Last week, Ramona freaked out Bethenny and insulted Luann in record time. Sonja blamed Tinsley for the brown ice, ugly flowers, the GDP and domestic terrorism. I honestly couldn’t tell you what anyone else did now that my trainer made me cut out all of the processed food and caffeine that usually fuels me and my brain.
Ramona and Avery show us how the other 1% lives as they shop at Henri Bendel. Some twenty year olds shop at H&M, others buy the entire store and use it for fireplace kindling. Ramona is trying to force Avery to take her coat off because the sudden shift in hot and cold temperatures can cause her to get Singer face.
“I’m actually 37.”
As Avery models sunglasses, she tells Ramona that she’s overdoing the coolness and she looks like she’s trying too hard. Avery says that there is something more to the Bethenny feud. Ramona says that she tried to make up and repeats her weird ‘Do you like girls? Do you like talking to girls about their daughters being porn adjacent?” Avery says that it was kind of insulting and she can be defensive sometimes with her words, body language and eyeballs. Avery says that they have a responsibility to step up and fix it so that being around Ramona won’t be as awkward as it usually is.
Luann is on the phone trying to book MC Mariachi for her wedding while Sonja walks in to meet her for lunch. Meanwhile Bethenny and Dorinda shop for furniture. Dorinda is stressed because she’s procrastinated on planning a charity event. Bethenny has found a new place in SOHO and she’s torn over whether she should flip it or leave the scuff marks on the wall and force Jason to live in the hellhole.
Luann and Sonja also discuss the Bethenny/Ramona issue. Sonja says business and kids are not to be talked about with Bethenny. Luann thinks Ramona should fix it while Bethenny tells Dorinda that she’ll be cordial but her relationship with Ramona doesn’t work.
Tinsley goes to Beatique with Ramona and Sonja. Ramona orders a complicated water, vodka, wine combination but you just know the waiter handed her the spit special. Ramona shares her tip for picking up men which includes cocking her head to the side so her eyebrows actually line up. They walk through the kitchen to a special room I guess and Ramona Ramona-ly flicks her tongue at the kitchen staff. You know Ramona’s hard up when she’s half-heartedly trying to pick up dudes who are about to be on the wrong side of a wall.
They’re scoping out the guys and Tinsley settes on a kid that looks like he just shredded his fake ID. Bravo refers to him as Chad “cute guy” because objectification is fair game. Tinsley knows that he’s not on the “marriage” list but she doesn’t care. I’m thinking that she went along with the narrative about settling down and having kids for the show or to reassure Sonja that she wouldn’t steal her man o’ the week. Tinsley was married to a rich guy. If she wanted to have kids, barring fertility issues, they would have done that years ago. Anyway, Sonja tries to get her away from the guy while Ramona shows her the glass eye move again. She tells Tinsley how to make eye contact except Ramona’s eyes make contact with each other. This woman hasn’t been boned since ’96. There’s just no way.
Tinsley actually does the Ramona head tilt and the guy is totally into her. Sonja tries to pass Tinsley over to a bald guy with ED but she’s having none of that. Who’s hair will she curl when hers is all done? Sonja is over it and asks if they’re going “home…in our car” now. Tinsley says no, she’s staying to drink with cute guy and Sonja shouts that it’s a big mistake. Tinsley finds out that he’s 23 which must be socialite for “tongue me down publicly” because that’s exactly what she does next.
She’s gonna be so upset when she finds out he made a wish at a Zoltar machine.
The next morning, Sonja asks if Tinsley turned up the heat because no one leaves Morgan Manor without hypothermia. Sonja complains that it’s so hot but she’s wearing a fleece and and suede pants. Tinsley is on the hunt for sugar or sweetener for her coffee but Sonja is in a rage over a leaf that Tinsley allegedly killed. The water is brown. Your rusty ass Hurricane Andrew pipes killed your leaf. She can’t believe that Tinsley already got hair done after being out all night with a guy. Sonja has a good point when she says that Tinsley’s been there for three weeks and hasn’t stolen any restaurant sweetener yet. It’s practically a rite of passage to steal condiments. Also, what kind of houseguest is paying for salons but can’t buy her hostess some off brand sweetener. And why am I saying sweetener?!
Tinsley says she usually uses five packets. Geez, she’d need a whole box of Equal to ‘fall off the truck’. Tinsley says to hell with the wasted Keurig cup, she’s going out again. Sonja can’t believe that she’s never home. I can’t believe that Tinsley doesn’t have townhouse scabies yet.
Bethenny is at a Dress for Success luncheon. Dennis is there. and she says that he dated her friend. When he broke up with his wife, he revealed that he had feelings for her. It’s pretty weird how she says he’s always been her biggest fan. In the 30 years that she’s known him he always believed that she’d go far. And this is why I can’t sustain relationships. I’m paranoid about this kind of thing happening because I’ve seen it happen so many times! For 30 years there was nothing there and he suddenly got the urge to merge with Ms. Frankel? Mmmkay.
Carole arrives on time for the event which is remarkable. The CEO says that she and Bethenny will rule the world together. Together? Does she know Bethenny?
Bethenny: If I ruled the world, all woman would have dresses, be successes and they would never go one day without being called a slut.
