Welcome back! This recap is an audiobook podcast available on iTunes, Stitcher, and Google Play. They’re free the week they’re released and then go to the premium feed. Find it at podbean. Thanks for the support!! xoxoxo – Ronnie
Previously on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, Dorit vag shamed Erika and Lisa Rinna took a break from worrying about everyone’s addiction storylines and showed off her pill bag.
We open where we left off last week, on the aptly named Junk Boat. No, it’s not a monster sized replica of Erika’s ass to be used in her next YouTube music video, it’s literally a boat made of junk. In Hong Kong of all places. None of this seems safe.
The ladies are in the middle of the first act of their big Vacation Fight. Rinna’s mad that Bruce Willis’ ghost told her that Dorit was telling everyone she’s a drug addict just cuz she likes to drop a couple of Xanax in her smoothies every once in awhile, Erika’s mad that Dorit won’t cop to insinuating that Rinna was addicted to milk shakes because doing yoga every day is a feat and no one should mock it, and Dorit is mad that Erika is using words like “insinuate”. You can’t throw Dorit curveball big words. She has to practice them all in nineteen accents before fighting with them.
Dorit: Yah’ve nayvah loiked mah!
Erika: I don’t like bullshit, Dorit, and that’s what ya are!
Dorit: Then just say that!
Erika: I just did!
And we’re off! The nonsensical housewives fight. These are two newcomers, so it’s hard to place bets. Vanderpump doesn’t care at the moment who wins. She’s here as a fan of the sport itself.
Erika just sits there making her Gollum “come to me” hands while Dorit blinks her giant black eyes blankly. “I’ve always been nice to you, Dorit.”
Dorit squeals “You’ve NAYVAH been noice! NAYVAH!”
Erika stares at us blankly. “Sometimes ya gotta tell someone how full a shit they really are. I guess now’s the right time.” Where’s this betch been? Yes, Dorit’s an easy target which makes this fight kinda unfair, but if you’re gonna fight with someone, choose the little one. Especially if you’ve paid so many gays to do your makeup.
Erika: Ya pick, ya pick, ya pick at me dying for my attention and now ya have it. Is that not good enough for you?
Dorit looks like she’s hearing PK’s dreamy story about touring Erika’s gina scape for the first time.
Please maykah eet stope!
The clown music starts. Erika is grossed out. “Honey, donut flaytah yasaylf! Ah’m NOTE dyin’ fah ya attaynshun!”
Erika swings her crazy clip on braids. “Yeah ya are.”
Dorit does a pretty good imitation of this new crazy robot Erika for us. She holds her nose and wags her fingers and says “Yer obsessdah with mah!” a lot. Back on the boat, she still has a scrunched face and says Erika’s not very interesting, not fun, not nice, she’s cold as ice and stoic. She’s not asking for help on her Tinder profile, Dorit.
Erika leans back and smiles. “I must’a touched a nerve. You’re obviously loud!” HAHAH. The volume defense. Who is this Erika, and why is no one bothered that she showed up to work almost two years late? Surely there’s some kind of penalty for that.
Erika thinks Dorit is an asshole. Vanderpump jumps in, trying to apply her loyalty rule to Dorit. She doesn’t pick the easiest hos to champion. “I think that Dorit felt that you didn’t like her.”
Erika snaps “Do ya think I’d like you after that underwear thing?!” Oh lord. We’re fighting about Erika’s vag again. The poor thing has to be exhausted from being called into the season this often. No wonder it needs to be patted so much. It’s probably a fucking wreck.
Montage of the ten episodes about Erika’s vajay and the three episodes of apologies and make ups over the vajay. The case against the puss was settled out of court. You can’t re-sue, Erika. “Ya made it seem like I was doing it on purpose!” OK so now your vagina had motive? This is like a never ending episode of Law and Order: Special Vaginal Unit.
