Before you read this I must warn that some of these pictures are NSFW.
Previously at the Miami house, Jenni ripped Ron a new asshole.
Ronnie looks to Pauly to confirm that he has been acting like he wants to be Jen. Pauly tells him that he doesn’t need to force himself to be with this woman because of this child. He puts it more delicately in his taking head that Ron is conflicted because he does love Jen but isn’t sure he wants to be with her forever. But because Ron is apparently the first person in the history of the world to have a surprise baby and being forced to be a grow-up. He just keeps making excuses and how HARD it is for him. Ron do you know what network you are on? They literally have SHOWS dedicated to how kids half your age deal, sometimes terribly deal, with the burden of parenthood.
Then he fake cries and Jenni rushes over to hug him telling him she just want everyone the great guy she does. Those most be one hell of a pair of rose colored glassed because from where I sit Ron is shitty, literally and figuratively.
He is all tears and I don’t want to be the father I never had. Um dude; you hit your girlfriend, she left the shore house, you had a mental breakdown, called your dad and he then dropped everything to come to the house and talk you off the ledge. He seems like a pretty good dad to me.
After some hugs and reassuring him that he only an ass sometimes, Ronnie says AGAIN that he loves Jen and wants to be with her. I literally can’t. It’s time for the strip club Eleven… again.
Jenni is having the best time and Ron joins in on the fun to live vicariously through her hands.
Then the night takes a weird turn when Nicole discovers that money is flying the air. At first, she offers it to Mike because he needs it but when he refuses the money she decides to take if for herself.
In her Louis Vuitton no less
Jenni just looks at the camera and shakes her head and tells Nicole that she is going to get them kicked out.
Aren’t these people millionaires?
And she ends up getting caught
Once caught she IS embarrassed, apologizes to the stripper and admits in her talking head that she is an asshole. Pauly is getting down with a girl and you know it good, because he is fist pump dancing. The crew heads out and Ronnie decides to make this a very teachable to audience letting everyone know rarely do you leave a strip club with a stripper… so he’s heard.
How do you still find women willing to sleep with you
Back at the house Deena snacks and we drunk eat the same, with conviction.
The girls ask Pauly why he didn’t bring home a girl and he tells them he is looking for a wife. Eleven is not the sort of place you find a wife. He has spent too much time banging the wrong girls and wants to find the right ONE to bang forever. You know someone he can let his hair down around. This gives Nicole an idea, since Pauly hasn’t banged any girls yet they should go out and find him one and then present them to him and he can his favorite.
The next morning Nicole pounds Pedialyte and presents her idea to the group.
Bitch I know that bottle shape from anywhere
In other parts of the house Mike asks Jenni to go ring shopping for Lauren with him.
Pauly loves the idea that Nicole cooked up and is down for playing the part of the Guido Bachelor. He can’t be single for the rest of his life after all.
At the ring shop Mike is dying, especially when they show him a naturally pink diamond ring that is really pretty, and he seems genuinely excited about until they tell him it $45,000.00.
At another place he finds a slightly cheaper on for $31,000.00 and finds out that he has to actually buy her another ring, his own ring, a gift the day of the wedding and is balls. Even though Lauren has been his rock and deserves a rock, he wisely understands that in his money “situation” he cannot spend too much or it will look very bad. Teresa Giudice, pay attention puh-lease!
Out and about at the cleaners Deena and Nicole try their best to get girls and it does not go well.
Like at all
Maybe they will have better luck at their home away from home… the tanning salon. They leave handwritten flyers up, which not only seems weird but also soooooo creepy. Seriously, when you see hand written signs advertising services do you ever call? No!
Getting their nails done Deena sees a blonde who looks anything but Pauly’s type.
Nicole tells her this woman is 50…
Pauly is damn near 40, he’s no spring chicken himself. But that tennis skirt, diamond stud earrings and no wedding ring say recently divorced and getting a manicure before school pick-up.
At home Ronnie wants to celebrate Pauly’s blue balls by everyone becoming a blue ball. This wearable inflatable balls thing is very big in the Reality TV world right now.