Bethenny gives a speech but cries through it. She’s looking forward to helping women though a foundation called BStrong.
CEO: See? I told you I could wrap my whole hand around her arm.
Bethenny’s been through her own dark times where she felt alone and plans to help women escape bad relationships and multi-million dollar NYC apartments with scuff marks.
Carole goes rock climbing with Adam and another couple. It’s an interesting pairing. Carole manages to climb but she doesn’t like the way the straps plumped her butt.
“Does my butt look regular big or Atlanta big?”
Once Carole is safely on the ground and sufficiently flattened, she tells the girl half of the couple that Adam will be living with her a little longer. She says that they’re building something but she doesn’t want much. The girl says that they’re so easygoing that somebody needs to like…and then she just trails off but Carole knows what she means because rich people speak the same language.
Tinsley goes bowling with Chad. That’s his name, right? Rich guys are always named Chad. When she asks for a shoe she asks for “like a 7”. Either she’s insufferable or she’s going extra millenial to fit in with this guy. The bowling alley guy freely serves her a shelf full of liquor but cards her date when he orders a Blue Moon. Tinsley out-bowls her date. She calls it beginner’s luck.
Stop it Tinsley. He’s never seen Saturday Night Fever.
He lives on the UES but he must live with his parents because both of them seem scared to take the other home. She feeds him and then immediately shoves her tongue in his mouth. This is a serious choking hazard. Chad tries to warn her but she wants to get all National Geographic and have him feed her Alicia Silverstone style. They continue to kiss.
She’s gonna wish those jeans didn’t have holes when she sees the bowling alley men’s room.
Ramona and her friends Missy and Kathleen are at a bar circling their prey. Ramona is happy she’s dating in NYC, she’d be depressed if she were in Witchita. On behalf of Witchita – ditto.
Ramona says her “group” is weird because they’re all in relationships and refers to Sonja as a “constant dater”. It turns out that Missy has gone out with Tom too. They met over the summer and she “knows stuff” about him. Kathleen found out that they weren’t exclusive when she walked in on him with Luann at some bar. Say what you will but Luann made some kind of impression for him to be willing to marry her. Missy says the odds are against Luann but there’s something fascinating about a woman having such confidence in the face of such bad decisions.
Luann is getting her makeup done with Victoria. Luann and Tom are staying at her flat when they go to Palm Beach for the wedding. Victoria asks if she’s going to stay there too. Luann says you can stay with us or… and then trails off because she’s totally throwing those kids to the curb when she gets that ring. She tries to clean it up and says Victoria can stay but she knows the Countess will be banging her crown on that headboard all weekend long.
Dorinda is at the Beauty for Freedom fundraiser that she planned in three days. Sonja’s been asked to donate a piece of clothing. I wonder if it’s gonna be moldy and full of Mel Gibson’s DNA. Tinsley arrives at the party separately from Sonja who says that they don’t always have to travel together. That’s rich coming from her. That’s also the last rich thing to come out of her since her ex. Bethenny barely greets Tinsley but Tinsley isn’t too worried about it.
Dorinda is ever so classy and greets the crowd with a “Hello everybody, pay attention.” All it needed was a puh-lease. They’re having a silent auction full of great items but it looks like a half Twitter crowd.
Bethenny plans to only say happy holidays to Ramona and then imitates Ramona calling her weird and asking about girlfriends.
This? This was just Bethenny’s face when she saw Tom and Luann arrive.
Tinsley walks towards Sonja and she yells “you’re on your own”. Tinsley was actually approaching Ramona and doesn’t get Sonja’s issue. Bethenny has met a guy for Sonja and it turns out that he already knows her. Bethenny approaches to deliver the news, and penis, to Sonja and greets Ramona. Our blonde bomb scare is frozen faced more than usual and just smiles until she can find someone else to talk to.
Sonja is open to giving the Croatian dude that Bethenny unearthed a try now that she hears he’s single butRamona slips away from the group and flirts with him! Sonja calls her out but doesn’t seem to angry. These women are one degree of separation away from a new superbug.
Bethenny can’t avoid Tom and Luann anymore so she greets them and immediately apologizes for any problems she caused. Tom changes the subject to her holiday plans and she jokes that she’s going to their wedding. You know Bethenny would give anything to make her Skinnygirl logo the train on Luann’s gown.
Dorinda threatens to shut down the bar if people don’t start bidding. FYI, the charity tonight fights human trafficking. That’s important because Bethenny and Carole decide to be “charity whores” and seduce men in order to get them to spend money. I’m pretty sure that this is a pretty f’ed up way to raise money for sex trafficking but I’ll wait for social media to decide that for me and America. That is if anyone’s watching. RHONY is on the quiet side this season. Never fear, there’s a Berkshires trip coming up and that should take care of the action factor.
Carole goes off to the side with her friend Barbara and asks about Luann and Tom. Barbara is not excited for the wedding that she’ll be attending. She says Luann has something to prove and would rather go through with the ceremony and get divorced. She’s warned Luann but she’s going through with it anyway. Carole is worried that Luann’s making a huge mistake.
Next week, the women go back to the Berkshires. The women convince Dorinda to talk to Luann about the wedding. What’d you think? Love you for reading and commenting!
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