Trashies!!! Come in, have a seat, how are you? Can you believe it’s the middle of June? How did that happen? MisRed hopes everyone is, thus far, enjoying their summer. I know, I know, it’s not technically summer- but MisRed lives in Texas- when it’s over 90, it’s summer… even when it happens in January.
Where did we leave off? Carole and Bethenny called a truce, which, MisRed assures you, is only temporary. No, MisRed has no inside information – but nothing is ever resolved with Bethenny, even if you think it is, trust, she will turn on you if cornered or the mood strikes her. Examples (because we have some rabid, and potentially rabbit, Bethenny fans out there- she’s big in the Lagomorph community- which, incidentally, Sonja WOULD eat, if on a raw bar, given her loosey goosey criteria when it comes to veganism): Bethenny turning on Dorinda and bringing up the pre-PR Dorinda Drunk Dinner- say that 5 times fast- when confronted about the Nutcracker Non-Thank-you, her revolving door fight with Luann, she’s a snake and a whore one minute and is out riding street meat with her, the next. So, let’s take a wait and see approach. What else? Lu is in rehab. Bethenny had an infomercial for her Skinny Girl Jeans, and Ramona wasn’t invited, Dorinda broke her foot. Sonja declares herself a vegan, but still eats both raw and cooked fish and tried to get some tube steak off of a 26-year-old. Tinsley returned Sonja’s hospitality by renting her a suite at the hotel where she is staying. and giving her a Louis Vuitton bag which Sonja, legacy that she insists on pronouncing incorrectly.
Oh and Louis Vuitton, too!
Somehow, that won’t be enough for Sonja, you watch.
There. MisRed thinks we are up to date.
We open with some very somber music. Aw, crap. This is the one where Bobby Zarin dies.
Ramona and Dorinda are in a limo saying they can’t believe it. Dorinda says “I feel bad I wasn’t able to go see him, but you know, I just, I just…”
You just what, Dorinda? MisRed hates this sh*t for the record. Not for nothing, you find out who your real friends are in times like this. Not sure of Dorinda’s excuse, but Bobby was sick for a LONG time- if she wanted to show her kindness and respect, she could have seen him. Ok, maybe she didn’t want to be reminded of Richard and his cancer battle, but a) she would have said that, as any opportunity to bring up Richard and b) this makes it WORSE that she didn’t go see him and comfort Jill. She’s been through this, she knows what it’s like and how much it means when you show your support. Uh…can you tell MisRed has a PERSONAL issue with this. LOL.
Ok, back to the mayhem.
Ramona got a text from Jill that Bobby died “right before the weekend.” Ramona was “SUPPPPPPOSED to go to her house in the Heeeeeeeeaaaaaaaamptons, which is south of the highway, but she couldn’t because of Bobbbbbbbbby dying. I’m soooooory, I’m soooooory, Bobby could have died on a Tuesday or a Monday. Any other day is déclassé.”
Seriously, Ramona says she feels terrible. We learn that once she knew how sick Bobby was, Ramona was like- screw it, I’m going to see Bobby and Jill. She says she and Jill had a heart to heart talk and “whatever dissension I had with her or she had with me, we said we’re gonna let it go. Because life is too short.”
Don’t worry, I’ll go right back to sh*t-talking her right after the appropriate mourning period.
- Ramona, despite many, many, flaws, did the right thing here.
- Her word-a-day calendar seems to be paying off. “Dissension” was used correctly.
- Life IS too short, and it’s never too late to apologize and to make amends.
Ramona says that Bethenny hasn’t seen Jill in six years, so she is unsure if she will come or not. Well, we already know she does, but let’s see the histrionics surrounding this historic meeting. You think Trump and Kim Jon Un was historic? Like two clowns meeting up for a drink after being out of Clown College for 10 years compared to these two.
Uh, yeah, yeah, I’m gonna meet up with McGruff, Inspector Gadget and maybe Smokey the Bear if I have time.
Is MisRed right?
Cut to Bethenny, looking like the guy on the Neighborhood Watch signs, getting into a car- not being driven by Kevin (who is probably in rehab himself- but for “Bethennyism”).
She says that Sonja called her to tell her that Bobby died and Bethenny was like “What?”
Dying after a 9 Year battle with various forms of cancer?