Wearable inflatable balls are the new vagina waxing
They all looks silly, but no one looks more hilarious than the OG meatballs Deena and Nicole.
Nicole says she looks like Mama June, I guess hasn’t been keeping up on Honey Boo Boo.
After some races around the pool, MVP decides to head to MoCrimes without Ronnie, who for the moment is sticking to his word to be good.
Pauly questions Vinny’s Guido style when he reveals that his shirt cuffs are too tight for his Fitbit. I think Vinny’s style leans more hipster these days too. Vinny even buttons the top button, which Pauly find funny and turns him into a priest.
Lord bless the all the females that will be bouncing on Pauly’s penis tonight
I am sure Ma was ordered to like 1,000 Hail Mary’s when she went to confession after her parish priest saw this.
Mokai is the same and mission tonight is for Pauly to bring home a girl. The guys are having a blast and getting properly wasted, except Mike of course.
It’s clear after they kill the first bottle that Vinny is wasted.
Did he change his shirt before they went out, out
Next thing you know he is wanting to get girls in the booth and admiring art.
Pauly says that Vinny is going to need Jesus to stay with his girl tonight. Even though Vinny all that now, he still has questionable game when it comes to picking up women.
Vinny says he likes to talk to bottle girls because usually they are there to do a job and not to turn up, but these girls are ready to turn up. This is definitely in line with everything I read about this club. After a few shots Vinny is slobbering all over Hot Britney and Mike senses that a Situation is happening.
Inspector Situation senses debauchery happening
He gives him the shame fingers and at one-point walks over and tells him to keep it in his pants, sort of.
This is what happens when you got to too much Catholic Church… biblical humor
Even after all that Vinny can’t help but get numbers and take pictures with the beautiful ladies. Mike and Pauly both give the camera knowing looks and escort a wasted Vinny out of the club, away from Hot Britney before he pulls a Ronnie.
In the cab on the way home Vinny is talking about Hot Britney and how he is going to marry her.
OMG, did he just say that for real
Being the designation, he escorts both of his drunk brothers inside and somehow loses the chick that Pauly was on in the back seat on the way home.
The next morning Pauly and Vinny are dead to the world as Jenni discovers all the lovely young ladies they collected the night before. Vinny discloses that between the two of them they finished two bottles of vodka, which explains why he looks the way he feels.
While Pauly looks great! Jenni starts reading the names and numbers in the iPod Touch. The night starts coming back in waves and Vinny knows it’s time to call Elicea.
The admission goes over like a fart in church and Elicea is understandably upset. Also, she is still not over what happened during this filming and had some scathing things to say about Vinny and the whole experience recently.
For some reason she is not assured that he got multiple girls numbers and not just one girl. He feels like if had jut been one girl he was all over all night and trying to get her number it would have been WAY different. I wonder how he felt when he saw the footage.
The crew sets out on their previous mission to find Pauly some girls. The ladies are heading to the art district and the guys the beach.
The guys attempt to call out to girls from a sidewalk café but quickly realize that this will go into creepy zone. Instead they are going to make large signs like they are working a car wash because that isn’t creepy for some reason. Meanwhile the girls have resorted to yelling at women out the car windows and for some reason are not successful either.
Do you want Pauly’s D
The guys meet a pregnant 18-year-old and two underage girls while the ladies are walking in with nothing but some shopping bags. After realizing that they are all walking empty handed they know they need a backup plan because Pauly is upstairs getting ready. The girls say that they literally got girls saying, “no thank you.” I mean can you blame them? Pauly legit seems like a great guy but his D has been in a significant amount of V.
So, their fix… is to make him a “sorry we couldn’t get you any chicks,” cake, so he can eat his feelings. Jenni suggests a Funfetti cake and Mike can hardly contain his excitement.
Upstairs Pauly is really doing his hair up when Vinny comes up to let him know that there is definitely something tasty, sweet and fun waiting for him downstairs. But Mike comes in and lets the cat out of the bag that the only thing waiting for him is a freshly baked Funfetti cake.
