Last time on RHOBH, Dorit took some light shade from LVP and didn’t like it. Nope. Not one bit. Erika seemed to take Dorit’s side in the Dorit/LVP quarrel. Kyle was happy to see someone else be punished by the Queen. Speaking of punishments, Camille gave Dorit a ball-gag so that she might, for once, keep her stupid mouth shut. Dorit is blaming the LVP rift on Teddi now, which is a nice break for Kyle. Speaking of Kyle, she sold another show, and only mentioned The Agency once. Rinna was sick.
Off the bat, MisRed apologizes for the delay in this recap. Normally, MisRed likes to beat Ronnie and Ben over at Watch What Crappens to the punch, but, MisRed was so drained after watching this episode, she had to get some pizza… and then her gays came over and put a beauty mask on her, which made her look like she was in a bukkake porn movie.
Did y’all really think MisRed was Agnes Moorehead?
This is a LONG ASS Recap. MisRed apologies. Pour yourself a STADIUM CUP of your favorite bev and pull up a chair.
Now we start… all of the ladies meet for a meal. LVP asks how Dorit is doing? And we get a time jump to Teddi telling Dorit to “if she wants to bring everyone into this, she should tell the story her way,”
Dorit’s way = a made-up story, coated in bullsh*t
Teddi saying to Erika “You, pretending, like it’s full amnesia right now is confusing.”
Erika “caught” amnesia from Dorit and Rinna
Erika, promptly bites her head off telling her to never say that she (Erika) was pretending and she doesn’t remember saying whatever Teddi is accusing her of saying.
YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I DEAL WITH EVERY NIGHT…. Oh wait, fast forward 1 year
Oh, for f*cks sake… are we getting Momento’d?
Andy has botox’d the memories right out of these bitches
It’s too early in the morning for MisRed to be Momento’d! And if these f*ckers even dream of Soprano-ing me… they will be dead to MisRed.
Cut to Camille saying she didn’t think Dorit was badmouthing or bashing and Dorit offering to help her or LVP with their “issues.” Teddi says that Dorit doesn’t want to hear what she has to say. Dorit saying “Are you joking me?”
And she’s not kidding you, either.
MisRed absolutely loves when Dorit says things incorrectly. Must be a side effect of faking accents, or being a gaping a-hole.
And we see Teddi leaving in tears with LVP running after her. Bahahah, LVP running. MisRed can’t.
Cut to 5 days earlier…
ala “5 days before Teresa is released from Prison”
5 days before leaving camp-ses
Erika meets Rinna beside a bowling pin-shaped pool.
Shoe rental to the left…
Is this the Butch’s apartment complex from Pulp Fiction?
She forgot the watch.
Oh wait, it’s the Avalon Hotel. Apparently, Marilyn Monroe lived there at one point. Then Eileen shows up.
Eileen wasn’t cc’d on the “Heinous Shirt” memo
Erika interviews that Eileen is a pillar of strength, who tells it like it is. Bahahahaha, sorry, MisRed just spit out her coffee. Erika is clearly looking for another stint on Young and the Restless.
Listen, not that MisRed doesn’t like Eileen- she can either take her or leave her, but the fact that Eileen couldn’t hack LVP saying she and her husband had an affair was a little contrived for MisRed. Well hell… 99% of this is contrived. MisRed is unsure how/why she is getting upset about this now.
Rinna interviews that she misses Eileen in the group, and implies that Eileen doesn’t have time to be on the show because she’s filming both Y&R and Days at the same time.
I don’t know her.
Psst, she also wasn’t asked back to RHOBH… but MisRed digresses. Rinna says that now the oldest person in the group is LVP. Wait…. <MisRed googles Eileeen Davidson’s age> well, MisRed will be a monkey’s uncle- Eileen is 59. So yes, if we are going by LVP’s current fake age of 57, well, then yes, Eileen is older.
Well that’s the funniest god damn thing MisRed has ever seen.
Eileen wants the poop on what’s happening. Rinna tells her, both she and Erika have moved on with Dorit and things are good between them. Eileen is shocked and thinks they are bullsh*tting her.
Preach sister. Eileen thinks they all sound very evolved. Erika says, “The other shoe is going to drop any minute.”
Move those balls, they are blocking the logo
Over at Kyle’s she has “made” Mauricio, who, shockingly, is wearing a “The Agency” T-shirt, some falafel.
