Oi, Trashinhas. Welcome to RuPaul’s Big Opening 2: The Quickening. When last we saw the queens, BenDeLaCreme won a big jeweled package but no immunity, Gia Gunn had some shit to talk because her middle name is not “self-awareness,” Vivacious wore a big sparkly, sentient penis on her head, Adore almost half-assed her way away but, no, Kelly Mantle was asked to sashay away.
Queens come back to the Werkroom after elimination to have some cupcakes and champagne. Everyone’s happy happy happy until they see Kelly’s message. Laganja pours one out for her homey but Adore’s more focused on managing not to be a complete bottom feeder. Then she tells us how serious this, and by this she still means “being on TV” and not being a queen, is to her.
Vivacious unironically calls the next group of queens “troglodytes” and they all bond over how they rule; the second bunch drool. Gia, at Adore’s prodding, writes “Beware BITCHEZ [sic]” on the mirror. Because she was the kid who’d stick her finger in a paper cutter if a cool kid told her to. Then Ru pokes her head in, while dressed like a 50s housewife with facial mask and curlers, to tell the queens to shut up and go to bed.
Note to the Kardashians: Catsuits favor no one.
Back in the Werkroom … and production couldn’t even be assed to clean up after those messy, messy queens. Unless Adore was supposed to clean up. Because it’s a mess with half-eaten cupcakes and empty champagne bottles strewn around.
First queen in is Bianca del Rio who aims for grand entrance until she finds out she’s the first one in. And can we talk about those eyelashes? Gurr, before you leave the house, always remove at least five rows of fake lashes, lest you look like a clown. Then her mookish twin brother tells us HE’S Bianca del Rio and he’s an insult comic. Awesome. Don Freakin’ Rickles in drag. Then she proves it by saying she wants to show America that some queens do have good teeth and good hair. Heh, bitch. Nice dimples though.
Trinity K. Bonet is next in and she looks like Mariah Balenciaga but sounds like Lashauwn Beyond, all sleepy and slurry. Out of drag, though, he’s cute. Like hella cute. Trinity thinks she’s video fish and about as close as you’re going to get to Beyonce. Ah, to be 22 and so far up your own ass you haven’t a clue how deluded you are.
Trinity and Bianca briefly “bond” over what a wreck the Werkroom is and, since they clearly have nothing in common, they just kind of actively avoid eye contact with each other. Then Bianca tells us Trinity reminds her of a good friend from New Orleans. She’s dead. Ba-dum. I don’t get the joke. Actually, no. I get the joke I just don’t get why it’s funny. But Raven’s probably booked another visit to her plastic surgeon for some more injectables after looking at Bianca’s lips. Damn. They’re ripe.
One of the girls from Jumbo’s Clown Room wanders her way into the Werkroom, clearly lost. Oh, no. That’s the next queen, Joslyn Fox. She’s teetering around as she interviews that she’s all about body because she’s one foxy lady. Then fake honks an imaginary boob. Okay. Bianca interviews that Joslyn’s probably wearing every piece of jewelry she owns while Trinity tells her she has great legs. Bianca jokes that she’s a pirate and one of them is probably wood to which Joslyn says she does like to eat at IHOP. Okay, heh. I like dumb jokes. So does Joslyn because she laughs at her own.
Great googly moogly, the next queen is Milk and I don’t really know how to describe her. She’s about 8’ tall in her heels and intentionally put a Madonna-quality gap in her front teeth and some high quality clown makeup. She’s also wearing a funeral hat and matador jacket with leggings with thigh cutouts, some bitchingly frilly platforms … and a strip of toilet paper stuck to the bottom. She lets us know that she does a body good and in interview duhs that she’s a club kid and a conceptual performer. You don’t say. But she’s another cute boy. Who cast this season?
Trinity is this week’s “glamour” queen who can’t understand broader elements of drag and calls Milk a clown in interview but the joke’s on Trinity because Milk already knows that and asks if they aren’t all clowns, anyway? Trinity says, “No.” Great a humorless glamour queen. They’re my favorites.
