Welcome back to another week of petty fighting and poop jokes, also known as The Real Housewives of Dallas. This week was all about birthdays, as we start the episode with Stephanie, her husband, Travis, and her two boys. It’s almost Travis’ birthday, also known in Dallas/Travis’ mind as the Second Coming of Christ. Every year for Travis’ birthday there is a huge celebration, and this year will be no different. You’d think throwing a major party for someone would be enough of a gift, but not in this family. Travis, as we all know, is a huge fan of lists, and his birthday celebration is no different. He wants Stephanie to jump out of a cake in a bikini and sing him happy birthday, he wants a say in the guest list (fair), and he also wants his assistant (who knew she existed?) to help Stephanie in the planning, presumably so she can report back to him on every detail. OH – and Travis also wants gifts. Last year Stephanie got him a laser hair removal treatment for his hairy back which is not an image I ever needed in my head.
Over on the other side of town, we’re with Cary, her husband and her husband’s shopping addiction. They’re discussing the plans for celebrating their daughter’s 3rd birthday. Cary cannot believe her daughter is already 3 years old, and she’ll let us know this by telling us over and over again throughout the episode. There is a lot of contention over this 3 year old’s birthday celebration, because Cary bought a vanilla cake, but her husband MUST have chocolate. Cary doesn’t want to give her daughter too many presents, because she doesn’t want her to become spoiled, but Cary’s husband, at this point a confirmed shopaholic, cannot turn down the opportunity to buy someone a gift, or 20 gifts.
Then we’re with Stephanie, Brandi and Travis’ assistant Courtney.
Can we just assume she’s sleeping with her boss? Season 2 storyline? Anyways, they’re at a possible venue for Travis’s birthday party, and Stephanie is torn between an Old Hollywood or Great Gatsby themed party. Didn’t we already do this on, like season 1 of RHOBH? Anyways, they decide on Gatsby, and Brandi has some very interesting ideas on what Stephanie could get Travis as a gift: a dessert to smash his face in, a tombstone, some type of fake honorary certificate from the President. All great ideas if you ask me.
Stephanie isn’t sure if she wants to invite LeeAnne to Travis’ party, because she doesn’t want there to be drama between her and Brandi. I must say, I love he editors of this show, because I think every episode since LeeAnne’s meltdown, there has been a flashback to LeeAnne’s meltdown and Brandi telling her that she’s full of shit. I laugh every time.
Then we’re with LeeAnne, her pink blush and her boyfriend for lunch. LeeAnne is going to be speaking at an event for the Grace Project, which is a safe place conference for women who are HIV positive. LeeAnne was talking about how she was feeling leading up to the event, and Rich just had some great reactions.
Someone save me plz
Then we’re at the Grace Project Conference, and just in case you didn’t know – you can’t sneak up on a carnie.
Tiffany and Stephanie are at the event to support LeeAnne, and she got up on stage and gave a pretty good speech about how you aren’t the labels that people place on you, you aren’t the labels you place on yourself and you are worthy. The thing I took away from her speech that I MUST know more about is her fiancee who tried to kill her/have her killed. If Andy Cohen doesn’t bring that up at the reunion, he needs to be fired. Anyways, LeeAnne’s speech went over really well.
Then we’re back at Stephanie’s house, and her boys think she should give Travis a poop cake for his birthday. Just when I thought we were done with the poop jokes on this show. Le sigh. After the kids go to bed, Stephanie brings up to Travis how she feels that he treats her like a child with all of his lists and chores he’e always assigning. Apparently the whole list thing was engrained in Travis as a child, because his mom was always handing out lists when he was growing up. I expected this to turn into a bitter argument, but they worked it out pretty quickly, and Travis agreed to let Stephanie plan his birthday party with less intervention from him.
Then we’re with Brandi, and she’s giving LeeAnne “Loud Mouth” Locken a call to clear the air before Travis’ birthday party.
Just when I thought Brandi couldn’t give any less of a fuck, she proved me wrong. I don’t care if she just changed this contact info 5 seconds before shooting started. I fucking loved it!
Brandi and LeeAnne agree to meet up, and Brandi apologizes for her immature sense of humor/behavior, and LeeAnne kind of dances around an apology, but the phrase “I’m sorry” or “I apologize” never left her lips. In the end they cleared the air, and they even hugged.
Then we’re with Brandi and Stephanie at my new favorite store.
They’re thumbing through pageant dresses looking for something to wear to Travis’ birthday party. I can’t remember a time I saw a tackier dress than Brandi’s baby blue, feather, mullet scenario.
In the interstitial, we find out that Brandi’s daughter doesn’t like boys, because they have tails, which I can only assume is a euphemism for penis.
Then it’s the day of Travis’ party, and Brandi heads over to Stephanie’s so they can get ready together. Stephanie got some of those massive sparklers that you get with bottle service at the club, and she thought it would be a great idea to light it up in the middle of her kitchen.
Brandi and I both found this to be unsafe.
While Brandi and Stephanie are getting their makeup done, Cary and her husband are also getting ready for the party. Cary is wearing the same dress she wore when she got married, but since it’s her 3rd marriage, I didn’t really find that to be a big deal. Her husband is dressed like a nerdy psychiatrist.
We’re at the party, and LeeAnne was really embracing the theme.
Now, do y’all remember a few weeks back when LeeAnne wanted to have Brandi taken out back and kill by a firing squad for talking about poop? Well, this week we were treated to a lovely story about when LeeAnne and Tiffany lived together. They would order pizza with extra jalapeno peppers and spend the next day on the toilet with burning and explosive diarrhea.
Have fun with that image in your mind.
Marie, of course, looked horrified the entire night.
Beware of Botox
This week ended with a set up for next week. Apparently LeeAnne, Stephanie and Cary all have birthdays within a couple of weeks of each other, so Brandi thought it would be a good idea to take a girls trip to Austin where Brandi and Stephanie co-own a lake house(?). Unclear on who actually owns said lake house. As expected, Cary was less than thrilled at the idea of celebrating her birthday with LeeAnne.
We close out this week with Stephanie fulfilling Travis’ lifelong dream. She popped out of one of those tacky cardboard cakes and sang him Happy Birthday.
Next week, LeeAnne threatens to kill Marie, and Cary catches it all on her iPhone camera.
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