Mmmmm. Delicious. Colossal-Rabbit Turds.
No way Kyle “made” these. MisRed bets $100, Kyle HEATED these up.
Kyle went chandelier shopping with the morally corrupt Faye Resnick, but now Kyle is confused. She’s currently renovating her home to get a more modern feel, and to change the shape of her pool- which is currently shaped like Osama Bin Laden or something… but now Kyle isn’t sure she wants to stay in the house. She was trolling “The Agency” website and found a home- she went to look at their floors, but fell in love with the place, and now she might want to move.
Kyle thinks she can’t POSSIBLY survive 4 -6 months of renovations. They decide to make a list of Pros and Cons. Well on the top of the Cons list, obviously, is Kim Richards. Oh, and her niece, Paris. Both were convicted of stuff, right?
Oh wait, not that kind of Con?
So modern… for 1896
A more modern feel? Sure! In 2018, what’s more modern than a house built in 1896!?!?!?
Portia wants to move so she can reorganize her room. Valid reason to spend $8.5 Million and move. Glad to see they are really raising Portia with a proper sense of the practical.
Teddi and Rinna meet to get their nails done. Rinna tells Teddi she met Dorit for dinner a few nights previously and they were both excited to see one another. Well, Dorit needs to try to get SOMEONE on her side- and Rinna is the only one who has been absent enough this season to not be wise to Dorit’s colossal mound of steaming bullsh*t.
Well hell, even Rinna is on the apology tour this Season… so maybe they could team up for some wacky capers. Maybe Kyle could produce it and sell it to “SMB” Network. (That’s the Steaming Mound of Bullsh*t Channel for those keeping score at home.)
Rinna tells Teddi that she and Dorit had a rough time the previous year, so it’s nice that they are getting along. Teddi is, understandably, suspicious. One of Teddi’s hot button issues, besides carbohydrates, is when someone thinks something yet, something entirely different is actually going on.
Teddi reveals to Rinna that she is anxious to be having this conversation with Rinna- not because of an issue between them- it’s not like Teddi served Rinna moonshine in the wrong glass or some other grievous act of aggression- but it’s regarding something Teddi heard about Rinna.
Teddi goes on to explain that after Vegas, Tedwin went to Dorit and P-kay’s rental and had a gourmet dinner of canned beans over rice. During the dinner Teddi commented that Rinna and Dorit seemed to have a good relationship. And with that Dorit and P-Kay rehashed the entire Rinna-file and P-Kay said that Rinna is a schizophrenic.
Rinna is like “Oh, he’s already said that.”
Let’s dig back in MisRed’s files, shall we?
Ah yes, MisRed’s very sophisticated filing system never fails.
Harking back to the dark ages- January 2, 2018:
PK tells Teddi and Edwin that a year ago they had a dinner party and Rinna had attended. They THOUGHT she had a good time but after the party she went and attacked the entire evening. Well everyone at the party got up from the table and left Rinna with some old Queen- may he rest in peace. Then Dorit says “He thinks Lisa Rinna is schizophrenic.”
Teddi interviews that she is not sure, without being a medical professional, that she would give that type of diagnosis.
Then Dorit goes on to tell a story of how Rinna attacked her on a boat in Hong Kong and how Rinna has “Rage and Regret” and that the whole trip was designed to hurt her. Dorit also thinks Rinna had some nerve giving a speech at her birthday party. Well if she’s pissed about that, she should take it up with LVP.
Ok, so here we go. Remember when MisRed said their slate isn’t so clean. Yup, Dorit has no intention of starting over. She isn’t erasing any chalkboards, dry erase boards or etch-a-sketches. Grudge firmly in place.
Teddi is confused- they just had this big moment of forgiving each other and now Dorit is at a dinner talking about it again. That isn’t forgiveness in Teddi’s eyes.
Teddi may be boring, but she seems to have some of these twats figured out.
So, NOTED, Dorit holds a grudge FOREVER. Not only that, we still don’t know where the the cocaine is stashed!!
Teddi says she has seen a lot of crap from Dorit and originally, she had wondered from where those P-Kay and Dorit comments came- but after her experience, she now sees that this is how Dorit operates and she felt like she had to say something to Rinna because she was feeling like a liar if she didn’t.
Rinna’s response is –like- Well, I, genuinely felt that we were moving on. Rinna feels that SHE is moving on. But at the same time, it’s not like this is something she hasn’t heard from PK and Dorit before and she is just going to let it go.