Some unfortunate queen from RuPaul’s School for Gurrs wanders in with her bad fauxhawk wig and severely shaded nose to tell us she’s Magnolia Crawford who, again as a boy, is cute and a bit feminine so clearly no one ever told him he didn’t need to paint to the heavens. He starts by saying he’s Seattle’s sexiest drag queen, but no. He’s Seattle’s funniest drag queen, but still no. He thinks he’s Seattle’s most glamorous trash queen. But, what? Milk looms down from his perch to get a closer look at Magnolia’s nose. Then in interview talks about her overly contoured nose and wants to know who she’s pointing at. HEHEHEHEHE. Bianca chimes in by calling her a swordfish and she could flip pages with that nose. Trinity rounds out the trash talk by telling Magnolia she looked like she was going for a Peg Bundy look.
A beautiful living Barbie runs into the Werkroom wondering, in an Aussie accent, if it’s America’s Next Top Model. She walks out briefly and actually amuses Bianca, before running back in. It’s Courtney Act. While Joslyn admits to being starstruck at meeting Courtney (aw, she’s cute … I almost feel bad for calling her fodder earlier) while Trinity can’t even be assed to make eye contact. (Oh, man … this one’s making Gia seem delightful by comparison.) Courtney seems to think that we actually watched Australian Idol in the US and the other queens would be intimidated because was a finalist. Don’t burst her bubble. Let her dream.
Courtney tells the queens that she’s a singer and Magnolia interviews, and I quote, that “Courtney looks like a girl. Very pretty, but that doesn’t impress [her.] That’s not drag.” I’ll give Magnolia a slight pass because that comment was clearly butchered into submission, but, gurr. What do you think drag is?
Bianca announces that she hears a Clydesdale and it’s all fat jokes, all the time because Darienne Lake is in the house. Really? No, not really. After one more fat joke, she tells us she’s 24 and a compulsive liar, since she’s really 41. Also, she thinks some queens are pretty but she’s prettier, some queens are funny but she’s funnier, and some queens are big but she’s bigger. Okay, yeah. But I don’t think she meant that as a fat joke. It’s hard to tell. But she was the fan favorite so, good luck getting out of the first round.
With all the queens present they once again wonder about the cleanliness of the Werkroom as Joslyn finally notices Gia’s message. But no time to discuss because it’s SheMail. Trinity is the designated questioner to ask why there are so few queens but no one’s listening to her. Ru shows up on screen with balloons behind her, to the delight of Milk. She says they may think they’re “Tardy for the Party,” but it’s not about who comes first it’s who can last the longest. Then she takes a big hit of helium and tells them they need to “Fight for their right to paaaaaar-taaay.” Hmm, no real theme to SheMail but two musical references about parties so, hmmm.
Ru comes in wearing a bubblegum pink tuxedo, as you do, and lets the queens know that they’re sloppy seconds. Courtney is not pleased. Did Ru not know she was a finalist on Australian Idol? She comes second to no one. Well, except whoever beat her on Idol. But not on Drag Race! Ru repeats that someone’s already been shitcanned, but with fewer queens they have a better chance to catch her attention. They also have a better chance of going home. Or, in Bianca’s words, “Bitches are sweatin’.”
Back from commercials and the soundtrack is swinging while the Pit Crew are standing in front of a bed and wearing red satin robes, so it’s already an upgrade from last week’s foam pit. Bianca shimmys into the photo shoot and says she hates going first unless she’s in a bathhouse and they all have a good laugh. Mike’s back to shoot and she’ll get to pose with the entire Pit Crew. Then Ru makes an obvious joke about huge dicks and condoms.
While the Pit Crew strip off their robes Mike duhs that he’s looking for the queens to really “stand out” in the photo. With four practically naked buff guys. On Logo. Good luck with that. Bianca jokes that she’s from the South so it feels like she’s with her cousins. Heh. She tries to give face but looks a little awkward with all that oiled up manflesh around her, so Ru decides to up the stakes and make it a pillow fight. Of course he does.
