Previously on Pretty Liars:
- Everybody’s cheating on their boyfriends.
- Everybody thinks Allison is responsible for Cece’s murder.
- Hanna almost gets run over.
Mary Drake is driving Hanna, presumably to safety. Hanna is adamant about not going to the police (Why do these girls never want to go to the police?) Mary correctly assumes that Hanna is a friend of Allison’s, since she keeps staring at her, thinking she is Jessica. Hanna is suspicious, but reveals her name to her anyway. Mary Drake gets all creepy on Hanna, talking to her about all families having secrets.
Okay, creepy lady, I’m gonna need you to stop the car right now. I’m sure there’s some trucker who can take me home instead.
Hanna is back at Spencer’s, and everyone is worried about her and keeps offering to take her to the doctor. I guess they think she looks awful. Hanna asks if Mary Drake is for real. Spencer confirms it through the files they found. Hanna wonders why Mary didn’t just run her over if she’s the new A, and the Liars explain that they told AD about Ali being Cece’s murderer. Yeah, I’m going to call bullshit on Mary being A. This show is never this obvious. Caleb gives Hanna her ring back… very seductively. Spencer notices. Ezra gets the door, and there are flowers with a note that says, “Couldn’t have done it without you. Glad we’re on the same team. –AD.”
Everybody’s worried about how little makeup Hanna is wearing, so they keep asking her if she needs a doctor.
Emily, Caleb, and Spencer drive Hanna home. Where is her mom? Does she not give a shit that her daughter was missing for over 24 hours? I know they didn’t report her missing, but these girls never let go of their phones, so surely Ashley would have picked up on some weirdness if Hanna never responded. Hanna and Caleb have another moment alone, aided by Emily. Hanna is too traumatized to do much. She says she’s always felt safe around Caleb. Spencer is out in the hall, depressed that Caleb is leaving her for Hanna any day now. Spencer asks Emily to keep an eye on Hanna, because she has “that look,” which I’m assuming is trauma. Emily offers to give Hanna’s fiancé a call, but she refuses.
Emily’s fake eyelashes are super distracting in this episode. Are they intended to make her look older?
Caleb takes Spencer home. He suggests that they “get some sleep,” but she says she has too much work to get done, trying to save face. Caleb tries to fix this whole Hanna shit by continuing to call Spencer to bed, but she is already preparing for getting dumped any second now. Meanwhile, at Hanna’s, Emily gets a call from an unknown number in the middle of the night. It’s Ali, begging Emily for help. She’s hyperventilating, and Emily overhears a staff member wrenching the phone away from her.
I… fucked up.
The next day, Emily tries to visit Ali, but her visitation rules have changed to family only. Emily, not used to having to abide by rules, keeps pressing with the hospital staff to be let in. They refuse, so Emily tries to convince Elliott to let her in. He says he was the one who decided on the rules. Okay, why is this guy her doctor when they are technically together? That seems to breach a million ethical boundaries for a psychiatrist. He promises Emily he’ll call her when he changes his mind. Before leaving, Emily witnesses a maintenance guy fixing a phone.
What are rules? If I make sad puppy eyes at you, will you change them back?
Hanna visits Lucas at the hotel. She asks why Lucas is helping her with the business. He doesn’t really answer her question. How are these 20-somethings starting their own business? Back at Spencer’s, Emily is explaining what happened at the hospital and Ali’s phone call. She suggests using Mary Drake to get access to Ali. Spencer thinks this is the stupidest idea ever. These girls are such good friends
Lucas always explain things to Hanna veeerrry sloooowly.
Aria is breaking up with her boyfriend. She says she has a lot of “unresolved things.” So eloquent. I thought Aria was supposed to be a genius writer. Liam (I confess, I had to look his name up) tells Aria he will be editing her book with Ezra. Aria doesn’t seem super happy, since he’ll be totally harshing her Ezra buzz. At the same time, Hanna is poring over her ridiculously massive pile of documents to sign for Lucas. We get treated to a flashback to Hanna’s glamourous past life as a fashion designer’s assistant. She’s being a total jerk face to someone on the phone about airplane seating while sitting at a bar. Why did this have to happen in a bar? Hanna didn’t have a desk as an assistant? She meets her future fiancé (whose name totally escapes me because who gives a shit, he’ll be gone soon anyway) when he places a drink on top of a napkin she had something important written on. She seems very exasperated that he is drinking at a bar. He charms her by accurately predicting how single as fuck she is.
I’ve never been to New York City, so bear with me, but how common is it for fashion assistants to work at bars, while drinking?
Emily, Aria, and Spencer all try to get in to see Ali, thinking that if they just hound Elliott together, he will magically change his mind. He says he’s her husband and her doctor, and holy shit, I had totally forgotten about them getting married last season. Spencer gets some sense and points out how unethical it is for him to be both. He claims to have gotten permission from Jason for this treatment, which is all we need to know how great this idea is, since Jason is an experienced medical professional. They get a message from AD about Ali being his/hers now. The girls decide it can’t possibly be Elliott, since he is on the phone at the same time. These girls are just like Veronica Mars, amirite?
Yeah, I always look this suspicious when taking a phone call, so what?
Hanna wears her Jessica Rabbit costume to her fiancé’s office. I’m sure the doorman had one of those horny cartoon wolf reactions and just let her right through. Hanna says she’s taking over and being a better fiancée. Fiancé dude says this engagement thing should be fun. Hanna suggests they go to the bar where they met, and she will buy him a drink. Don’t miss out on this smoldering hotness, PLL fans! How bold! A CHICK buying a DUDE a drink? That’s fetish-level right there.
