What’s that behind her? Oh yeah – the fires of hell.
Howdy, Trashmii! I just know you’ve been wondering, “Hey, what’s up with that lovably wacky Kody Brown family? I sure hope TLC airs another season of that must-see Sister Wives show!” Well, wonder no more. TLC has decided to inflict them on us for yet another season! Why? It’s TLC. You know, the Learning channel . . . I’m sure you’ll agree that we’ve all learned a lot from Sister Wives: the Browns are doofusii, and polygamy is dead boring. We all get an A!
Lets get into our ep, shall we? We open with a recap of what seems to be half the footage from last season. Then – finally! – a new open. It’s all saturated colors now, I guess to reflect their big-city-slicker lifestyle. Groovy.
It’s Dayton and Meri’s birthdays. Well, not really. Kody’s cooking steaks today, although their birthdays are tomorrow. Kody’s taking the Queen Mother out on the actual birthday. To hell with the son with Asperger’s, Her Maj needs to be coddled! After all, he’s not her kid.
The adults meet to discuss MSWC. They need to grow the business! They need new ideas all the time! Or, perhaps, any ideas? Meri says she wants to expand the business (remember that for later), and Robyn says she has a plan to have brick and mortar stores within 5 years. Know what I see them doing in 5 years? Going to bankruptcy court, getting foreclosed, and sneaking back into Utah. Wanna bet my dream comes true before Robyn’s does?
Kody says he’s meeting with “Stan” to discuss making a presentation to investors. Investors? Does he really think KKR or Warren Buffett are going to snap up this outstanding investment opportunity? I’m so glad to see Kody is just as clueless and deluded as ever. Never change, pal. Never change.
Christine wants to expand MSWC to include “clothing, kitchen, housewares”. Cause no one else has ever thought of that, like say . . .
We go to Kody at Robyn’s house. The next night he’ll be with the Queen Mum, then Christine, then Janelle for their anniversary. Hey, good thing they’ve got that compound, Action Man can just dash from one shagging appointment to the next. Since he’s 45 now, I wonder if he’s doing Viagra. I’m not sure any guy in his mid-40s could be that active. Especially when one of his partners is the Queen Mum.
Kody takes Dayton to a go-cart type place. And I guess that’s it for the boy, since Kody’s at Meri’s for her birthday. Poor Dayton. Before they leave, Meri wants to Keith Urban-ize Kody’s hair. You know, there’s a reason men don’t flatiron their hair. And this is it:
At dinner, Meri shows Kody she’s gotten her transcripts from her college in Utah. She wants to go to UNLV now. Of course! Anything to get her out of raising the dozens of other wives’ children in the family or bringing in any income! That’s our Queen Mum, always thinking of
others herself. Kody tells the QM that Robyn will not take it well, and QM asks to talk to Robyn herself. QM says MSWC isn’t her dream, it’s Robyn’s. So to hell with it, then? If you think Meri’s cold now, just wait until later.
Is the QM using her “household” money to finance her own personal plans? Otherwise, who’s paying for this self-indulgence? I’m sure it’ll be on the backs of other wives’ kids who are headed to college. Or were . . .
Kody and QM then go dancing – well, what they call dancing, and I call “performing a tribute to Elaine Benes”, and then back home. We’re mercifully spared any intimacy. By ‘”intimacy”, I of course mean the bottoms of Kody’s bare, filthy feet. Ick!
WHY IS THAT AWFUL KATE GOSSELIN GETTING MORE AIRTIME? HASN’T AMERICA SUFFERED ENOUGH???
We’re back to Kody playing football in the driveway. We get to hear again about all the events this week. It’s Christine’s night now. Kody wants to settle in and laze around. Christine tells him John is coming over; he’s Mykelti’s boyfriend. Kody greets John in typical fashion, by questioning his manhood, and Christine tells us the kids have been getting too hot and heavy too soon. Kody tells John he wants to prevent the “danger zones”. Kissing and holding hands lead to broken hearts, you guys!
In interview, HRH, for some reason wearing goth-Pippi Longstocking hair, says that since Kody never talks about not having sex, it must be ok to do that. We all know you can’t get a date, so how’s about cutting out the innuendo, missy?