Previously, on TWD:
We caught up with Ol’ Mullet at the Sanctuary, where he was actually being treated pretty well. There was some of this:
And a little o’ this:
I am fuckin’ Negan.
Ewww! Really, Eugene? He refused to make some poison pills for two of Negan’s wives, who wanted to kill Negan quietly. I can only hope that Eugene hasn’t devolved into his former selfish id but I don’t know if that’s possible. Sherry ran away after helping Daryl escape, because she has common sense. Dwight went looking for her at their old house,
And we saw that he was actually a seven or an eight before the iron
but all he found was a “Dear Forgetful John” letter and her wedding ring set. Dwight took his misplaced anger out on the holier-than-thou Sanctuary doctor, making up a betrayal story about him that Negan bought. Poor Doc thought he was getting an unearned face smoothing surgery but ended up like this.
He suffered fifteenth-degree burns over 50% of his body, but the rest of him is just fine.
On this ep, we get to catch up with Rick and Michonne, who have turned their multi-day supplies and gun hunt into a screw-a-thon. After a few days on the road in their Van of Love, Michonne thinks they should get back to Alexandria and check in before looking for more guns, but Rick ain’t feeling it, since he prefers to ignore his progeny and leave them in the capable hands of people with questionable mental health.
He keeps telling her they can stay out a little longer and she’s like
Rick and Michonne steal some batteries, beer and other supplies from the bed of a pickup truck, right under a few Saviors’ noses. The grunts are golfing, so they’re not looking for pilferers.
Trump’s Golf Club at Mar a Lago in 2030
We can only assume they stealthily stole the items because if they had confronted the Saviors, Negan would have found out.
Back at Alexandria, Tara and Rosita chat on Rosita’s porch. And by chat, I mean Rosita yells at Tara about her pollyanna outlook, finding more guns, and her anger about having to wait to take her revenge on Negan.
Rosita is quickly turning from a bitch into a see-you-next-Tuesday. But she looks good doing it.
Tara burns her by suggesting she saves all of her vitriol for the Saviors. Rosita tells Tara she’s going to look for guns.
Rick falls asleep as Michonne drives, so she stops for a coffee break. As she’s standing up from the fire, Michonne spots a deer. When she gets her gun from the van, Rick wakes up and scares off the deer. He tells Michonne he still owes her one from when he stole her deer at the Alexandria gate for Negan. They head off to find some venison, but end up finding the abandoned Chilton High School just steps from the van. It must have been some kind of emergency shelter after the change, because Rick and Michonne find a soldier walker — with a high-powered rifle strapped to his back.
Rosita is out on a gun hunt. All she finds is a toy gun in a trailer home and she runs into the mistress of the house. I don’t think the lady looks much different than she did when she was alive.
This is what happens to you when you live in a trailer … you are doomed to live in it even after death.
Michonne and Rick are on the rickety roof of the high school to get a better view of their surroundings. SUPER CONVENIENTLY, there’s one of those traveling fairgrounds in the fenced lot next to the school, and that seems to be where the civilian and armed soldier walkers are clustered. This looks too good to be true.
They’re making stuff easier for us this half of Season 7, aren’t they?
And it is … they fall through the roof ONTO A GYMNASTICS MAT and guess what they’re surrounded by? Cases of MRE’s and other canned food!
Best honeymoon ever.
I wonder what Judith and Carl are eating for dinner. Are they splitting a pinto bean? Bellies full, Michonne and Rick discuss life after AND (After Negan’s Death). They decide they’re going to benevolently rule all of the communities together but they word it in a slightly less dictatorial way.
I vote for Maggie instead. Do I get a vote?
Michonne mentions again that she thinks they should get back home ASAP, but Rick wants to take his time over the next few days to clear the lot and get the guns. Later that night, we see that Rick is having trouble sleeping.
Insomnia … when your guilty conscience and MRE heartburn converge.
The next morning, Tara’s playing with her bracelet at Alexandria and having a heart-to-heart with Judith, with some cursing thrown in. Judith is patiently listening to Tara’s indecision about telling Rick about Oceanside and their weapons, while she squats in a position that all of the mothers in the audience recognize instantly.
