It’s the merciful end of another season. The producers of this show have wisely shortened the season by a few episodes but I’m cautiously optimistic. We might end up with 47 reunion episodes.
In case you’ve missed this season here’s a summary. Porsha has been alienated and she thinks that means she’s going to develop spots on her head and impregnate Hot Todd. Kim has nearly completed her blowfish transition. Kenya is starring in Mannequin 3 with a dude she found in a Macy’s window. NeNe doesn’t hope you get raped. Sheree is planning a wedding with a black and white striped theme. Cynthia stinks and Kandi is able to shop in the same department for Todd and Ace’s clothing.
We start off with Vivica Fox and Porsha on Dish Nation. They’ve both been cast in the Two Can Play That Game stage play. Vivica is reprising the role she originated in the 2001 film. It’s like how Kelsey Grammar played the same character for 20 years except this one won’t win an Emmy or be seen by
millions thousands of people.
Kandi and Eva meet for pumpkin picking with the kids. Eva’s daughter wants to carve a pumpkin and Kandi’s all “I need to buy one”. She’ll just have DonJuan carve it between his shifts at OLG and the recycling plant. Eva’s birthday is the day before Halloween so she’s going to throw a party. They carefully pick the guest list because they can’t just say “the whole cast is coming”. Ace is the cutest baby on the planet. Period.
Cynthia, NeNe and Eva meet for costume shopping. They discuss the guest list too. Cynthia is going to bring Will because the only thing he hates more than public humiliation is missing a chance to trend on Twitter. Eva says that Kandi doesn’t think Kim is racist and NeNe simply responds that everyone has an opinion – and a racist friend. NeNe says that she was going to set up an apology exorcism for Porsha but it hasn’t been cleared with the Vatican just yet. In Atlanta, the Vatican is Magic City.
Sheree invites the women to see her finished basement. Only Kandi and Cynthia show up because she’s lured them in with free snacks and dry shampoo respectively. Sheree wants to present Cynthia with an alternative to the Ikea furniture in her lake house. It’s cool because in a couple of years, Sheree will also be able to show Cynthia how to duck sheriff’s officers when they try to remove you from your foreclosed property.
As Sheree plies them with massages that she’ll never pay for, she reveals that as she left Barcelona, Porsha told Shamea not to trust any of the women including Sheree. Sheree is upset that she had Porsha’s back and now she’s turning on her. It’s quite interesting that Sheree chose to share this information with women who’ve had significant altercations with Porsha. Let me find out Sheree is giving them sport massages so they can be limbered up for a reunion beatdown.
Kenya and Cynthia are the only women who show up to support Porsha in her play. Kenya lost enough money by not going to Barcelona and Cynthia will show up to anywhere that doesn’t require her Credit Karma profile for entry. Porsha has been cast as a ho which Kenya says is true to type. That’s so wrong; now if she was cast a dumb ho… Also, her character’s name is Conny – with a “y”. I am actively rooting for this play to fail.
Kandi is at home practicing her shrieking. Todd and Ace soon enter the room and are disappointed to find that a goat isn’t being skinned alive in their living room. Kandi wants Todd to join her on tour so that she has support. Momma Joyce will take care of the kids. Who wants to bet that Ace’s first sentence will be “ain’t no mountain high enough to keep me off your ass”?
It’s party time! Eva is dressed as Cleopatra. Cynthia is 50 Cent/50 Cynt as if Will weren’t turned off by her enough. Also, Cynthia makes a totally convincing man and perhaps that is why there is nothing sexy about her. Kandi is Pennywise. It’s a cute costume but she has to commit to carrying a red balloon the whole night. That’s exhausting. Kenya arrives and has to tell people that she’s a Victoria’s Secret model. That’s got to be a slight self-esteem knock.
Kim ordered from the basic bitch catalog and arrives as the only animal less fertile than her – a bunny. Kroy is Hugh Hefner. I kinda feel like their costumes should be reversed. Marlo arrives as a character from B.A.P.S. which I assume is a dig at Porsha’s original costume assignment from her first season. She even brought another older white man as her date and he was called a sugar daddy to his face. The whole scene was quite meta. Porsha is dressed as a zombie bride and looks really similar to Kandi while Sheree is also Cleopatra because she’ll be walking like an Egyptian during her jailhouse break-in for sexy time with Tyrone. NeNe wins the entire season when she arrives as an exterminator with Gregg the roach.
Kim says that the costume isn’t funny because she’s mad she didn’t think of it first. Her face is all contorted and sulky and that’s just from the surgery. Even Kroy likes it and you just know he’s going to pay for his betrayal with thirty wig lashes once they get home. When NeNe’s asked if she’s going to spray Kim, NeNe responds with the Mariah Carey “I don’t know her”. Yeah, no one knows her now that she’s undergone facial reconstruction typically reserved for those in Witness Protection. Kim is such a poor sport that she latches on to new Sweetie AKA Sheree. Kim says that Sheree is the best Cleopatra because it’s always polite to bash the host of he party who’s done nothing to her.
Sheree confronts Porsha about her comments about not trusting the women. Sheree is upset because she’s played a part in Porsha making amends with the group. Kim jumps into it and tells Porsha that she’s questioning Sheree’s character but Porsha reminds Kim that Playboy Bunnies in silicon grottos shouldn’t throw stones. Marlo gets involved in the conversation and tries to address what happened in Barcelona. Porsha walks away and leads a one woman conga line through the party to avoid her.
Eventually NeNe pulls Porsha aside and asks if it’s okay to line all of the women up in height order so Porsha can apologize to them. Porsha doesn’t know what height order is and declines. By the way, Marlo is the runner up of the costume party contest and Cynthia wins.
“I was able to use my own dirt for this facial hair.”
The season wrap up is as follows: Cynthia is still dating Will, NeNe is back on her comedy tour, Kandi is on tour, Porsha finished her play tour, Kenya and Marc have been traveling the world and Sheree is all alone until 2022 when Tyrone is set to be released. What’d you think? Love you for reading and commenting!
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