Bianca’s clowning it up for the camera but they want her to be glamorous and sexy. Showing some stunning lack of self awareness, she interviews that it’s tough for her to pull off sexy because she’s straight up “clown realness.” But, gurr, those lips you can pull of sexy. She does manage to get a cute shot, and with that makeup definitely pulls attention from the Pit Crew.
Trinity’s next and she just gets that doped-up, slack-jawed expression that’s become synonymous with sexy and Bottom (TM Jarthon) decides to pretend he’s going to lick her. Ew. Mike thinks they need to “take it up a notch” and Ru asks if he means “Dutch oven.” Heh, even Trinity laughs, but no. He means PILLOW FIGHT. Trinity just keeps on doing the same thing, only through feathers.
Joslyn’s next and she’s goofy but Mike says she’s giving him Raquel Welch. The shoot’s uneventful and she gets a good enough shot so we interrupt the rest of the photo shoot to follow Joslyn into the Werkroom while a fake Peter Gunn theme starts up. Turns out Miss Joslyn’s skirt kept hiking up and up and up showing off the under cleavage from her ass. Bianca wonders if there’s a bottom half to the dress but Joslyn says she couldn’t fit it in her suitcase. Heh again. She is cute. If totally batshit nuts.
Courtney’s up and she’s being all finger-sucking sexy until Mike wants to add a little something. Ru suggests poppers but settles on pillow fight. Courtney gets totally into it and is jumping around and acting like a chicken while still getting off a good shot. Mike’s completely charmed and says she’s funny and sexy and really nailing the challenge but Ru just wants to ask “Mother, may I sleep with danger.” Heh.
Magnolia’s turn and it’s tragic. She’s irritated the whole time because feathers are flying and how the hell did she ever get cast?
Whatever. Milk’s turn and bless, she may literally be giraffe-sized but unlike some other cranks she’s going all in and trying to stand on the bed with her flamingo legs and manages a good shot that’s simultaneously sexy and comic.
Darienne’s the last one up and she just gets on all fours and shakes her tatas while Mike fake motorboats her. She also makes a fat joke, which please stop, but she gets a good shot so I’m not too mad.
They’re all in the Werkroom so it’s time for the second edition of “Wow these guys look different out of drag.” This time we get it with a twist as we learn that Joslyn may have gone a little crazy with the duct tape, Courtney’s glad to see a human under all of Bianca’s clown makeup, then Milk and Courtney form a mutual admiration society as they both talk about how hot the other is, which is a little weird since they also look like they could be related.
Hello, hello, hello. Even though the queens have barely stripped out of their drag, Ru’s there to tell them who won the challenge. She tells them some were (wet) dreams come true but only one could win then coughs up some feathers. My money was on Courtney since she at least managed a facial expression beyond “Roofied” but nope. It’s Trinity K. Bonet. I’m telling you, they’re going blind.
With the photos out of the way, Ru tells the queens he has party favors for each of them then calls in the corporately-sponsored (the hell?) Pit Crew. As an aside, I checked out the Pit Crew’s corporate sponsor, and it would appear I know several people who “like” them on Facebook. The more you know. But whatever, Pit Crew comes in with big, shiny, wrapped packages. And themed gift boxes. Each box represents a type of party and the queen will have to create a couture runway look from the leftovers in each box.
Since Trinity won, she gets to assign the boxes. She takes the princess party for herself and assigns Darienne the St. Patrick’s Day box. Then she gives Joslyn the “Quince-a-yetta” box and Ru is momentarily speechless before he says “quinceañera.” Magnolia gets the hoedown, and, of course, looks put out while Courtney manages to keep her shit together even though she gets the Republican party. Bianca gets the luau and makes the obvious joke but knows it’s obvious, giving Milk the toga party. We’ll discuss Milks outfit when Ru does so gentlemen, start your engines; and may the best woman … win!
While the other queens dramatically chew their nails and look pensive, Bianca and her ripe lips duhs that this is the first challenge and she wants to win. She’s got bills to pay. She’s got dogs to put through college. Okay. Weird.
