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Hepburn hails from the City of Brotherly Love and currently lives in The City of Angels. It is her mission to live in every ironically-named city that exists. She loves "Improvisational comedy" (aka make 'em ups), Dogs, Cheese, BBC programming, Red Wine, Carbs, Ronnie K., Pinterest, Reality TV, her cute-ass family and snarky commenters. She is currently in desperate need of a vacation and/or drugs that make her feel like she's on a vacation. She's is specifically on a quest to find the (alleged) drugs from Mexico that Rachel Zoe gave Nicole Richie in 2002. She is also (obviously) guilty of TMI.
  • DJ49

    I recognized Kelly’s masculine physique the minute she appeared on screen.

  • gapeach

    I knew Kelly was the masked model by her shoulders. I would know those broad shoulders anywhere. They remind me of a guy I used to date…

  • distressed
  • distressed

    Milania has to be a witness for the prosecution, “You’re a butt hole, Daddy, and you’re a butt hole, Mommy, and you’re a butt hole, Andy….” Gets to George and runs away screaming.

    What a monstrosity in NJ. Are you watching that one? I don’t think I can.

    And one of the new ones, the one who survived cancer, is pure trash. Her husband was a whistle blower and netted over a million dollars turning his company in but the same prosecutors that filed against his employer actually turned around and filed charges against him claiming that Marchese is not entitled to any money because he may have planned the fraud himself. The charges stem from using “deceptive marketing techniques” to sell a drug to people with CANCER. And his wife is an actual survivor of breast cancer.

    Another website did a great piece on the newbies of NJ. To cover these shows you need to have a criminal attorney on speed dial. Google: “RHONJ Exclusive: Was Jim Marchese The Whistle-Blower or The Ring Leader of The Fraud?” And a link will appear from all about the tea. It’s really shocking. I’ll try and throw up a link, but sometimes those comments take forever to post. Trust in Google.

  • hot cawfeee

    Jeebus—-when is the Reunion episode?? Georgie will probably “have” to attend to defend himself. And would that be a lurve-ly set up for his spin-off?

    sidenote—-I wonder if Victoria will be showing any of her art in the Hamptons this summer? I think she has alot of talent—and I love this more relaxed Lu

  • hot cawfeee

    Someone with sharpers eyes than mine tell me—–is that an ABC 7 Eyewitness News cap Lady Morgan has on??????

  • hot cawfeee

    Word and Word distressed—–Miss Andy has been rather silent—–is it Guidice problems—-OMG–has Miss Andy been subpoened??? I call Milaia for the defense.
    This season of RHNYC has taken such a creepy bad turn–and not bad in the good way-like a toasted bagel with onion dip…….what?? How do you deal with a hangover?

  • distressed

    I think we’re already in hell having to watch this season repeatedly slam its head into a brick wall and say, “wow that was hilarious, LOLOLOLOL”
    “hilarious” = Andy’s description of the rapey necrophilia episode.
    “LOLOLOLOL” = Andy’s description of the three’s not company episode.

  • distressed

    Great recaps on this show here.

  • hot cawfeee

    Will I go to hell if I suggest holding Aviva down, taking off her fake leg and beating her with her real one???

  • hot cawfeee

    awesome comments!!!!!!!! I am laughing out loud to the point to just LOL seems insufficient.

    Oh my ……I mean …eeewwww….George you lecherous, octegenarian, creepy,foul fame whore. Just eeewww.

    I am totally NOT wishing him a Happy Fathers Day. I am not.

    I think Aviva is helping to set up a spin-off for George.
    And BRAVO totally set up the former Miss USA at Lu’s Luncheon. We saw this with (dare I say it–but I said it many time) Tre and Melissa on RHNJ and the Posch Fashion Show.

