Hucklings! Can you believe it’s already time for another Scandal episode? It seems like just yesterday I was watching Quinn lure a child into her car with the promise of ice cream. Let’s see what the Gladiators are up to this week.
Jake Ballard and some Secret Service guys pretend not to hear Olivia and Fitz having a post-coital knockdown drag-out about…I’m not sure what, really. The conversation ranges from Fitz calling the White House a henhouse to Olivia’s Dad to Jake Ballard. Olivia gives a speech about how she’s not working on the campaign for Fitz, she’s doing it for herself and to remedy the effects of being publicly humiliated by being a White House whore. It’s pretty difficult to champion her righteous indignation considering she just finished getting dressed after yet another tawdry encounter.
“The only way I can stop feeling like a whore is to keep sleeping with you and help you win an election!”
Mellie probes Nichols about him accepting the VP position and he admits that she’s part of the reason he’s there. I know you guys are excited about Mellie getting some action on the side, but I don’t know, this dude seems pretty creepy. Oh, boy! A flashback! Nichols eavesdrops on Fitz berating Mellie for not wanting to be in the same room as her rapist/not banging her. I realize he doesn’t know that she got raped, but somehow I feel like screaming “WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?” at your wife when she doesn’t give it up is a little dickish.
“Honey, you’ve been so cold and distant lately. It’s really screwing with my horny levels.”
Harrison’s heading off to work, but Salif needs him to do something(?) involving money. She threatens to reveal something from his past to Olivia. Hey, Harrison, maybe stop banging this lady who has all of this dirt on you. Abby confesses her love to David, but gets interrupted by James, who’s calling to tell him Publius is busted. They finally realize what a fucking lame spy name Publius is, thank God. I don’t think I could watch them pretend it was cool anymore. Anyway, Cy needs James to set up an interview between Vanessa Chandler (The reporter to whom Pubiculous is giving information) and Fitz. James is really unsubtle about his resistance, so Cy’s probably going to find out soon and murder James or something.
“Publius? Who’s Publiius? Not me, that’s for sure! Please don’t kill me.”
Cy interrupts an Olivia brief because there’s a political crisis—apparently a story’s leaked about some drug use in the Governer’s Mansion back in the old days. Olivia’s about to get to work on quashing the stories, but then Nichols admits that the story is legit. I knew this guy was bad news.
Vanilla McBlandville gets a super-secret B6-13 briefcase that’s loaded with information. He looks totally high while he reads it all.
“Whoa, dude. This is some primo information.”
Leo’s trying to brief Sally on her meeting with Hollis Doyle, but she can’t stop thinking (Sexually fantasizing?) about her dead gay husband. Hollis comes in for the meeting, but Sally’s a zombie, she seriously just repeats what the other guys are saying.
The Gladiators get to work on handling the drug story. Nichols reveals that the drugs were just to help with a bad back, and that he happened to get them from some guy. Olivia tries to scare the reporter out of publishing the story, but no dice. The Gladiators need to figure out who leaked the info, so Liv calls Jake with some questions. She thinks Daddy Pope is the one throwing the wrench in this whole thing. Jake says he doesn’t give a shit about her “family drama” which makes me dislike him less. Then Huck brings Olivia a coffee. Okay? Cool, thanks Huck.
This isn’t weird or anything…
Charlie and Quinn are cuddling in bed as Charlie hacks into Daddy Pope’s info. Quinn offers to help, but gets shut down. That’s like their relationship’s equivalent of turning down sex.
Mellie asks Nichols what the hell he’s doing (Again) and Nichol claims he’s there to look out for her. Flashback to him finding a moaning Mellie on the floor, having apparently OD’d on Oxy. He fucking SAVES HER LIFE. Okay, I take back what I said about Nichols. If it weren’t for him, we wouldn’t have Mellie. Not to mention he’s taking the fall for her. I want Fitz to walk in on the two of them bumping uglies.
It’s like a modern-day Sleeping Beauty!
Cy decides to go over James’s head about the whole Publius thing and James is freaking out. Stop being such a pussy, guy. I mean, didn’t you know how risky this was? Luckily, David’s still thinking clearly and gets things under control. Abby walks in on the phone conversation and I think she thinks he’s having an affair.