Rinna invites Teddi for drinks on Saturday- she wants to get all of the girls together. You know, for a nice BIG fight.
MisRed aside- Teddi did NOT need to tell Rinna this. On one hand, the Rinna-bashing was several months beforehand. On the other hand, it’s not like this was the last sh*tty thing Dorit said about Rinna. On the other hand, Rinna and Dorit were very freshly made-up. On the other hand, P-Kay is revolting. On the other hand, Dorit would sell her own mother down the river for some attention. On the other hand, Teddi should really know better than to do this kind of thing, especially after all of the previous issues with Dorit.
MisRed feels like Tevye.
Is MisRed the only one who has been in Fiddler on the Roof 10 times?
MisRed understands wanting to get something off your chest, especially when something has just clicked into place, but no good can come from this. Granted, Dorit didn’t really say what she said to Teddi “in confidence” it was in the midst of a “dinner” party. But still- it’s a little unnecessary pot-stirring.
We are 11 minutes in, folks. MisRed has already been watching this for 90 minutes.
Erika getting some photos taken for her book cover. Is the book even written yet? Putting the cart before the horse, aren’t we? Erika thinks it’s “impordant” for the cover to reach out and grab you. You know what MisRed thinks is “impordant?” FOR SOMEONE TO TELL ERIKA THE WORD IS “IMPOR-TANT!!!!”
Erika tells Mikey she just wrote a chapter about money- because all of the stuff she does costs money- the performing, the outfits, the touring, the records. Well that explains the phrase starving artist.
Psst, Erika, all of the things you mentioned are actually supposed to be MAKING you money, not COSTING Tom Girardi money.
The shoot runs through Erika’s entire wardrobe of latex and see-thru cat-suits.
MisRed is sweating just looking at this…
Erika wants this book to show her soul. A) Didn’t she sell that Soul to Satan, aka Andy Cohen, when she signed up for this show? B) Nothing shows ones Soul like a see-thru Cat-suit.
P-Kay and Dorit arrive in some back alley in another rented car. A broken down back alley is perfect for them, really.
A dumbwaiter would be appropriate for these two
They climb some rickety metal stairs, which Dorit can’t seem to make it up without some encouragement from P-Kay “Come on Bubba.” (For the record, if MrRed called MisRed “Bubba,” he would be the ex-MrRed.) Ooooh, we are at the site of Dorit’s bathing suit sweat shop. Looks like they hid all of the small child workers.
Where are the children?
Dorit tells us she has spent “endless weeks and months” working on her swimwear collection. We meet someone named Suzie, who insists on spelling it “Soozie.” Everyone has gotta be different, don’t you know. Soozie is the head designer at the sweat shop. You KNOW this b*tch be like “Ok, I’ll appear on camera for 8 seconds, but it’s going to cost you.” They all go on a tour of “Dorit’s factory” which Dorit refers to as “My home away from home,” despite the fact that she appears to never have set foot in this place before this day.
Dorit says that THIS is the sound she has heard most in her life- “the sound of the sewing machine and the smell of the fabric.” <hard-eye-roll>
Let me get this straight…you are actually going to make this sh*t?
They have a “meeting” with the sweat shop people and Dorit interviews “My money is PK’s money. PK’s money is my money.” Wait… what? What money, exactly, are we talking about here?
Dorit is having a hard time digesting all of the changes PK made to her line. Well maybe make yourself some canned beans over rice- that should clear your digestive track RIGHT out. She says that PK is “such a visionary” and a VERY SUCCESSFUL business man. Sorry. MisRed is having trouble typing that with a straight face. A) MisRed requires proof of just one of his successful business ventures. B) He is managing Boy George’s career so successfully that George has taken up residence on the Kemsley’s couch.
PREVIOUSLY, Dorit says that she poured all of her money into her company, but NOW- this sweat shop is a partner and Boy George has invested money into the company.
Um, so apparently, Boy George imprisoning a male escort isn’t the worst decision of his life… good to know.
We learn that despite “Red having SUCH A MOMENT” the line will be black, white and rose gold. Great. Super-original, Dorit.
MisRed’s designs… on the back of her Perka code from today. Honestly, MisRed’s are comparable.
Dorit says this feels like her brand, “It’s fun but it has this, sort of, class.” Well yes, there’s all kinds of class MisRed supposes- low, working, statistics, poor, algebra, no…
MisRed couldn’t give less than one single f*ck about Dorit and her swimwear line. Sorry, not sorry.
