Trashies!!! Hello, hello, hello.
MisRed coming to you from the sunshine state… yes, Florida! MrRed and I are to attend a Wednesday Wedding here… no, no, not the middle of the woods “vowel” renewal of Schwartzee and Tequila Katie officiated by LVP, just some family in from the UK.
No, No, not this trainwreck
Although, MisRed must tell you a funny story. Whilst awaiting delivery of a Sauvignon Blanc at the Hard Rock Hotel, the waiter came over and said “I’m sorry, we are out of wine glasses…” and hands MisRed her wine in a clear plastic Solo cup. Then he said “Do you mind?” MisRed said “Of course I mind!! Do you not know that certain beverages belong in certain type of glasses? You expect me to drink this wine out of a Solo cup?????” The poor guy looked stunned…until he realized MisRed was just messing with him. Clearly not a Dorit Fan.
MisRed must climb out her Sauvignon-induced coma to see what “Gate” we are at now with these BETCHES.
- Coming up- DoritispissedatKyleGate
For those playing at home, we are on #5, and shall venture toward #6 in this episode. We really should just install a turnstile and stop buying these gates.
We left off with Kyle failing to recall exactly who IS “Nanny Kay?????”
MisRed will take “Dead Grandmothers previously mentioned for 500, Alex.”
Now THIS is a game!
So now we have the nucleus (sh*t, MisRed doesn’t think she’s used that word since High School Chemistry- 1986 to be exact) of a new festering, pussing sore between LVP and Kyle. No, by “pussing sore” MisRed is not referring to Dorit, so sorry to disappoint. LVP is upset that Kyle doesn’t recall the name of her beloved grandmother.
Even ERIKA recalls Nanny Kay AND that Lisa had a restaurant in the Sherman Oaks Mall. Yes, sandwiched between The Wetzels Pretzels and Pizzeria Uno.
Is Kyle not the loyal, devoted friend she seems to be? Does Kyle simply not listen? We will find out today on As The Vanderpump Turns. Hang on kids, MisRed is attempting this without coffee.
WARNING: Do NOT try this at home.
We join the ladies, once again, in Berlin, with some very lively accordion music playing…with a lovely, dainty tuba as back-up. Only Germans could write such a song. Some ladies are going shopping and the others, Kyle, Rinna and Teddi are going to have coffee.
Do you have half-nonfat-almond-vanilla- soy milk?
They grill the poor waiter as to what types of non-milk milk he has. The German waiter is not amused. Well, yeah. I mean Germans are rarely amused. Then Kyle sends her breakfast back. Apparently, she wants to have it cooked “all the way.” And we wonder by the world hates Americans.
Dorit, unfortunately, is feeling better, she didn’t die from mixing Zithromax and Tamiflu. Again, sorry to disappoint. In fact, she’s skinned an Arctic Howler Monkey, which she has crafted into a coat.
Howler Monkey or Picachu?
She, LVP and Erika meet Axel, a personal shopper. He’s a big old gay in a plaid jacket Yeah!!! A German Gay!!!
Sure, Axel is smiling now…
The ladies run this betch ragged. Dorit LOVES “shopping on an international trip.” She equates it to a friendship bracelet- and thinks they will reminisce about this for years. But mostly she loves buying stuff overseas. Shut up, Dorit.
These are the ugliest ones I could find.
Axel shows them a lovely selection of hideous bowling shirts from the Ernie McCracken Collection.
Erika and LVP spend about 3,000 Euros each. Dorit’s credit card gets declined and Axel sends her to “Never 21.” MisRed could me making that up… but in fairness, we didn’t see Dorit’s transaction.
Later, the ladies prepare to go horseback riding. Teddi feels like she is in her element. Erika puts Teddi in charge because, MisRed is not sure if you are aware, but Teddi loves horses. They go to a stable and get set up with the horses. Dorit explains she has been on horses many times- well, we know she’s ridden PK at least twice- but she doesn’t “want one that’s going to take off” on her. Damn it. Foiled again.
I’m allergic to you, but I’m going to wrap my entire body around you to make some drama.
Kyle chooses to ride a pony- like one roughly the size of one of LVPs mini horses. Kyle has grown allergic to horses- but she loves them, so she is willing to deal with “watery eyes.”
Reminds MisRed of Lil Sweet
The ladies mount their steeds and take off riding. They all make fun of Kyle for riding a midget horse. As they ride, Kyle complains about her allergies and then Rinna’s horse takes off on her. She keeps saying “Ho, Ho, Ho, Ho.”
In fairness she could be talking to any of them.
While valid, is this really the time to be calling everyone a Ho? Get your priorities straight Rinna. Teddi tries to direct her on what to do and it actually works.