Back from commercials and the queens are sorting through their boxes. Bianca shows Courtney her hairy nuts while Darienne isn’t sure about all the green shamrock streamers she got and, of course, Joslyn looks at all the colorful, sparkly fabrics, streamers and piñata she got and says it’s like Christmas. She’s all giggly, especially when she sees she got “house numbers” and Bianca’s all “How do remember to breathe in your sleep?” because Joslyn may really be that dumb. Bianca points out that they’re supposed to be her age, since she basically got a birthday party, but Joslyn says “51.” Bianca corrects her that it’s “15” and jokes that Joslyn should put them on her head to see if anyone comes to visit. To her eternal credit she gets off a knowing “Nyuck, NYU-UCK,” and I’m not mad.
Magnolia spends the whole time whining about how ugly everything she got is, and making a production out of it, so Courtney can channel Latrice and tell her, in interview, “Good god, gurr, get a grip.” Magnolia will not take that advice.
Time for Ru to visit the queens. First up? Darienne Lake. Ru says, in a Lucky Charms accent, “Luck o’ the Irish,” so Darienne can do her impression of Leprechaun, prompting Ru to remind Darienne that she’s not supposed to actually BE a leprechaun. This trips Darienne up a little and she can’t really explain her look but did manage to mumble out “glamour” and “executive” so that should go over well. Also, green. And we know how Michelle loves green. Ru kindly says it’s in “progress” but Darienne knows she’s dead and mimes a defib. Heh.
Trinity’s next and her Paul Mooney voice welcomes Mama Ru. Ru wants to know what the K stands for. Kardashian, but because they’re a litigious bunch, she had to abbreviate. She took the princess box for herself and wanted to do a mix of two princesses: a futuristic Princess Leia princess and “Princess” Kate. (Pssst, she’s a duchess, not a princess, yet. William’s still second in line to the throne. This is why we don’t have royalty.) Ru’s not really getting it because it doesn’t make sense but Trinity’s only 22 and hasn’t figured out when she’s getting subtle shade.
Over to Courtney, and Ru says she “caught her in the act.” Courtney thanks Ru for explaining the name and Ru’s all “whatever” because there are still four more queens to get to. Courtney’s wrapped some moving straps around the mannequin and Ru asks if that’s Courtney’s style since she likes to show skin. Courtney says yes then does a pretty good Michelle Visage saying “Stop relying on that body.” Ru’s all yeah, yeah, just make sure you don’t come down the runway looking like “the dogs dinnah.” Heh.
Ru heads over to Bianca and Bianca says, with the biggest most gorgeous smile (seriously, he’s adorable), “You can call me Jiggly.” Ru asks, with a lot of sincerity, if Bianca’s always had that rapid fire wit. Bianca did, calling it her “rolodex of hate,” and while Ru laughs Bianca acts it out saying that whenever she’s faced with a situation she rolls through it wondering what does she have, what does she have. In addition to her “rolodex of hate” Bianca’s day job is with a Broadway costume company so Ru expects her to kill it. Bianca’s dimples hope so.
Time for Magnolia, and despite wearing a shirt from the box, she’s being a total pill about how awful the box is, unaware that April got Duck Dynasty and didn’t bitch half as much about getting stuck with duck blinds and camo. Ru tries to convince her that denim’s good but Magnolia’s got a bug up her ass and whines. Ru tries to pull something out by asking what Magnolia’s style is and she actually says she’s a glamorous trash queen who likes things that are “so ugly they’re pretty.” Then what are you complaining about, because you should be loving the ugly?
Whatever, I’m already tired of that one. On to Joslyn who calls Ru “Ruzy Q.” Crazy or not, I just want to eat her up like the ecstasy-laced cupcake that she is. Then they have a discussion where, clearly, Joslyn’s saying words that have no meaning, because while her workbench is covered in every color and fabric in the rainbow, she says things like “she’s narrowed down her fabric selection,” and she wants to “avoid it being too loud and too busy.” The plucky music suggests that Joslyn’s never gonna get it so Ru moves on to Milk.