All Dorit has to do now is say “I apologized for that and I’ll apologize again.” She’s Dorit, though, and she’s been trying to have a fight with Erika all season so she takes this opportunity and runs with it.
“I was jusst sayin’, a woomahn who weahrs a short dress…”
Erika: SO YA AHHHHH SAYIN’ I DID IT ON PURPOSE!
Dorit denies, and now Rinna’s yelling at her. “You said it and suggested it was on purpose YES YOU FUCKIN’ DID!”
Oh shit now Rinna’s in her manic mode. Dorit can take one crazy lady making no sense, but Rinna will literally cut a bitch. She tries to make light. “Ah thought it was all in good fuhn, Ereekooh! Ya said jolly good fun and hah fived mah!”
Vanderpump half heartedly defends Dorit. “She was trying to bring levity to the situation, dahling.” Yes, but she’s also the one who created the situation she was trying to bring levity to, so that doesn’t work. Vanderpump does have it right, though, when she tells us “For God’s sake. This is a woman who wears CUNT around her neck.” LOL.
Dorit whines that if she’d known Erika’s feelings were hurt, she would have kept apologizing. Erika robotically says “Well my feelings WERE hurt.” Again, Dorit skips the nearest exit and keeps on truckin’. “I question whethah ohah not ya have feelin’s, Eerahkooah!”
Rinna snaps “OH PLEASE! Why don’t we talk about what’s really going on here? Why can’t you just say ‘I’m sorry my husband couldn’t stop glaring at your vagina!’”
Just when you thought it would be the same ole fight, Rinna enters and switches it to a fight about PK’s eye on flappy vag assault. Dorit’s only defense is that it was a low table and Erika’s puss was in the same line of sight as the bread basket. “He can’t stop starin at bread. Blame the bussboah whoah broaght eet to us!”
Eileen, with a straight face, says that her husband Vincent would NEVER sit there staring at a vagina at dinner. It’s complete bullshit, but Eileen had a funny moment so let’s celebrate that.
Dorit gets her calm I’m Sorry voice on. “Eareckooah, Ah’m sorreh… that these goils made it such a big deahl!” HAHAHAHAHAH! Rinna and Eileen, both drunk with fight power, laugh loudly and wag their fingers. Suddenly, Rinna pounces up from her seat and gets her finger right in Erika’s face. “Hey friend, you made it a big deal, FRIEND!” Just as quickly, she’s back in her seat.
Dorit tells her not to get in her face and Rinna laughs. “I’ll get in your face when I want!” Dorit tries to argue, but now Rinna is rocking back and forth in her glitter jacket like a crazy person yelling “Fuck you, Dorit! Fuck you fuck you fuck you!”
Dorit, not sure what to do at this point, says “That’s real classy!”
Rinna, still rocking back and forth, laughing maniacally, says “Oh, you too, FRIEND.” Why does she keep saying friend? This is like a really terrifying horror movie. She tells us that Dorit is the one with no class cuz she has a bunch of made up accents but was born in Connecticut. That’s uncalled for. I am someone with twenty terrible accents and I refuse to be called classless. Shit I just remembered I stored a Hershey’s kiss in my belly button. I love leaving little surprises for myself. BRB. Gonna take a moment to enjoy.
I’m back. Eileen needs to get her “Team Erika” quotes in to show her support. She says that she was listening to Dorit until Dorit accused her of making a big deal out of the vag storyline. “You can’t pretend you didn’t know it hurt her feelings when I made you drive to Malibu to tell you it hurt her feelings!” Eileen planning a whole scene to talk about drama that isn’t hers and then getting mad that someone accused her of making a big deal out of it is classic.
Vanderpump groans. “That’s not fair. She meant it as a joke.” Eileen and Rinna both jump on her, index fingers pointing. “She can fight for herself!” “Stay out of it, old woman.” Vanderpump shrugs. “I’m sticking up for my friend like you’re sticking up for yours.”