Uh… what does Bethenny mean by WHAT? Oh right! MisRed forgot, Bethenny lives in a hole and is never on social media so how would she know that Bobby was at death’s door. Puhleeze. People, generally, don’t bounce back from long-term bouts with thyroid, lung and brain cancer.
Battle Royale 2011
We rehash the ending of the Bethenny / Jill friendship with Jill saying that Bethenny scares her because she yells at her, blah, blah, blah. Luann is in a CLASSIC Lu statement necklace.
Lu wearing Fred Flintstone’s spare tire
Bethenny tells us she “booked a private plane and flew back to New York. And I’m going to Bobby’s funeral for Jill.” Ugh. MisRed hating Bethenny already this episode. “I booked a private plane.” Why don’t you fly on a commercial flight and donate that PJ money to a cancer charity?
Back with Ramona and Dorinda, Dorinda says that Bobby was like a Richard. No, she doesn’t mean: a Dick. She means Bobby was like HER Richard- “it’s a loss to the world, ‘cause they don’t make ‘em like that anymore.” Dorinda says that on some level, it’s a relief for Jill. MisRed fully understands this- after seeing someone fight for so long- and be in pain- you just wish for it to end, even though the ending is painful and horrible and will result in that person being gone.
Ramona says that what she really loved about Bobby is that he LIVED to make Jill happy. And she hopes, one day, she will be as lucky as Jill, to find a man like that. As opposed to Meeeeaaaaaaario, who lived to make his penis happy… with his very young mistress….okaaaaaaaay?
Surprising Jill with a new car
We have been treated to a bunch of clips of Bobby, and it seems he really did live to make Jill happy.
Back when Jill wanted toxicity in her life
MisRed always viewed Bobby as “the voice of reason.” While he always backed Jill, it didn’t seem like he took sides and he never really slung mud… oh wait, except when he threatened to beat Simon’s ass. Oh, that would have been great.
Or at Lu’s engagement dinner
Cut to the Funeral. We see Bethenny go in and Bethenny come out. She says that her plan was to go to the Funeral and to leave, but “I don’t know why I’m not leaving…” Uh, because Miss Andy has put the screws to you and told you he needs footage of you being a non-c*nt to Jill, for ratings, and you were such a bitch to Jill on Scary Island, you know that you should attempt to redeem yourself. And, oh, you love the camera. Oh hey, look, MisRed just came up with 3 reasons right off the top of her little-old head.
Bethenny feels that she wants to see “her” again. She says she is feeling badly. Oh, but not about their relationship, but about a woman who lost her husband. Bethenny can only have one feeling at a time.
Then it happens, Jill walks right up to Bethenny and is like “THIS IS A NEIGHBORHOOD WATCH COMMUNITY…WE IMMEDIATELY REPORT ALL SUSPICIOUS ACTIVITIES!!”
MisRed jokes, MisRed kids.
Jill hugs Bethenny. Bethenny says that she couldn’t leave the funeral, and she doesn’t know why. Refer to above list, please. Jill says it’s because Bobby is still there. Bethenny says “So what are you going to do now?”
Jill is like- Well, I thought I’d grab a knish on the corner and, you know, maybe catch a movie. WTF Bethenny??!?!?!?!
Jill says “I’m so proud of you. I just have to tell you, Bobby loved you.”
Jill says she’s sorry. Bethenny, putting her selfishness completely aside…not, says that it just hit her the previous day- that Bobby is gone, and he’s supposed to be standing next to Jill.
Bobby probably IS standing next to Jill, making this exchange happen. Yeah, MisRed believes in that sh*t too.
Jill says doesn’t know what she’s going to do, she’s alone now. And she doesn’t know what she’s going to do without Bobby. She’s never been alone in her life. Bethenny is like- “We are ALL alone. You have good friends. I’m alone!” Yeah, well, Bethenny is alone because she pushes people away. Psst, Bethenny, this is a time for you to be kind and compassionate and gracious, it shouldn’t be up to Jill to make YOU feel good at her husband’s funeral.
Then Bethenny says “Where are the gift bags at this funeral? Why is this not sponsored? This is a terrible funeral.” Great joke, Bethenny. Great timing. Thankfully, Jill, kind of, stakes it in stride.
