You guys, today’s TTCeleb is going to be a bit of a wham-bam-thankya-mam because I have to admit. I’m late for my flight. I was invited to a wedding this weekend and I’m already going to miss the rehearsal dinner. And it’s all the way in ENGLAND. Cripes. My friend Peg always does this. She always makes everything an expensive destination hoopla. Never mind going to a winery or an event hall or something normal. Nope. We need a frickin’ CASTLE, like we’re Madonna 20 years ago. And I know she only gave me a plus-one because she knew I couldn’t afford to bring my boyfriend. Now I have to sit at the loser singles table and listen to someone talk about some gag they saw on an episode of Ellen that aired two weeks ago and was ripped off a some meme that made the rounds in January 2017.
Anyway, I gotta save up my energy, because I’m going to be recapping this mess of a ceremony this weekend. And considering that Peg is already HOGGING UP THE FACEBOOK FEED WITH HER DRAMA and I can barely find a hot gossip item about like, any damn thing else, I sort of need to phone this one in. I mean, really, Peg? I know it’s your day and all but what the shit:
(FYI, I couldn’t even screencap E’s front page because it took three window-sized scrolls just to get past the royal wedding content.)
WE GET IT BITCH, you’re getting married. That’s why I’m paying $86 for this Uber trip to the terminal. Sheesh. Anyway, here’s all the non-Peg news that’s fit to mention behind her back (don’t let her know we’re thinking of other people right now – she’ll lose it):
Us – The Whitney Documentary is Going to Be Sad
Surprise! A documentary about Whitney Houston, renowned talent who fell from glory thanks to drugs and being married to Bobby Brown, will not be the knee-slapper we thought it would be.
TMZ – Donald Trump Continues to Invite an Audience with the Hip Hop Community
WHY IS HE DOING THIS. Can someone please explain to me how Donald Trump even knows who Meek Mill is, let alone what he thinks Meek Mill can bring to the table?
People – Damn, People’s Standards for What’s “Cute” are a Sewwwwwwper Low.
ONTD – Arrested Development is Pretty OK with Keeping Alleged Sexual Assailant Jeffrey Tambor in the Show
Whatever. I do not have time for this.
The Muse – Boybands are A Thing Again
Not even new boybands. Like, the same boybands from the 90s… are… A Thing … again.
Instagram – Rill Itchy Memorial Courtney Stodden Update: May 18, 2018
The Dame Courtney Stodden is MISSING! Oh heavens, oh gracious no. I pray she wasn’t kidnapped by one of those pernicious thugs from No Man’s Land, pulled out to their lawless frontier in the hopes of posting a substantial ransom. Someone – anyone! Help us find our lost little lamb!
Anyway… [panting] … bye for now… [barf] … I’ll text you from the wedding, Trashies. Let’s do this thing.
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