Hello Trashies, it’s that time again to head down to South Beach Miami. So, fill up your cup with Ron Ron juice and lets check in with our favorite Guido’s.
At the house Nicole is still shouting at Jenni about what a terrible friend she is for asking her to set clear boundaries with someone she slept with six years ago. SHE IS RUINING HER MARRIAGE!!!! Now Nicole is LEAVING FOR REAL, she cannot stay in the house any longer with people who do not believe in Keebler Elf true love.
Downstairs Mike and his chips cannot be bothered by this shit storm, so he calls his girl only for her to hear the entire fight over the phone. Nicole who clearly needs a thesaurus for birthday this year keeps screaming at Jenni from upstairs that she is a dramatic bitch, an idiot and annoying. Jenni is tired of being called names when she walks away and now she can defend herself because she sober, sort of sober she is just drinking Tequila now.
Vinny is confused because it was always Nicole who was all up on him and once even tripped into his bed to smush but now he is the creep. Pauly walks out to see Nicole sitting at the top of the stairs listening to everyone talk about her. She starts packing up and puts her shoes on shaking and fake crying that she is disrespecting her husband and ruining her family. Jionni told her not to cause drama and here she is causing drama. Does he know Nicole? Pauly tells her to take a break not leave.
Down at the hot tub Jenni tells Vinny that her best friend is probably packing, and he tells her that her best friend is a fucking idiot. Also, Vinny is confused because he thought that him and Jionni were cool and now all of a sudden, he has issues with him. He wasn’t invited to the wedding, which he understood but still.
Upstairs Pauly hands Nicole a glass of wine while she reapplies her war paint. She is like just so annoyed and like she is spiraling and it’s like so annoying. She asks for him to send up Jenni.
I like called Jenni an idiot and she is annoyed
They make up and Nicole is like I was so emotional and annoyed. Jenni is all, no I am sorry, you are such a good wife you give good blow jobs and you make dinner. Nicole also admits that Jionni doesn’t care about Vinny at all, it’s all her.
Still in the hot tub Vinny tells Deena and Pauly that Nicole is mean to him and her anger is a defense mechanism. Nicole comes down and wants to have a heart to heart with him about what is up with her ish.
Everyone outside finds a reason to go inside, Jenni needs to use the bathroom. Pauly needs to check on his hair extensions.
Vinny tells her that even before coming here, she is always like “I can’t be near Vinny, get me away from Vinny.” But it’s like a joke in her eyes. Nicole’s over dramatic need to get away from a man she begged to bone her is just hyperbole. But there is truth in jest and he is just having a human reaction to someone being a jerk. Vinny feels that he needs to clarify it further for her.
Liar, liar peed pleather pants on fire
Nicole’s face in this scene is that of someone who is just realizing her ex doesn’t want her anymore. But she does admit to him that all this crazy shit she is has been spewing is all her not Jionni.
Vinny is relieved to have found a resolution and says he loves her…. Like a friend.
I know it’s like learn a new word or something
The next morning Nicole wakes up feeling totally fat and the gang minus Deena is going to GTL. She doesn’t understand why people exercise on vacation so instead she is going to lay by the pool.
In the car on the way to the gym Mike and Jenni ride alone. He talks more about his situation and says that despite many people looking at this as a setback he is look at this all as setup for greatness. The Teresa Giudice is strong in this one. He also discloses that he no longer talks to his brother Frank better known these days as Maximo. Frank is the one who dated Deena’s sister and most recently came out. Why they aren’t talking is a little fuzzy, apparently Maximo tweeted TMZ with a have I got a story for you line and things haven’t been the same since, which has been awkward since they are next door neighbors. Fun fact about Frank/Maximo he was in the cult classic Sleepaway Camp as a child.
At the gym Nicole makes plans to lick Jenni’s crotch later and pees herself while exercising.
Mike feels the burn
Back at the house Deena lays out and finds out where the ocean is.
Before the cast heads out for a night rambunctious fun Ronnie has decided to make his infamous Ron Ron juice to get the party started. He takes a break from feeling Sammi RealDoll to feel up on a watermelon which will be giving its juices for the sacred drink. Nicole compares Ron Ron juice to jungle juice, tastes so good going down with regrettable circumstances the next day.
Also includes a creeper eyeing you across the room to see if you are drunk enough yet
In the living they are all hanging out before getting ready, Vinny wants to know from Ronnie had Sammi come what would it have been like? Would he have ragged on her or let her do her thing? Ronnie is perplexed why would he have ragged? He has a baby coming down a slip and slide birth canal soon, he doesn’t care what she does. But Deena asks if he is ragging on her with doll. Ugh, Deena why are you such a major buzzkill. Pauly brought the doll AND she is one of the best things about the reboot that so far hasn’t been all that memorable.
Ronnie claims that he would have ragged on her with the doll even if she had come. With all this talk about the Saga of Sammi and Ron, Pauly starts to have flashbacks. He has PTSD from Ron and Sammi’s infamous knockdown drag out fights. But Deena isn’t done killing the mood of the room and insists that had Sammi come there would be a division in the house and team shirts would have had to be made. She would obviously be on team Sam because they have ALWAYS been close. Yeah, except during that time when you first met, and she called you annoying, laughed in your face when you got upset and then got into fisticuffs with Jenni over her being a raging bitch to you. Sure, OK but you know what? Good on Deena for not holding grudges.