Bethenny recaps saying that Bobby never told Jill “no.” But the one time he said no was when it came to their fight and it was because Jill needed to fix it on her own. But in the end, Bobby did fix it…because it was his funeral.
Ok, can we review? Way back when, like, Bethenny’s face 2.0, when Bethenny didn’t have a pot to piss in, Jill started the fight with Bethenny. She had some cockamamie reason- Bobby was diagnosed with cancer and Bethenny didn’t reach out ENOUGH to him. At that time Jill said she was “done” with Bethenny. The other girls tried to intervene and get them back together, it didn’t work. Jill showed up on Scary Island and was kicked out because Bethenny- newly knocked-up- was too fragile to deal with Jill. So, Jill did try to fix it. Perhaps she didn’t go about it in the right way, and perhaps the beginning of the fight was staged for drama, but Bethenny is so unyielding, and once Jill was trying to make it right- Bethenny was like- Uh no, not happening. Of course, at the time Bethenny had just hit it big, was knocked up, marrying the barnacle-esque Jason Hoppy… so maybe she thought she didn’t need Jill. But Jill was very good to Bethenny in the beginning and Bethenny seems to forget that.
Back in the car, Bethenny calls Luann and is acting all sad about Bobby.
Lu says that before she went to Florida, she went to see Bobby, and that, at that point, he was already going into hospice, so he was definitely closing down the shop (MisRed’s words not Lu’s).
Few of us do, Lu, few of us do.
“And I didn’t expect to get arrested” and be unable to be there for Jill. Lu feels terrible and she loved Bobby.
They chat a little about how Lu is at rock bottom and her New Year’s Eve turned out differently than she planned- she thought she had gotten the yacht… but as it turns out, she got the rehab instead. But Lu is happy with her progress. Bethenny interviews that she has never heard Lu cry and she’s never heard her be so raw
or vulnerable. She hopes for the best with Lu.
Then Bethenny tries to get her driver- the NEGATIVE of Kevin- to shrink her, but he’s just pissed his pants and is too terrified to speak.
Who is this bitch? She scares me.
Let’s turn things to “LIGHT,” and join Tinsley at the hotel. She and Carol go- in towels- to the “Hamam.”
Call 911 Tinsley is blind
We almost get a glimpse of Carole’s snatch. Where the f*ck is LU at a time like this?
Rehab is really killing Luann’s Snatch Guarding career
She is completely falling down on the job.
Carole and Tins discuss “Sonja The Houseguest.” Sounds like a play. Probably could be a play. Tinsley says that Sonja was sweet, but that she really just doesn’t care anymore and it’s just easier to be friendly. Tins asks about what went down with Carole and Bethenny. Carole says that they hugged it out and she felt like Bethenny was genuinely upset. Well, yeah, Bethenny doesn’t like to lose a henchman- she is the executioner, not the execution-ee. Carole interviews that every time she and Bethenny have an issue she thinks they can just start over, but there seems to be a lot of starting over lately.
Tinsley says her mother, Dale, is coming into town. She thinks Dale wants to look at “rings.” Carole is like- uh…. And Tinsley explains that she is very Southern and it’s something you do in preparation, and not that an engagement is happening “right now.”
Listen, Southerners are a different breed. And don’t get me wrong, MisRed loves them and she is a faux-southerner herself, but they do some strange stuff. Not necessarily REGULAR southern people but, like, the hoity toity southerners, for sure, do some strange stuff. My college roommate used to get China as gifts for her birthday and Christmas. Like WEDDING China. And had been since she was, like, in middle school. She didn’t even have a boyfriend. LOL. I’ll have to ask her if she uses that China.
Checking in on Ramones out in the Hamptons, Ramona’s house is under renovation- it’s, like, almost gutted. She talks to Carl- her contractor. Her new wood floor is there- it’s VERY light.
But hey, maybe that’s “beachy” what does MisRed know? Ramona says she has no budget and it’s a good thing because uh, this is gonna be pricy. But that kitchen HAD to go.
The gutted version looks better than the BEFORE.
It’s a filler scene, but at least it’s not Sonja’s contractor because she would be trying to have sex with him or showing him her vagina or, AT MINIMUM, showing him the video of her being ploughed by the Nigerian Football Team on the staff sink.
She must have checked her broomstick at the airport
Dale, Tinsley’s Mom arrives at Tinsley’s hotel – she has a little dog in her bag- maybe it’s Bambi?