    And a warm hello to all newbies—–welcome

  • Squirrel

    It’s kind of insulting, the bad editing. The luncheon was a good example. If I don’t see the words line up with the lips, I assume such words were added later. The laughing? They showed a distant shot with the backs of heads and added the cackling in later. I realize the ladies were reading, distracted and amused by the text, but not one laugh lined up with anyone’s face. At one point they zoomed in on Heathers face, and her mouth was open, but the laughter that was imposed was not her laughing AT THAT MOMENT. Luann in her TH complained the ladies were distracted, but she did not complain that they were laughing at a (whisper) Cancer fundraiser, and no way would Lu pass up an opportunity to admonish anyone. Love all your insider info…

  • Long time lurker, here (waves hi!) – just wanted to tell you I totally knew that was Kelly under that mask. Something about her shoulders gave it away for me. Ps – you are as fabulous as soft pretzels, cream cheese, and Pat’s.

  • distressed

    Well that’s one option the other is “HER FATHER FUCKING TOLD HER HE HAD A THREESOME?????” So much more decorous.

    Hepburn has it here: “She talks about sexual stuff because she thinks it’s provocative and it makes her interesting. She is not interesting. She’s a thumping bore.” But Aviva is so messed up she doesn’t even talk about her own sex life, or what she used to do in her sex in the city days or friends’ escapades. Aviva talks about her father’s sex life. And that sick perverted “lady” said that she offered them her son Harrison’s room because it had “clean sheets.”

    Paging Dr. Freud. Accept no substitute. If you have to build a time machine to get the proper treatment then I’ll even lend you some tools. I’ll help in any way possible. Whatever it takes.

    Get help, Aviva.

  • distressed

    I think that guy’s also in a straight jacket, so it might be hard to tweet.

  • distressed

    Hepburn inspired me this week, “whisper typed that one” on cancer. That joke will stay with me for a good long time.

    As far as the level of attention we’re paying and yes we’re being hypercritical, but the producers of this show are forcing it upon us. If they we’re so heavy handed I’d be happy to read the recaps, post a few “yeah I agree” and move on with my life.

    But Hepburn mentions this and it’s true, they are destroying this show right in front of our eyes. And the level of abuse they have shown is just way too much. The George stuff is the worst but also look at what they did to this poor Miss USA. I guarantee you her agent told her: go, you’ll have some good tape for your reel. What’s the worst that could happen?

  • Sheesh

    Say you’re at a fundraiser with some co workers, some that you know pretty well and can call “friend”, then the bitch in accounting sends a text to YOUR work bestie relating that her octogenarian dad and his twentysomething days old fiancee and the girl at the next table had a three way once.
    ***which of course your work bestie is going to show you***
    and the first thing you shout in horrah is not “HER FUCKING FATHER TOLD HER HE HAD A THREESOME?????”
    I mean, da fuq?

    Just me?

  • notwithoutmyTV

    Could you keep me up to date on what Donald Sterling is Tweeting, too?

    That guy’s a hoot.

  • LAC

    I felt like I was in an episode of “RAMUMBO” however, instead of a detective’s rumpled coat, we have Ramona with her rumpled hair. How far is Avery’s college again? 🙂

    Great recap!!

  • notwithoutmyTV

    Folderol! I’m going to use that in a sentence today. Maybe two.

    Andy Cohen and Chris Harrison often carpool to their Liars Anonymous meetings. They like to get there early, before Jiffy Probst eats all the chocolate-frosted donuts.

  • BK in CT

    Squirrel, you are so right! There’s a fine line… I know the producers are doing their best to make an entertaining show and to keep people tuning in, but the heavy-handedness is more of a turn-off than anything. p.s. I love when cast members bring up the producers’ involvement in the shenanigans on WWHL or during a Reunion and then Andy Cohen vehemently denies it. Such folderol!

    I, too miss chemistry like Bethenny and Kelly’s… at least their mutual contempt was genuine…and is there a housewife with a quicker wit or a sharper tongue than Miss B?

  • MisRed

    I love a MisRed shout out!!! Love you Hepburn!! And I love Pickles. (say that the same as Kim Richards says “I love turtles!” Seeing George’s chicklet/bathroom tile teeth makes my lady parts shrivel up and crawl back inside. Vile.

