Hello loves! MisRed here, reporting in, on the season finale of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She must say, it’s been a yawner.
Previously… nothing happened.
MisRed jokes, MisRed kids. Kind of.
Queen Bee LVP has been mildly-upset off and on throughout the season, for various reasons. Dorit called her insecure and jealous. Kyle attempted to defend LVP against the evil Dorit, however, her efforts were misinterpreted and for naught as Dorit had previously fed LVP poison rosé (in a proper glass), and now LVP thinks Dorit can do no wrong. Whilst under the influence of said poison, LVP apologized to Kyle for taking her for granted.
On the other end of the Lisa spectrum, Rinna, didn’t do too much this season. She pimped her kids, hocked her dusters, stripped in Berlin and attempted to stay out of the fray. She made peace with the serpentine-like Dorit, but was it genuine or merely a figment of Rinna’s schizophrenic, pill-popping, imagination?
Erika “wrote” a book, became an avatar, had her period, fled to the Double Tree, grew a second head solely for the purpose of demeaning, newcomer, Teddi. Her husband was in a car accident, and she never met an ugly sweat suit she didn’t like. But will we ever hear that Erika Jayne ballad???
Teddi Jo and her stable of horses- yes, actual horses, joined this circus and was quickly seen as the “voice of reason.” She loves horses, and accountability and she used to be fat. Her husband is hot, her personality is not. Erika makes her cry and Dorit makes her wait. She’s Teddi.
Camille was back on the scene with a new boyfriend. After Dorit called her a “stupid c*nt” and implied she was a man because she had a hysterectomy, she gave Dorit the gift we all wish we could have given: a lethal dose of hemlock a ball gag.
Kyle moved to a new house, didn’t know who Nanny Kay was and shoved American Woman down our throats.
Dorit, the sinister, grew even more diabolical this season. She was on the cover of a magazine no one has ever read. She tried to make us believe she is a mother and a swimwear designer. She spawned late-gate, Camille-is-a-stupid-C*nt-gate, glass-gate, period-gate, Double-tree-gate, LVP is jealous-gate, Kyle-ruined-her-Bella-Party-Gate, revived-panty-gate, pretend-amnesia-gate, twice-revived-blame-it-on-kyle-panty-gate-The-Deluxe-German-Edition. Her husband is disgusting, she can’t sing, and she would like to skin Erika and wear her like last year’s ugly, over-priced, Gucci Sweat suit.
Let’s join the show.
Dorit gets out of the car, wearing boots, suspiciously like Erika’s performance boots from the previous episode.
Who wore it better? The Original (Right), The Copy (Left)
She is with her assistant/hostage, Mollie and are heading into Dorit’s “fashion” show.
Blink twice if you need to be rescued, Mollie.
She walks through the door and we are treated to a screech “Bubbbbbbbaleeeeeeeeeee.” MisRed will be happy to not hear that sh*t week after week, and so will MisRed’s dogs. Their ears have been bleeding all season.
Wow. Palm Trees for a beach theme. Everyone will be so surprised.
Apparently, they found a way to get palm trees into the venue, even with their small doors. We were really on pins and needles with that one. MisRed is so relieved that someone decided to, uh, put them on a hand-truck and wheel them in. #genius
Dorit is THRILLED this is exactly what she pictured in her mind for her fashion show. MisRed is so sorry, dear. Give us a call when you get some imagination. Behind the “uber-important” drape… the dropping of which had to be rehearsed and rehearsed is … wait for it… cheap white rental chairs and a white runway.
Dorit has really outdone herself this time.
Mollie has been programed to say, “I love the glow on the Beverly Beach.”
Don’t these people have a decent gay to wipe away all of the fingerprints??!!?
Oh yeah, sticky, gold letters from the Hobby Lobby really SCREAM high-end. Do you think Jagger designed that logo in MS-Word or Pages?