Yes, yes, it’s Bambi. OH MY GOD! THE DOG FINALLY WENT OUTSIDE.
So close to escape… now back with my captor.
Tinsley is like “He doesn’t even seem to have missed me.” And he doesn’t. Bambi is like… I am, once again, a hostage.
Tinsley tells her mom that Sonja came to stay at the hotel and we cut to Tinsley and Sonja having coffee on the terrace of Sonja’s suite.
Tinsley is in a robe, covered up, PROPERLY and Sonja is in a flimsy nightly with an open robe, flashing the people across the road. It’s January in New York- neither of them has any business being outside dressed like that.
Hey Gabe, Come see this old slut on the roof!
Tinsley tells Dale that she and Sonja are friends again, and decide to go down to the bar for a drink. They leave poor Bambi who immediately tries to tunnel out.
I’m about to Andy Dufresne this bitch.
At the bar, Tinsley’s mom says that she had “nothing on the plane, unlike you.” Tinsley is like- uh what?
Then Dale proceeds to chastise Tinsley for drinking too much THE PREVIOUS YEAR.
Honey, your plastic surgeon should give you a refund.
Tinsley is like- Ok, yes, but I was trying to deal with the pain I was in… blah, blah, blah. Not that it makes it right- or that alcohol is the way to deal with pain necessarily, but something tells me that Dale will bring sh*t up- at any time- just to irritate and show how much better she is than everybody else. She’s like a shame-ninja. Tinsley says, “that’s what moms are for.” Not for nothing- it was completely unrelated, and out of the blue. Dale, that was a dick move. There I said it.
Then Dale presents Tinsley with a bill for the storage of her frozen eggs. Tinsley is like- yah, I need to get Scott to pay them. Lol. Tinsley is like- it’s one more opportunity for my mother to harp on the fact that I’m not in a place to have kids, etc. Tinsley says that Dale and Scott’s mom were going on and on about babies and weddings, etc. For cripssake, they just got back together.
Then Dale says that she did do “something bad.” Oh god. Tinsley is like – WHAT? So, Dale says that Scott’s mom said to Scott that he has PLENTY of time and he doesn’t need to worry about babies now, blah blah blah. But then DALE said that he does need to worry because Tinsley doesn’t HAVE time. So, if this relationship isn’t going somewhere, “you need to jump ship… but the funny part is… we were on a boat!”
Last Comic Standing was cancelled.
And Dale just thinks that is THE MOST hysterical thing ever. But, uh, Tinsley does not, and SHE IS PISSED.
And she has every right to be. It seems like everyone is trying to push this relationship to “Ludicrous” speed- and Tinsley is terrified that it will scare Scott away.
Personally, MisRed thinks that Tinsley is acting desperate when it comes to Scott, but that’s just her opinion.
Dale then suggests they go try on wedding dresses… great idea. Tinsley LOVES that idea.
Can someone loosen the laces up the back of Dale’s head?
OMG MisRed cannot.
Over at Carole’s she is messing around with one of the “Babys,” when she gets a call from Michele at Cosmo- Carole has a deadline approaching, rapidly, but she hasn’t even started writing the piece yet.
Michele tells her to send over the draft and then come into the office and they can talk about it and gossip. Carole tells us that she hasn’t seen or spoken to Adam in two months. Makes sense as Carole just finished ordering her eggs and that’s when she mentioned that Adam wanted to see other people. She says she has no idea what’s going on in his life. MisRed does- he’s boning that other chick. Plus, I’m SURE Carole hasn’t looked at his instagram or anything…
I will kill in your sleep.
MisRed wonders if Adam hasn’t checked in with Carole at all. If Carole has reached out and he hasn’t responded. Has Adam reached out and Carole hasn’t responded. Is all correspondence going through Bethenny?
So many questions.
Where does one order an orange gay these days? MisRed thought all “orange” was being funneled directly to the White House.
Tinsley and Dale go to Amsale to try on wedding dresses. The gay at the front is like “Oh, is this the lovely bride???” And Tinsley is like- well no, I’m not, well I have a boyfriend, and hopefully and you know, and we are just playing. The guy is like- whatever, just make sure I’m properly lit and show my best side, betch!
