This is the reunion we need, not the one we deserve. This reunion will have solve mysteries, reveal secrets and allow the women to attack Kim and Shereè in a way we haven’t seen since season 1.
Marlo is out on parole so she’s allowed to attend the reunion this year. Backstage, Andy tells Porsha that she gets to sit next to him. You can’t tell me she didn’t know that. She’s wearing a tiara so she knew her season long beat down was going to earn her a front seat. Shereè is on the phone with Tyrone who alleges that NeNe was very aggressive and stalked him. First of all, I could see that. Secondly, maybe he should’ve hooked up with her so he could be in her mansion instead of the big house.
Andy tells NeNe that she spoke with Tyrone and she says “I’m sure it wasn’t in person.” I love this woman when she’s not directing her nastiness at people I like. Kenya is on set rudely telling the lighting people that there’s not enough light on her aaaaall the way at the end of the couch. Kandi looks amazing. Shereè has borrowed one of Kim’s Pepto Bismol inspired dresses. Cynthia’s hair has seen better days – the ponytail is cute but some volume would have been better than the slicked back swoop that we’ve seen throughout the season. NeNe’s hair is terrible, it’s bone straight and pulled back. Her gown has flesh colored mesh but the color is super light and doesn’t mesh at all.
Andy greets all of the women and of course has to ask if Sheree is wearing She by Shereè. Spoiler alert: nah. You’d think Sheree would just launch the damn line already even if it’s just one gown in 14 different colors like the Lew Magram catalog used to do.
When Andy gets to Kenya he asks if there’s a baby Twirl. She says that she wouldn’t name her baby Twirl because that’s her dog’s name and then says “yes”. Andy asks for clarification and Kenya says that they will be welcoming a boy or girl later this year. Unfortunately this is Kenya so since I didn’t hear the words “I’m pregnant”, I’ll reserve judgement. She said she wouldn’t play about something like this so she’s either pregnant or adopting. According to late breaking news, she’s denying surrogacy. All I know is, SNL needs to have Kenya Moore host since that’s the ultimate pregnancy test.
We get a shady clip package of all of the housewives over the years. Porsha is about 45% different looking. Kandi finally tamed her hair selections a bit, NeNe needs no explanation and Cynthia found the fix for those bags under her eyes – divorcing Peter. I only watch OC, NY and Atlanta at this point. Do they always do these shady montages? I feel like they would never do this with BH. I mean, there was practically a nervous breakdown over a bunny on their last reunion. Someone please tell me if that happens there.
Anyway, can we talk about Sheree? For the love of sweatsuits, how much work has she had done? I can only assume that she had her work done early enough that I didn’t notice it as much.
It’s like she went through puberty with Kairo and Kaleigh.
Andy asks for status on She by Sheree and she literally says “joggers”. One. Word. Kandi tries to clarify that he’s asking about the whole clothing line and Sheree gets snippy with her. When Andy asks when it’ll be out she says, “More September. That is spring summer. September, spring, show, summer.” It’s like she’s naming every word she knows that starts with an “s”. I joked about Kenya a couple of weeks ago but I’m really starting to think that Kim may have a teacup backstage for Sheree. She’d be better off just saying that she’s no longer interested in developing the line because she’s devoted her life to dressing like an 80’s gym teacher.
A viewer asks if Kandi will ever go back to her rooster haircut. She says that she wants to do something different. She’s done everything short of wearing a living being on her skull and I think she needs to quit while she’s ahead. A viewer asks how NeNe can keep making fun of Kim’s wigs when all she wears is wigs. NeNe explains that Kim’s wigs came from Party City.
And this dress came from the Grand Ole Opry gift shop.
And Porsha has repurposed NeNe’s bra as her collar.
Another viewer wants to know why Sheree is wearing sweatsuits so much. She responds that it’s for comfort but I think she’s in a pact with Tyrone. She won’t go back to wearing regular clothes until he’s released. Also, you know how hard it must be to shimmy between bars for the prison prom in a gown and heels? She’s just being practical.
Why did Todd bring up Kim and Porsha at the Essence party? Kandi says that she didn’t want Todd to say that but Porsha counters that Kandi specifically wanted her to see what “winning” looked like. Kandi explains that what Porsha did last year could have cost her her career so it was a big deal to her that she rebuilt. Here’s the deal. Some viewers have grown tired of Kandi bringing up the issue throughout the season though many admit that she has a right to be mad about it. Porsha feels empowered by the social media backlash that Kandi got and now that the initial anger has blown over, she can go back to being her old, entitled self. I think it’s going to backfire.
Kandi says that sexual assault accusations can cause people to lose everything and she can’t get over that overnight. They only had a break of a few weeks between the reunion and season 10 so she wasn’t done being mad. Porsha explains that’s why she gave her space but she’s not understanding the point. There’s jokes, comments and then there’s serious allegations of an illegal nature. Her comment was so wrong that Kandi is entitled to her anger and she can’t dictate how quickly it should be remedied. Also, now that Porsha’s frustrated she’s calling Kandi a victim and acting like she doesn’t care at all. If you’re sorry, you stay sorry. You don’t have to kiss ass but you have to stay sorry or else your apology seems full of crap which is what everyone’s been saying. At least this will help promote Kandi’s new project.
“I play Iron Eyes Cody’s grandaughter. I only use recycled tissue.”
The next question is how can Momma Joyce hug and forgive Porsha but she tried to clog Karmon to death at the bridal shop? Kandi says that they’d have to ask her mom but she was madder about the comment regarding turning Todd into lemonade. Then Andy reads a question in which the viewer states that Momma Joyce seems like the sour one. Kandi gives Andy the same look she gives the last piece of cake and he immediately halts questioning.