  • Squirrel

    Welcome BK.
    I agree with you about the forced situations, and wonder about the rumors I’ve heard re: short term contracts with the Bravo “Talent..” I don’t remember the exact time/term but its something like six weeks to “bring it”, or you go home. Bummer, because as heavily produced as the show has always been, seasons 1, 2,and 3 at least allowed story arcs to develop over time. Now we have forced situations set up for the sole purpose of fighting. Not complaining, just miss some of the humor aka the two season Bethenny/Kelly weirdness that peaked naturally i.e. scary Island. Aahh…the good old days.

  • BK in CT

    Thank you for the warm welcome! I feel like I’ve downed an entire bottle of Ramona’s Pinot Grigio.

    You’re right. It IS better that someone intervened and addressed a potentially damaging rumor. I just question Ramona’s intentions. I don’t see her as the “I’ve got to do this for this poor girl’s sake” type of person.

    George and herpes…reminds me of an article I read about residents at Old Folks’ homes contracting STDs at an alarming rate because they don’t think they need protection. Excuse me while I lose my breakfast.

    If it is true that the Bravo staff orchestrated this whole fiasco, someone needs to lose their job. Ratings aside, maligning an innocent women’s character is uncalled for… especially since she didn’t sign up for the show… then again… if she was mic’d…..But I am sure the producers did not say “OK.. so we need you here because we want to address this geriatric three-some thingy.”

    Re: Kristen. I agree. She has been trying to force herself into situations lately… I remember a veteran housewife saying on WWHL that first-year wives tend to overdo it but come into their own by the middle of their second season. But if she doesn’t focus on her career slow-down, her marriage woes or her children, what DOES she have? I doubt anyone else is going to throw a glass at her.

  • hot cawfeee

    “tail between her legs”….bbwwwahhhaaahhhaaaaa—-wiping my eyes….If I had no see n Lady Morgan’s cooter shot I would have let that pass

    sigh….Ok—-Thank you for the nod Hepburn!!! I am proud to be classed in such good commenty company!!!!

  • Squirrel

    I know! That blue uni-frock. It was right out of Austin Powers. She looked just like Frau Farbissina….

  • Squirrel

    Distressed, you’re ‘on fire girl!

    Yes! it WAS the same dress from Sonja’s Victory Lap to Art Excuse To Have a Fight Party. The necklace that holds it up was what got “ripped” off. It’s sad that I pay this level of attention to this show. (I shame typed that).

    You’re killing me with your zeal! love your comments. Totally agree with everything except the wallpaper. I have a fondness for retro/kitch, and I’m so over the 90’s everything gunmetal grey look. I’m sure that makes me strange, but I can live with that.

  • distressed

    We have so much in common, let’s just say it happened on Martha’s Vineyard, no sex, no minors were involved but stuff happens on vacation.

  • notwithoutmyTV

    I got thrown out of a dance at Sidwell Friends School for trying to sell weed to Chelsea Clinton. She didn’t want the weed–I sold it to her Secret Service guard, which in hindsight, wasn’t too bright–but she was definitely DTF.

    I ask you, how many people can say they were cock-blocked by the Secret Service?

  • notwithoutmyTV

    Not after she signed the “Producers have the right to creatively edit footage and events up to an including implying you jumped on George’s schlong like it was a geriatric pogo stick with another girl” contract to be on this show, they couldn’t.

  • There were TWO shots of Sonja’s vag — she flashed it again before she went out on the porch to be with Kristin.

  • You didn’t finish the title card for Aviva’s house. It should read: “So she can film RHNY, and stop having to fake falling down on the street to get change that people accidentally drop.” God, I hate her. She looked like the Church Lady at the cancer benefit.

  • distressed

    According to the NYDaily News in an article dated August 30, 2103. “When reached for comment, Meriwether told us she met Teichner at Jill Zarin’s house, but that nothing happened between her and him and that rumors are Bravo ‘fishing for story lines.’ ”

    JILL ZARIN! Who I just saw fly over my house on a broom screaming, “and your little dog too.”

    It’s like Meriwether got hit by a Mack truck going 110 MPH on the L.I.E. by a bunch of L.I.A.R.S. At least she still looks fabulous. Nobody deserves this kind of treatment.

    U! S! A! Sue away!