Dorit arrives at Erika’s mans… or as MIsRed likes to call it “The house the DSLs built.”
I want to skin you and wear you like last year’s ugly Gucci Track Suit, Erika.
Erika has a spread of sandwiches from Costco nicely laid out and has opened a bottle of Cristal.
Yes, today is the day for a cold-cut and champagne pairing.
Dorit is impressed. She interviews “Serving champagne in an actual champagne glass.”
Not for nothing, MisRed has the same flutes and regularly drinks coffee from them.
OMG Dorit, F*ck the F*ck Off with you and your glass obsession. They toast to their friendship. Dorit asks how Erika’s book is coming- and feigns over-the-top excitement while Erika explains what’s happening with the book.
Erika asks about Dorit’s swimwear line and Dorit says there has been a name change and she “absolutely loves it.” Hmmm, wonder when Dorit stared LOVING the name change, as last week she HATED it. Erika thinks Beverly Beach is kind of cute. You also buy $5,000 track suits made from my dead grandmother’s curtains so…yeah.
MisRed does have some experience in the business world- she knows, hard to believe. Originally, MisRed thought calling the line “Nava” was a bad idea because Dorit supposedly had a following from her previous company “Doritos.” But Beverly Beach sounds A) Fake. Mostly because it IS fake. B) Where Brandon Walsh worked on Season 2 of 90210, where he developed his sad gambling problem C) A knock-off of some other company name. Now the company is called “Beverly Beach by Dorit.” At least NAVA had some mystery. Now there is no escaping the fact that this is Dorit’s line. MisRed just went down the rabbit hole of Beverly Beach by Dorit’s Facebook page… that just gave MisRed the will to live.
Model looks like she just saw PK naked… or someone is about to kill her puppy…or she’s being forced to model for Beverly Beach by Dorit
Dorit says that LVP’s party was a “pile-on Dorit.” Dorit says that LVP and Teddi had a little gag they had planned before Dorit arrived- to serve Dorit a drink in the “wrong” glass. And Dorit goes onto say “Well, they (LVP and Teddi) are very close.” Erika is like – oh because they ride horses together? Dorit doesn’t like that LVP calls Teddi “Teddi Bear.”
OMG Dorit. A) the glass joke was ALL LVP B) Teddi Bear is a nickname, and not a particularly creative one, at that. C) maybe they are becoming friends because they have a common interest in horses, which makes more sense than being friends with someone because you’ve known their disgusting husband for 750 years.
Erika says she is detecting a little jealousy on Dorit’s part and Dorit actually cops to it- she must have a fever. Erika interviews that being needy of someone is not a great basis for a friendship. As opposed to Single White Female-ery like Dorit feels for Erika. Erika feels everyone should be more independent.
Erka asks how things are with Dorit and LVP? Dorit says that it’s fine and they will move past it. Erika says that LVP will continue to punish Dorit for it. Dorit’s real beef is with Teddi because she says that Teddi said to her “You know Dorit, I really like you, but sometimes I feel like when we have a conversation it just goes around and around.” Dorit says that she wants to tell Teddi to pick up a mirror.
Unless this is a conversation we didn’t SEE, this is NOT what happened. Dorit accused Teddi of making up stuff about what was said at the NYC dinner and Teddi said she wasn’t in the mood to go around in circles with Dorit…because Dorit can never take any responsibility for anything and likes to revise history and doesn’t even have a passing flirtation with the truth. Plus, I have a hard time believing Teddi would tell Dorit that she really liked her.
Dorit says that Teddi keeps trying to be her accountability coach and that if she WANTED an accountability coach, she would HIRE one. Exactly. Dorit doesn’t want to be accountable for anything- nor does she have the money to hire anyone to do anything.
Erika says “You are having problems with everyone but me. What’s going on?” Answer: Dorit is an asshole and Erika either a) doesn’t give a f*ck b) Dorit has slipped Erika some Spanish Fly or something or c) Erika needs another minion.
Dorit says she’s only getting along with Erika and Lisa Rinna. Bahahahahaha.
Teddi joins LVP at PUMP. Teddi says how lovely LVP’s birthday party was, and LVP and she reminisce about Dorit getting the drink in the wrong glass and how funny it was. Teddi brings up the fact that Dorit is upset with her for telling Kyle that Dorit was talking about LVP behind her back. Teddi feels that she and Dorit need to have a one-on-one conversation without everyone else being involved. She feels that when other people are involved it just makes everything more dramatic.