Kyle continues to kvetch about her allergies and they cut the excursion short. LVP is used to Kyle overreacting- to bees, lies, stealing houses, but she is definitely having a major allergy attack, and is beginning to panic and is freaking out. I’m sure that it’s stressful but she is, legit, FREAKING OUT. Get some Benadryl and call it a day.
So, they all leave and LVP has had Pink Dog made into a hat for herself.
Pink Dog is my color
On the way back to the hotel, Erika proposes a toast to Teddi for leading them on their horse journey.
Cheers! We will be back to making you cry by tomorrow!
Hmmmmm, still no mention of Nanny K…
Erika’s Presidential Suite minions prepare for her dinner party. She loves to throw a dinner party like this, she can just let everyone else do the work and she can take all of the credit. The glam squad does Erika up as some kind of Marlene Dietrich / Catherine Deneuve wannabe.
Ok, Ok, MisRed is picking up what Mikey is putting down…
The girls begin to arrive to the Suite, but Erika has no clue how to open the door and has to get a couple of big Germans to help her.
Welcome, may I take your tribble?
LVP is wearing a tribble on her head.
Rinna arrives wearing a disco ball.
And then the light hits her and causes Erika to have a seizure.
Dorit arrives and is bowled over by Erika’s look- which she will, of course, copy ASAP.
Kyle arrives and is exhausted from her allergy medication but has managed to pull it together.
The ladies are served Veal Tartare and basically all refuse to eat it. Except Erika who is more than happy to eat a baby cow. Something tells MisRed she would eat a baby human as long as it was prepared to look like an ugly Gucci sweat suit.
The rest of them eat “Tomato” tartare or as we would call it: Salsa.
The ladies begin to talk about panic attacks and we learn the Rinna’s Gigi has panic attacks and when she was younger, they were quite debilitating.
Honey, either bold lip OR bold eye, not both.
Isn’t there a gay on hand in case of an emergency??
LVP says that she really feels as if she’s in a good place with all of the ladies.
However, Dorit hops right on Kyle and says “I hate to draw back…” No, you don’t Dorit, you love nothing more than a re-hash. You re-hash more than a hippy who has run out of weed.*
*Full disclosure, MisRed has zero clue if that joke makes sense. MisRed has never smoked weed… but she may start if this season doesn’t get more exciting.
Dorit explains that in NYC she was VERY hurt by Kyle and the things she said. Oh sweet Jesus. Dorit says that the night of her “Bella party” Kyle “felt the need” to go to LVP and tell her about the conversations Dorit and Kyle had.
Can we get back to Nanny Kay?
Wait, isn’t Dorit the one who gets upset when people dredge up stuff from the past? She had Teddi’s head a few weeks ago for telling Rinna that Dorit and PK called her a schizophrenic AGAIN. OH WAIT, she only hates it when people rehash the crap SHE’S done. Got it. Kyle is like- REALLY??!!? LVP is completely taking Dorit’s side. Well, if Kyle had just remembered who Nanny Kay was, none of this would be happening. Still no mention of Nanny Kay, BTW…
Kyle is, of course, upset and tries to say that she didn’t bring it up at the Bella party, but AFTER the AFTER-PARTY. I do love the semantics with these ones.
LVP interviews that Kyle is acting like a petulant child and LVP just wants for Kyle to see Dorit’s side. Kyle is, of course, pissed that LVP is taking Dorit’s side AGAIN, when the entire situation in NYC stemmed from Kyle trying to defend LVP. Kyle is like- you know what, I will never tell you anything I hear again. Dorit interviews that Kyle is being irrational and that everyone is supposed to have opinions.
Yes, Dorit. to quote you “opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.” Interesting that people are only allowed to have opinions when they aren’t about Dorit.
Kyle tells Dorit that she did the same thing to her at Teddi’s beach house, she told Erika that it was Kyle who was upset that Erika slept at the Double Tree.
Cut to Rinna eating a box of popcorn in her interview. She is LOVING THIS.
Just sitting back and enjoying the show
Teddi jumps in to try to defend Kyle and LVP tells her to stop. Teddi is like- If you can defend Dorit, then I can defend Kyle. Rinna is like- let Teddi speak, and notes that it’s classic LVP- if you aren’t on her side she tries to shut you up.
Teddi says that she sees that Kyle is having her feelings hurt and she feels the need to protect her. Dorit says “I don’t feel I need a mediator right now.” Of course not, Dorit. You only need a mediator when people are ganged up against YOU.
Kyle is like… I can’t. This is ridiculous.
Dorit says “When I gave Erika the panties last year,”
Oh, for f*ckssake, we are back to PantyGate?!?!?!