    And by the way the amount of abuse Ramona is getting from Dana is completely uncalled for. Her fiance threatened to rape the woman’s corpse. Can she cut the lady a little slack or at least apologize on behalf of her “better half” please? She’s going to have to get really good at apologizing to people for George once she walks down the aisle. She might as well start now.

  • distressed

    Furthermore, looking at tippietoediva’s twitter there’s more than 3-4 tweet/retweet involving Ms. Meriwether:

    Wtf is wrong with @ramonasinger first you rub ME the wrong way then @NanaMeriwether!!! She’s a sweetheart! A pure touch of class!!

    Then this one on “the twitter” has a picture on “the instagram” :

    @nanameriwether and I! #missUSA such a gorgeous amazing woman! Happy to have met you in the #Hamptons #rhony. @bravotv @bravoandy @avivadrescher @jillzarin #bbq

    And the picture shows George in the background. If it is the same meeting that Aviva referred to this week it should have been August 11, 2013 or August 18, 2013. I can’t go that far back on twitter to check whether Dana Cody reposted this pic or this is the first she’s put it out there so I can’t tell if she’s been keeping this in her back pocket so to speak for this whole time. But if the latter is true then we’re dealing with a real sneaky little itch here. And I believe it’s all part of the plan to get a spin-off. And it has to be stopped.

  • distressed

    As far as a lawsuit on the part of Meriwether. I got this link to a podcast that Alex McCord does once a week on another recap from “realjunkie”. It’s only 5-7 minutes short and sweet. I don’t watch it every week but she’s pretty good on the NY ladies. At the end of the podcast, Alex says that she was out and about this week and:
    1.) she met Meriwether’s lawyer at a cocktail party this week
    2.) the lawyer told her anyone appearing on the show agrees not to sue the network as a condition of appearing on the show
    3.) Meriwether is in no way precluded from suing anyone else on the show directly
    4.) Meriwether has been aware of this possible storyline for sometime and has decided to wait until the show aired to make a decision about any legal action

    What do you think Ms. Meriwether’s parents are advising her to do this weekend?

    And Aviva emphatically stated that her father did the deed with Miss USA in her own house. In Aviva’s blog she seems to have walked that cat back a bit. referring to George’s statements as a randy old goat’s “boast” being a lawyer she must understand the precarious position she is in.

  • distressed

    You know what I agree here that Ramona was less than genuine about her support for Meriwether. She didn’t just take the girl aside and say, “Psssst, ladies. Honey, you have to stop these crazy people, you would not believe what they are saying about you. Blah, blah, blah …” That would have been the way to handle things in that situation if Ramona truly cared about Meriwether’s welfare. She kind of awkwardly asked short little leading questions. And Meriwether was understandably confused.

    Again, you may be right, it is Ramona after all, but I think we’re seeing the heavy hand of the producers in that luncheon scene from start to finish. Kelly, Meriwether, Bonnie Fuller who runs a gossip site that covers realty TV stars as a guest speaker, Aviva’s threesome story all of it was manipulation. But overall if she were my daughter I would glad that she got a chance to deny it on camera.

    Hint of scandal? Looks like she comes from a very serious family. Her father is American, her mother is South African, she was born in South Africa while they were in the peace corps or something. Her father was the first African American to graduate Duke University and he’s a doctor. And they sent her to Sidwell Friends School, that’s where the Obama girls go and where Chelsea Clinton went. That’s a serious family. I think they could actually sue.

  • distressed

    “I think the producers of this show are doing way too much producing” I agree and unfortunately they are doing that producing quite poorly indeed.

    The Victory Lap was staged. I think Sonja was even wearing the same exact dress to the art party. The Saratoga thing when Sonja came in to the house from the race track all huffy? That was staged. She was wearing the baby doll dress. She had already changed her outfit by the time she arrived home. The facialist, totally coached on what to stay. Totally unbelievable, and not like, wow, cool, unbelievable, actually not believable. Miss Nana Meriwether, they totally manipulated that situation as well and hopefully into a lawsuit. More on that later.

    The swearing on the leg thing, revolting. But this is the second time he has sworn on her leg. I guess it’s a Teichner family “festivus” tradition. airing of penises, renewal of prescriptions to fight off the incurable viruses and swearing on Aviva’s leg. “Seinfeld” reference sorry to the youngins.