Kyle and Mauricio visit the house Kyle wants to buy, they think it feels like a “happy house.” The house is 10,600 square feet, 6 bedrooms in the main house and 2 bedrooms in the guest house.
There’s room for all of Kyle’s daughters… who are all grown and out of the house, with the exception of Portia. Don’t hold MisRed to that, but seems correct, right? Who cares?
Kyle wants to know how many of the details are original to the house- built in 1896? You better hope none of them are. MisRed owns a 104-year-old house and it’s a pain in the nards. Drafty, everything is crooked, and every project costs at least $10,000. New front door? $10,000. New front porch (which wasn’t even built using cement in the pilings- we didn’t get that news until later- that fracking porch was a death trap) $10,000 quoted, wound up being over $15,000.
Mauricio, super realtor, doesn’t have any of the answers.
The asking price is $8,750,000. It’s a steal.
Over at Dorit’s rental, she is pretending to be a mother. Of course, the nanny is there so nobody needs to call the authorities. Teddi calls and says she thinks she and Dorit need to have a talk. Dorit rolls her eyes.
Finally Dorit knows how we all feel!
Teddi offers to pick Dorit up on the way to Rinna’s drinks outing. Dorit thinks it’s ridiculous that Teddi wants to have a conversation about a conversation about a conversation. She’s right? Better to let it fester… that’s what Dorit is going to do anyway. The problem is Teddi likes to resolve and Dorit likes to avoid and blame- no conversation is going to fix dat.
We must jump to, what must be, Saturday, because Rinna, Erika and Kyle are meeting at a restaurant. The same restaurant from the Momento beginning. They chit chat while awaiting the arrival of others. LVP arrives and says things have been so quiet without Rinna around. Kyle is ready to make LVP jealous and shows her new pair of Aquazzura Boots that cost $850.
Look at my “I love to brag about how much money i have to waste on boots” boots!
LVP is like- I saw them at Barneys and didn’t buy them. Apparently, Kyle has bought the new house. Camille joins the gang.
Teddi arrives at Dorit’s squat and the first thing out of Dorit’s mouth is “You were 30 minutes late. I was told 4:15.” Teddi says “sorry” which is more than we’ve ever seen Dorit say. We see the very beginning of a conversation between the two of them, but no actual MEAT.
Dorit probably spent $1,000 on those tacky pants but doesn’t bother to take them to a tailor to get them hemmed. #jackass
Dorit and Teddi arrive at the restaurant and LVP asks Dorit if she’s ok. LVP interviews that she dealt with Dorit as she saw fit. LVP says she loves Dorit and she has forgiven her and has already moved on. Really Lisa?!!?! Please do not do this. Do NOT give Dorit a pass. Dorit needs to be rose-boarded- and MisRed shall not stop until it’s DONE.
Kyle is leaving the dinner early because she has Hamilton tickets, she gets up to leave and tells everyone to behave.
Camille asks Dorit if she was upset over the ball-gag?
No, I’m pissed off about other stuff now. I’ll come back around to you later.
Dorit says no, but she thought things were fine between them, only to have them come up again months later, as she “discovered today.”
Bitch, do not make MisRed get out your big book of grudges.
Everyone asks what Dorit “discovered” and Dorit announces for Teddi to fill everyone in.
Teddi is like “Dorit, I don’t want to discuss this with the group, I only wanted to discuss it with you and Lisa, that’s why I kept it in the car. You want to bring everybody in? You go ahead and tell it however you’d like.” Teddi interviews that she wanted to protect Rinna by not repeating the story over and over.
We flashback to the car ride prior to this scene. Teddi reminds Dorit of the conversation topic at Dorit’s vomit and rice dinner- about how Rinna is a schizophrenic and how she is filled with rage and regret. Teddi continues that she had a mani/pedi with Rinna and that Rinna said that since Vegas everything has been so great between herself and Dorit.
Dorit interjects saying “you felt you had to talk about a comment said in passing that happened 3 months ago.”