Ronnie calls Sammi a titty sucker and points out that she was never friends with any of the girls until they broke up. Jenni backs him up on this and she is tequila sober, she knows.
THEN STOP BRINGING HER UP
Deena knows he isn’t over Sam, he would like to call her from blocked numbers, get drunk be really weird and like drunk dial try to get back with Sam. Oh poor sheltered Deena, I think everyone has done one of those things to an ex at one point or another. But that was all part of Sammi’s fears about coming back, Ronnie trying to get back with her. I mean I guess, I would have been more worried he would Hulk out and maybe break a toilet with his poops. Pauly makes a crack about how Sammi is hanging with Angelina now and everyone laughs but Deena.
Vinny convinces Deena to steam his shirt before he goes out and Mike models an outfit he clearly has been working out in his head.
This look is totally working for you big guy
Vinny compares it to 70’s Miami, which I don’t get that vibe at all Jenni is much closer with a boyband reference but it Nicole’s face 2.0 that says it all.
The face you don’t want to see your friend make when you walk out of the dressing room
Cabs are heeere! Cabs are heeere!
The girls insist that Ronnie, who has consumed a good amount of Ron Ron juice ride with them. On the way they discuss that this is their first night out with Mike in a club filled with booze and drugs. Deena is shocked who is doing drugs?!?!?! Ronnie is all its “Miami sweetie,” and Deena pounces on him. No one calls her sweetie, she isn’t the “assistant” to crazed blonde wig wearing, chain smoking woman. So, Ron calls her sweetie again and Deena accuses him of being aggressive. Is he throwing things around? No, but Deena, or Meena as Jenni calls her is on a roll and looking for a fight to avenge Sammi’s honor. Because ultimately this discussion about possible drugs in the club leads to Sammi. This time it’s about whether or not she says anything bad about Ron that ends with Deena screaming.
IT’S ABOUT THE DOLL
In MVP’s cab Mike lets the guys know that he has permission to wingman for Pauly. They want him to score … for them. They want to live vicariously through him.
The club is hopping, and they have situated themselves in a VIP area where booties are coming at Mike like he’s in the matrix.
Booty over there, booty over there, wave your hands in the air shake your derriere
Just like in the later seasons people in the club clearly recognize them and want to be near them so they can possibly get on TV. A couple of girls approach Ronnie and he allows them to come up and dance, but Deena is not having it and immediately starts screaming at them, “NO THANK YOU.” Really, they are being obnoxious because they are taking selfies and obviously trying to get the cast in the pictures with them.
Deena has really learned to be more assertive from those dogs she works with because she is not taking their shit.
The girls start saying mean shit to Deena who is serving it back and then throws ice at them. Just then one of the girls grabs the bottle of champagne and is about to hit Deena with the bottle when Vinny (and their security detail) steps in and saves the day.
Champagne showers for everybody
Deena screams her darkest secrets into the stuffy nightclub air
Jenni spots some hotties across the room and asks Pauly if he would like to share his STDS with them. Of course, he would, he is so impressed, now that the girls are married they are more like wingmen. The girls are beautiful however Ronnie is a little too interested in one of them than a man who is supposedly in love with the woman carrying his baby should be.
Ronnie must have an amazing personality because he has zero game
All the roommates suspect he is about to cheat and it’s no wonder why.
Ronnie is spiraling
Vinny does not approve
Ronnie invites Miss France and her friends back to the house and outside the club Nicole tries tells him that this is not a good idea. But Ronnie insists and leads them into a cab.
By the time they get to the house its decided that they are all going in the Jacuzzi. Jenni gives them major side-eye when these plans are announced and Nicole touches Miss France’s boob because they are merely covered by a black mesh shirt.
All the roommates are questioning Ronnie’s decision-making skills right now as he gathers tanks for the girls to go into the Jacuzzi as Vinny tells him text books will be written about him someday. Nicole decides to do her part by making the girls drinks so strong they pass out before anything can happen and then convinces them to chug it. I am pretty sure that there is a Lifetime movie with the same premise.
After the Colombian girl chugs her drink and Nicole insists on giving her more knock out juice, the guys minus Mike get in the hot tub too. Vinny asks Miss France about her see thru shirt, “is a European thing or a Kardashian thing.” Rightfully appalled, as anyone should be if asked if you are taking life or fashion tips from the Kardashian’s she says it’s a European thing. Then it’s time to feel boobs and make out. Resident fun hater Deena cannot handle this and leaves, but Jenni keeps observing even as she sees Ronnie’s hands going where a committed man’s hand should not be on another woman.
But eventually even she is out because the last time she caught Ronnie cheating in Miami she got punched in the face. The Colombian girl that Nicole peer pressured into drinking is now fully wasted and her problem. She takes her inside to lay on the couch and she pukes all over.
Outside Ronnie is laying his moves down on Miss France when she casually mentions she hasn’t seen his house. He takes her around downstairs and even introduces her to Sammi.
That’s my ex-girlfriend, she’s a RealDoll
Then upstairs he leads her into his room and into the bathroom to show her his massive protein shake poops I guess? Who knows. But the last we see of them he is closing the door, then we hear kissing noises and heavy breathing…
So, my lovelies did Ronnie cheat or not? Do you think Nicole’s Lifetime movie peer pressure drinking was OK? Is Nicole still into Vinny? Are you enjoying Deena this season or did you like her more in the past seasons when she was more of a meatball and less of a fun hater. Let me know in the comments below!
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