    He swore on Aviva’s leg that he didn’t assault Sonja in that nightclub in Miami with his penis. She said that last year. Aviva is nothing but lies. But I think she’s a bit of a George Costanza. He could beat a lie detector test because, “it’s not a lie, if you believe it’s the truth.”

  • distressed

    Wow, hilarious. You know I was actually thinking that on the trip to Montana Aviva would have her father “escort” her out to the ranch or whatever where he could f a sheep. Yee-ha, Then he could … no just stopping right there. It’s going to be nice not having to deal with Aviva, for a few episodes. The rest of the cast is completely sufficient. And Aviva’s loss is nothing but a win.

    On shanking, can we please discuss the hideous yellow wallpaper? It’s a visual metaphor for the agony that is Aviva. I feel like I have a psychic scar from having to watch these torturous scenes play out on this show with that shocking yellow damask wallpaper and that ugly brown woodwork.

    It’s like something out of a Poe novel. I half expect the mother to be buried behind the walls gripping her last bottle of amontillado or whatever the HELL she drank herself into an early grave with. I guarantee you there’s at least one victim of George’s in there or two or fifty. Know That. (bitch typed that one)

  • LynnB

    Sonja is as disgusting as George this season…two sluts who love to advertise about their sex lives….it’s so gross!!! I love LuAnn this season….and am waiting on pins and needles for the leg in the middle of the room episode! I think the producers of this show are doing way too much producing and need to just let some real things actually happen…and I highly doubt Miss America would let a piece of shit like George near her. And who swears on their leg? Aviva is gonna have a problem with me cuz I’m calling her a liar.

  • distressed

    I totally agree as to the style factor on this show. It’s very refined overall and as you point out, especially as compared to other casts in other cities. I also think they have the best bodies and the best hair because they look natural.

    Luann was stunning in that red dress. Aviva at the luncheon? No. She has a beautiful figure and a killer wardrobe and she always looks perfect, but the outfit never matches the person. You know? She always looks like she’s acting the outfit. And Kristin is definitely killing it in the clothing department. I will give the girl props. I wouldn’t even recommend a bra-wah. It’s summertime she looks good have at it. Just carry an emergency supply of nipple covers for whenever George jumps out of a sewer to say Hi, assault you and then offer to lick your nipples.

  • Aviva makes me want to shank myself in the eyes and ears. Maybe we all need to stroll over to NYC and just follow her around saying “liar, liar, liar” like those pidgeons in Finding Nemo. I wonder how long it would take her to shank herself just to make us stop?

    Anywho, on another note, thanks for watching the part where Sonya’s lady bits are hanging out. I fast forwarded through that mess because she was so drunk and I was jealous that I had to watch this train wreck while sober. Bravo needs to develop an interactive TV that dispenses alcohol every time a housewife is drinking. Then we could all be drunk and we’d probably appreciate the show a little more.

    Thank God they are leaving dumbass Aviva while they go to Montana. What would’ve been better is if they’d taken Aviva and “left” her there….

    In a hole.

    But then her dad would find her because perverts always find a hole when they need it.

  • distressed

    That’s not it on Heather. Oh no. I got a chance to mosey over to the Bravo blogs and I was severely disgusted by both what was contained in Heather’s blog this week and what was not in the blog.

    She uses a good portion of her blog to plug the Yummy Tummy (barf typed that one) Survivor Tank. I am totally not kidding, it’s a blah, blah, blah this that whatever for survivors of breast cancer. She basically takes a huge ish all over the remarks at the luncheon and then she pimps her product to any women who might be reading her blog.

    Hey Lady, when you disrupt a luncheon like this in this particular manner, the George factor and all, you don’t turn around and attempt to make a dirty buck off of breast cancer (whisper typed that one.)

    And what was not contained in the blog was an apology for bringing another sick, twisted, well you know, George story front and center in the show that George and Aviva have ruined for the entire year. And they haven’t even been on half of the shows.

  • Classy drunk

    Idk…I watch these episodes and always think the ladies are dressed nicely. They are by far the best dressed cast.

