Greetings, Trashies! Here we are, at episode 3 of BB’s season 19 Temptorama-fest, and by now you must have heard the sad news that the other likable houseguest, Megan, self-evicted due to PTSD from a prior sexual assault.
We open with the end of Cody’s nomination ceremony, wherein he tells Megan he chose her because he doesn’t like her all that much. As the meeting adjourns, Paul says he thinks the noobs are dumb for not picking our boy. Jillian is pissed and growing a pimple, and Megan is stunned by the personal attack.
Over in the pantry, Jillian gets a pep talk from YabaDaba Douchebag, (a.k.a. Josh). “Don’t let people see you cry,” he says, worried that she will steal his thunder.
Elsewhere, Shrek is creeping on Fiona, while Cody slobbers over Jessi-ho in a flag, and Matt and Raven get cozy in the kitchen. This leaves poor Fa-Lala as the odd ho out.
“Shoot, it’s just me and ol’ Glitterbeard now”
“Hand over that V.I.P.P., little dogie!”
Fiona tells us they all have cute compound-couple names already. She and Matt are “Shriona”, Jessi-ho and Cody are “Quaaloady”, and Mark and Raven are “Shirley”.
“I AM serious. And don’t call me Shirley”
The next morning, Fa-Lala and Shrek try and fail to talk YabaDaba Douchebag down from his raging paranoia. Matt points out that he has two living parents and is a whiney little crybaby with no perspective, while Josh clings desperately to his right to cry.
“*Sniff*… Son of a dead bitch won’t let me weep…”
Time for the Have Not reveal! Big Brother has really done it this season; the Have Not Room is the most torturous yet, featuring metal beds with sharp Illuminati pyramid spikes.
All that’s missing is the sacrificial children
Cody takes Have Not volunteers, and scores Josh, Ramses, Megan, Jillian and Paul. And now, for the Have Not Temptation — whoever is first to claim a key from the Diary Room can unlock one of two spikes; one contains an Escape button, and the other an Extension button, for an additional week in the Have Not Room.
Out in the yard, Cody and Alex talk politics, while Jessi-ho looks on in jealous fury.
“No way! I’m a librarian too!”
One of the hobags tells Jessica she should go over and release Cody from the boredom of talking to Alex. Jessica responds, “Pao Pao’s over there, so I’d rather not.” Paul explains that Pao Pao was a nickname for Paula, another ethnic Asian houseguest from season 16, who was oddly very similar in appearance to Alex.
Something about the eyes…
Poor Megan tragically mishears, and thinks Jessi-ho called Alex ‘Panda’, which would be racist, whereas calling her some other Asian chick’s name because they all look alike is totally not (as long as you don’t do it to her face).
Paul trots over and tattles on Megan, so Jessica goes in to have a little chat with Alex. Alex totally believes Jessica, because she’s on national TV, and therefore couldn’t be lying. Megan, on the other hand, is also on national TV, but Alex is a proud fourth-generation Asian American, so Megan can just go to hell. She charges into the kitchen, pointing at Megan and hollering, “Liar, liar!” Megan insists she’s not lying, but Jessi-ho says, “Has anyone else in the house ever heard me call Alex ‘Panda’?” All the other HGs stay silent, because they’re all calling her Pao Pao by now, too.
Now Megan goes to the Diary Room and proceeds to fall apart. Cody and his allies laugh at her, while Kevin expresses fatherly concern. He says that when his daughters are out, he’ll send them a text to check up on them, or maybe just a Mojo Jojo, you know, to make sure they’re okay.
After many hours, Cody gathers the HGs in the living room and announces that Megan has left the game due to ‘an urgent personal matter’. Jillian is pissed, because her pal Megan was a much bigger target, and now she’s a sitting duck. For his part, Cody is beyond thrilled.
Cody’s ‘beyond thrilled’ face
He magically waves at Megan’s picture, which instantly turns grey.
Out in the yard, Raven suggests that Cody pick Pao Pao. However, it turns out Cody really likes Alex; in fact, he respects the hell out of her, because she didn’t spread her legs two minutes after they met. He plans to spare her, If only he can find a way.
Meanwhile, Paul wins the Have Not Escape!
Now it’s time for the Den of Temptation. Each HG is called to a secret room and told if they’re being tempted. If the chosen one accepts the temptation, a consequence will be unleashed upon the house. Turns out America chose Paul for the temptation, way to go America! Paul accepts the Pendant of Protection for three weeks of immunity, and chooses Poison Bottle No.2 for a three-week curse.
Josh has finally managed to control his crying by plastering a dopey grin on his face, so they all think he got it.
Once the den business is all wrapped up, Cody tells Alex he wants to find a way, any way, to get her out of the nomination. He asks, “If you were HoH next week, who would you put up?” Alex cleverly answers, “I’d break you guys up,” thereby smashing the pesky ‘smart Asian’ stereotype, and sealing her fate.
Now the gang gathers at the round table, and Cody picks… surprise — Pao Pao!
“D’oooohhhhhh, where’d I go wrong?”
Arright, my darling Trashwaffles, till next time…
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