Hello Trashies and welcome back to the Saga of Angelina.
Before we get into the week’s episode I want to dive in a bit on what is going on in real time with season 2. Season 2 was greenlit before season 1 even aired and the biggest change so far is that Deena is not filming in Vegas. Some were speculating that she is expecting a mini-meatball, but she claims that isn’t the story. She has some “personal” stuff that she is going through, and her schedule would not permit her to go. Maybe they will catch her later in the season when they are allegedly heading to Jersey.
ALSO, Ronnie has had quite the last few days. News and video surfaced of Ronnie going after a guy at The Flamingo Hotel and being held back by security. But the next day it was reported that Jen had shown up to filming and punched him in the head and spit on him. He claims that she is withholding where their daughter is and killed his dog. But she released a statement to People claiming that it was her dog that drowned at his pool and he cremated the dog before letting her know. Jen is also claiming that she did not hit him and that is was all caught on film. The Ashley’s Reality Roundup and Starcasm both have articles giving the rundown of events if you want to read something that will make you feel better about your life choices.
When we last left our overly Guido’s they were breaking the news to Angelina over dinner that she needed to leave because this is their thing. One of the things that drives me crazy about this group is that they act all hard, but it is really just a front.
You need to leave, and you can tell I am serious because I smiling at Pauly and not looking directly at you because it is hilarious to us that you would ever think we would accept you
Jenni tells her they need to finish as a family as everyone avoids eye contact with her.
Of course, they are shocked she isn’t mad because that is what they really wanted from her is to flip out, UM HELLO!
Angelina is just glad that she was able to come and redeem herself and let them get to know the real her. They are shocked and can’t believe that after eight years someone might actually be a different person than they were in their 20’s.
OMG how thrilling!
But Pauly D isn’t so sure about that. Nicole toasts to Angelina and Angelina is so happy to finally be accepted.
Well the night isn’t over yet
So, they go to someplace called Shots, I believe, to rage.
Everyone is getting drunk and having fun but when Angelina gets a sloppy, then falls, the group heads out. Even the high and mighty Jenni has deemed Angelina worthy of her time, so you know it must have been a fun night.
However, on the way home from clubbing Angelina farts and nearly gags the cab to death. I guess it’s only cute and funny when the guys do it because the girls make a BFD about the fart. This would have been the time I would have used the old smelt it you dealt it line, but Angelina not only claims the fart but also admits to sharting. Then takes it a step further and says that she actually thinks she shit her pants. Deena claims that there is poop on the seat, which I mean come on Deena. That poop would have to been catapulted pretty hard to make it out of her Spanx. The girls cannot get over how much it smells like poop and the poor driver is even gagging. Angelina is wasted and slurring about taking her stained panties home in a bag. Must have been a new pair Yummie Tummie shapewear.
Meanwhile the guys are bragging in their cab about clearing out booths at the club with their butt bombs. What was in that food at Sakura?
Nicole announces when they get out of the cab that Angelina sharted as Angelina runs for the first-floor powder room. While Nicole keeps talking about the shart and even gets Angelina to pop her head out of the powder room to answer whether or not she actually shit her pants.
They are all grossed out especially the guys who prefer women only exist to cook, clean, and be there to lie to and on top of.
I know what she is talking about and Twitter had a field day with that but suffice to say it was likely just a wet fart.
In her inebriated state she say she is just like trying to be real. But Jenni and Pauly are like, gross you nasty ass, only Ronnie’s big boy poops are funny and cute. Honestly, it is gross but I am kind over how above Angelina they think they all are that have made her grovel and feel like she needs their approval.
Then in an effort to prove that she didn’t actually shit in the cab she offers to show everyone her Jill Zarin Skweez Couture Shapewear pants. They all run for cover.
This is exactly why I cannot watch the Bachelor/Bachelorette, people embarrassing themselves in an effort to make people like them makes me uncomfortable, maybe because I have been there too many times myself.
Vinny is beside himself, what kind of woman tries to prove their skid marks and Pauly takes the opportunity to film her on the iPod touch because that’s normal.
Oh, Ok good you are saying this again just in case we didn’t hear you say this the first thousand times you said it earlier
The guys continue to give her shit downstairs as she reminds them that Vinny’s fart cleared the booth at the club and they tell her that hamsters are too clean for what she is now. She admits that it started out as something funny in the girl’s car on the way home and just didn’t land the way she thought it would.
Nicole has retreated to her bed upstairs with her night wine and periodically sleep dances and sings.
Downstairs Angelina asks Jenni why she is mad.
Angelina is upset and worried everyone thinks she is gross and she just didn’t want to leave the house like this. After she changes and goes back downstairs everyone leaves her sitting alone. Upset she goes to seek the advice from the Queen of Drunk herself, Nicole.
They go back downstairs and Angelina tells her that she is upset and embarrassed. Angelina always acts like a bitch, but I think that just like every bitch, she is just really insecure. Nicole tells her that the guys are just like that, they bust balls and she doesn’t get that because she hasn’t lived with them.
Please join RHONJ Nicole!
She reminds her who Pauly is and that she shouldn’t let a fart ruin her whole trip. That’s true, he is 40 year-old man who dresses like he is still 18, has had the same haircut for the last 25 years and couldn’t find a woman in Miami willing to seriously date him. He should meet Carole Radziwill….
The next morning Angelina is packing and claiming to not remember the night before. Jenni tells her she literally had a blast, when Pauly wanders in.