Cy calls Charlie in need of some killin’. As he leaves, we see that Quinn is spying on Olivia, who’s having dinner with Daddy Pope. She tries manipulating him, but Daddy Pope calls her on it. She’s like “Well, shit, I’m out,” and bounces. As she leaves, she sees Quinn spying on her and gets in the car to lecture her. She wants Quinn back, but she can’t because Huck licked her face. Some of dialogue in this show is crazy bad (e.g. “He licked my face,” “I love it when you go all Girl with the Dragon Tattoo,” and “I’m at the intersection of Boresville and Snorefest”). Anyway, Quinn points a gun at Liv and tells her to get the hell out of her car.
Olivia don’t got time for this shit.
Apparently Jake and Olivia are living together now? They’re going all-out with the whole White-House-Whore-Beard-Thing. Olivia starts shrieking at Jake because she thinks Jake sent Quinn to spy on her. Jake schools her and tells her she needs to keep more than wine and popcorn. Jesus Christ, how is it possible that I’m rooting for JAKE now?
“I’ve decided to start developing a personality.”
Harrison calls Fitz’s campaign headquarters to make a donation—so I guess that’s what Salif’s evil plan was? Leo calls Doyle to check on the donation he was supposed to make but didn’t—because he’s going to give the money to Fitz instead. Looks like the Grant campaign is getting hella money.
Abby needs Huck to hack into David’s e-mail—not because she thinks he’s cheating, but because she’s suspicious of Pubiclicious. Before he can get started though, Huck finds the name of the black market dude who sold the Oxy. He slips and refers to the customer as “she,” and the Gladiators are one step closer to figuring out what really happened.
James is freaking out AGAIN because Chandler wants to meet Publius, and David offers to meet with her instead. But then we see that Cy and Charlie know the time and place of the meeting. I swear to God, if David dies instead of James, I’ll lose my mind.
Mellie tries talking politics with Fitz and he’s a total asshole about it. Mellie asks him what it feels like to be so hot for someone and he tells her he doesn’t have time. Flashback to Nichols confronting Mellie about her suicide attempt. He asks why she did it and she unloads on him about how her son may actually be the product of rape and storms off.
“My father-in-law raped/impregnated me, NBD.”
It looks like the Oxy story is still set to leak. Harrison tells Olivia that the real customer was a woman, and decides to pull some shady financial work to make it look like the guy was paid off. Then Huck brings Liv coffee again. So is this a thing now?
Huck, you’re making everyone more uncomfortable than usual.
Oh, now the story’s not set to leak anymore because of Harrison’s handiwork. Olivia accuses Mellie of being the one doing the drugs and tells her she needs to stay away from Nichols. Mellie gets PISSED because Olivia says she knows how Mellie feels. She and Nichols never had sex because Mellie’s a classy broad. Flashback to Nichols revealing how much he enjoyed the night Mellie tried to kill herself (Not the attempted suicide, but the talking to her). Poor Mellie. She didn’t even get to have a real affair. Hopefully she and Nichols can get it on later.
David’s stuck in the trunk of his kidnapper’s car and calls Abby to tell her she loves her. The, *gasp* we see that his kidnappers are Abby and Huck. Thank God. Later, at a donor banquet, Fitz sees Hollis Doyle and refuses to accept his donation. Cy tells James to cancel the meeting with Chandler because he’s about to find Publius. James tries to warn David, but he’s too late, and someone kidnaps him. I thought it was Charlie, but then we see Charlie calling Cy to tell him Publius was a no-show. So who kidnapped him?! Oh, and Salif shows up to meet with Cy and propose a devious plan or something.
I bet it’ll involve her SEXUALITY.
Jake tries to lecture Quinn, and she e-mails him from right across the desk. She’s found footage of Leo and Daddy Pope meeting together and uses it as leverage to get into B6-13.
Oh, and look, Huck’s bringing Liv coffee again. He reveals that it’s an apologetic gesture, because she’s mad about what went down with Quinn. She tells him he went too far, but Huck calls her bullshit, saying she went too far.
Mellie and Nichols start making out in a room full of portraits of previous First Ladies. I was really excited at first, but all of the close-ups of the portraits really freaked me out. Olivia tries briefing Fitz on some stuff, but he wants to talk about whether or not Olivia has feelings for Jake. Then we see the Main Secret Service guy delivering a flash drive full of Oval Office footage to Jake. Holy shit, you guys, this guy’s B6-13!!! How’s that for a plot twist? Oh, and SALIF WORKS FOR MAMA POPE.
Who, by the way, has become a Bond villain.
DAMMIT you guys. Every week I think I’m done with this show, but then twists like this go down and I’m sucked back in. Oh, and it looks like the last 30 seconds of next week’s episode will be the “OMG moment” of the season. What do you think will happen?!
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