married and he had a plane and they went everywhere — they even had sex in the back of the plane while he had it on autopilot. Kris points out that he is older now and his reflexes are not as good. It is a dangerous job. Scott points out the most dangerous job Bruce ever had was marrying her. O.U.C.H.
Next Kris takes Kourtney outside to ask why she did not stop Scott. Again Kourtney says she doesn’t want to be bossy like Kris. She doesn’t want Scott to resent her like Bruce resents Kris. Double O.U.C.H.
If I get you some leather sleeves like mine, maybe you will stand up to your man
Scott’s backyard has been marked off where the helipad will go. He and Bruce are looking it over, and Scott is surprised – it is taking up more room than he thought.
Plus he realizes that the chopper will throw things into the pool and toss things around in the yard. Now he has a tough decision to make. He doesn’t want it to affect the whole house. It will take up half his yard and probably be hazardous to his kids.
Should I put the kids up for adoption?
Kris shows up in Kendall’s room. It’s a mess because Kendall is packing for a trip. Kris asks if she plans to clean it before she leaves. (Reminds me, where is the dog?) Kris asks Kendall if Kendall thinks she is too controlling when it comes to Bruce. Kendall says yes, because Kris has a strong personality and wants everyone to do things her way and she likes to tell them what to do and how to do it. Triple O.U.C.H. Kris admits it but she feels she knows best and wants others to know that. She knows that she can be overwhelming sometimes but she thinks Bruce takes her the wrong way because she is so strong. She needs to work on it. Kendall asks if that’s why they separated. Kris says no, that after so many years, they just grew apart. “We still are family and love each other, but need a break from each other.” She hopes that Bruce doesn’t resent her for being strong and trying to fix things.
My assistant’s name is “Jen” and she gets my coffee for me
Bruce, Kris, Khloe, Kim are all at Scott and Kourtney’s new house. There is a big slide in the back yard. This is way more kid-friendly than a helicopter, and cheaper, too. And quieter. Scott admits that having the chopper would have been cool, but when you have kids, you have to compromise. Scott is happy that Kourtney let him make the decision on his own.
This slide came with a Jenner on the end
Kim, asking a really stupid question, asks Mason if the slide would be good for Baby North. Mason says, no, that it would be too stressful. And a little dark. The slide, not Baby North. (Maybe Mason should read Kim’s blog about racial inequality from last week’s episode.)
This baby is blocking by boob shot!
The final (finally!) scene shows Bruce and Kris walking on the beach. Kris wants to fix things with Bruce. She realizes that Kourtney’s style worked better than her own overbearing style. Kris asks if Bruce things she’s crazy controlling. Bruce says of course, yes. Kris is upset that everyone thinks of her this way. She doesn’t want to be a crazy bitch. Bruce says she’s not a bad person, but a dominant personality. Kris is hurt that the kids don’t want to be like her – it’s obvious to her now. Bruce reassures here that they all still love her. Kris feels she made the right decisions, but feels bad about her syle. And she is mature enough to admit it. But she wants to apologize if Bruce thinks she shot him down on things he wanted to do because she said no. Kris feels bad about her approach, but doesn’t feel bad that she is controlling. Bruce says he will forgive her, but not live with her.
You mean, I might be a crazy bitch after all?
So, fans, this was a real snoozefest of an episode. The scenes where Bruce and Scott bonded were very sweet, and of course the fact that Scott overlooked his selfish whims to get a big slide for the kids was very cool. Tell me what you think: Does Scott make Dad of the Year? Does Bruce make “Step-Dad-In-Law” of the year? Does Kim show her boobs too much? The next episode shows Bruce and his son Brody trying to bond over a Father/Son golf tournament, and Lamar’s jewelry goes missing from Khloe’s house during the move. Stay tuned. Meanwhile …
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