Wow I feel like I have heard that somewhere before…….
Mike wants to know if she had fun and she did. They think she is ok too, but maybe she has a few kinks to work out. Overall Angelina feels really good about her time there and wants them to understand she was there for the right reasons and not just a free vacation.
Spoiler alert peace with some of the cast did not last that long
The guys offer to carry her bags down and because they aren’t the type to beat a dead horse, they wrap her luggage in trash bags and roll out the trash bag “red carpet” for her departure.
She is emotional about this visit and says that if it never happens again she is glad that she had this chance. I actually feel a little bad for her because as soon as she is gone, the shit talking resumes.
While not surprising, it is um…. awkward knowing from her talking heads how much this simple gesture of her coming meant to her. Mike thinks she is messy on a whole other level, which I get she is out there potentially saving lives and he is dealing tax evasion and trying to avoid prison. But they are like so exhausted from being decent human beings and making sure that everyone knows they are a crew to be reckoned with, they need a vacation form their vacation house. So, they all decide to take a boat to like a little island in the Bahamas. Bimini to be exact, a 30 minute boat ride from Miami.
Mike calls Lauren at home is all kissy face, baby voices and pet names. They make plans for “Baynas” to come down and see him soon.
Nicole complains about her heavy flow as they pull away and just then the duck phone quacks to an empty house. They take what appears to be a ferry like boat and Mike takes the opportunity to snack. They are greeted with cocktails and champagne in the suite that incudes a personal swimming pool.
Back at the house the duck quacks alone. Turns out it’s Vinny’s mom who is calling and now that he isn’t answering she is worried. So, you are telling me that Ma Gaudagnino just happens to be in freshly dyed hair and full make-up with a camera crew present to make calls to Vinny, who just happens to not be home?!?!?! To borrow a line from the great Ronnie Karam, “I AM SO SURE!”
In the Bahamas the crew is living my tropical island dream. They are on a boat, drinking and feeding stingrays.
Unfortunately they don’t eat Italians
Next they explore and snorkel on an old abandoned ship.
Now this I am totally jealous of even though I am terrified of sharks
Vinny and Ronnie climb to the top to jump and Mike enjoys a delicious wrap on the boat. Jenni has noticed Mike’s reluctance to take off his shirt since he’s been there and that’s so different because he used to walk around with his shirt pulled up all the time.
Watching the old episodes this was totally Mike’s only move and I never understood the appeal
Then production cruelly pans to a current shot of him getting down with a wrap.
On another island Vinny’s infamous sucio Uncle Nino proposes to Ma G that they “spontaneously” pack up their bags and head to Miami to check on Vinny.
She packs a suitcase full of Vinny’s favortite food and Uncle Nino his banana hammock
Back at the hotel Mike orders a pre-dinner snack, from what is sounded like it was for the whole group but apparentely is just for him. The guys make a comment to him that they are going to dinner in less than an hour but after all that protein and carbo loading he is ready for a nap. Nicole is also not feeling well but not from not eating probably just a case of PMS.
The girls head over the guys suite only to discover that Mike is not ready yet and just started to shave. Jenni starts to yell at him and Vinny says this is like déjà vu, and we get a clip of the time Jenni punched him. Yeah, except she punched him because he wouldn’t help her back to the suite in Atlantic City from the club because she felt sick and he was trying to get in some girls pants. So, not the same at all.
Ultimately, they decide to leave without him. I love Deena’s dress in this scene and she looks stunning.
But Jenni what in Victoria’s Secret Semi-Annual Sale Hell are you wearing with a fleece no less
Downstairs they apologize to the Hilton shuttle lady and encourage her to leave without Mike as they see him coming through the window. Jenni tells him that sometimes he is inconsiderate about time when it comes to big group things. But he had a stomach ache and needed some extra time. I am not going to lie I am starting to think that Mike has an unhealthy relationship with food.
They pull up to the casino they are eating at, which should do wonders for Mike’s upset tummy. Vinny feels that also being an islander he will have much in common with the Bahamian’s. The crew decides the best way to deal with Mike’s obvious body issues to is to encourage him to show it off and ask him to do the truffle shuffle.
Mike informs the crew he is popping the question once Lauren comes down and they have him tell them what he is going to say. Then the dinner entertainment arrives.
On the way back to the hotel Mike rips one that empty’s his side of the shuttle and lovingly dedicates it to Angelina.
The next morning Ma G and Uncle Nino pull up to the house only to find it open and begin running through the house looking for Vinny. Then a woman who did not know how to use her phone somehow sets herself up to do a talking head.
OH someone found RealDoll Sammi
So, Ma G unpacks her suitcase of sausage and begins cleaning the house going on about how perfect her Vinny is to the camera crew. Uncle Nino is spending some special alone time in the backyard with his favorite girl.
In Bimini, Deena had a great time and wants to come back maybe next time she will learn some Bohemian before returning. As they leave the guests in the neighboring rooms are treated to a Ronnie and Mike slam fest.
They get a private yacht back to Miami and on the way home they talk about chipping in for a cleaning lady. Also, Vinny conveniently wants some real off the boat Italian food. They arrive home to a clean house and Ma G cooking dinner in the kitchen.
I can see why Vinny’s acting career didn’t exactly work out
As Uncle Nino greeting the locals to the party in his pants.
Next episode Lauren arrives and Jenni is threatening to ruin the proposal for some reason.
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