Hi, Trashies! Welcome to Episode 6 of Food Network Star, where the network has just learned about the concept of green screens. And they are VERY excited. (FYI? If you Google “green screen,” there are YouTube videos from 2008 explaining how to make one for your home videos. So never let it be said that FNS is not on the cutting edge of new technology.)
Seven chefs left. And only two judges, apparently, as the contestants stroll in to see only Bobby and Giada waiting for them. Well, Bobby, Giada, and Giada’s cleavage, which is practically a separate entity. Giada is telling the chefs that they need to think about what will make them stand out in the food world. Better not pick “breasts,” I think she’s got a trademark on those puppies.
Is she showing nipple? Don’t look, don’t look . . .
Bobby clarifies that this episode is the one where each contestant has to create, package and sell a product in their “brand.” I always enjoy seeing what they come up with, although nothing will ever beat the “Pie Style” mess Rodney developed Season 9, which included a wire hanger wrapped around a mason jar as decorative handles.
The final product looked almost exactly like his design.
Ruben tells us he actually already has a product which he sells to other restaurants — a flan line. But here, he’s decided to go the hot sauce route. I strongly suspect that the Network takes ownership of anything they produce for the show, so if you already have a thriving business, you don’t want to hand it over to Susie Fogelson.
Before we can get to the actual product development stage, we have to sit through a ridiculous TV demonstration with Alton showing us how green screens can create a background to make it look like you and your props are anywhere in the world. Revolutionary! It is to Crazy Eyes Sarah, anyway, who keeps making these exaggerated gasps and clapping her hands like a child. It must be the pageant background that has drilled these over-the-top, fake-seeking reactions into her. Alton tells the contestants that they will be assigned their green screen backgrounds, and that if they believe in their product, they should be able to sell it anywhere. I think they should test that theory by green-screening Giada and her breasts to somewhere the women wear burkas.
Y’all are just jealous of these puppies.
Sixty minutes to develop and cook the product. Chris decides on butter medallions — mixing in flavors of black truffle and chervil, and creating little “coins” of the flavored butter. That is an awesome idea. I once bought a roasted garlic-infused butter at a specialty food shop, and used it as a dipping sauce for cold artichoke. Amazing, and — my favorite kind of meal — looked like it took a lot more effort than it actually did. Then again, I am eating Cheetos as I write this recap, so I am perhaps not the Food Network’s target market. Still, the judges seem to agree with me that the product is good, and focus their advice on telling him he needs to not ramble in the commercial.
Giada and Bobby next move on to Lenny, who is (of course) creating a roasted chili hot sauce. Bobby made his name on Southwestern food, so he is all over this idea, and starts giving Lenny advice on the various chiles Lenny is roasting. As they move on to the next station, Giada whispers to Lenny that he should be tasting the chiles before he puts them in, so he can speak about them. I can’t imagine Lenny doesn’t know what his own ingredients taste like, but maybe he doesn’t, since he starts popping anchos, serranos, habaneros, etc. He starts looking nauseous, begins to sweat, and ends up guzzling milk. It’s hysterical. I kind of hope Giada was screwing with him on purpose.
A real cowboy would have been able to drink this straight.
Crazy Eyes has decided to make baby food, which seems to have zero connection to either her Date Night or I’m From Texas points of view. She tells us in an interview that her favorite thing about herself is that she’s a mom. And doesn’t Sarah seem like the kind of girl who would look into a mirror every morning and recite out loud all the things she likes about herself?
And my eyes are NOT crazy.
The baby food involves black beans, lime and roasted red pepper in coconut milk. I think she should take a page from Lenny and start tossing in habaneros and jalapeños as well. She gets very little feedback from the judges because Giada is too involved in squealing over the fact that Sarah has two little babies of her own.