Nothing but most high-end graphics for Dorit and PK
Dorit has invited family and friends, and fashion influencers and press, and she doesn’t want to get a bad review. Well, Dorit, you should have thought about that before you came on this show and decided to be yourself.
Dorit is thrilled with the way her “vision” has been interpreted by Cory- the event planner to … anyone know to whom Cory is the event planner? MisRed doesn’t either, dahlings. Dorit is happy to have “16-foot palm trees.” Cory corrects her that they are 19 feet tall. Surprised Dorit didn’t scream at him for not COMMUNICATING the, very critical, extra 3 feet to her.
Making wigs from the trimmings of Vanderpump Dog Salon clients is exhausting.
LVP and Ken are on the way to the fashion show and Ken yawns in the back seat. LVP informs him he is not allowed to fall asleep. Sounds like MisRed and MrRed at the ballet.
MisRed aside: Way back when, MisRed met MrRed, we went to the NYC Ballet (MisRed had season tickets for many years and MrRed would occasionally come along if nobody else was available). Despite the fact that it was one of the more lively performances, MrRed was not a fan. In the middle of the performance, the music became quiet suddenly, just in time for the entire audience to hear MrRed say, quite loudly, “THIS IS CRAP.” As luck would have it, the theater has perfect acoustics. Needless to say, MrRed’s picture is in the box-office with a “Do Not Admit to ANY Performance” warning.
MisRed aside concluded.
Ken says he is excited for the show. Oh yeah, we can tell. LVP says that he is simply excited to see the young models.
Back at the venue, Dorit rehearses saying, making sure to toss in all of her assorted fake accents, “Ladies and Gentlemen, here is Beverly Beach.” or something like that. MisRed wasn’t listening. PK comes in…hmmm, how did they get PK into the building without a fork-lift? Maybe he was loaded through a skylight or the garbage chute?
Ew. They love each other.
He conveys to Dorit how proud he is of her and her hard work. Drawing triangles can be exhausting.
Before she got covered in PK
Dorit reviews that PK asked her to shut down her company 5 years prior so he could, you know, completely sabotage her career and make it all about him, but now she’s back to drawing the triangles and she is so happy. If MisRed had an ounce of feeling, she might think this was sweet and genuine, which it very well may be genuine- but it’s PK and Dorit, so we must not allow them to manipulate us!!
Everyone begins to arrive at the show while Dorit fixes and fusses with the models backstage.
Sometimes I can’t cut the triangles perfectly
Teddi, on the way to the venue, stole her dress off a hooker on Melrose.
Uh… how did MisRed miss this???? WTActualF?
Camille arrives and wearing the iceberg that sank the Titanic on her engagement ring finger.
Good for you, Camille!
Apparently, David, her boyfriend, doesn’t mind that Camille is a “stupid c*nt,” and has decided to marry into the Frasier money.
LVP is thrilled for Camille, especially after all that Camille has been through-
Ahhhhh, the good old days, the night Kelsey kicked Camille to the curb.
Shackled to Kelsey Grammer, then him leaving her for another woman- them not speaking even to co-parent their kids, finding a new relationship, having to sage the house after the morally corrupt Faye Resnick leaves, being diagnosed with cancer, the new boyfriend physically abusing her, getting cancer a second time…being subjected to Dorit.
Hmmmm, wonder how pissed Dorit is going to be that Camille told people she was engaged on HER night?
Mauricio and Edwin man around talking about a new security system for their new house. Mauricio doesn’t want to “f*ck around” at all. Bahahahahaha, hysterical considering Kyle and Mauricio were ROBBED after this season. Is Teddi holding Edwin accountable? Eh, Kim probably knew the security code- not much you can do about that.
You steal my house… I steal your house, slut pig.
Kyle asks Erika if, in Berlin, she thought it was odd that Dorit brought up panty-gate again? Erika said yes, she didn’t know where that came from. Kyle is still upset with Dorit for trying to create a problem between her and Erika. This is the second time she’s pulled this crap this season.