Oh, that’s rich… MissLateness, PantyGate, StemwarePolice, DrugAddict, Schizophrenic, StupidC*nt… and it wasn’t in passing- it was a major topic of conversation that evening. “It’s not nice to think that you are trying to stir up something between someone that I’ve had issues with.” Teddi says she isn’t doing that. Dorit says “The problem is, you think your hands are clean, but you are starting fires.” Mixed Metaphors. People, please, do not judge everyone from Connecticut by Dorit.
Ok, you want a large Petty with a Stupidity Chaser? And a side of Convenient Amesia? Got it.
Cut back to dinner, Dorit says that she doesn’t like this and it’s been a theme with her (Teddi) where she inserts herself and thinks she’s not creating a big mess after she makes these throw-away comments.
Teddi’s comments aren’t throw-away, in MisRed’s opinion. Are some unnecessary? Maybe. But Teddi is direct and to the point- Dorit just doesn’t like them because Teddi is calling her on her BULLSH*T.
Rinna piles on saying that maybe it was because Teddi had waited so long to say something. Teddi defends herself saying that she and Rinna had never spoken about Dorit before and it made her feel uncomfortable. Rinna interviews that she doesn’t’ think that Teddi is trying to stir things up between Rinna and Dorit, but that she’s trying to do the right thing. But Teddi s in a pool of sharks and she’s, like, a baby dolphin.
Teddi says that she even told Dorit that Rinna wasn’t mad and feels she and Dorit have come a long way since that conversation. Yeah, well Rinna has barely been around so… Rinna interviews that Dorit has said much worse. MisRed loves that this is the best defense of Dorit that Rinna can offer.
Dorit turns to LVP and says, “This is your friend.” Wasn’t Dorit the one that brought Teddi into the group with that ridiculous kids’ playgroup charade? Just sayin’.
Teddi reiterates that Dorit’s comment wasn’t a throw-away, that she said that Rinna was 100% Rage and Regret. Dorit says “Teddi, let me make this very clear. Let me help you… with your issues. Lisa and I are fine. We are good. “ Teddi is like- Good. Great.
Dorit to fix Teddi’s issues is akin to having a Sex Addict manage the Whore House
LVP interviews that as much as she likes Teddi, she is guilty of bringing up something that should have been dead and buried. And for her to bring it up probably wasn’t the smartest move. But maybe she wanted to clear the air and that everyone has been guilty of that at one time or another.
LVP turns to Dorit and says that Teddi is very moderated and her whole deal is about taking accountability. If she sees loose ends, she wants to tie them up. That’s who she is.
Just wait until someone tries to use the truth against YOU
Dorit is like, “Are you kidding me? That’s what you think Teddi is doing? I can’t wait until it’s reversed and it’s on you. And I guarantee you the conversation will be very different from what you’re saying.”
Rinna interviews that she thinks Dorit’s time as LVP’s pet puppy is about up because a new, younger version has come along.
Plus Teddi’s husband doesn’t look like Dr. Frankenstein’s Rough Draft
Erika asks Teddi how she feels about where she stands with this group of new friends? Teddi replies that she’s not really thinking about where she stands. She just wanted to have a real conversation with Dorit- and clarify things- and not feel that she had to sit in a bigger group conversation where she had to try to defend herself for saying things she never actually said.
Dorit says that Teddi doesn’t get to decide “when it ends.” Of course not, grudges must be held. “How does Teddi think that she can unleash a bomb like this, let is explode and that she has nothing to do with it. It doesn’t work like that, honey.”
Teddi counters “If you said nothing that you feel guilty about then what do you give a f*ck what I have to say?” Both Erika and Dorit jump on Teddi for stirring up sh*t. MisRed can see their point, but MisRed can also see Teddi’s point, “I feel like maybe if she feels this way, she should stop saying things that she feels like might hurt her friends’ feelings.”
In Dorit’s talking head she says “Bitch, you do not want to go there.” Yes, Teddi, how dare you ask Dorit to be responsible for her actions. BLASPHEMY!!
Dorit lashes back that nobody had the interpretation that Teddi had the night of the dinner in New York. (The one where Dorit called LVP insecure, jealous, needy and a lot of work.) Dorit says that she has spoken to Erika and Rinna about it and they didn’t think that Dorit was badmouthing or bashing LVP. Camille chimes in and says she didn’t feel that Dorit was BASHING LVP. Teddi says she didn’t SAY that Dorit was BASHING LVP, she said that Dorit said some things that might hurt LVP’s feelings and Camille agrees. “And, Erika, in the moment, you 100% said, “Teddi, I agree with you, it would have hurt my feelings.”