Vinny is pissed and lets everyone else know that Mike ruined the surprise. Apparently, the Situation is not a good secret keeper and that I can relate to because I have a kid like that, you literally cannot tell him anything you do not want him to repeat.
A few things come to mind
When Mike comes downstairs he is surprised that everyone is mad, how can you be mad at cake.
I hope Pillsbury watches this show and Mike becomes the new spokesman for Funfetti
Desperate times call for desperate measures, so they send Ronnie to get Pauly from upstairs. They sit him down on the couch and…..
Out comes Victoria
Later that evening Vinny decides to call Elicea because he is still confused what exactly she is mad about. You know what? I honestly cannot dedicate any more attention to this situation. You can’t fix stupid.
Episode 9 begins with Nicole and Jenni preparing to leave to go see their kids. But with Deena staying behind the guys are worried about having to go out with Meena, Deena’s evil drunk alter ego.
So, the producers Pauly decide to surprise Deena with a plane ticket back to visit Chris. However, they have to think of a funny way to do it and on sure fire definitely not played out at tactic is to WRITE HER A NOTE.
Then Vinny fake calls the airlines and has a weird rambling conversation that would for sure flag Deena as a terrorist given that a sketchy person made her reservation. NO ONE is buying this scene MTV.
In other areas of the house Jenni’s is vacuuming and Nicole has to shit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY SNOOKI SLEEPs WITH A CABBAGE PATCH DOLL IN A PUMPKIN ONSIE!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
The guys walk Deena into the room and sit her down, telling her they have friends in Jersey and they got a phone call and then found a note (that doesn’t even make sense).
Written by a multiple personality serial killer whose personalities all use different handwriting’s and pens
The funniest part about this, is that Deena, who is super emotional and always one the verge of tears does not buy it for a minute.
So, when questioned they cannot hold up the facts and give her second letter telling her she is going to Jersey.
Then she cries…. oh and she nighttime buddy too
The guys feel victorious in their terrible note but the girls are just excited about going home for two days.
RSVP are ready to get down with the girls away and now….
It’s t-shirt time
They do a bunch of weird stereotypical Italian things that look like they are reenacting scenes from the Sopranos before heading to MoCrimes.
Vinny is having so much fun his pits are crying when suddenly he spies a diamond in the rough.
Ron is deep denial but in the dark of the nightclub she really does resemble Sammi. With all the girls he could have that night Pauly wants Sammi Jr. and he heads home in a separate cab because he doesn’t Ron to get jelly.
Hhhhmmm maybe she looked more like Sammi in the club with vodka goggles on
Pauly heads upstairs with Sammi Jr. for some lovin and Mike prepares to make love to the takeout.
My best life is involves burgers and fries too
Vinny wakes up to sounds of people getting it on in the bed next to him and Mike delivering his burgers.
Vinny will be enjoying those with a side of heavy petting
Downstairs Ronnie is still going on to the plant how this girl looks nothing like Sammi when he decides to call her a cab. Clearly pleased with himself he is all giggles when he goes to tell a naked Pauly that Sammi Jr’s cab is here. Ron laughs as he watches her walk to the cab now understanding why Mike always enjoyed starting trouble.
The next morning a discussion about the girls enjoying seeing their kids leads to a slam session. Vinny says these are all fun and games but eventually they are going to get serious and lead to a fight.
At home Jenni bakes a cake with her adorable mini-me, the OG face that was gorg, and Roger informs thier daughter that Mommy is still trying to pretend she is young.
It’s called a midlife crisis
The guys in Miami are looking at curated cars, which is as exciting to me as playing video games. So, NOT AT ALL.
But the scene does perk up for me when Mike discovers the cheese plate in the members lounge.
I hate cheese, but his excitement at the variety was amusing
The cheese is buffering the pain for him of having lost by my count like 6 cars, 3 Ferrari’s a Lamborghini, a Porsche and a Jeep to the government. Now he is rolling in an air condition less Camry SE but it’s worth it for him because he traded it all in for a wifey.
