Previously… uh… hang on, MisRed has blocked it out.
OHHHH yeah, how could MisRed forget?
LVP is MINE! No She’s MINE!
Dorit lied to LVP about the content of what she said behind LVP’s back, both to Kyle and to all of the other women at dinner. Kyle has a tantrum because she thinks LVP likes Dorit better than her. LVP made it all about her, hurting Kyle’s feelings in the process. Rinna got wasted.
Anyone miss when Dorit was mad about being served a beverage in the wrong glass? Ahhhh, the good old days.
Commit this to memory, there will be a test.
We are still in NYC at Fashion Week, and Camille’s GG is walking in the Malan Breton runway show. There are stacks of pizza boxes for which GG is excited.
The models may gnaw on the cardboard after the show
This is what growing up with Camille and Frasier will do to you- your greatest wish is just for a piece of cold, stale pizza. Hey, it’s MisRed’s wish and she was raised by borderline normal people. But don’t be ridiculous GG, models don’t eat pizza- that’s for the backstage, ugly, fat people.
Camille is very excited for Mason. Malan Breton shows up to say hello, apparently taking a break from shooting Fantastic Beasts Part 2.
The ladies load up in the van- Kyle says it’s good to be in the back of the bus instead of being under it like the night before. The ladies ride along in silence and it’s awkward AF.
Did Erika just come from the eye doctor and have her pupils dilated?
Even Dorit is not talking, didn’t know that was possible. MisRed thought once the switch got flipped on, it talked until someone powered it down at night.
Can we just take out the batteries?
Rinna wonders how her GG is doing… Dorit says she feels uncomfortable around LVP and Kyle- as she should. She doesn’t have anything to say. Can someone call whoever it is that reads the Nightly News- Peter Jennings? Walter Cronkite? Dan Rather? Tom Brokaw?- and alert them of this breaking news story?
The ladies arrive at the Intrepid (a retired aircraft carrier that’s docked in the Hudson River) for the Malan Breton fashion show. Dorit interviews, at this point, she thinks the safest place for her is between Erika and Rinna. Wow, poor Dorit sandwiched between the pantie-less slut and the schizophrenic… it’s a dark day for Dorit.
The show starts, yada yada yada. Camille’s daughter walks and I’m getting a little VERY young Candice Bergen.
Anyone see it? Or is MisRed hallucinating again?
She’s a very pretty clothes hanger and seems to be polite.
Back in the van, everyone rides in silence. Rinna interviews “What’s going on?!?! Do I want to know???” Ooooooh right, Rinna and Camille left before all of the REALLY heavy rain came down last week.
The ladies have Kyle’s In-Store Event that evening- Erika chats with Mikey, who wants to know all the poop from the night before. Erika’s hair-gay tapes some ratty hair-piece to Erika’s head so she could have her latest MOMENT. Erika’s reply when she sees the look is “Oh hey, I’ve had sex in the dumpster.”
Seven guinea pigs died for this “Moment.”
Well…better than sex WITH dumpster, like Dorit.
Gets picked up on Tuesdays
Kyle is getting her hair and make-up done and gets a faux bob. Riveting. Rinna arrives at Kyle’s room and they rehash the previous evening where LVP seemed to choose Dorit over Kyle in the argument where Kyle was accusing Dorit of trashing Kyle and LVP (which she was) and of Lisa not valuing Kyle’s friendship in the same way as Dorit’s. If you followed that… well, congratulations.
Is Kyle dressing up as a clown? How much make-up does she need?
Rinna interviews that Kyle and LVP has a strange relationship. Here they’ve been tight for years, but LVP has, in the past accused Kyle of not defending her, which Kyle has defended LVP more so than anyone else. But now that Dorit is on the scene, the perception is that LVP is choosing Dorit over Kyle. Rinna understands that this makes Kyle feel hurt. Rinna says that “threesomes don’t work.”
She’s right- it will always wind up as two against one at some point in the relationship, unless you are having a menage a trois, in which case, Dahlings, two on one can be diviiiiiiiiiiiine. Ask MisRed how she knows… just kidding MisRed has no idea.
Over at Dorit’s room, she is getting dressed. She says she never tries clothing on, because she’s a thrill seeker. Heckle or Jeckle, MisRed can’t tell which says, “You love a last minute panic.” Spoken by someone who has probably seen and probably had to FIX one of Dorit’s “last minute panic” episodes.