Like watching a train wreck in slow motion.
PK greet Erika with a kiss. Ew. He’s probably been instructed by Dorit to get some of Erika’s DNA so that they can do some hocus pokus with some stem cells and turn Dorit INTO Erika.
Grey Jacket, Brown pants, White shoes.
Can’t believe the fashion police haven’t picked him up yet.
PK announces the show, and everyone LOOKS toward the mysterious black curtain… they countdown and the curtain drops (thanks god they rehearsed this…) revealing the Ikea chairs and too short runway.
MisRed’s gay could have set this up in 10 minutes with his eyes closed and one hand tied behind his back.
MisRed can only hope the models fall off the end of the runway. What??? We need some excitement.
The show starts. Every single one is a wedgie.
Dorit designed these so this WOULDN’T happen, right?
Except “The PK”
The show ends.
All of the models clap, vigorously, for Dorit.
You won’t be so excited when your paychecks bounce.
Takes a twat to love a twat.
PK comes backstage with a huge bouquet of flowers- and says he is very proud of her. They pass around some take-out Chinese food.
The #11 and the Moo Shu Pork. Sauce on Side.
Erika and Rinna go back stage and congratulate Dorit.
Rinna says that if you had asked her last year if she would be in this place with Dorit and PK she would have never thought it possible. But “We’ve done a 360… maybe a 180…. Maybe a 360… who knows.” Yeah, well right now you are at a fake 180 but MisRed is sure you’ll be back to a genuine 360 next year.
Cheers to your Triangles!!! Next year: Circles.
All of the ladies sit down and celebrate with Dorit, she thanks them for coming and sitting in the front row and for all of their support.
Well… not everyone was sitting in the front row…
LVP interviews that Dorit really has no ill intentions- she DOES talk too much, but she’s a great girl and is very supportive of her friends.
Note to MisRed: Mail LVP a dictionary with words ill, intentions, great and supportive, highlighted.
Kyle grabs her big old spoon and tells LVP that she should have Camille model jewelry for Beverly Hills Lifestyle Magazine and then grabs Camille’s hand to show off her engagement ring. LVP says she is going to “do the wedding.” Then she asks when the issue comes out with Dorit modeling jewelry… tee heee…. LVP is like- Well… we are not using the photoshoot Dorit did. Mark didn’t want any negativity around it. Dorit says she never had a conversation with Mark about it, and LVP says that Mark was upset that Dorit felt negatively about it.
Uppity asshat OUT, normal human IN
Dorit’s talking victim head “It’s a bit sh*tty that Lisa took me out of the magazine, didn’t even tell me. I don’t know if she even would have told me if Kyle hadn’t brought it up.” Yeah, well it’s also a bit sh*tty that you called LVP needy, jealous and insecure behind her back and then lied about it. But who keeps score?
That’s right… MisRed keeps score.
And then Rinna whips her big spoon out of its holster and asks LVP to clarify. Then she wonders if LVP wasn’t happy with the pictures of if she wasn’t happy with Dorit. Rinna then asks “Oh, but did you tell Dorit about that or did you just do it?”
I can’t cook, but I can stir this pot like a champ.
LVP says “It was only decided yesterday.” BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Cue the flashback to ONE MONTH EARLIER- at the reshoot of the pictures and Mark saying that they had made Dorit look amazing and she was a twat about it, so they are dropping it.
MisRed is paraphrasing.
The girls ask if they are still using any of the pictures and if they will know it is Dorit? LVP is like… probably not. They are using the photos of Dorit but have just chopped her head off in them.
M I S R E D I S , L E G I T , D Y I N G .
LVP interviews “That’s what we do in England. When you misbehave it is “off with your head.” Word.
Kyle says, jokingly, to LVP- Why don’t you ever ask ME to be in the magazine? Come on, I don’t even need a glam squad. LVP jokes that she will put Kyle on the cover.