They can’t argue with that, and they both stop for a minute, as if it’s the first time they’ve considered what raging fucking hypocrites they are being right now.
Dorit tries again. “Ayreekahoyahhz, I apologize if I made you look bad, hurt your feelings, or defamed your vajoinas.” Erika won’t accept. “Well ya did all three so thanks.” It would be easier to stick up for Dorit if she hadn’t just gone on a rampage on what a shitty boring ass robot Erika is. Erika announces that Dorit wanted to hurt her feelings and she did so BYE!
She grandly exits to stand at the bow of the boat, like she’s about to film the whore version of Titanic. Vanderpump chases her. “Dahling, are you ok?” Erika wipes some tears away. “Fine.” Vanderpump pouts. “You don’t have to be fine, you know.” Come here my broken little ho. Come to Mama.
Erika ignores her and looks out on the seas as she cries. Then the camera turns and we see that the boat is docked and Erika is literally staring out at a crowd of gawking tourists and crying, like she’s playing Whor-Evita. Fucking amazing. I try to imagine her singing “Don’t Cry For Me Argentina”, but not even my imagination can make Erika understand pitch.
The other ladies come out to stand with her and stare out at the confused crowd. Kyle, as shocked as we all are about this new semi-insane Erika, touches her tears to see if they’re real.
Kyle is excited. Erika could have a leg shot off and not cry. This is a HUGE event. If only she’d worn an Agency hat.
Dorit is shocked that she just got pwned by a YouTuber. “That was like a miss-aisle attack. A fool ahn MISS-AISLE ATTACK!”
Eden hasn’t said a word, but it looks like she’s put her incognito wig to use and stolen some silverware from the boat.
Erika, who’s been standing onstage pretending to cry stoically for ten minutes, suddenly drops it when they’re cleared to get off the boat. “OK thanks! Buhbye!” HAHAH The ladies get off the boat and split into their two groups.
In the car, Erika says she doesn’t like yelling at people but it’s hard being portrayed as something you really aren’t. GIRL PLEASE! You writhe around in thongs flapping your ass cheeks to terrible Garage Band loops your old ass balls to his ankles husband pays for! You’re entire life is based on your vag. You’ve built fucking palaces with that thing. WHO YOU FOOLIN’?
And herein lies the rub. Erika acts like a useless fame hungry whore so that she can get mad when people call her a useless fame hungry whore. It’s like a mouse trap getting mad at the mouse who eats its cheese. Does that mean Dorit isn’t an asshole? Of course not. Dorit is, and will always be, an asshole.
Dorit is walking with Vanderpump and Kyle, blabbing on mindlessly about Erika. “Shah pays suh meny people ta tell hah she’s fabulous that she belayves eet!” Says the woman who just forced Chinese Nanny to film a packing scene because she has no friends. Kyle sticks up for Erika gently, knowing Dorit isn’t listening anyway. Vanderpump doesn’t say anything bad, though, because, like us, this is the Erika Vanderpump has waited for. “She actually cried. Tears, dahling. I haven’t seen that….that…….vulnerability!”
Vanderpump stares into the camera, pondering her freshly broken ho, with her face scrunched. You know she’s feeling things if she actually moves her face that much and let’s us see it. Talk about vulnerability.
Kyle is mostly pissed at Rinna for getting in Dorit’s face. It’s a scary pattern, and Rinna seems to know she can get away with it whenever they’re in a foreign land. Only US trips from now on or someone will literally get hurt.
Cut to Rinna in the car laughing her ass off. “I got in her face and said fuck you baby!”
Vanderpump is depressed, but the night ends with a light at the end of the tunnel.
When the whole world learns to speak the same fabulous language. HUGS.
She asks her purse if she can go in, but it answers that it’s bed time.
Back in Erika’s room, Eileen wants to cuddle. Erika won’t. “Look at your body language.” That’s how her body talks. Eileen. Whore Siri. Nice to meet you, betch. Where have you been this whole time? Erika snaps “I’m just cold, not cold!” She allows a cuddle. Once. To prove a point.