Dales and Tins get some champagne. Tinsley interviews “Now that I’m thinking about, possibly, getting married again…” puhleeze, Tinsley has been trying to be married again since before the ink was dry on her divorce papers. But whatever, she’s happy to try on dresses and see what she might like. Dale and Tins browse- and Tinsley says she thought she would want to “stay away from the big” dress because she did that at her first wedding.
Who did Tinsley’s hair, Edward Scissorhands?
But her first wedding to Topper was all about her and her mom, and it had nothing to do with Topper- and they kicked him out in the beginning because he was “saying too much.”
Not for nothing- Tinsley does BIG on a daily basis, why would her non-existent-second-wedding-to-a-guy-who-hasn’t-proposed be any different? Focusing on the wedding instead of the marriage is really putting the best foot forward.
Then we find out that Dale put baby booties in Tinsley’s Xmas stocking this year. Dale is like “Well that was to remind you that your time is ticking.” Dale needs to take it down a couple notches. No wonder Tinsley is such a neurotic mess.
Psst. It goes HORSE…THEN CART
Tinsley tries on some dresses, it’s lovely but it’s putting the cart before the horse. Tinsley is like- now that I have the dress on, it’s made me realize that the possibility of me getting married again is here. Reminder: there is no proposal. Zip. Zero. None.
The gay is like “Does he know you are here?” And Tinsley is like- NO!!! Don’t tell him. Hopefully he doesn’t find out about it.
Absolutely no chance he’ll find out.
Yeah, I mean, how would he find out? It’s not like there are cameras filming this or anything.
Dale is like- all you need now is the groom!! Then Tinsley says “Mommy, I’ve gotta call the egg doctor.”
Do these two know the traditional order of things? Let’s get car insurance!!! Let’s get an oil change! We don’t have a car!
Tinsley calls the “Egg Doctor” and asks that the process would be to create an embryo. The doctor shows a picture of the eggs- and both of these imbeciles start crying!!!
OH MY GOD!!!! THEY ARE DOTS!!!!
Seriously. I could draw 7 dots on a piece of paper and it would look the same.
MisRed gives you 12 things, grouped in sevens that are worth crying over more than Tinsley’s eggs.
The Doctor says that Tinsley should have more eggs extracted and frozen now.
Well, then, don’t have breakfast with Carole.
Great. Is this the story arc for next season?
Bethenny goes over to Sonja’s. What the actual f*ck is Sonja wearing? Did she buy the Mutt Cuttz car on Ebay and has started making her new clothing line from it?
Muttz Cuttz Sleeveless Fur Turtlenecks make as much sense as anything else she claims to make.
Bethenny tells us the sample sizes for her jeans are too big for her, so she gives them to Sonja the fat-ass. Really Bethenny? Just say that you had some extra samples lying around, do you have to fat shame someone who ISN’T FAT.
She has a point
Really Bethenny? Just say that you had some extra samples lying around, do you have to fat shame someone who ISN’T FAT.
Bethenny asks Sonja how she is, and we get shades of Sonja 2015.
She says her businesses “are a creative outlet.” Maybe she should try having some of them be a money-making outlet?
I have my shopping app, I have my shoes, I have my swimwear… then show Bethenny her “Singular Logo” which is “consistent.” Sonja says, “So this is French Sole New York by Sonja Morgan.”
Bethenny is like- it’s a “co-brand” and says that she shoes are cute. Sonja says, “despite what my girls may say, Sonja Morgan New York is growing strong.”
You know what isn’t strong? Sonja’s interview look… and the “green screen technology” over at Bravo
You know MisRed just went down the Sonja Morgan New York rabbit hole, right? And you should know that her Signature collections looks like the same crap shown at her “fashion show” in 2015.
Also for sale at Sonja Morgan.com:
Yep. You can have this.
Better read the fine print though… looks like most stuff is made to order or made in some report area of the indonesian jungle and it takes a LONG time to get to you.
NOTE: Business Days
Sonja is hoping to get some cash flow from her French Sole line. Unfortunately, they are ugly.
These would look good with dog sh*t caked to the bottom
So surprising, Sonja’s Website is broken.
Shoes range from $215-$265 except below…
Would you pay $160 for a Sam & Libby 1990 Ballet flat with a Leopard Print Odor Eater? Me either.