Tara gives Judith Moana’s bracelet, so she just goes on pooping and smiling while Tara pours her heart out.
Rick and Michonne are going to clear the school lot before moving over to the fairgrounds. They do so in a zombie romantic-comedy way and it’s sweet. They end up stuck in a vehicle they were using to a block a hole in the fence between the school lot and the fairgrounds, surrounded by walkers. Luckily, the sedan had a moon roof they can use to escape to the top of the car, and then they jump inside a fenced-in area. The three-foot fence is around one of the fair rides, which I guess is realistic. Those carnys have to put fences around each of the rides or they’ll get sued.
Do zombie carnivals have pedophiles, too?
Unfortunately, the Barf-o-Rama Swings fence doesn’t hold after a few dead walkers fall on it, so Rick and Michonne quickly decide to split up into different fenced in areas; she takes the Burlap Sack Slide (that one was awesome … we always went airborne on that one) and he takes the Ferris Wheel. They think if they split the walkers into two smaller groups the fences will hold up during the slaughter.
Well, they probably would have, but when Rick has ten left to take out and Michonne has eight left at the Slide, Rick spies the runaway deer near another ride and has the bright idea to climb up the Ferris Wheel to try and take it out from above. From his vantage point on the frame, he sees ten new walkers sauntering toward the deer and hesitates to shoot it. I believe he thinks the deer would be a great walker distraction so that Michonne and he can finish off their sets of walkers and take out this new group easily if they’re eating venison, but before he gets any other great ideas …
Pride cometh before a fall.
Michonne sees him fall from her ride and runs over, hearing Rick shoot walkers from his spot where he fell until he runs out of bullets. Just as she reaches the area she where saw Rick fall, she sees a group of walkers munching on something and fears the worst.
Is this how the Moonlight creators felt on Oscars night?
But then …
Don’t worry baby girl, we got this.
Rick bursts out of hiding and sees Michonne frozen in shock and grief. He throws her the sword she dropped in disbelief, and together they take out the last group. Michonne realizes it was just the deer she lost, not her man. They collect the supplies and guns in silence. On the way home in the now-stocked van, Michonne is still reeling from the close call. Rick pulls the van over and tells her he hasn’t been sleeping because of his guilt. He wants Michonne to remember that they have to keep fighting, even if they lose each other.
He tells her she’s stronger than she thinks she is.
Rick, Michonne, Rosita, Gabriel, and Tara bring a grand total of 63 guns to Jadis and her people.
Bangs tells Rick it’s not enough,
We need at least 69.
that they need almost twice that number. Rosita wants to take their guns and leave and fight without them, but Bangs tells them that’s not an option. Rick agrees to get Bangs more guns, but only if they can take some of the ones they brought her today. Thus begins another light-hearted negotiation between them, with his balls swelling all the time and her amusement obvious.
Okay, silly little man, but I still win.
The next day, in Alexandria, Rick comes up to Tara’s house, whom he just catches as she’s on her way to see him. He wants to know if Tara has seen Rosita, because she didn’t show up for her guard shift. Tara tells him she assumes Rosita went to look for more guns. She tells Rick she has something to tell him.
We cut away to The Hilltop, where Rosita is walking toward Abraham’s grave with a serious backpack on and an even more serious case of Resting Bitch Face. She finds Sasha there, who assumes Rosita has come to visit Abraham.
We have to stop meeting like this.
She’s wrong, and she figures out Rosita’s plan really quickly, just from the RBF. Sasha says she has one condition — that she gets to take the shot. Rosita reaches into the backpack and hands Sasha one of the high-powered rifles that Rick and Michonne got to keep in the Bangs negotiation.
Sasha has a map of the outside of The Sanctuary from Jesus, and Rosita’s memorized everything that Carl and Rick have told her about the layout of the inside. They’re ready to be each other’s ride or die to kill the prick, and both possibilities are on the menu. Yay!