I like to think that Hanna sat, maintaining this position and twirling her hair, for hours while her fiancé was stuck in meetings.
Spencer continues to try to convince Emily to let this Mary Drake bullshit go. Emily tries to appeal to Spencer by making her remember her time in psychiatric care. I mean, with friends like these… Meanwhile, Aria and Ezra are relatively unconcerned with the threatening messages and decide to sit outside and drink lattes together. It would help if any of their scenes conveyed any sense of urgency, since the focus just seems to be on getting them boning again. Ezra is skeptical that Elliott has actually talked to Jason, since nobody has been able to get in touch with him in a while. He’s also not super into the Mary Drake story, since nobody seems to remember her.
Totally understandable behavior of a couple trying to hide their relationship from a guy they know is currently in the same small town.
Aria dreads their upcoming meeting with Liam, since she just broke up with him an hour ago. Ezra tries to convince Aria that some people can actually be professionals sometimes (maybe in another universe, because that definitely doesn’t apply here). Ezra and Liam are meeting about the book. Liam criticizes Ezra for being predatory with young girls. You know, in his book. Never in real life. I’m just glad someone actually finds it weird. I know she’s older now, but it’s still weird that it’s a dude that was once her high school teacher. The show makes it seem like Liam is being a jackass for witnessing Aria and Ezra together earlier, but he’s totally right here.
Why is this guy being so meeeean to me?
Spencer is alone at the campaign office, making “important” phone calls. Mary Drake drops in to talk about how weird she felt dropping Hanna off at Spencer’s house rather than going to the police like she was supposed to. Spencer says it was her choice, and questions why it happened. Mary says she doesn’t really trust hospitals. She tells Spencer about being at Radley, because of an incident when she was a teenager. Jessica was babysitting and called Mary for help to make the baby stop crying. When she got there, Jessica said the baby was asleep and asked Mary to stay while she hung out with her boyfriend. When the baby’s parents came back, they found the baby dead. Did Mary not check the baby between the time Jessica left and the parents came back? Sure, what Jessica did was terrible, but Mary could have checked on him even once and then called the police.
Alright, Mary, let’s try some different facial expression.
Ezra is not taking Liam’s criticism well. Aria thinks he’s being a big baby (he is). Meanwhile, Hanna and her fiancé get to the location of the bar to find it completely gone. Hanna is incensed that they would tear a bar down in New York City. She feels like now their relationship has no beginning. Hanna starts crying and hands him back the engagement ring. I guess that bar was the only thing really holding these two together.
Who the fuck is Hanna talking to?
Emily fills out an employment application at the new Radley hotel. I don’t even know why she is bothering, since Ashley is obviously going to hire her, as one of Hanna’s friends. I also wonder what she’s going to put down as a reason for leaving her last employer. Sticky fingers? Mary walks in, marveling at the new state of the place she was involuntarily held in for years. Emily invites her to sit down for a drink. Mary describes her time at Radley, when local boys would rattle sticks against the gates. Emily brings up seeing Ali, but Mary confirms that he’s unable to see Allison as well. She also brings up the husband/doctor issue. Nobody seems to take this seriously enough. Emily wonders if Mary could talk to someone at the hospital, but Mary is unwilling to challenge Elliot’s decision.
Emily, what exactly are you doing during those blank time slots? Are Wednesdays and Fridays reserved for crappy investigation parties?
Having recently broken her engagement, Hanna goes over Lucas’s hotel room for some non-threatening male attention. She decides to sign the papers for the business then and there. Lucas notices the lack of ring, but doesn’t mention it. At the same time, Aria complains to Liam about his criticism of Ezra. Liam has picked up on the Ezria history, and has figured out that they were together when Ezra was her teacher. Aria lies to him, denying it. She says she couldn’t possibly explain it to him, and the reason for that is that it’s inexplicable and unacceptable and gross. Aria says that she’s the woman she is today because of her illicit affair with her teacher. Lovely.
Aria’s “Oh, shit,” face.
Allison is not looking great these days. She wakes up to Emily standing at the foot of her bed. Ali seems more out of sorts than normal. Emily tries to ask her about the phone call from the night before, but Allison doesn’t seem to remember it or know where she is. Ali sees Mary and thinks she’s hallucinating her mom. She starts telling her how wrong she was about Elliott, who decides to show up right that second. He’s livid that the staff broke his rules and kicks everyone out, leaving Allison alone again. Emily questions Elliott on Ali’s state, but he ignores her question. He asks to speak with Mary alone. Elliott and Mary instantly get suspicious. Mary says he’s gone too far. He retorts, in his British accent, that she has her money and should leave.
Ali, I’m standing this far away from you, because you kind of gross me out right now, to be honest.
Spencer is drinking whiskey at home by herself. Caleb walks in, asking her what happened. Spencer tells him she got fired via text for pursuing “partisan interests over the greater good.” I mean, I’m surprised she didn’t get fired for not showing up for work for the past 6 months. When have we even seen her working, other than to avoid dealing with Caleb or to be conveniently placed for an important talk? It’s okay, though, Mommy can keep her employed, so no big deal. Caleb hasn’t talked to Hanna all day. Spencer asks if they made a mistake getting together, seeing the writing on the wall. Emily texts everyone about Ali being worse and Mary and Elliott’s suspicious talk. We end the episode watching a mysterious person with gloved hands administering a drug into Ali’s IV and her getting rolled away somewhere.
Feel bad for me. I got fired for being incompetent!
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