Dorit interviews that she thinks Kyle is throwing shade at her.
Ok, Dorit… shut up. You cannot expect to behave like a complete, gaping, festering, asshole and expect nothing to happen. You were a total c*nt at the photoshoot, belittling everyone’s efforts, tantruming so they cut you. This is how you earn a BAD REPUTATION, and that impression, once made, is VERY hard to change.
Dorit pipes up saying to Kyle that is she has unresolved feelings toward Dorit, then they should clear it up right now. Kyle says that Dorit cannot, possibly, expect there to be no repercussions from the dinner in Erika’s hotel room in Berlin. Kyle continues that she brought up panty-gate and in “an attempt to get closer to Erika,” Dorit threw Kyle under the bus AGAIN.
In Kyle’s talking head she says that Dorit tried to blame this on Kyle when Kyle had nothing to do with it. And that Dorit should be accountable for her own actions.
Oh Kyle. That’s cute.
Dorit says that Kyle shouldn’t say that things are good between them if they aren’t. And we flashback to Kyle (one week prior) saying that she cares for Dorit, but the situation is what it is, and she wants to move forward.
MisRed doesn’t know about you guys, but when Kyle said that, she didn’t take that to mean “All is well in the universe.” MisRed interpreted it as- Ok, we will let this go, I’m not happy about it, but – let’s drop it.
Dorit claims she was making a comparison- not sure what she was comparing what to, but hey, that’s Dorit- her sh*t rarely makes sense. Kyle says that Dorit insinuated that Kyle had something to do with getting Erika upset about the panties and similarly, that Dorit insinuated that Kyle was pissed off that Erika left Teddi’s beach house. Kyle asks Erika for back-up and Erika agrees that Dorit insinuated Kyle’s guilt in both situations. LVP thinks it is ridiculous, as does Erika- because she’s getting dragged into something that she forgave and forgot a year ago, and she was never upset with Kyle about it and never will be. Then Dorit says that Kyle-OBVIOUSLY- has guilt about it, otherwise, she wouldn’t be so sensitive about it.
Is Dorit for real?
SHUT UP, DORIT.
Kyle is pissed because Erika is not having her back and if Erika would just speak up, this whole situation could be squashed. Kyle is like- everybody knows I had nothing to do with it. And with that she stands up to leave. All of the other women, save Dorit, protest saying that nobody thinks Kyle had anything to do with PantyGate.
Kyle is like “You did a great job, congratulations.” She kisses Dorit and goes to leave. Dorit says that Kyle can’t just kiss someone like that and leave- it’s a little too Beverly Hills for her liking.
SHUT UP, DORIT.
Everyone tries to stop Kyle from leaving. But she is like- I’m not going to kiss ass, I just want for people to tell the truth.
Rinna interviews that it goes way deeper with Kyle and MisRed agrees. This year has been stressful for Kyle. Ok hear MisRed out. Kyle has always felt like the black sheep of the family. Her family has shut her out- not saying it’s with or without adequate reason- it’s part of their family dynamic that we will never see. Kyle has had to care-take her older sister, who is a mentally ill, alcoholic, and has really only been slapped in the face for taking on that role. Then she’s with this group of women, and the one person she really felt she could count on, LVP, didn’t have her back when she was defending LVP from Dorit’s lies. Who knows if LVP even understood what the fight was about because she doesn’t know the full truth about what Dorit said about her. Then to have Dorit repeatedly insinuate the Kyle is to blame for stuff is just the cherry on top. Kyle feels like she is getting hit from all sides and the damn has broken.
LVP and Teddi try to talk to Kyle, but she is done and drags Mauricio out. Mauricio is like WTF happened.
Kyle says Rinna is up Erika’s ass, Erika is up Dorit’s ass and Dorit is up LVP’s ass. Well that explains LVP’s Donkey Booty- she’s got a lot shoved up there. It’s like a whole Russian Nesting Doll situation up in her keister.
