Whenever a new franchise of The Real Housewives begins, I’m always waiting for the episode that will set into motion the fights and alliances we’ll be watching for the rest of the season. This was that episode! While the first two episodes of The Real Housewives of Dallas focused on poop and charity events, this episode began to dig deeper into the relationships these women have with each other and with their families.
Let’s talk about it!
This week we start off with Brandi who’s watching her husband pack before he leaves town for “work” again. I’m not saying that he won’t be conducting business while he’s away, but I also think he’s got something else going on wherever he’s going. Maybe he has a girlfriend, a boyfriend, a secret child, a drug smuggling operation, I don’t know. What I can tell you is that these two seem to be completely disconnected from each other.
Based on their conversation, it seems like Brandi’s husband is gone during the week and home on some weekends. I’m not sure if we’ve been told what his profession is yet, but these days can’t he work remotely a few days a week? I don’t think he’s on site building houses or laying train tracks.
Then we’re with LeeAnne, her dogs and her boyfriend who won’t marry her.
Will You Marry Me?
LeeAnne and Rich met online (I would LOVE to know which site they were both trolling), and they’re wrapping birthday presents for Rich’s daughter from his second marriage, Elise. LeeAnne informs us that she and Elise are “really good buds.”
At Least I Think So?
Tonight we got a second confessional look from LeeAnne, and she’s decided to go by the the Countess LuAnn style guide and wear as many large statement necklaces as she can find.
The conversation between LeeAnne and Elise seemed a little bit forced, but I think they genuinely get along well. In LeeAnne’s confessional she again mentions how important it is for her to eventually get married.
Don’t Count On It
This birthday dinner is being intercut with Brandi and Stephanie’s “date night.” Since neither of them have husbands who ever seem to be home, it makes sense these two have such a bond. On this night, however, they’re plan is to pretend it’s their 21st birthday, and they’re gonna get “white girl wasted.”
Brandi suggests inviting Cary out with them, and because Bravo knows that Cary has barely been on screen save for last week’s charity event, they decided it would be a good idea to remind us who Cary is.
I honestly cannot remember another time that a full-time housewife was referred to as someone else’s “friend” after being formally introduced.
Just something I found odd.
Anyways, Cary’s already out to drinks with a “friend,” and decides to join the girls.
Was this friend potentially another man? We’ll just wait and see.
Brandi’s and Stephanie are already a bit tipsy when Cary arrives, and after Cary reveals that she’s been married three times, but has never had a proper bachelorette party, they think it would be a great idea to go to the strip club.
I’m guessing it was about 6 PM when this was decided upon, then again these ladies do have children to get home to.
I was trying to pay attention during this scene, but I was continually distracted by Cary’s earrings, which reminded me of spurs.
So, they show up to the strip club, and Stephanie and Brandi are right at home, and apparently they’re good friends with the owner or a bouncer or somebody who works at this place.
They sit down at a table in the front row, and I’m assuming this is a weeknight between 5 and 7 PM, because they were clearly taking advantage of some type of 2for1 special.
The show begins, and the announcer asks for one of the ladies at the front table (convenient) to jump up on stage. Since she was already a few sheets to the wind, Brandi volunteered and jumped up there like someone has just asked her to tell some poop jokes.
Needless to say, Brandi was into it.
Cary was sitting back watching Brandi, and I imagine her inner monologue was something along the lines of, “I am not about to lose my plastic surgeon husband by acting like a fool at this strip club.”
Towards the end of her performance, Brandi was even offered a job.
She’s gonna have to find something to do once that husband leaves her.
Next Tiffany is over at LeeAnne’s house, and apparently LeeAnne is the queen of the day drink.
After pouring Tiffany a bottle of Barefoot Pinot Grigio, they head outside to talk about the Mad Hatter’s event. I’m not sure what happened to Tiffany since the event, but she all of a sudden thinks it was funny. LeeAnne’s plan is to get Cary and Stephanie to meet up with her to discuss the event/get them on her side and against Brandi.
According to LeeAnne, in Dallas, you’re guilty by association. I think that’s pretty much true in a majority of the world, but sure. Then LeeAnne, who is clearly more than a few glasses of wine in, jumps from 0 to 100 real quick. She called Brandi stupid, and said she felt sorry for her daughters and how they’re going to grow up.