The next morning, the ladies meet up for breakfast, and Erika is still in full on tell off mode. She coldy says hello to Dorit and sits there with perfect posture, staring. She gives so, so many fucks.
Vanderpump announces that they’ll be going to see Buddha today. Dorit, who sees PK in the shower every morning, says “Oy’ve already been thah!” Erika wants to stab her with a butter knife.
Eileen and Rinna come down stairs, acting like the positive ones. “Buddha!” “Yeah! Buddha! Buddha!” “Buddha!” “Buddha?….”
No one smiles. Erika, loving the chill in the air, says “I’ve heard there are sacred oxen there.” Um ok? “We have to walk 254 steps.” Kyle wants to barf. “WHAT?” She swallows a couple of muffins whole. Fear reflex. Dorit sighs. “Oh my Gawtt.”
Rinna, who’s forgotten everything that’s ever happened up to this point, says Dorit is being a downer. Then she digs out a pill from her bag. “Like this one!” She laughs and laughs and laughs, which is terrifying. She’s still on a rampage, and someone could die on this Buddha pilgrimage.
The two teams split up into different glass bottomed gondolas. Kyle, who relies on her old “fear of things” storylines when she’s not able to talk about Kim’s addiction, her money or her or Mauri’s businesses, goes into full phony wah I’m scared of heights panic, and Dorit joins her. Vanderpump shakes the gondola to “make them squeal like little piglets”, which is why I can never not have love for her. She says “This gondola is reliable. It does this all day. Way less scary than having dinner with Lisa Rinna.”
Kyle is convinced that Eileen is freaking out in her gondola, too.
She’s not. Her gondola is full of spiritual beings. You can tell, cuz they feel things deeply enough to SnapChat them while they’re happening.
When they arrive at the Buddha, it’s raining and they have to walk up a zillion steps. They see a cow and Lisa Vanderpump goes into a tizzy. “What a big strong man! What a sexy boy!” She considers giving it Dorit’s seat on the plane. What’s one more giant pile of shit in her backyard at this point? Rocio looks better and better in Pandy’s hand me downs the more she shovels. It would be a win for everyone. Kyle snaps a pic of the cow and Vanderpump says “You have to tag him. Does he have an Instagram?”
Everyone takes a moment to stare up at the Buddha statue in awe. So that’s what it looks like to be at peace with carbs. Vanderpump thinks he’s very handsome and wants to rub his winky for good luck.
The girls all smile and ooh and ahhhh, but every single one of them says the same thing with their eyes.
They get giant blessing sticks and make wishes. Eden takes seven. Dorit says “It’s a bit cheeky ya took sah meny! Ya supposed ta take one!” LOL. Eden is Brandi and Kim rolled into one.
Back at the hotel, it’s time to get ready for dinner. Dorit talks to her own glam squad of one, Carene. “I doon’t knew what Ah’d do withaht hah!” She tells Carene how mean everyone is and how sad she feels and Carene just ignores her ass and puts on her makeup. If you’re gonna rent a gay, make it a gay man. Lesbians ain’t about to be fake with your ass.
Erika’s been glammed up the right way, with lots of “YASS”es and “EVERYTHANG”s. She tells us her look is called “Samurai Barbie”, cuz it’s easier to say than “Tour Bus for Flinstones on Ice Crashes Into Moutain: No Survivors.”
Dinner time! They’re all seated at a corner window view, which you probably already saw from different angles if you follow them on Instagram. Everywhere they go they whip out those fucking phones. I feel like my mother. “T-Mobile didn’t cook this fucking brisket. I DID. PUT AWAY YOUR PHONE OR I’M PUTTING YOU BACK IN WEIGHT WATCHERS.”
Lisa Vanderpump is trying a new look tonight. Is it ever too late for Marge Simpson fashion to catch on?
