It’s part two of the reunion and Marlo is still here! I guess hell is real. Kim must know she’s going to swim home in a river of tears today because she’s attached her flotation devices to her face. Eva is having contractions so she’s hoping to give birth in a hysterically inappropriate environment in homage to every 20th century sitcom. On stage NeNe keeps chanting the Battle Hymn of Banana Republic which consists of repeating “I wanna fight the battle, I’m gonna fight the battle”.
They’re still arguing with Sheree about her bone collecting. Cynthia yells out that if she’s going to collect bones she’s got to collect all of them and Sheree says that she can’t give her her job description. Well no one can Sheree cuz we don’t know what the hell you do to earn money besides reportedly selling $5 headshots in the park. I hope headshots still means pictures.
Marlo has just about filled her reunion community service hours but we have to address the fight in Barcelona. The streets are saying that the Barcelona Fight Club scene was edited to protect the stupid and more occurred than what we saw. A viewer points out that Porsha didn’t like it when Kenya jabbed a scepter in her face but she put her fan in Marlo’s face. Porsha sees the similarities but clarifies that she was asked to spell scepter – spelling crosses the line.
Porsha was happy when NeNe said nice things about her in the Barcelona candle ceremony. They had all bullied her into going home; I’d say something nice behind her back too at that point. Porsha says that the women used the Kandi situation as a silver bullet for any and every thing that happened. Porsha was upset that after she and Cynthia started to bond, Cynthia threw the Kandi issue in her face. They exchange potato/potato, tomato/tomato commentary until Porsha’s head nearly explodes. Porsha adjusts her crown so it can keep what’s left of her brain from seeping through her wig.
Porsha apologizes again. She says that she made a bad choice, she wishes that she was never a part of the situation and apologizes for it. Kandi accepts it and they shake hands in the second most awkward handshake ever.
First place. Hands down. Pun intended.
The women take a break and Sheree tells Kim that everyone’s gunning for her and kissing NeNe’s ass. Kroy is confused because he’s been married to a gremlin so long that he doesn’t realize there are totally normal mogwai out there who don’t act like this.
NeNe gets her segment. She explains the Uber rape situation again and she wasn’t mad at Kandi at all for her tour spot being cancelled. She and Kandi are still getting along. Kenya is surprised that NeNe and Marlo are close again after what happened with them years ago. Marlo tells us that she makes her money through Simply Marlo LLC (Linebackers, Lotharios and Credit Card Culprits). Leave off the last “C’s” for felony. Kenya says that she’ll google it when she’s looking for porn. That’s at least once a week. Marc still hasn’t been to Atlanta to take the tags off of his clothes.
Marlo tries to attack Kenya by saying that she sits there and tries to speak well which is just so gutterbucket. Kenya replies that she doesn’t try – she actually speaks well and is impervious to her words. Marlo just hears “pervi” which is usually her cue to get into bed and therefore announces that she’s tired. Kenya says she looks tired. Geez, Marlo walked into that like it was placebo day at a wealthy nursing home. Kenya definitely saved herself from the chopping block this reunion. Also, I think Marlo is just upset that no one will sign up for her etiquette classes.
“I talk good bitches!”
Marlo is upset that Kenya keeps calling her a prostitute and whore when she doesn’t have any proof. I like that she doesn’t deny it and she’s just angered by Kenya’s lack of due diligence. If they need proof they could probably just look for the trail of smoke when she gets off the couch. Porsha says that she wouldn’t want anyone to call her a prostitute and Andy has them agree to not call each other prostitutes from now until season 20. By that time, Kandi just might forgive Porsha.
In one of the funniest moments of the night, Kenya confronts Porsha about calling her a prostitute. Porsha feigns innocence but then remembers it. They have a super strange conversation in which Kenya denies being a one-eyed African’s hooker. Porsha insists that she was. It’s oddly calm and comforting especially since Cynthia’s sitting between them and her boob is just waiting to be yanked out of her dress.
Eva comes out and she’s still having contractions. Eva maintains that she saw Will in June with his girlfriend and Cynthia still doesn’t believe it. Cynthia clarifies that when she got the dirt about Will from Porsha, it bothered her because Porsha was rooting them on off camera. Porsha apologized but did not get a response from Cynthia and she felt bad that their growing friendship wasn’t where she thought it was. Cynthia says that they still have unresolved issues and proves that her “getting to know you” comment wasn’t personal by telling Andy that he ain’t s%$# to her either. Cynthia’s got balls. And they’re spilling out of her dress and giving her underarm rolls.
At least now I have something in common with a model.
Andy says that Cynthia seems to like dark men, NeNe agrees and she’s dating a new one now. She hasn’t met Peter’s new girlfriend yet and probably won’t. Eva admits that she’s been with a woman before but says it was wrong to bring Missy into it and it’s wrong to out people’s sexuality. Eva departs to give birth in the woods surrounded by garlic cloves and elderberry.
Kim joins the ladies. She has her phone so she can call her emotional support human Kroy, her Solo cup so she can drink her emotional support wine and her shoes because her ankles can’t hold up her lips and wig. We see some clips from the elephant party and I need Mbele to host the third part of the reunion. And every other reunion after that.
Kenya says that a dark cloud entered the room with Kim but it couldn’t be Sheree because her Storm wig was repo’d. They ask Kim why she told Cynthia to be quiet and look pretty. Kim says that she’s beautiful and she always says that. In an interview Kim and Sheree did, Kim also said that Cynthia wouldn’t have been successful if she wasn’t beautiful and Sheree laughed. Kim won’t cop to it and says that she doesn’t have a backbone so Cynthia responds that she doesn’t have any class. Kim plays the victim and then Andy calls her Sarah Huckabee Sanders. This is funny because 1) Kim doesn’t know who she is and 2) we all know who she is and Sarah is clearly Kim’s prettier and more genteel double.
We actually get to see the part where Sheree knew she was done. Andy asks about NeNe’s elephants with Kim and Sheree and NeNe totally dismisses Sheree because her target is set on the big fish.
Kim before hair and makeup
NeNe is mad that Kim ignored her in the mall but took a picture of her car and called her out for parking in a handicapped spot in her own home. Kim denies taking the picture and I believe her. This woman takes so many selfies there’s no way she’d have room for anything else in her phone. Kim argues that she was sent the picture. Raise your hand if you know that the sender was Kroy or Brielle and they were with her in the car harmoniously slurping out of their Solo cups.
It’s a NeNe fight so at this point there’s lots of bleeps and bitches and it’s a Kim fight so there’s lots of belches and motherf**$#. Next week the reunion concludes. NeNe and Kim continue to fight, Kim leaves because her cup is empty and NeNe talks about what she might’ve did for Tyrone’s “D”. What’d you think? Love you for reading and commenting!
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