She’s actually drawing out a pattern on the floor which is promising, but Ru wants to talk about her acid-washed hot pants. No mention of the hideous Hawaiian shirt and Reeboks. 1983 wants to apologize for foisting all that on an unsuspecting world. Milk and her big, butch face explains that Milk is “big and scary, freaky and creepy.” Ru is wondering how Milk’s camp aesthetic will blend with high fashion. Milk says she’s going for a Xanadu jumpsuit, and Ru questions if she can make a jumpsuit high fashion. Milk chirpily thinks she can. Unlike with April, Ru just puts it out there that she’ll be under a lot of scrutiny, and Milk lets us know in interview that she wants to do something “Milk” and she’s still doing pants, so stop asking.
Ru gathers round the queens to tell them that they’ll be joined on the runway by this week’s extra special judge, Khloe “the possibly likeable” Kardashian, and the queens all gasp and pray while Trinity says Khloe’s her idol. Ru brings the queens back down to earth to remind them not to fuck it up.
Queens come back to the Werkroom on runway day and Milk makes a big show of it because she knows she’s a cute boy. Trinity lets us know that they’ve all unpacked so no one wants to pack it all back up again. True dat.
Milk takes down her white, satin jumpsuit and Bianca tries to diplomatically point out that sometimes when queens wear pants they get a moose knuckle. You don’t say. Milk’s draping the jumpsuit and flipping her hair while Bianca tries to give her advice, then lets Bianca know she plans to basically “have her tits out” and maybe put on some facial hair. Bianca goes dead-eyed at the thought. Milk flips her hair and flirts,which appears to be her go-to mode, that she likes to stand out, and Bianca jokes that she hopes Milk’s packed. In interview Milk acknowledges that people are giving her flak for wearing a beard, but she doesn’t care.
Joslyn’s trying to explain her look to Magnolia and Milk but there’s a lot of look to explain and they’re not getting it. Joslyn tells us in interview that she’s probably being underestimated by the other queens but she plans to be the “black horse” of the competition. Interviewer asks if she means “dark horse.” Blink … blink. Oh yeah. It is dark horse.
The queens get down to painting their faces and Darienne wants to know just how famous Courtney is back in Australia. Like Natalie Imbruglia famous? Courtney says she’s a household name because she was a finalist on the first season of Australian Idol to which I say “Justin Guarini.” But she was signed and toured. To which I still say “Justin Guarini.”
Darienne says she’s not intimidated by Courtney because she doesn’t see “drag” in her then jokes that she was in a Stereo Shop commercial. But it was just local. Still, she was in drag. She says they wanted local celebrities for the commercial, to which Bianca shoots back that none of them were available which is why she took the job. Oh, snap! Darienne “sheepishly” agrees.
Paint paint paint … tan tan tan and. Oh my. Milk really is going to wear facial hair. It’s kind of a wizardy, billy goat beard like Jerri Blank grew when she took steroids to be on the track team, but Joslyn and Bianca are still aghast that she’d wear facial hair.
Lights! Cover Girl! Runway!
Ru looks absolutely mid-century gorgeous in a silver chevron-striped gown and soft waves. The she introduces the judges: Michelle, who appears to be ready to go back to emcee the 10:30 show at the local bondage cabaret, Santino, who’s managed to bathe and clean himself up nice for a second week in a row, and this week’s extra special judge, superfan, Khloe Kardashian. Ru wants to know if she’s ever partied like a drag queen and Khloe asks if Ru even knows her family. They’re all queens at heart. Especially Bruce.
This week the queens were tasked with creating one of a kind, life of the party couture looks from party scraps and leftovers, so gentlemen, start your engines; and may the best woman … WIN! Now sissy that walk!
Time for the critiques, first up – Trinity K Bonet. Despite a beautiful makeup job, Khloe only talks about Trinity’s Kardashian ass and Michelle thinks she’s be totally gorgeous if she just took off the tanning panels. (Cone of shame?)