Homer, dahling, I’m sorry for manipulating you into eating that donut.
They make a toast, but Rinna can’t get behind toast. Yes, on one hand, it’s how her toast making daughter makes a living. On the other, it’s bad luck and a carb. Food is delivered and Eden and Rinna both fold their hands, not willing to pretend to eat for the cameras. Rinna will go to great lengths to not eat, which is why all of her fights happen over a table. Tonight is no different.
Eden tees it up. “I feel like there’s an elephant in the room.” Kyle stares down at her plate, wondering if she over did it on the self serve. Rinna asks Dorit in her disappointed but positive mom voice: “Did you apologize to Erika?” Oh Jesus. Vanderpump groans. “It’s between Dorit and Erika.” Rinna simmers down, and Erika semi snarls “No, she didn’t apologize.” Sound of fork dropping. Sorry that was me. I can’t with this show.
Vanderpump shrugs. “Dahling, you had a flash. Who cares?”
Erika: Don’t minimize my feelings! You’re minimizing my feelings!
OK hon your feelings were super fun for five minutes. I know you’re knew to the “I have feelings” experience, but tone it down. Vanderpump moans to us. “She should have just shaken this off. Like she did her knickers.” She gets a huge kick out of herself, and I love noting all the things she’s gonna get yelled at for during the three hour reunion.
Dorit says she’s asked Erika if she’s ok and she says yes, so “Whah am Eh supposedah ta dew?” Erika snaps “Shut your mouth! Ya made it a big deal! There’s Erika, showin her vagina on purpose! There’s Erika the whore, doin the splits on the ground and simulating tree trimming with her vagina on YouTube! Wait sorry that was me who did that. You’re still a dick, Dorit!”
Dorit: I don’t remembah makin’ it a big deyahl!
Erika: Don’t play the I don’t remember game!
Rinna agrees. “When I didn’t remember, I didn’t go around telling everyone stuff, I just didn’t remember.” Um…ok? Thanks for drawing the moral line in the “I don’t remember” defense sand. It’s time to change this fight up, anyway. It’s boring. She tried to do it earlier, but no one ran with her hint so she’ll try again.
Rinna: I have one more question, Dorit.
Dorit: Just one?
Rinna: And then I’ll shut up.
Vanderpump: No you won’t.
Rinna: Do you trust your husband, Dorit?
DUN DUN DUUUUUUHN
Kyle is mortified. She has been anti bringing husbands into it ever since season 2, when her husband was in the tabloids for sleeping with transgender hookers. “Why would you ask that? You can’t ask that! My husband’s penis/boob obsession is private!” Everyone stares at her as she defensively swallows a roll.
Rinna tries again. “Do you trust your husband, Dorit?”
Dorit: Implicityleh! Ya don’t have to esk mah twice!
Rinna: If you trust your husband, why are you so threatened by him staring at Erika’s vagina?!
Dorit’s coke eyes almost pop out, and Kyle’s botox eyes cross further than ever. She points out that husband talk is what made Rinna try to strangle Kim’s turkey neck and throw a glass at her. Vanderpump and Kyle both boo openly as Rinna shrugs and says “Just bein’ honest, FRIEND! Just being HONEST!”
Erika’s mad that they’re mad. “Why give deference to PK and not ME?” OK Erika you proved you’re not a robot for ten minutes a year. Please simmer down now. She doesn’t.
Kyle argues that they shouldn’t talk about someone’s marriage. Erika nasally shouts “YOU don’t mess with marriage, Dorit! That’s what you did! Oh, there’s Erika Jayne out flashing her vagina to husbands!”
Please. Like Don Rickles is shocked that the vagina he bought is being flashed. He PAYS for it to be flashed! And good for him. Some dudes buy million dollar convertibles to prove to the town they’re rich and powerful. He bought a hot wife off the floor of a Denny’s. Don Rickles is not gonna get mad that you’re flashing your vag. He said he shows your videos to his office buddies at board meetings. There’s nothing as confusing as an uppity ho.