You have no idea, dahling.
And everyone is so busy kissing ass that nobody is being honest and it’s at Kyle expense and she is not going to play that game anymore.
Erika says that she feels terrible that Kyle is upset and frustrated. Teddi says that she isn’t sure it’s 100% about Dorit, and that Kyle wanted Erika to speak up and say that Kyle was not responsible for Erika being upset. Erika is like- Well, I’ve told her that a million times. Yes, but she never said it to Dorit which is why Dorit feels she can just deflect panty-gate off of her and on to Kyle- because Erika isn’t shutting her down.
Is this just one big game of “I’m rubber, you’re glue…”???
Teddi finds Erika’s lack of action infuriating. She wants Erika to be a good friend.
How dare she answer my questions HONESTLY?!?!
Dorit then is upset because all of this happened on HER night. And this is now TWICE that Kyle has ruined Dorit’s special night. And SHE would never do that!!! Well, she would never, actually, admit to doing it. Well, in fairness, Dorit, you did ASK if there was something bothering Kyle. If you don’t want the answer on your “special night,” don’t ask the question on your “special night.”
Back when Teddi merely disliked Dorit.
Flashback to Dorit flipping out about late-gate at Teddi’s Glam Circle. Hardly the same caliber event type, but yeah, Dorit is delusional- just in general.
Ugh. MisRed does understand this POV- but honestly, both of these special nights would have been completely boring without Kyle ruining them so be grateful. Without those nights, this season would have been unwatchable.
Erika tries to call Kyle, but Kyle doesn’t answer. She says she is tired of Erika’s ass-kissing. Yikes.
Rinna and Harry call Gigi. Apparently, she has cleaned her apartment. We see some video… it’s only partially “clean.” Rinna is in awe of all of Gigi’s capabilities. Like partially cleaning her apartment. Yes, yes, that is impressive. Oh wait, 5 or 6 years ago Gigi couldn’t leave the house due to anxiety- and now she’s in NYC living on her own, partially cleaning her very own apartment. Harry is getting his hair cut because he has some reshoots for something- Jonathan Antin- a hair dude is coming over to cut Harry’s wig.
The Xanax is really working this season.
The hairdresser asks for the poop on Rinna’s girlfriends. And Rinna says that for once she’s not in the middle of all of the drama and it’s because she decided to move on because life it too short. She is happy to be out of the center of the crap. Harry says Rinna is the Yoda of the group. I mean, there are similarities:
Yoda has had the same hair for 900 years too.
Teddi meets Kyle to work out together. They talk about the fashion show. Kyle says that she could have handled things better at the fashion show, but she just snapped. Teddi says that Erika really could have shut down Dorit and it’s a shame she didn’t and it would be nice to have everyone just be honest. But Kyle really still wants to have everyone over to watch American Woman, but she’s frustrated. She says she needs to calm down.
Serial Killer Hanky is in max security behind a mesh net.
Over at Villa Rosa, Ken and LVP sit outside for some rosé . They have a new rescue dog who seems to be doing well and they have worked with her and she seems much happier. Well, yeah, if MisRed could live at Villa Rosa, she’d run around the lawn on all fours too. They decide to keep the dog and name her “Binky-Boo.”
Pink Dog and Pikachu? Who are they?
I spilled some rosé hand me Giggy to wipe it up, would you?
Meanwhile Giggy lies on the table like a wet dish rag.
Kyle is all moved into her new house and is getting ready to have the hags over to watch American Woman.
Wake MisRed when it’s over.
Teddi arrives, right on time.
