TrashTalkCeleb: Kendall Jenner, Bella Hadid & The Weeknd, Danielle Staub, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, Azaelia Banks, Courtney Stodden
Twitter – Here’s a Clip of Kendall Jenner Being Real Classy at the Met Gala
Kendall Jenner being rude as always pic.twitter.com/BytxmPYPd9
— molly (@dyonvi) May 8, 2018
Kendall Jenner is basically everyone’s cat shoving shit off a shelf. Except for a shelf it’s her shot and instead of glasses of water and alarm clocks it’s human beings.
TMZ – Maybe I Haven’t Figured it Out Because I Rarely if Ever Think About You People
Is there anything more boring than the small sphere of people involved in this stupid incestuous Young Hollywood love triangle? If we’re going to be obsessed with Kardashian-adjacent couplings and break-ups, can they at least surround some interesting people? Say what you will about Blac Chyna, but girl could hold down a reality show. Imagine a reality show starring Bella, Gigi, or Kylie. Sitting in a big empty white house. Watching their miniature Italian greyhounds pee on the floor and shake in terror. Pinching cucumber slices between their long, sharp acrylic talons and popping them between their impossibly plumped lips. Checking Snapchat and occasionally mumbling out a “uh-huh” or “…… [five minutes of text clicking] ……. yeah.”
Anyway, good for Bella Hadid and The Weeknd. Enjoy Cannes, you early 20-somethings.
Us – HOLY FUCKING SHIT SOMEONE WILLFULLY MARRIED DANIELLE STAUB
I don’t know who Marty Caffrey is, but I do know that this man clearly deserves a Medal of Valor for unprecedented bravery in the face of indomitable circumstances. For Marty Caffrey has done the unthinkable and entered a marital contract with America’s Prostitution Whore, Danielle Staub.
Danielle married her 20th fiance on a beach in the Bahamas last weekend, surrounded by her bridesmaids, daughters Christine and Jillian, plus Melissa Gorga, and matrons of honor Teresa Giudice and Margaret Josephs. Can you imagine going back in time to 2009 and telling yourself that in nine years Donald Trump would be President and Teresa would be Danielle’s Matron of Honor? Me neither. Pass the Valium.
The couple won’t be honeymooning just yet, as Danielle busy writing another THE BOOK and filming the next season of Real Housewives of New Jersey (which means I’m finally looking forward to another season of Real Housewives of New Jersey). But I’m sure they’re holding it down like newlyweds all the same.
Every joy and blessing unto you, Mr. Caffrey.
Variety – Looks Like None of These Shows are Making It to the Coveted “We’re Going to Disney World” Episode
We’re on that thrilling cusp of late spring and early summer, where a looming Memorial Day means we’re right around the corner from beach trips, laying out by the pool, and spending our days drinking outside. But over at The Networks! this time of year means executives getting together and deviously scheming, designing the lineup of shiny sparkly distractions that will bring you right back inside and planted firmly on your couch, in the dark, with a can of whatever they were selling at the Upfronts, come September.
For three smart, moderately successful sitcoms at Fox, that spells doom. The Mick (which has been on for two seasons), Last Man on Earth (four seasons), and – to the shock and horror of Twitter – Brooklyn Nine-Nine (five seasons) were all canceled. Rumors have already started flying in about Nine-Nine though, as the blogosphere predicts that it might get picked up by NBC or Hulu.
Meanwhile, this show about nerds that magically learned how to talk to women (what a wild fantasy!), was renewed for its dying breath of a 12th season.
This perfectly encapsulates why I hate “The Big Bang Theory” pic.twitter.com/G2P4TLyUKy
— Lyle Rath (@LyleRath) January 27, 2016
ONTD – Who Knew? Azaelia Banks is a Garbage Person
I started reading this post about Azaelia Banks – a person who is famous for rapping and hates Iggy Azaelia or maybe just has a similar name as her? is that it? I don’t know – and stopped as soon as I got to this blurb:
Azealia discussed why she voted for Donald Trump: “I like my racists racist. I took a chance on an outsider and at least I got a tax break out of it.”
OK! That’s all I need to know about Azaelia Banks. Thanks for the sales pitch!
Soundcloud – Rill Itchy Memorial
Courtney Stodden EMBER Update: May 11, 2018
Oh my god she has an alter ego. And a single. And she is obviously a Lana Del Rey fan. Click above to “listen” to For You and summarily come face-to-face with all your deepest subverted insecurities. Weep. Repeat.
Be afraid this weekend, Trashies. Be very afraid.
Want more TrashTalk? Follow us on Twitter for updates of recaps as they publish, like us on Facebook for a daily update, watch our TV parody vids on YouTube, or for funny TV pics, heart us on Instagram, and get the occasional gif on Tumblr!