Dorit’s skirt plans on stopping by 1983 on the way home…
Apparently, Dorit is going full vampire for Kyle’s party. Cutting edge… welcome to 2007. The vampire shirt is, however, fitting because Dorit sucks. Dorit says that she always dresses for her mood, so she’s wearing her vampire shirt because she feels like blood was drawn the previous evening, and it was HER’S. Oh, please, like Dorit has blood. If Dorit got stabbed, the only that would ooze out would be bullsh*t. Nonetheless, Dorit is wearing the Vampire shirt AS A SYMBOL!! Yes, Dorit, you are so very deep. Shut up and get back in your coffin.
Dorit calls LVP and says, “Can I come up and chat to you before we go to Kyle’s?” Chat TO her, not chat WITH her. LVP is like – Ugh- if you must but we don’t have much time. Dorit has never been in a bad place with The Queen before and she feels like some things just need to be said.
Yes, yes, they do, MisRed has a list of things that need to be said to you, Dorit… shall she just yammer them off? Eehhhh, never mind, MisRed doesn’t have the energy.
Teddi is getting ready and says she’s like walking Zombie from the night before. But she made her glam squad go to Soul Cycle with her at 6:30am, because working out is who she is. She’s Teddi and she loves horses. The previous evening was very stressful for Teddi- but Teddi was a good friend to Kyle. And you know what- Teddi told the truth, which MisRed thought was great- and such a departure from the norm.
Dorit arrives at LVP’s room- LVP explains that she has always been a good friend to Dorit, even when Dorit has royally f*cked up with this group- LVP has always taken Dorit’s side. “But nobody’s come at me like that.”
Dorit’s response? “Things come out of my mouth. I was upset.” Ahhh, pleading the Kelly Dodd Excuse… interesting.
Lisa says the Dorit claims to care about LVP, yet she said some really inappropriate things and then REPEATED IT to an entire table. Dorit denies that she did this. Ummmm, WHAT?? LVP ticks off the boxes- Dorit said that LVP was insecure, needy and jealous.
The story is easier to spin when standing
Dorit denies she said LVP was insecure and jealous. She says, “I said that sometimes you are needy of me.” LVP brings up that Dorit said that LVP didn’t have attention as a child, and LVP says she never said that and feels that Dorit shouldn’t have repeated that to anyone and feels its “derogatory.”
LVP says to Dorit that Kyle is now mad at her because LVP didn’t want Dorit to go back to the hotel by herself. LVP says that Kyle feels that she has defended LVP to Dorit, to which Dorit says “That’s hysterical. Why would a friend want two friends to be at odds?” LVP says that Kyle compares her relationship with LVP to LVP’s relationships with other people and Kyle feels she is held to a higher standard.
Dorit says “She does; she keeps telling me that it’s one rule for you and one rule for her. She can’t actually sit there and say that I was saying all of these things about you when she was saying that tenfold.” Did she?
LVP says that just because they both did it, doesn’t make it any better.
Love these shady editors
LVP wants to know how they are going to work this out? She says that she loves Dorit, mainly on the strength of loving Dorit’s husband- P-Kay. Ew.
You are just the latest bimbo who followed PK home thinking he has money
Dorit tells LVP that it’s not nice of her to say that. LVP continues that she and PK go back many many years and doesn’t want this to come in the way of that friendship. Dorit says that she would never say or do something to hurt LVP. Except… you know, talking sh*t behind her back and then lying about it. Oh wait, she already did that.
Ok, for the record, MisRed doesn’t think Dorit was malicious and trying to hurt LVP. MisRed just thinks that Dorit is dumb and doesn’t know when to STFU. However, Dorit is lying to herself and lying to LVP, and hopefully that Master Sh*t Stirrer Miss Andy Cohen will dump all of this out at the reunion. ALSO, LVP does hold Kyle to a different standard in a way, but MisRed think it speaks more to the strength of their friendship than anything else. For example- Brandi and LVP were close at one point but LVP easily cut ties with that skank because their friendship wasn’t strong. LVP viewed Brandi as a toy and when the wheels came off, LVP threw it in the garbage.
Kyle and Teddi head to Kyle’s event. Kyle says she really can’t stand having problems with people she cares about. Well Kyle, you’ve got a ton of them- and that’s just right in your own family tree, honey, but MisRed digresses. She wants her store party to go well, but she feels so weird that LVP and she have not spoken since the previous evening and that Teddi is the one riding with her and supporting her- which is normally LVP’s role.