Next up, Bianca. Santino loves the dress and Khloe says that Bianca knows how to construct for the body. Bianca sasses back that she better not steal the dress and market it to Sears (heh) but Khloe says it’s stolen. Khloe shows why she might be the only likeable Kardashian in existence when she soft pedals her critique that Bianca’s eye makeup may be a wee bit heavy and Michelle adds that she just needs to “soften” around the edges. But those DIMPLES are everything. Bianca jokes that she didn’t know Michelle could see her ass.
Michelle tells Darienne that her makeup is gorgeous then lets Bianca know that’s how you soften, but the outfit. Oy. Khloe overshares that she has a big camel toe and would never wear ruching that draws attention to it and that she wishes Darienne’s outfit was stronger.
Oh geez, time for Magnolia. Michelle wastes no time in pointing out her ridiculous nose contouring and you can see her begin to seethe. Santino points out that the dress is basic and that very mild criticism sets her off, defending herself that the print isn’t basic. Well, that’s not what he said. Michelle decides to come back and ask if this dress really represents her and she’s off with the “I like things that are so ugly they’re fabulous” and Michelle cuts her off that she’s not getting that because the dress isn’t ugly.
Magnolia will not give up the ghost and whines that she didn’t like her box, not realizing April had camo and plaid and nearly won, and Khloe, again shows why she’s the only possibly likeable Kardashian, when she mildly points out that she’s feeling a lot of anger from Magnolia who just seethes. Finally Ru steps in and sets her straight that it’s “the motherfucking Olympics” so she has to figure out a way to make people like her. Moving on.
To Joslyn Fox. Santino says hello and Joslyn shows Magnolia how it’s done by calling him a “sexy, sexy bald man.” Unused to any of the queens liking him off the bat, except maybe Jessica Wild and she doesn’t count because she’s made of unicorns, magic and sunshine, he chuckles but still points out her dress is over the top and looks like a parade float. Michelle gets one last dig in at Magnolia saying she didn’t wear anything from her box while Joslyn wore everything. Joslyn’s shaking a little from nerves, but Michelle brings it down by saying she’s beautiful and she doesn’t need that much.
Next up, Courtney Act. Santino, still flush from a compliment, tells Courtney she’s giving him Cheryl Tiegs 1976 Cosmo cover which is both very specific and accurate. Khloe decides to go the Silence of the Lambs route and tells Courtney she wants to skin her alive and wear her body which may be the creepiest compliment, ever, but Santino points out that despite wearing practically nothing she was still tripping on her skirt. Oops.
And finally … Milk. Michelle takes a somewhat stern tone when she asks Milk if the “Galadriel banged a billy goat and this is what they got” ensemble represents her style. Milk looks quite nervous but commits and says yes because she has a quirky persona and style and if she can’t fit in with the glamorous queens she’s going to stand out. Santino duhs that she probably could have left off the beard … because … the rest of the ensemble looks like a million dollars. Like a fashion illustration. Phew. Didn’t see that coming but I’m glad they loved it because I thought it was gorgeous. Even with the beard. Khloe adds that Milk is owning everything she is and that’s what she loves about the look.
Queens head backstage so the judges can talk.
Not much new, except they’re more flattering toward Trinity in deliberations than they initially appeared to be, they further discuss the unforgivability of Darienne’s ruched and puffy puss, Khloe confirms that she is, in fact, the likeable Kardashian when she talks about how she doesn’t like all the bad publicity her family gets but it makes her want to be a better version of herself and not a sullen stick in the mud like Magnolia, they wanted more from Courtney and they all loved Milk’s big balls but hope she can be feminine when they need her to be. Now silence! Bring back Ru’s girls.
With three very strong candidates for the win, Trinity and Milk are safe because Bianca wins! A $2500 shopping spree from a fabric retailer, but still a win’s a win. Condragulations. Courtney and Joslyn get some mild reprimands but they’re safe which means Darienne and Magnolia are this week’s bottom feeders.
They’re lip synching to “Turn the Beat Around” which is a tough song to lip synch to because it’s fast and, as the lyrics even reference, there’s a syncopation to the melody that makes faking it with “watermelon watermelon” impossible. So, to no one’s surprise, Magnolia didn’t even bother to learn the song and is just snapping her jaw like a turtle while teetering around the stage in what she thinks is a comical way while Darienne’s nailing it and responding to the lyrics.