I’m sure that comment will come back to bite her.
Then we’re at Stephanie’s house, and Brandi reveals that she told her husband about their time at the strip club. I wish she would have called me beforehand, because I could have told her that was a mistake.
He was less than pleased with her behavior, but I think he was more upset that she did it while cameras were rolling. I’m not sure if he cares what she does when nobody knows about it.
Meanwhile Stephanie and Brandi’s kids are on some type of mini jeep, and one of Stephanie’s sons already has a lead foot. When the kids pull out of the driveway there are four of them in the mini jeep. When they circle back around, a child seems to be missing. No word on where it ended up.
1, 2, 3, 4
1, 2, 3 …
Then we’re in a garage with Tiffany’s husband who actually does have a name that is not Keith Urban.
Tiffany thinks it would be a good idea to host a charity event of her own in order to meet some new people in Dallas, and so her husband could perform and introduce himself into the Dallas music scene. Tiffany also tells her husband that she wants to try and distance herself from LeeAnne a bit and expand her circle of friends.
Tiffany has a style blog/YouTube channel called Sanctuary of Style where she goes through other people’s closets and talks about their clothes? When I visited her YouTube channel, I was lucky enough to stumble across her husband’s YouTube channel. Honestly, I encourage you to stop reading this right now, and go watch as much of his intro video as you can stomach.
Anyways, so I guess Aaron shoots Tiffany’s videos, and today they’re going through Cary’s closet. The main takeaway from this entire scene was that Cary’s husband is actually her stylist. I was getting a little bit of a Simon Van Kempen vibe, but without the creepiness.
Also, Aaron was wearing this:
Then we move over to Brandi and her mom who are apparently no stranger to a bloody mary.
Brandi recently received an Easter gift from her grandfather for her daughters, and we find out that the reason her mother lost communication with him wasn’t because she got pregnant at 15, but because she chose her mother’s side in the divorce.
This seems like it’ll come back into play later on.
We move over to LeeAnne’s, and she’s going through bins of old clothes to try and find some things to donate. Tiffany comes over and brings two pairs of white pants. While they’re going through bins, Tiffany mentions that she wants to become better friends with Cary and Stephanie.
LeeAnne says she doesn’t like drama, which Tiffany equates to Charlie Sheen saying he doesn’t like hookers.
Then we get a very short and uncomfortable interaction between Brandi and her husband before he runs off to make a conference call he suddenly remembered he had. (His mistress texted him to FaceTime)
Then we head to our final scene of the week which is a lunch between Stephanie, Cary and LeeAnne. Stephanie and Cary arrive together, and LeeAnne arrives a few minutes later. The ladies are seated outside, and LeeAnne parks by a curb that seems to be about 10 feet from where they’re sitting.
Cary had been working on boobs for the past five hours, and she was clearly in no mood to be anywhere near this conversation.
Something that shocked me about this scene was that we never saw an extended cut of the ladies ordering. That’s usually a mainstay of any Real Housewives restaurant scene.
So, after LeeAnne sits down, she whips out some article from a blog written by a friend of hers about Brandi’s hat at the Mad Hatter’s event, and I am sure LeeAnne did not encourage her to write it at all.
After making such a big stink (pun very much intended) about how shit is not appropriate at a charity event, LeeAnne whips out the piece of fake poop and sets it down on the restaurant table.
LeeAnne’s argument made, like a little bit of sense, but for the most part it seemed like she just didn’t want to be associated with the girl in the poop hat, because even if she may deny it, LeeAnne does want to be a part of the Dallas high society in whatever capacity she can be.
LeeAnne’s threat of the episode was that if you bow at her, she will bow back.
Anyone from the Dallas/Fort Worth/Plano area wanna give me an idea of what that means? I’m assuming this is LeeAnne’s attempt at a “Don’t Come for Me Unless I Send For You.”
Didn’t work too well.
Once LeeAnne realizes that she’s fighting a losing battle with this conversation she gets up to leave, but instead of walking 10 feet behind their table to her car, she walks through the restaurant and goes out through the front door.
Did she have to stop and use the ladies room? Did she stop and have a shot at the bar?
These are the questions I want asked at the reunion Andy Cohen.
Next week it seems to be LeeAnne against everybody else.
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