Marlo comes out and says that Kenya just used her while she was on the outs with NeNe. Kenya denies this and says that Marlo’s comment about her mom not wanting her went below the belt. Marlo calls Kenya “yellow over there with the bad skin” and Kenya retorts that she looks like James Amos in a wig. She meant John Amos but we get it.
Kenya yells out that Marlo tried to blackmail NeNe. Five years later, we finally get the answer as to why NeNe and Marlo stopped hanging out with each other. Marlo got John, the pizza guy that bought NeNe jewelry and shoes, drunk at her apartment and then took pics of salacious texts between him and NeNe and planned to blackmail her. Marlo managed to get $20,000 out of John too. NeNe doesn’t deny this and says that she’s surprised John had $20,000 after she was done running his pockets. She is really a pro at this owning her stuff before others run with it. Also, Kenya says Marlo has a square reader between her legs. I’m guessing it’s not running on clean energy.
Next up is Kenya’s marriage. She’s confronted about all of the things she’s said about other husbands. She acknowledges that she understands what it means to be a wife now and would take back some of the things she said in the past. Porsha tries to get a fight going and asks if it took Kenya to get married to realize this and I’m like yeah…that’s exactly what she just said. Literally. It is stupid but at least she admitted to it. Kenya warns her to pipe down because she doesn’t want to go down that road. There’s a fork in it and those always make Porsha’s head hurt.
Andy asks why Kenya would get married just two weeks before RHOA starts filming. Kenya explains that her own father wasn’t informed or invited nor were Marc’s parents who were on a cruise…she thinks. She confirms that she’s never even met Marc’s parents because they live in a different state. It’s bizarre. Ugh.
I was rooting for you! We were all rooting for you!
Porsha asks why Kenya didn’t at least tell Cynthia. Kenya says that she can’t keep secrets but Cynthia says that she wouldn’t have told anyone. Kenya apologizes. Andy says that she’s shown all of her relationships so why wouldn’t she share this one. She explains that she’s been vulnerable but people still come for her for being single, with no children and bad skin. Marlo chimes in and Kenya calls her struggle face. Can we all admit that Marlo is only there because Andy loves that she hates Kenya? They’ll never hire her; even Bravo can’t afford that hourly rate.
Andy asks if Marc was really going to divorce her over the show. She says that they had a tough time but they’re good now. Kenya tries to act like it’s just the blogs making up these stories about Marc not liking the show and thinking that it’s a poor representation of Black women but Andy says that he’s made these comments to his colleagues. She has no response because she’s trying to save her job.
“I’m sorry. Who is this Marc fellow you speak of?”
Andy asks about Sheree’s nose ring comment and she says that she got her ears pierced too. Sheree seems high because none of her answers really make sense. Kenya responds that she’d rather her man have a nose ring than handcuffs. Sheree’s tired response is that if Marc is living with her he’s in handcuffs. It’s the housewives equivalent of “I know you are but what am I”.
Andy asks who’ll get married next so Kenya asks Sheree if she’s going to get married at the prison. Sheree asks where Kenya got married. Uh, St. Lucia – we all saw the pics. Sheree is good on the show with retorts and talking heads but she shrivels up on WWHL and the reunions. They’re saying she’s not coming back next season and this may be why. She just can’t bring it under pressure.
“Joggers. Salami sandwich slip ‘n slide.”
Porsha says that she’s dating someone and is claiming that she’ll be the one to get married this year. Then we get to see her year in review which is basically everyone yelling at or ignoring her. Porsha acknowledges that NeNe was really there for her after her divorce. Andy says that Kandi was too but Porsha says that there was no opportunity to speak one on one with Kandi. Lets see, NeNe yelled at her at Cynthia’s birthday party, annihilated her in San Francisco and ignored her at Marlo’s house. Yes, it was so much easier to make up with NeNe.
NeNe is still trying to defend her statement that Porsha and Phaedra should have been gone but not “fired”. NeNe finally “receives” that it’s the same thing and they let it go. Meanwhile, Sheree is annoyed that Porsha doesn’t trust her but Sheree says that she doesn’t trust her either. Seems like an even trade. Porsha justifies this by saying that Sheree called out her cheap plates etc… but Sheree points out that Porsha said herself that she was going to return them anyway. Porsha says that she apologized to Sheree about the trust comment but now Porsha is defending everything she originally said which eliminates the purpose of the apology. Forget anger management, she needs apology management.
Sheree says that she’s loyal to people who are loyal to her. Cynthia slides in a casual “we know, you’re loyal to Kim” and you can see where this is headed. Sheree starts nervously playing with her hair and trying to avoid the conversation but they’re not having that. They came here to eat crudites and kick Sheree and Kim’s ass and they’re all out of crudites because Kandi ate them. Now that we all know that Sheree had advance knowledge of the roach video she’s confronted for not defending NeNe or carrying the bone back to one of them. NeNe says that she and Cynthia called her to give her a heads up on the Tyrone news breaking but she never does the same for them. Sheree defends being a bone collector because she wants to hold the women accountable. They ask if she ever holds Kim accountable. Sheree keeps saying that Kim is loyal to her. Kim will come out next episode so they can get to the bottom of everything.
Including her chin puddle.
Next week, Eva comes out on stage. NeNe and Kim go at it and Kandi jumps in too. Porsha and Cynthia have some kind of tiff and Marlo tells us all about her weird business ventures. What’d you think? Love you for reading and commenting!
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