HELLO TRASHIES! This is for last week’s episode, I have had some illness in my house that has me pulling double duty and leaving very little time to write
It has been a huge week for the fam. Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino’s sentencing got pushed back to June, he got engaged to his longtime lady friend AND had a chance to show how far emotionally he has really come. Also Ronnie is a POS, but more on that later.
Pauly has located Ronnie in the bathroom with the French Fries and despite hearing clothes rustling and a belt buckle clattering (that is how CC captioned it and I thought it was perfect) he knocks on the bathroom door. Ronnie and French Fries are all giggles but Pauly tells him the truth.
Mike just woke up to realize it wasn’t all a dream
Vinny and Pauly tell Ron that the girl needs to go, and Ronnie is making excuses while still claiming he is just trying to talk to her. He walks her out to the waiting cab while Pauly, Vinny and Nicole contemplate if he cheated and what exactly counts as cheating.
Based on this statement only one thing comes to mind
They say that he can’t handle temptation and that once he sees boobies, he is a savage. Pauly says that no matter what, Ron’s default setting is to set everything on fire and fuck up. Ronnie thanks Pauly for stopping him, Pauly says that he can do what he wants and he gets it, those French Fries were hypnotizing but it’s not worth losing what he has over some girl. Ronnie is looking grosser and grosser as he waxes on how good it felt while Vinny side eyes him. He has a major problem saying no.
Must be the guylights and greasy burnt skin
Then he starts to say somethings on TV that um, I hope he got paid big money to say because if I was carrying his kid I would have throat punched him. He was just trying to be nice to Frenchie and show her a good time because he isn’t sure that Jen is who he wants to be with. Vinny tries to tell him that just because they are having a baby doesn’t mean they need to get married. Ronnie is like I know dude I don’t need to be having this conversation with you…
Aw that is so sweet, I hope Hallmark works that into a greeting card
But you guys he is just scared and he is pretty sure he doesn’t want to marry Jen, so thankfully they took this picture together.
For Awkward Family Photos
It’s just too much with the baby shower and people expecting shit of him, too much too soon he claims. Despite him thinking that most people have years to plan for these things there is never a “good” time to have kids, for anyone. Ronnie is literally and figuratively full of shit at all times.
Vinny says whatever he wants to do straying and cheating is not the answer he needs to figure out what he wants from Jen and decide how he is going to co-parent. Single responsible dad Pauly chimes in that he agrees with all this.
Your actions TOTALLY indicate this… said NO ONE
His biggest motivation for working it out with Jen is that he his parents were not together when he was born and doesn’t want his daughter to go through that too. It’s not a great reason, but it’s a start.
Nicole is the last woman standing as the guys go to bed. Ronnie asks her how long she thinks him, and Jen will last? NOW, out of everyone she is probably the most logical person to talk to about all this Ronnie is experiencing. She had both of her kids before she got married and that’s not shade my kid was two when I married his dad.
She is shocked that Ronnie’s does not have plans to propose to Jen, she thought they were in love but now he is like no, she isn’t the one. He didn’t want to have a kid like this, he wanted to be married to the right woman and not have a baby mama. But the biggest reason he knows Jen isn’t the one…. Sammi.
Sure, but every single one of these picture-perfect moments there was some terrific fights and frankly I am surprised that you all didn’t get bed sores you spent so much time horizontal
Nicole tells him to get over Sam it’s been 10 years and Ron says he misses the security. For as crazy as their fights were in the beginning you could see at the end of the series that she was growing and trying to make their relationship work and he wasn’t. Also, HE CHEATED ON HER, like for real not in the perceived ways he had before. He says he doesn’t feel the way he did about Sammi about Jen. She tells him he needs to get his shit together. Then he goes and cries in the bathroom while the editing geniuses at MTV play Amnesia by 5 Seconds of Summer. Eat your heart out Trixie Monocle.
Nicole decides to for Ron what any good friend would do with their friend facing fucking up their life… get them drunk with a fresh batch of Ron Ron Juice and watch the sun set. Then she makes me terrified that someone will go to the hospital for swallowing shards of ice in a future episode as I watch her use a glass to shovel ice out of the freezer.
In the other room the girl formerly known as Columbiana wakes up.
Ronnie offers to call her a cab while she apologizes, and he tries to find some shorts for her.
It’s OK Sam still has her pink ones
Nicole helps her pull them on and as she walks out with couches caftan she tells her this never happened.
They go back outside to watch the sunset in the morning and decide that since they are up they might as well go out to Ocean’s.
They look ready to rock
Until the cabs are almost there and then you can almost smell the come down and Ronnie has the great idea to cancel cable, so Jen can’t see this episode. HAHAHAHAHA so smart. Hopefully she lives in isolated bomb shelter where no one will tell he about what happened either. but they boot, rally and enjoy twinning giant breakfast margaritas.
Seconds after this photo was taken Nicole spilled her drink EVERYWHERE
The duo decides to hit Senor Frogs for shots and food. When suddenly Nicole spots an adorable kid and decides to go and try to play with him… Every parents dream! But his mom was playing air hockey strapped to her chest, so she probably was relieved.