“she thought it was a joke and high-fived me. But then I went to the bathroom and came back and suddenly Erika as mad at me.” Dorit thinks Kyle got Erika all fired up about the panties. Kyle is like… are you kidding me? Dorit tells Kyle “do not twist it.” Please, Dorit, you twist more than f*cking Chubby Checker.
Kyle thinks this is so stupid, and nobody thinks Kyle had anything to do with PantyGate. Even Erika is like- it’s very difficult to follow Dorit’s line of thinking sometimes. Well that’s mainly because Dorit is a stupid c*nt, but MisRed digresses.
All of the women leave the dinner party. Kyle is annoyed with Dorit but she can’t understand why LVP STILL won’t have her back.
The next day, Teddi records a pep talk message to her clients on the phone.
Dorit says that Kyle is jealous over her relationship with LVP- WAY more jealous than Dorit could ever feel about HER relationship with LVP.
Erika calls Rinna and wants her help to get all of the skanks together to see the city.
LVP calls Kyle and wants to meet and talk. In her interview LVP accuses Kyle of holding a grudge. UGH. The grudge holder is DORIT. MisRed really wants to betchslap these betches sometimes.
But you have pretend amnesia about Nanny Kay…
Kyle meets LVP and Kyle is wearing the world’s ugliest jacket. It looks like someone spilled Dorit’s “Moroccan bean dish” all over a crushed velvet jacket.
That would make a lovely jacket.
Kyle says that she doesn’t want to create a problem between LVP and Dorit- what Kyle takes issue with is LVPs reaction to the situation. Kyle feels like she is being taken for granted and that friendship is a two-way street. LVP says that she is ALWAYS on Kyle’s side.
Eh, not really.
Kyle says she doesn’t always feel that from LVP. She says that she shouldn’t have said anything to LVP about Dorit speaking behind LVP’s back. She should have just let Dorit do what Dorit does.
The other girls meet and talk about the situation. Teddi feels that it is a problem when anyone tries to take up for Kyle. Rinna thinks that Dorit lives in her own reality. Dorit can’t believe that Kyle would go back to LVP and tell her the shitty things Dorit had been saying about her!! OMG. Erika says that she really doesn’t feel like Kyle did that to throw Dorit under the bus- because she knows that there is hell to pay for that. Erika says that there is a lot of history between Kyle and LVP and things haven’t always been smooth and Dorit has awakened the beast within their friendship. Perhaps.
Smile and say “Nanny Kay”
Everyone meets up. Dorit asks LVP if she and Kyle are good? And asks LVP if Dorit and Kyle are good? LVP is like, you need to work that out on your own. LVP just wants to have a good time on her last night in Berlin. Dorit says doesn’t feel any hurt feelings – because SHE doesn’t feel any hurt feelings. Well, yes, it’s all about Dorit.
The girls visit a Holocaust Memorial and of course Dorit needs it explained to her, which Erika does very well. Both Kyle and Dorit, being Jewish are particularly impacted by the memorial.
It’s incredibly sad and MIsRed doesn’t want to dwell on it, but I can tell you, I worked for a German company for many years, and Germans are incredibly ashamed about this time in history to the point where many will not even speak about it. But it is critical to remember and reflect on the horror that occurred and on the loss of so many people of the Jewish faith. It truly is a disgusting chapter in world history in MisRed’s opinion.
OK, back to the trash talk…
The girls visit the Berlin Wall. Erika notes that it’s a symbol that freedom is fragile and it’s “imporDANT” for people to see the wall and what it symbolizes.
Yes, a turtle neck with a shoulder cut out is super practical.
Later the ladies go to a Beer Hall. Rinna and Kyle dance and make a spectacle of themselves. The girls drink and get some food- pretzels and sausage to be exact.
Teddi is totally holding Kyle accountable.
LVP has to leave the trip early- she has to go pick up an award for her documentary: “Pink Dog, The Journey from Canine to Ken’s toupee.” The girls all dance and seem to have a good time.
He’s going to sort these betches into their respective houses.
Next time the girls go to the zoo and go on a boat and Rinna takes her clothes off.
So after all of the Nanny Kay drama, there was not a single mention of her this week. Just the editors trying to create drama. With Rinna being on her best behavior they need to create stuff that isn’t about Dorit. MisRed REALLY wonders what’s going to happen at the reunion with Dorit and LVP. Once LVP sees that really went down, will she turn on Dorit or continue to turn a blind eye? Will Kyle have to continue to suck it up or will there be a division in the skank ranks?
MisRed supposes we will see what happens. What do you guys think? Is MisRed still hiding her contempt for Dorit well?
Join MisRed on RHONY recaps starting this week.
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