Hometown: West Palm Beach, FLA
Current city: Palm Beach Gardens, FLA
Ari Safari: Tiffany is a passionate, smart and sincere high school teacher, who is athletic, plays the guitar, and is urgent about life. She even has a tattoo of a pooping owl on her right shoulder — that’s how urgent about life she is.
Tiffany thinks BB can be like a fairytale, if you don’t let it get you down. She doesn’t want to end up a paranoid, sniveling bag of nerves like so many before her, so she plans to go on the offensive: bring in the booze, whip up mimosas for all, and get them snockered off their rockers — pronto, and don’t delay!
Jewpacabra: Oh fuck my life. Tiffany is Vanessa’s sister. Goddammit. They talk the exact same way. Act the exact same way. And have equally bad make up. Hopefully Tiffany will make another great fashion statement this year and decide to wear scarfs the entire time instead of knit caps!!! Great… this is CBS’s way to make us suffer through another season of Vanessa. Similar to Paulie, the Jeff interview is just her talking about Vanessa the entire time. Their voices are identical and my ears immediately started bleeding. Help me.
Corey Brooks, 25
Hometown: Dallas, TX
Current city: Dallas, TX
Ari Safari: Corey is an extraordinary, passionate and loveable baseball coach, who has great people skills and an MLB bestie playing for the L.A. Dodgers. He wants to take his dog Rory and a samurai sword into the house, to show the gang who’s boss. His extraordinarily loveable (if not passionate) motto is plagiarized from Forrest Gump, and involves a box of chocolates.
He plans to be strong, strong, strong in every way — competitions, social game, and alliances all over the goddamned place, without somehow becoming a target or getting blood on his hands. Hmm, this must be where the sword comes in…
Jewpacabra: Wait I though we already interviewed Paulie. And I thought Clay was kicked out last year. Is Clelli still a thing???? Corey is a huge snoooooze. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Michelle Meyer, 23
Hometown: Washington Township, MI
Current city: Washington Township, MI
Ari Safari: Michelle is a quirky, bubbly and curious nutritionist, who likes to go on Reddit, cook, and watch live feeds.
She is a yakety yak who likes to spread gossip and rumors in real life, and enjoys taking punishments in order to appear weak. Also, she wants to be in a showmance, if it will help her game.
All in all, she plans to be underestimated — a totally ambitious goal, if you ask us.
Jewpacabra: Michelle is wearing the craziest blouse of all time. And she has weird multi-colored skunk hair. She is actually a super fan and has seen international versions of the show. BB Canada is a personal favorite of mine. Jeff attempts to make jokes throughout the interview and we find out that Michelle snorts when she laughs. It is kinda cute. Michelle says she is ready to back stab everyone, lie, break alliances and do whatever it seems to win. She is super intense so we will probably see a crazy breakdown at some point this summer.
Paul Abrahamian, 23
Hometown: Tarzana, CA
Current city: Tarzana, CA
Ari Safari: Paul is an honest, spontaneous, and energetic clothing designer, who is an all-around adrenaline junkie. He likes to play music and stage dive, crowd surf and jump into mosh pits at concerts.
Paul is pretty much as obnoxious as they come, but he doesn’t care about being liked, so that’s not a problem. Also, he’s really good at being sneaky and getting under people’s skin, while wearing a totally stupid, yet high-maintenance hairdo. All great BB skills — particularly if anybody actually wants you around.
Jewpacabra: Paul is a rock and roll hipster. He’s got the beard, hipster Mohawk, and a leather jacket with skull and cross bones. I’m so confused. Paul is the first person to admit that there is a chance everyone will hate him because he is kinda a douche. At least he is self aware. Which makes me like him more. I like people who can admit they are a terrible person because 1. they don’t come off pretentious and 2. they are usually fucking hilarious. I hope he is just a crazy wildcard all season.
Coming soon — four mystery guests! Stay tuned, Trashies, we’re just getting started…
~AS & Dr. Jewps
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