Greetings, Trashies! This week on MDLNY, Ryan take over Fredrik’s failed listing, Luis gets a workout, and Fredrik finds out he’s got a friend. Let’s get right to it, shall we?
We open with Ryan, who has a listing appointment in Tribeka. He’s meeting Jason Lee and Johnny Wan, of powerhouse development company Six Sigma, who have just fired none other than Fredrik — apparently, Fredrik had this listing for four months and failed to sell a single unit. “So now I’m here to save the day… you’re welcome,” says Ryan.
“Don’t forget, Puffles — these go OUTSIDE your tights!”
This building has four units with the most amazing electronic details — rain-sensing window closers, recessed motion sensor speakers in the ceiling, and a double-occupancy orgasmatron, to name a few. Ryan wastes no time getting his bitch on, wondering how on Earth Fredrik couldn’t sell them. “Maybe he couldn’t figure out how to turn them all on,” says Ry-Ry, who happens to be really good at that.
He sits down with Jason and Johnny. There are a few problems with the staged unit. The floors and walls are too dark — as if it isn’t dark enough with just two windows. “I don’t know what it is with Fredrik and dark floors,” says Ryan. We get a flashback to Fredrik insisting on dark floors for their co-list last season. Oh dear…
Turns out Johnny was against the dark floors. “We were told it would sell,” says Jason. Ryan says, “Whoever told you that is an asshole.”
“That was our broker.” They all smirk. (I am having the worst middle school flashback right now…)
Their blended average for the building is $2850. Ryan is shocked. He says there are apartments across the street for $1000 a foot less. “We need to re-price the building at a blend of $2500 per square foot,” he says. Johnny and Jason are upset, but agree, on condition Ryan doesn’t travel until all the units are sold. Ryan throws in a little sleep deprivation, and they got a deal!
Meanwhile, Luis is throwing an open house on Park Avenue for 1045. He says over the years he’s learned the art of simplicity — simple bologna snack, simple slug of whiskey — not like in the old days, when he’d have fog machines and make movies, and throw completely fake parties just to impress Ryan.
He shows the brokers around, using the 8th floor sale as a comp to promote his own listing. It’s going well!
Luis offers the brokers whiskey, then asks the bartender to save him a bottle for later, Papi, because he plans to get sh*t-faced bombed out of his brains when this is over.
Meanwhile, Fredrik is at Galli, confronting that sleezebag Nick for calling his clients. Nick says it just happened that Steve brought up the listing in the course of a totally innocent conversation about future business.
“You think it’s just me?” says Nick. “The unit is overpriced, you’re spread too thin — there are plenty of other brokers going after your listings.” Fredrik says, b-b-but it was just finished, and it was finally ready to show. Nick says, “You can’t blame it on the fact that it’s been empty. People buy on floor plans all the time.”
Fredrik says, “You’re wrong, $30 million buyers don’t buy with floor plans.” He asks what company Nick is with. Turns out Nick is with Douglas Elliman, too! Huh… how is it these two don’t already know each other?
Just who is this Nick, anyway? And where has he been hiding all this time? Okay Trashies, here’s the 411 on Nick:
Nick Palance recently slithered out from behind the sink at 1045 Park Avenue #15 to found the Nicholas Zachary Palance Team at Douglas Elliman. Prior to his “move”, he was the youngest Executive Vice President and Director of Sales at Brown Harris Stevens, and won two awards — 1st Place Deal of the Year Award from the Real Estate Board, and Rookie of the Year Award for first year performance in NYC real estate sales.
“As a member of the company, you should know better,” says Fredrik. “That’s not what we do, especially among fellow brokers.”
Nick says, “I’m not going to apologize for being ambitious.” He says he’s allowed to call anybody he wants, so there. Fredrik says, “You’re going about it the WRONG WAY,” and starts banging on the table. Nick smirks, and Fredrik gets up to leave.
“On your way out, get a price reduction,” says Nick.
“You get a new suit,” says Fredrik, for the win.
Meanwhile, Luis arrives at the office, still drunk from the open house. He tells Ronita he wants to bring back the fedora.
I looooove it!
He asks Ronita what’s up. He got a serious-sounding phone call, says Ronita. That sounds good! He calls they guy back — his clients would like to place a full-ask cash offer! Luis says, “I used to be Fedora Boy, now I’m the Ten Million Dollar Man!”