    Ramona was right in stopping Aviva’s lies. This way Miss USA could stop this on the show and not have to wait for twitter to clean up these rumors.

    Kristen was right to tell Lu and Carole about the gossip Sonja was spreading instead of again waiting for the show to air then explain.

  • distressed

    Heather, I am so severely disappointed in my girl. I loved you, I loved your sassy ass and your adorable devoted husband. I love you ripping an ice cream cone out of the hands of a hungry child in the park, by the boats. I loved you hugging the trees, I really actually liked that. I never loved your weird claims at street cred, but I tolerate differences in those I love. But this? This one is very hard to explain.

    You had to show Ramona? Really? It’s Ramona. (scream typed that one) Just flick your hair, sip your water, stare off in the other direction and pretend like you didn’t hear her. Then deny that you have a text, deny that you have a text on your phone, deny that you have a purse that contains this phone, deny that you have a lap where this purse is placed. Deny, deny, deny. Ramona gets this a lot from Mario, so she responds appropriately to being ignored.

    I think that Ramona did the exact right thing, maybe not the exact right way, when she allowed Meriwether to deny the preposterous, ludicrous, other worldy slander that came her way in this episode.

  • Hepburn

    Hi BK! Welcome to official commenter status. Do you feel all warm inside? I agree with you that it was a bitch move for Ramona to grill Nana the way she did. I don’t think Ramona had “Not Kenya’s” best interests in mind. I, do, however applaud Ramona for being the only person to try to stop the spread of the herpes outbreak that is George. Also, if she was reigning Mss USA (and had endorsement deals hanging in the balance) I’d have a lot more problems with Ramona speaking to her the way she did. Something that others noticed that I did not: Nana was miked and probably had to sign a release form to be shown on the show. That makes me believe that the Bravo producers set this up. What say you?
    I have always been team Kristen but the past few episodes she has come across as a little too desperate for a story line. Maybe that’s why she went running to tell Carole and Lu? I dunno. It’s hard for me to concentrate on the other ladies when that freakshow of Aviva and her dad are such an annoyance. Welcome again, BK!!

  • distressed

    Stunning and hysterical, I didn’t whisper type that at all.

    I agree with so many points here. First of all:
    “I personally don’t think that Aviva invited that woman to the party. I do, however, believe that either some Bravo producers or someone in Aviva’s camp invited her to the event. It was all too convenient.”

    Meriwether was mic’d wasn’t she? Another commenter elsewhere pointed out that if she had not been mic’d and because she spoke so softly that no one would have heard her at all if Bravo hadn’t slapped one of those mic packs on her that they wear on their backs, or in Brandi Glanville’s case up her money maker. Second of all, Meriwether had an assigned seating with a place card. This was all set-up by Bravo and there is more to this story. I don’t have the ending to this story yet, but there is more to it.

    And Luann is absolutely killing it this season. She is the only one that has called Aviva out on constantly bringing the rapey George into every situation she possibly can. Even Ramona didn’t have beef with Aviva about George, nor did she criticized his creepy molesterey presence haunting each frame like a specter, a wraith, a larva, and a bigot.

    That piece by Victoria was stunning and you have to remember the girl is only 20-21? At most.

  • BK in CT

    Hey Heppy-B (I just channeled KW!),

    Long time reader, first-time commenter. Love you and all you stand for!

    I totes disagree with you about Ramona at the (softly) cancer (regular voice) fund-raiser. I think it was a biotch move to confront former Miss USA (not Kenya) and grill her in front of other guests…and on camera. Wouldn’t the mere hint of such a scandal ruin Miss USA (not Kenya)’s career as a spokeswoman or whatever Ex-Pageant winners do after the crown?

    I think Ramona (who I do not believe had Not Kenya’s best interests in mind) was looking to stir the pot AND try to either get the dirt on George or discredit him. I think her motivation was totally George-Centric…

    On the flip side, I disagree that Kristen has an malicious intentions…I think SHE did want to tell Lu and Carole that some crazy Asian Caricature Chick was dishing on camera. I do agree that both Lu and Carole were sweating like hookers in church.