And they’re off
In another part of Jersey Nicole hangs with her adorable littles helping her son with what I am sure is a 100thday of school project.
Is that TV displaying all her security cameras?
At Deena’s house her and Chris talk babies. She wants to go on pre-Babymoon because after this vacation she is going to need a vacation.
Back at the house Pauly wants to test Mike’s supposed limits of change. So, he makes a call to the Staten Island dump.
The grin says it all
At this point I can’t help but think that the producers thought all this family and kumbaya shit would come off as boring, because IT IS. Then realized they should call in the one key ingredient that was always able to set them all off before they truly started hating each other in the last few seasons.
Pauly escorts Vinny and Ronnie outside to tell them about his diabolical plan and find Sam chilling in the hot tub.
Pauly tells them about Angelina coming and they are surprised to say the least, so I am guessing that this is news to them too. Ronnie says that this will be a prank on all of them. With one call it’s done, and she is excited, especially when Pauly mentions that this will be a good opportunity to redeem herself.
How many of you believe that Ronnie has seen Hamilton and actually knows what it’s about?
At Angelina’s she prepares for Miami packing in actual luggage. She excited, this is the day she has been waiting for so long and at last it’s here.
Hmmmmm, Roseanne fan?
The guy’s head out for some brunch and the guys can barely contain the glee they feel about Angelina showing up later that day.
Oh, that’s a new one
The editing in this scene was so weird sometimes the cups were full and other times the table was completely cleared, it was distracting. But what is interesting is that the girls are also headed back to the Miami casa, so there will be very little time for Mike to absorb the shock before the girls feel the wrath.
In Jersey the girls board their plane and by the time they land are wasted. They call the house to let them know that they have landed but are delayed and are just going to keep drinking wine. Vinny is dramatic AF and is like Angelina is the one thing that could break this house apart. Sure, OK I am sure everyone will be up all night worrying about that too.
At the house the guys are preparing for dinner while Ronnie is practically wetting himself to tell Mike. The girls finally out of baggage claim are disappointed there is no bar near the cab stand and hit a liquor store on the way home.
The guys sit down for dinner when Pauly slips away to call Angelina to come in. Where is she hanging on the front porch with RealDoll Sammi? Suddenly there is a knock at the door, knowing full well what is awaiting on the other side the guys send Mike to answer the door.
Yes, it’s the ghost of Miami past
Mike may have Funfetti on the brain, but he recognizes that the guys set this up after running away from her screaming, “who sent you,” while they all giggled. Production shows a billion flashbacks of the now infamous hamster moment and Angelina has to ask if he still thinks she is a dirty little hamster.
They are actually so deep into their hamster and Crack Popeye jokes that she doesn’t even greet the other guys except to tell Ronnie what a deep (unnatural) tan he is rocking. They finally hug it out and Angelina asks where the girls are, only to find out they don’t actually know she is coming.
I like her new face, very Morticia Addams
She is engaged for the third time, he’s a sanitation worker and Vinny cannot help himself to make a joke at that news. My question is, does he work in sanitation or “sanitation”.
Angelina asks Mike why he blocked her on twitter and he says because there was a tabloid story that came out that she said they hooked up and he has a small piece.
So for all of you keeping track at home Angelina has kissed 3 of 4 guys she is eating dinner with right now. No shame girl, that’s mad game.
She denies saying they slept together but not much else and admits she said it because she was mad at the time. But Vinny thinks Mike is a tad bit too defensive, over such a small issue. Mike asks for an apology and she gives him, AND he apologizes for fat-shaming her in their twenties.
As the girls approach the house Angelina wants to know how they think the girls will react. They all think they will be fine as long as she has the same attitude with them that she has going on now. The girls enter all excited to party and then stop dead in their tracks at the site in the dining room.
At least Deena was pleasantly surprised to see Angelina
Are you excited to see Angelina? Do you think she got a raw deal in the original run? What of the new face? How long do you think she will stay? She is an EMT and has a real life, so this will be interesting to see and looks like she is wasting no time tangling with them all in IRL.
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