Bethenny tells Sonja that she just got back from Jill Zarin’s house. Bethenny decided to go to Shiva at Jill’s and to take Bryn. She says that “Jill was humble today.” And goes on to say that Jill apologized and said she was wrong and did the wrong things and had the wrong priorities and that she is not the same person.
But Bethenny just wants to keep it exactly where it is- she was burned.
Yeah, I mean, it was only, like, a very important female relationship in your life- and one that was almost like a mother- something you never actually HAD in your life. Why give someone another chance? Especially, when they take full blame and apologize! The nerve.
How many versions of this painting does Sonja need?
Note: She hated it when it was painted.
And it’s really a full-on infomercial for Skinny Girl jeans as Sonja show Bethenny the townhouse and all of the work that has been done.
Cut to seeing the Sonja showing the Realtor all of the repairs. The Realtor compliments Sonja and the contractor on getting the new paint to match the old paint so well.
Which paint manufacturer makes the shade “Crusty-Old-Blue-Blooded-F*ck?”
Sonja shows Bethenny her bedroom and says that she’s still decluttering- and Bethenny is like- “Is that a FAX machine????” Sonja tries to explain that the fax really belongs down in the “STAFF ROOM,” which is adjacent to the staff bathroom where Sonja got drilled on the sink by the Hedge Funds, but the line died, so Pickles moved it up to the bedroom. Bethenny says it belongs in the dumpster- and that she hasn’t seen a fax machine since Starsky and Hutch.
Sometimes Bethenny is funny
Sonja says that she was at Tinsley’s for a staycation and shows Bethenny the Louis Vuitton that Tinsley gave her and calls it “Another f*cking thank you gift.”
And then she says, “And my daughter already has one so I don’t have to give this to my daughter.”
Why would she HAVE to give I to her daughter? Let her rich daddy buy her a Louis. No teenager should have a Louis unless they have earned the money for it. MisRed got a VERY SMALL Gucci bag for her 18th birthday- back when they were, like, $100. And trust me, I treated it like gold. But I bought my Louis with part of a bonus I got at work- and not for nothing- I was, like, probably close to 40 at the time and had wanted one for, like, 20+ years.
Bethenny asks how it was staying with Tinsley? Sonja says they had a nice time and they are back to where they were. And they had a great time at Bethenny’s jeans infomercial party and then they say that Luann would have had a GREAT time at the jeans party. F*cking Luann has fun at every party- it’s not like she even has to be in the mood.
Bethenny seems to think the Berkshires was a pre-curser to Lu’s meltdown- because Lu was saying that she wanted to “go to the spa.” Personally, I think Luann just wanted to go to Camel Back.
Bethenny says that she feels she is holding onto anger, and she doesn’t want to. Go back to therapy, honey. She says that Ramona f*cks up all the time and Ramona hates her (Bethenny) but she thinks Ramona doesn’t really even know what she’s doing most of the time. Hmmm. Not sure MisRed agrees with that. And Bethenny is going to just let Ramona take her shots- and be at peace with it. LOL. Let’s see how long that lasts.
Carole takes Dorinda to CONBODY. Dorinda, meanwhile, is still in a walking boot. Apparently, it’s a gym that’s run by a guy who spent 7 years in prison. Inside we meet Coss who looks like he’s 18 years old.
Coss I went to jail when I was 11
He put the “Con,” in Conbody. Carole says that she met Coss and thought he had a very interesting life story- and say “We gotta toughen up a little…if we want to keep up with Luann.”
Carole, this is not a good look for you. And it will bite you in the ass.
She explains to Coss that one of their friends got arrested and she asks them (the Cons)- “You are in a hotel room, that’s not yours. The cops come, you kinda resist arrest. They take you out, they put you in handcuffs. They put you in the back of a cop car. You get out of your handcuffs and start to… wait, you kick a cop and you smack a door into a fireman.” One of the guys ask if she’s married? Lol.
Not sure what the point of that was other than to just gossip about Lu and to try to look cool in front of these guys.
Dorinda gets her mug shot taken – and is like “I’m petrified to be the next mug shot.” Well, yeah, with some of your antics, I would be afraid too. Dorinda says that Lu’s mugshot reeked of loneliness- and she’s actually changed her lifestyle because of it.
Bea Arthur called… she wants her hair back
By what… stealing Maude’s hair-don’t and Erika’s ugly-ass blouse. She never actually says how she has changed her lifestyle. Maybe those are the two ways?