Flashback to Erika saying to Teddi, as they are walking up the stairs from the club “Yes, I would have been a little pissed. The truth is, yes.”
Erika is like- maybe I did, maybe I didn’t, it’s possible.
Teddi is like “For you to be pretending to have full on amnesia right now is confusing to me.”
BRAVO! Erika really committed to this sh*t flipping!
Erika flips her nylon wig and is like -DO NOT EVER ACCUSE ME OF PRETENDING. I HONESTLY DO NOT REMEMBER SAYING THAT, BUT DO NOT ACCUSE ME OF PRETENDING. DON’T F*CK WITH ME LIKE THAT. YOU DO NOT WANT THAT. DON’T EVER, EVER DO THAT TO ME.
Well, it’s nice to see that Erika doesn’t overreact. Sensitive much, Erika? She interviews that she doesn’t like stuff like that and that if she doesn’t remember, she doesn’t remember, and she’s tired of being nice to Teddi.
Ummmmmm. Has Erika been particularly nice to Teddi? Or anyone?
Everyone at the table is like Rut-Roh and LVP tells Erika to calm down- It’s coming across as a little aggressive. Of course, Dorit is like “I don’t think it’s aggressive at all.” PUHLEEZE, Dorit has her head so far up Erika’s ass, I’m surprised Erika isn’t talking with a fake British accent.
Apparently, Erika takes issue with the word “pretending.” I mean everyone has their hot button… “Jail” is Teresa’s… Rinna interviews that she is the Queen of not remembering stuff so she doesn’t blame Erika for clapping back at Teddi.
Dorit then says- hang the f*ck onto your seats, ladies and gentlemen (do any gentlemen read MisRed? Who knows.) “Lisa, why do you think she (Teddi) can say things and not be accountable for them?” Teddi says that she didn’t realize that comment would upset Erika and apologizes. Erika says that Teddi, essentially, called her a liar and that she is changing her story for convenience.
Erika interviews that she isn’t the bad guy. Teddi is the one who threw it up and wanted to talk about it. She gave Teddi her response and now Teddi has to accept it. You can’t push and not expect someone to push back, that’s not how life works.
But Teddi DIDN’T want to talk about it in a group setting, she has said this, multiple times. And this is the exact reason why- because everything gets blown out of proportion.
They all get up to leave and Camille hugs Teddi and tells her to be strong and be true to herself.
Dorit says to LVP “Well, I can’t be bothered with that.” Sweet Jesus, the one who is MOST bothered can’t be bothered.
Teddi starts to get upset and Dorit is like “I’m the one that’s upset with you. You’re not allowed to be upset.” Can a stray meteor please hit Dorit?!?!
Teddi walks away crying and LVP tries to talk to her and Teddi is like – leave me alone. But LVP follows Teddi up the street. Dorit attempts to follow, but Erika is like- Just leave it alone. Dorit interviews “Say what you want about me, but I still have a heart. And I can’t stand to see anybody cry.”
Let me go see if I can make her hyperventilate too…
LVP gets into the car with Teddi says that she understands and she has seen it before- she saw Erika blow up at Eileen in Hong Kong. Teddi said that Erika got so aggressive with her and that Teddi never speaks to her that way and that Erika changed her story. She says that if you don’t remember something then you should keep your mouth closed, you don’t flip out.
Back inside Erika accuses Teddi of calling her a liar. Rinna interviews that she thinks Erika will apologize to Teddi because obviously Erika would feel bad that she made Teddi cry. Erika interviews “I will not apologize to Teddi. Don’t ask for it, cuz you’re not gonna get it. Miss Crybaby.”
You know what Erika… you’ve cried over things. Go review the tape. And don’t be such a bitch while you’re at it. If someone came at you like that, you’d rip their face off.
Teddi is like- my feelings are hurt. And notes that Erika is really good at hurting her feelings.
Next week, Rinna’s mom comes to town. Kyle has a séance. Great. These bitches can’t even get along with people that are alive… let’s dredge up some spirits for them to fight with.
Ugh… every single one of you deserves a medal for reading this recap. MisRed’s life expectancy has been considerably shortened by this episode. Again, sorry for the lateness- these betches are on MisRed’s last nerve. Teddi isn’t a good fit for this show- I love her but she’s too human for these animals. But what do YOU think? MisRed adores you guys and she loves your comments. xoxoxo Please send vodka.
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