It’s from the Issac Mizrahi Disco Ball Collection
Then Rinna schleps in dressed like ½ of a disco ball, followed by LVP and Erika and finally, Dorit- despite the fact that Kyle has ruined YET another night for her. Kyle says that she doesn’t have proper champagne glasses- she only has three and she doesn’t want anyone to be upset. LVP toasts to the fashion show and to American Woman. Kyle apologizes for the way the evening ended. Erika apologizes to Kyle for not standing up for her. Dorit says “Is that why you STORMED out?” Kyle says she was mad and hurt and frustrated and she apologizes- she says she thought that the fashion show was great and she’s proud of Dorit.
LVP asks if Dorit has anything else she wants to talk about? Dorit says no. but then she interviews that she’s going to need to take some time to think about how she feels about Kyle. Does she have more things to say? “Yes, but I just don’t have any more fight in me.”
“Yes, but I just don’t have any more fight in me.”
Is this bitch for real? Yes, Dorit, your life is a real f*cking struggle. People suffering from abuse and neglect? WIMPS!! Young women caught up in sex-trafficking? COWARDS!! Our troops fighting overseas??? PUSSIES!!! In fairness, none of them have to wake up next to PK.
Oh ok, so MisRed just figured out what the “H” blanket from the Seance episode was… Hermes. At the time only one “H” was showing and MisRed mistook if for a quaint monogrammed blanket. Well, she should have known. Kyle is so flipping EXTRA, she has to have fancy, designer throw blankets. Chanel: $1,300 and Hermes $1,525.
Kyle shows off the house quickly and tells us how much more money she’s going to spend.
Do the cops need this footage for the investigation?
They moved so they wouldn’t have to go through a renovation, so of course, she immediately started renovating this house. Changing banisters and all kinds of kitchen construction.
American Horror Story, more like it.
The girls all start to watch American Woman… it’s pretty dreadful. In one scene the mother is telling the kids that their father is boning another chick. This brings back sad memories for Teddi- and when her own dad was boning another chick. Dorit asks how Kyle’s sisters will feel about this?
The cease and desist order will be served in 5…4…3…2…
Cyst and Decease
Kyle says she isn’t sure as they haven’t seen it yet. Also, they aren’t talking to her, so there’s that. Kyle said that her mom was the glue that always held everyone together and when she died, Kyle tried to be the glue, but it doesn’t always work.
THIS is the end of season party???
The ladies are proud of Kyle. Kyle says this year has been all about changes and even though there is conflict, they still love each other.
sstPay heckCay imKay’s ouseHay
LVP asks Dorit about the reaction to her show and Dorit says it’s been unbelievable.
Well, Dorit is probably just LATE with the “Teddi.”
Rinna says she has felt that in the past few years there have been injustices and she hasn’t reacted well to them. But she now knows it’s not her job to right all of the wrongs and it’s taken her awhile to figure that out.
What happened to the old Rinna? Tragedy.
Erika has learned to say yes to everything and it’s made her life open up. She’s taking every opportunity that comes along.
If we only had that ballad…
Teddi says that she is authentically her this season, and if people don’t like it, too bad.
Ooooooh. What if it’s Dorit’s house????
LVP thinks the year has been arduous- and everyone’s relationship is different. She talks about her new dog and how it looks like Ken and wonders why she always adopts dogs that look like her and Ken.
Ken has to secure his future wig supply.
Rinna says, it’s called narcissism. Lol
So that’s it, kids. Really not a great season, in MisRed’s opinion. MisRed can’t believe she is even saying this but it’s a good thing we had Dorit or this season would have been a total zero. What do you think is going to come out at the reunion??
With the biggest diva right in the middle…
Camille will be there for, at least, part of it. Hopefully LVP doesn’t give Dorit a total pass now that she’s seen everything that transpired throughout the season? For sure Dorit and Kyle will have words… what about Erika and Teddi and Dorit and Camille? Dorit needs to be dragggggggggged.
MisRed has loved hanging with you guys this season- thank you for all of your support and awesome comments. The reunion should be fun. xoxoxo Come hang out with me over on RHONY, those betches are off the rails already.
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