Ramona shows up and high-fives Coss because she loves an entrepreneur. Oh Ramones.
Bethenny shows up- oh all the gals are coming. Then Sonja arrives and oddly doesn’t try to hop on any of the help.
They work out. Basically, it’s calisthenics with thugs yelling at you.
Tinsley shows up and takes another mugshot and is happy because this time she’s prepared with a good look.
Bethenny’s tits are about to pop out.
Strap those puppies down…
Maybe if she put a shirt on this wouldn’t happen, just saying. Besides, she likes MELLOW workouts- yoga, not forgiving people, walks on the beach, chewing up Ramona and spitting her out, filing restraining orders… she likes to be barking the orders, not being the one barked at.
Sonja says “These guys are really rough around the edges. And they’re yelling at me. I mean, I just want to put these guys in the intern program at my house. I’ll start bossing them around.” Puhleeze, these guys have already done their time in a cold, musty, moldy, rat-infested dungeon. Why would they need to go to your house? They don’t want to go back!!! Plus, it’s called CONBODY. Not EMILYPOSTBODY.
Carole is making fun of Luann, which at this point is getting old. She asks what advice they should give Luann if she has to go to jail?
Coss: Is she darker? Is she black?
Bethenny: She was on Halloween.
Ramona: She’s part Indian.
Dorinda: American Indian.
Newly Minted Cons
Coss explains that everyone who works there has been incarcerated and they hire people coming out of prisons. They surmise that maybe Lu could work there when she gets out. Tinsley, of course, is upset- she considers herself the OG of Jail.
They plan to go to a Spa when Lu gets home- in Connecticut. Uh, Luann will need to get permission from the court…just saying. They say that there will be no drinking- and some of the girls are like… uh WHAT? Dorinda, of course, has already broached the subject with Lu- because, well, priorities, and Lu says it’s fine if they drink. Dorinda saws that Lu just wants to take things day by day.
Conbody Mug Shots
It’s like the Brady Bunch…
Down in Palm Beach, Lu is getting released- and she looks fabulous.
Lu looks so great she could be in a Tampon commercial!
She reflects on her charges and says that she’s shaken. Dorinda calls her, and she says she feels great. Lu says the last few years haven’t been great for her even though at certain points she thought she was happy- she starts to get upset, kind of- and Dorinda reminds her that it’s in the past. Yes, but ramification of which she will have to deal with in the future. She says she hasn’t dealt with the emotions of the Tom situation and it has bitten her in the ass. She felt shame over her failed marriages, the fact that her daughter doesn’t bathe regularly, and ex-boyfriend who looks like Balki,
she porked a Johnny Depp impersonator- who then b*tt-fucked Sonja the next night, she married a human petri dish, etc.
Dorinda says that it’s a pressure-filled world and you need to take time for yourself and Lu never would have done that if this didn’t happen. Lu says that when she was being arraigned and the judge was reading the charges, she was like… wait, what? I did that?
Yup! You did!!
Lu decided she had hit rock bottom and had to go to rehab. But she feels great and healthy and has never had time like this to reflect- and she fully intends on changing her life when she gets back to NYC.
She wants to try life without alcohol and see if she can be sober and actually enjoy her life without alcohol.
Dorinda tells Lu about the spa- the Mayflower Spa. Lu says, “I’ve been traveling, I’ve been to prison…I just want to be close to home.”
Next week, the girls decide the real felony (with Luann) was the dress she was wearing at the time of her arrest.
Dorinda gets pissed that Sonja has a family deer on her slipper- sounds like a great reason to fight. Lu says that Ramona was calling Tom trying to get invited to his party. Ramona, of course, sees nothing wrong with it – she probably just wants more “backgammon” lessons.
For those of you who asked, here is Sonja’s Mug Shot:
Smokey Eye. Up-Do. DUI. Police Record.
What do you guys think? Personally, MisRed always really liked Jill Zarin. MisRed says BRING JILL BACK! BRING JILL BACK!!! May Bobby rest in peace- he seemed like a sweet man. What do you think of Sonja’s shoes? What about Carole and her Lu bashing??? People are on Lu’s side these days, it should be interesting to see how this plays out. MisRed loves you guys!!! xoxoxo
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