Rinna asks “What was REALLY going on that night, FRIEND? WHAT?” Erika answers “She wanted to make me look like a loose slut, that’s what! And now I have to explain this to Tom!”
There’s quiet as people try and imagine Tom getting upset when he finds out his ho is a ho. It doesn’t really compute. Erika’s had a massive scene on the bow of the boat, and now she’s doing it on the top of some building in Hong Kong for the world to watch. She is feeling the power of pure Housewives Nonsensical Rage Syndrome pumping through her veins and couldn’t stop if she wanted to.
Dorit says that she was sorry before, but now she’s even more sorry because that poor old man could die at any moment and she doesn’t want to be the cause for his inevitable heart attack. Erika snarls “Oh you’re sorry? Greeeat. Then you can apologize to my husband too!” Dorit’s like um…ok? Erika continues “And then you can have your husband apologize to my husband too!”
If by apologize, you mean give him a high five and congratulate him on a good purchase, then ok. If you mean apologize apologize…no. Dorit says that she’s not in charge of what PK does. “Oh,” Erika whine shouts, “You don’t run PK? YOU DON’T? I would go to Tom and say ‘I did someone wrong, ya gotta help me!’” LOL. I’m sure. Remember how well it worked out when you tried getting bitchy with Vanderpump in front of Tom? He fell in love with Vanderpump.
Rinna and Eileen stare at Dorit like “Wanna use our facetime?”
Rinna is in the mix again, babbling in her mom voice. “Listen! Listen! Listen baby listen!”
Dorit tells her to shut up. “Can I speak to her alone, LISA RINNA?”
Rinna’s like “Ok. But listen with LOVE BABY!”
Kyle and Vanderpump both boo and tell her to shut up. She’s all “That’s all I have to say here. I’m done!”
Vanderpump: I don’t believe it.
There’s a really long pause as everyone looks at each other. It’s episode 16 and they’re still fighting over the most used vagina on the internet.
Erika: This? SUCKS.
Dorit whines “I’m sorreh Ah hurt ya feelins! I sweah on me motha’s loife!
Erika: YOU MADE IT A BIG DEAL!
Ugh shut up already. Even Eileen agrees. Her tone changes. “OK but I don’t think she’s evil.”
Erika glares at Eileen. “I love you Eileen, but no one called her evil.”
Eileen: She said she’s sorry. What can she do to make it ok? It’s not like she killed your child.
Sound of all the chairs in a saloon scooting back in fear.
Erika rages her Dead Flinstones Tour Bus eyes. “I don’t have to forgive her. I don’t have to do shit! And don’t bring up killing my child cuz MY CHILD COULD GET KILLED!”
Oh lord. She’s whipping out the Blue Lives Matter defense. Girl, save it for the reunion.
Eileen recoils. “I didn’t mean it that way.”
Vanderpump: Why could your child get killed, dahling?
I suspect Vanderpump still thinks this is Dana from Season 2.
Eileen: He’s a police officer. And I didn’t mean it that way.
Erika: Don’t bring up my kid again, EILEEN. You don’t know what it’s like knowin your kid could die every night! Don’t talk about my kid!
Even Dorit’s on Eileen’s side. “She diden’tah!”
Eileen: I didn’t!
Erika growls SHUT THE FUCK UP. Kyle looks terrified, which means they’re out of bread. She looks around for the waiter.
Erika is in full on faux sob rant mode now. It’s fucking hilarious, and the women are all looking at her like “Ok you win you’re the craziest. Can we order dessert?” She won’t stop.
Erika: You don’t know what I deal with every night! You don’t know what I go through! Fuck you for that!
She’s hyperventilating into a napkin. What drugs did her pay for gays find on the street? That shit must be good to make Erika try to feel things publicly to this extent.
