Love is Dead – Us Weekly
Channing Tatum and Jenna Dewan are getting a divorce. This is actually depressing, guys. I thought they were just a cool, calm couple that didn’t need to be all over social, vomiting love messages on all of us. It actually seems like their lack of pictures may have been them living separate lives. But if two super-humanly good-looking people can’t make it work, what hope do we have?
Briana Culberson Hospitalized for Lupus Complications – People
Briana, daughter of Vicki Gunvalson of RHOC, has had health complications for years, including cancer scares, a lupus diagnosis, and an infection her mother blamed on the state of medicine in the third-world country of Kentucky. She is currently in the hospital for inflammation around her heart (Yikes!). Briana is a noted good egg and I have nothing but good wishes for her. I hope she gets well, happy, and remains an across-the-country distance from her mother.
Gym, Tan, Daughter – Entertainment Weekly
Ronnie from the Jersey Shore welcomed a daughter with his girlfriend, Jen Harley. Sammi cannot be happy. I hope Ronnie has toned down on the substance that made him throw everything on Jersey Shore volume one because babies can require almost as much work as maintaining a tan/gym schedule while on vacation.
Kaley Cuoco: Still the Worst – Us Weekly
Kaley has once again told a tale about how bad her first marriage was (not that getting married after knowing a dude for 3 weeks was a bad thing – he just was no good). Nothing makes your partner happier and says “I’m totally over the guy who came immediately before you” like giving more interviews about your ex that your current husband and always comparing the two men in public. We get it, your first marriage sucked. But I shouldn’t have to hear about it. Also that is the literal only thing I know about her.
Future Love is Dead Post – People
Joe Manganiello has been waxing on about his perfect marriage to Sofia Vergara. He is a man envious of only himself because he is married to his own celebrity crush. He boldly suggests that marriages are not work after all and they couldn’t be easier. Based on this week’s heartbreak, I now pre-mourn this relationship. I won’t be caught off guard again, Hollywood divorce register.
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