It wasn’t a great lip synch, but it was clear that Darienne shantays while Magnolia sashays away. Ru sends her off graciously to which she keeps rolling her eyes, but kind of acknowledges that she may (MAY?) come off a little “abrasively” but there is no bad publicity so “Peace the fuck out.”
For someone who lasted one whole episode, she completely outwore her welcome.
But we’re not done. We go back to the main stage where Ru lets the queens know there’s another group of queens waiting so bitches better beware because the others are just lounging around the Werkroom, trying their best to look intimidating. Adore barely managed to put any makeup on to tell us she’s from Azusa so she knows street fighting (HAHAHAHAHAHA) but Bianca doesn’t like ‘em. Does. Not. Like. Them. Especially that “Kimora Lee Kardashian” one. AWESOME.
Meanwhile, on Untucked, seriously, I have no idea what happened on Untucked. I mean, yeah, I’m a geezer but I can usually remember at least one thing before reviewing it but tonight, nada. Of course, Magnolia’s being an asshole. But that could be a macro. They even resort to additional footage because these queens are getting along too well.
First additional footage shows them on the main stage being asked to twerk which, when you’re a giraffe like Milk, or a sullen jerk like Magnolia isn’t easy. The others aren’t so bad, well maybe Bianca, but unsurprisingly Joslyn not only can twerk it like the rent’s due, but she has on a tear-away skirt to show it off. She knows what her assets are.
While discussing just how poorly Magnolia came off on stage, Bianca shows a level of maturity and thoughtfulness about how to take criticism and perform in a competition … that goes right over Magnolia’s head because she doesn’t think she should have to adapt for the competition. She’s there for her. She’s not there for the money or the challenge. She’s just there for the exposure. Trinity calls her out, straight up, that whether she’s there for the money or not, it’s still $100K so put in some effort, bitch. Bianca tries one more time to get through her dense, defensive, and generally obnoxious skull that if she wants to be a cold bitch all the time, then power to her, because that’s a tough row to hoe. But someone’s going home so it may as well be Magnolia and if it’s her, Bianca will gladly help her pack.
Then, to drive home Magnolia’s general awfulness, the other queens bond over their critiques like BFFs, except for some mild drive-by shade from Bianca toward Trinity that she has to explain was a joke because Trinity doesn’t have a sense of humor. Oh yeah, and Joslyn reminds us that she’s a little stalkery in her fandom of Courtney.
We get to see the best and worst shots of all the queens, except Magnolia since she didn’t have a good shot, then, because it’s Logo, we get extra footage of the Pit Crew having their own pillow fight because boys. Joslyn thinks Shawn’s the ultimate but also wants to lick Santino’s head so take her opinion for what it’s worth. We learn that Darienne’s up for it in or out of drag and Courtney overshares a little and skates around some of the more dangerous aspects of being in drag when she mentions a hookup who refused to acknowledge she wasn’t a woman and she felt unsafe as to what he was going to do next.
But she does expound on our narrow and misguided ideas of human sexuality and suggests that if we didn’t automatically brand, and shame, men who occasionally wander but primarily identify as straight we’d all be happier. With that heavy bit out of the way, Bianca brings the mood back up by confessing that every man she’s with knows she’s a clown so if they feel uncomfortable being under a big top, they just need to get the fuck out. Heh.
One final discussion on who’s going to lip synch and Bianca offers this bit of advice: “If you’re going to be in the bottom, just be good. Take it like the bitch you are. Pretend it’s prison.” How wrong I was in my first impression. Bianca’s kind of awesome.
So that’s it for the premiere. Early favorites are still Milk, Courtney and April, but I have to admit that Bianca is much more charismatic than I gave her credit for and Ben’s a little more annoying than I thought, so she’s my fourth with a strong chance of making the finale if she learns to blend. Plus, Trinity may be dull but bitch has enough creativity and glamour to compensate. But tell me what you think.
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