Eileen is soap opera crying now. “I didn’t mean it like…”
Erika: My son is under fire every night! I won’t tolerate it!
Good lord woman this isn’t Full Metal Jacket. Isn’t her son a traffic cop in Pasadena? It’s not South Central for fucksake.
Eileen has put half her eggs in this crazy ass basket case, so she tries a different tactic. “I would like to take a moment of silence so we can all honor Erika’s son!”
LOL shut up, Eileen. Erika agrees. “No. We won’t be doing that. I could do that! I could cry and say ‘wah my son’s a cop and I’m so scared!’ but I don’t!” Um, you’re doing it right now. She tells us “That’s one thing you can’t say to me. Don’t talk about killin my kid.”
So now Eileen is joking about your son being murdered. Good Lord. Who is this crazy bitch? I need her on my screen at all times. Kyle’s all “She didn’t mean it like that.”
“’She didn’t kill your kid!’ But you don’t know! None of you here have to face that!” Eileen, still trying to win back Erika against all odds, cries “I would never disrespect your son.”
Erika rolls her eyes. “Great. Cool.”
Eileen sobs from her gut. “Wow.” I blame the Madonna gloves. Who dresses this woman?
Hands up don’t shoot! …What’d I say?
Rinna, never able to read a room, blurts out “I gotta change the subject.”
Dorit exhales. “Pleaaayeeeese dooooo.” Vanderpump and Kyle are like really old Flowers in the Attic. Totally traumatized.
Be careful what you wish for. She tells us that she has to go sell dusters on QVC in the morning, so this is her last chance to plant bombs.
“Hey Dorit…Member when I was at your dinner party and your friend said ‘Dorit you need a touch up’ and you all left me alone at the table with that odd homosexual agent man?” Cut to Rinna stuck alone with that guy as he mumbles “I’ll definitely ask PK why he’s making such a big deal of this, Lisa Rinna. Would you like to be in a photo on my office wall? I’ll put you in the place of the small robot girl from that sitcom. She was always an ungrateful little brat.”
Back to the present. Dorit’s all…um ok? Yes. Kyle asks Rinna what her point is.
Rinna: Have you ever been to a dinner party where you were left all alone?
Kyle has flashes of all the dinner parties she waited to be alone at so she could put leftovers in her purse. “No. What are you insinuating?”
All eyes on Rinna. “Were you all doing coke in the bathroom at your dinner party?”
HAHAHAHAH!!!! Eileen is even mortified. She holds up her sad Madonna gloves to cover her face. I predict Eileen will have the shits again by the time this is over.
Dorit: Are you insinuatin’ ah got up froom tha deenah table ta do drogs!?” No she’s not insinuating, she’s flat out accusing. I’m impressed you learned that word so quickly, but definitions go with words. Kyle and Lisa are booing again, and it’s hilarious.
Kyle: If someone said that to me? That’s a horrible thing to say!
Vanderpump: I’d jump across the table!
You gotta love that Vanderpump can slip in a Rinna dig even in a quick little exasperation line in someone else’s fight. She’s a pro, people. Kyle has been double triggered. First, husband talk, now more addiction accusations. It’s like someone performing bad dinner theater of all her storylines at once. “This is disgusting!”
Rinna: I have to be honest, BABY! All you have to say is no.
Dorit takes a breath. “….No.” She’s a terrible liar.
Man, Rinna did it again. She acted all bobble headed and good natured and “healed” this entire season and then BOOM YOU’RE A DRUG ADDICT BABY!
Rinna accusing yet another person of being an addict. In one episode, Erika has cried on the bow of a boat to an entire audience of tourists, thrown multiple tantrums, told her best friends to fuck off, brought up Blue Lives matter to avoid accepting an apology, and generally let her crazy bitch flower bloom, right on time in her second season. All that hard work and she’s STILL upstaged by Rinna. Say what you want about Lisa Rinna, and I know you will, but you gotta hand it to her. That’s Housewives talent, right there.