Snooki would have beat that bitch for touching her extensions
At table Ronnie having deep thoughts about seeing Nicole with this baby because he is having a baby and that’s going to be him.
Gettin deep thots with Ronnie
Then he goes and cries in the bathroom after giving some shitty math on how long him and Jen have actually been together. Sometimes it been a year and then she got pregnant other time he says five months and she is seven months pregnant. But he isn’t sure he would still be with her if she wasn’t pregnant. Either way he is going to tell her what happened and let her make the choice if they should still be together because THEN he won’t look like the bad guy.
They arrive back home around noon wasted and smelly. Vinny is in disbelief that someone could stay up and party that long, it doesn’t seem humanly possible…. I have a few ideas.
Two hours later the other roommates are ready to go yachting and Pauly D goes to wake Ron.
Everyone is getting fancy for this because it’s a classy event and Vinny chooses his hat accordingly. Gray hat is for basic boating, white hat for yachting and tiny floral bathing suit, Hamptons style.
Ronnie wakes up and decides to try and facetime Jen, but she doesn’t answer.
Maybe if you explain how the girl had the breasts on display it will help
Mike is proud to announce to everyone that Ronnie is a snorer now…maybe he has a deviated septum or something else wrong with his nose. Then Ronnie slams him for not talking for 6 years and from there it just goes into a slam fest.
Do you live under a rock?
But the final slam comes from Ron to Mike at Sammi’s expense, had he not taken her from him she would have been his problem.
On the way to the yacht named for Pauly, Flawless III, Deena dreams of classy food like cheese and crackers. Frankly I am just disappointed that this is not airing on Bravo for some Below Deck crossover happening.
While snacking and drinking Jenni asks Mike about Lauren. How did they meet? Is she the one? Turns out she is, and they dated in college before they started filming Jersey Shore. He has plans to propose but with the pending court case he isn’t sure when he is going to, but she has been his rock and stood by him even when he relapsed.
The talk turns to tiny situations and trying to pencil in a wedding. Ronnie says some nonsense about made a wedding is what he needs to look forward to when he gets out and Mike gently points out that he is hoping he isn’t actually going in anywhere any time soon.
OMG you guys Ronnie is so romantic
Jenni gets it
Ron lets everyone know that she isn’t pressuring him for marriage and he’s glad because they are still getting to know each other and then drops these little gems.
Jenni is totally pulling off judgy eyes behind those snake glasses
Polite smiles are hiding the confusion because earlier Ronnie said he doesn’t want to be with her
Vinny isn’t buying this, he thinks Ronnie is confused and doesn’t know what he wants. Also, he is confused…. Mike went to college.
This yacht trip was so GOOD for Ron guys, it got his mind off of his troubles and bad decisions. But when he gets back to the house he calls Jen again and no answer. His first concern is that she saw something on social media and second concern is she OK, exactly in that order.
The cabs arrive to go to dinner and Ronnie is about to jump out of his skin. While waiting to leave he gets out to call her again.
Jenni is pissed because she wants to eat and again Jen does not answer. Mike ponders if someone took a picture in the club any Pauly points out that the paps were in the club too. You know what else it could have been….
THIS GIRL WAS STILL IN THE HOUSE WHEN EVERYONE WAS DISCUSSING IF HE CHEATED OR NOT
The guys try and talk to him about what’s going on and he is stone-faced not wanting to discuss what it could be. At the restaurant he already trying to spin and justify what she might have seen. He was just helping that Swedish girl down, it probably wasn’t at all when he was letting the braless French wonder grab his hips and grind on him from behind.
Ronnie is so hurt right now he can’t even eat because he has put in SO MUCH effort into this relationship and leaves the table to cry. Pauly says that he likes Ronnie and all but he’s going down a dark path that he can’t follow. Padme felt the same way dude. Mike points out that he keeps saying he didn’t do anything but the all saw him and that his issues are self-inflicted.
I love that Mike is self-aware enough that he cracked up and realized he shouldn’t have said that
Once he comes back to the table he is full of crazy ideas only a crazy person would think, like since she isn’t answering he guesses its over and he should just have fun. NO ONE agrees with him about this rational especially Mike who gives him a big dose of truth about his actions.
Back at the house Mike calls Lauren who informs him of something very interesting…. there is an Instagram account of their club activities. Most importantly there are videos of Ronnie dancing with a blonde girl with a see-through shirt. And everyone is tagging Jen in the comments…. DAMN.
Next week Jen comes, and Deena tries to hang with the guys but let’s get to the most interesting news that dropped this week.
Ronnie and Jen got in a major altercation, while she was moving out of the house and it got physical. I watched the videos and it is like really bad. He called her a whore, tried to show a homemade sex tape she had on her phone of her and an ex, then threatened to send it to her 11-year-old child and grandmother. The worst video is the second because it obvious things went downhill very fast and it got physical. She had a baby less than month ago and this is all very sad. But it doesn’t end there because after he posted an apology on Instagram he went and partied with OF ALL people, Scheana Marie Shay …. WHAT! Also, he dragged the whole cast into the mess when posted their text chain of their comments AND when they went on The View had to say that they love him and support him no matter what. UGH, we will see how this plays out since the are allegedly supposed to be filming next season soon.
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