I feel like this is the first time we’ve seen the intro and taglines in weeks – which means that there won’t be any fights this episode. If you recall, the women were staying in the burnt out Bar One: Spain that Peter abandoned. They finally depart for their fancier digs and yell “bye mildew” which is the same way Matt left Kenya’s house last year. The women wonder where Porsha is and NeNe tells them that she’s in a bad place – the basement of the Airbnb – and is going home. She says that she didn’t speak badly of anyone including Marlo and just needs to work on herself and the alphabet.
Kandi respects that she needs to take a break and she believes that eventually she will be able to move past what happened last year. Cynthia says that no one is perfect and NeNe says that she suggested a sincere group apology to end the hazing. The one good thing, as NeNe points out, is that the group hasn’t seen this much support since Phaedra wore that super-control fishnet dress in Anguilla.
The women arrive at the hotel and they’re really excited. Sheree escapes, no pun intended, to speak to her prison boo. Kandi wants to do a sexy photo shoot featuring Sheree so they can send it to Tyrone’s illegal cell phone. Meanwhile, Sheree and Tyrone’s conversation basically includes her Bubba’ing her way through the list of all the fish she’s eaten.
Kandi asks NeNe if she and Sheree have cleared the air since the Tyrone situation at the elephant party. NeNe immediately starts saying that they never dated and he’s not her man. They’re wondering why she immediately jumped to that conclusion and think that she’s telling on herself. NeNe digs faster than her plastic surgeon on nose day and says that they never held hands, kissed, talked, blinked, excavated, promulgated. Just kidding – she could never pronounce promulgated.
When Sheree rejoins the group, Kandi makes the photo shoot suggestion to her. Sheree says no – she doesn’t have a professional photographer, makeup artist or chateau stairway to make the photos official. They convince her to do this and Sheree finally realizes that they’re trying to give her a storyline outside of holding the world record for “Most Rag Shop Leisure Wear Worn on Bravo”. To make her comfortable, Marlo tries to figure out how to make a thong out of a sweatsuit. They finally settle on a slutty The Addam’s Family look, tape up all of her body parts and take some pictures. They also answer the age old question:
Does a leopard shit on the stairs?
The next morning, Kandi is freaked out by the window cleaner who was peering into her room and asking for an autographed dildo. Cynthia wakes up to Marlo in her room and immediately asks if she was robbed. Most likely.
NeNe and her group talk and they say that Sheree isn’t really defending Kim which is strange since they’re friends. It’s not strange for Sheree though because she’s only out for herself and Fruit of the Loom apparel according to NeNe.
Meanwhile, Kandi asks Sheree about the Tyrone issue. Sheree says that she never mentioned that they dated although she knows NeNe had a thing for him. Sheree recounts the story of NeNe calling Tyrone behind Sheree and Kim’s back to say that they should get less money than her for an event. Eva and Kandi think that maybe that’s the elephant that NeNe is referring to rather than the dating issue. Of course NeNe has the emotional maturity of, well, Porsha and can’t seem to express that.
The women are having issues with the trip because it’s taking place during the Spain protests. On the way to their first activity, Cynthia is still on a mission to get a piece of Kandi. She thinks she won’t have to work if she dates her which is silly. She might not have to get an actual job but cooking a pallet of food for Kandi every three days won’t be a walk in the park either.
The women go sightseeing further away from the rioting so that their smackdowns don’t blend in with the riots. They go to a ham tasting. I don’t even understand what’s happening. Is meat tasting a thing? NeNe is afraid to eat it and Sheree wants her to stop acting like she hasn’t had old meat in her mouth. Sheree would know; hers is curing for the next 5-8 years.
Half of the women leave the ham warehouse and the others stay. The protests are still happening and Kandi is afraid to get caught in a “purge experience”. I think we all know that Kandi is not a fan of purging.
Eva stayed with NeNe, Marlo and Cynthia. She says that she just found out about NeNe’s history with Sheree and was surprised at the reaction NeNe had when Tyrone’s name came up. NeNe tells off Eva for bringing up Tyrone’s name. Marlo and Cynthia think it’s rude and NeNe says it’s just like when Shamea asked Eva about her past. This is a totally ridiculous reaction for a man with whom nothing happened. I mean, everyone knows Eva was lying but she played it cool as a cucumber in a lady garden.
The next morning, Cynthia has a trip planned where she will be baptized. She ends up clarifying that it’s more of a spiritual cleansing because dirty Cynthia and water don’t mix. On the way there, Cynthia asks if anyone wants to share some positivity. Kandi shares her new song which is basically her telling an unnamed bimbo that she doesn’t f%&$ with them or fake people. Repeatedly. Cynthia doesn’t think it’s the most positive message and prefers the music of her time – I Fought the Bar and the Bar One.
At the water, all of the women are given a candle and told that they have to say something nice about the person named beneath it. Kandi has Sheree and says that she is looking forward to her becoming more powerful and wearing more horizontal stripes. Marlo says that Kandi cares and has a tall, not small, welcome mat. Eva has Shamea and tells her that she’s wack, sad, tired and childish but she apologizes (?) and hopes that they can date when this fake mayoral campaign is over. Shamea also has Eva and says nicer things than Eva did.
“Eva, you put the “e” in lesbian.”
Sheree has Marlo and she says that though they have had differences she wishes her the best that social security can buy. NeNe has Porsha and says that no one is perfect, they love her like a sibling – not in a Full House kind of way but in a Cain and Abel kind of way.
The women point out that no one had Cynthia’s name so she asks for a word from each of them that describes her. Marlo immediately replies “horny”. I love it. Cynthia gives up and moves on to her name: NeNe. She says that no one makes her laugh harder and she can’t imagine anyone else she’d rather have threaten her job on national TV. Cynthia walks into the water and barely splashes herself cuz…you know.
Next week, NeNe gets in trouble for her rape comments, Kandi confronts Kim and Porsha thinks she’s friends with NeNe again. What’d you think? Did you like Sheree’s modeling? Did NeNe date or try to date Tyrone? Did those Trump checks bounce? Will Kandi and Porsha ever make up? Love you for reading and commenting!
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