So she custs a hole in the middle of a table cloth and adds a belt, Voila!
Kyle and Teddi arrive at the store, we meet Kyle’s Mumu supplier and Matt Sarafa- Kyle’s Godson and Faux Fur Designer- wearing a very snazzy faux diamond choker from Claire’s Boutique and the same false eyelashes the girls on the Bachelor wear.
The other ladies ride in the van to Kyle’s store. Rinna remarks on Erika’s look for the evening- Erika says that she looks at everything as a costume because she loves to entertain. She says, “You have to have depth.”
Yes, yes, you do. MisRed is just going to leave that riiiiiiiight there.
Literally lost his shirt
At Kyle’s, The Fat Jewish, is there in a pair of camouflage overalls, with nothing under them. I love how the same look will get you kicked out of a gas station, but on here, it’s a fashion statement.
To MisRed it is saying: Time to make the Moonshine with Tim and Tickle.
Bethenny Frankel shows up—she and Kyle go way back.
Way back to their original faces
The other ladies show up- Kyle thinks that Dorit and LVP showing up is already a good sign. She thinks they need to talk about everything, but at least they showed up for her. Yeah, it’s probably in their contract, babe.
While Kyle, LVP and Bethenny reviews the Mumu selection and Kyle says to LVP that she wasn’t sure if they were coming because they were so late. LVP says “I was talking to Dorit for 45 minutes.” Kyle interviews that she’s glad LVP and Dorit worked out their differences, however, she wishes they could have done it AFTER her trunk show so they wouldn’t have been 45 minutes late.
Hmmmm, someone doesn’t like having her “big night” ruined by someone’s inconsiderate actions. What goes around comes around.
Kyle also says that it would have been nice if LVP reached out to her today considering everything that happened the previous evening.
Thuck You, and the miniature horse you rode in on!
Bethenny jumps right in and says to LVP, “Yeah, she said she was caught in the crossfire. Something happened, she was defending you, and she got f*cked.” LVP thanks Kyle for defending her. Kyle says but then LVP said she would ride home with Dorit. Bethenny jumps is “Oh, it was a Thank You / F*ck You. A “Thuck You,” they call it.
LVP interviews that now Kyle has Bethenny on her side. LVP says that she can handle Bethenny and tells Bethenny to settle down. Bethenny mocks LVP regarding her wanting to ride home with Dorit saying that Dorit is a big girl she could have gotten home on her own. LVP and Kyle bicker, in a “friendly manner” that Kyle has been LVP’s friend for 10 years and LVP says she loves both Kyle and Dorit, but differently. Bethenny says, “Yeah, it’s because she’s British!”
Kyle explains that Dorit is not British and Bethenny says “Oh, she isn’t? What’s that accent?”
Why does she fake that accent?
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. At this moment, MisRed loves Bethenny.
Bethenny says to LVP- you can say “I’m sorry.”
So many things MisRed could doodle entering Bethenny’s mouth…
LVP says “I’m sorry if you were upset.” Classic non-apology. Bethenny is like- hell no, that wasn’t an apology.
The girls all try on the faux fur coats and Erika tries on a red fur that LVP is coveting but comments, “I think it makes me look more cheap than usual.”
Hard to do…
Kyle talks to Rinna about how there was a black cloud hanging over the day, but she (Kyle) isn’t going to be stepped on and she isn’t going to be unappreciated by LVP- that’s right, you save that for your sisters. Rinna is so happy to hear this and she doesn’t understand why Kyle kisses LVP’s ass anyway.
Kyle’s godson tells Rinna she looks like “The Baddest Bitch in the room!” Rinna will take it.
Kyle speaks to Dorit and says that she really cares about her, and that’s why she was so upset. Kyle says she’s going to leave it between LVP and Dorit to work out- BUT, that she put trust in Dorit and she considered her to be a friend. Dorit says she considers Kyle to be one of her best friends, and they can’t let this get between them.
Dorit interviews that Kyle tried to drive a wedge between her and one of her very good friends and “that’s a hard pill to swallow.”
Get ready to swallow some pills at the reunion, honey!
Well, throw is in a smoothie, like Rinna would- makes it much easier to swallow.
Let MisRed translate… Dorit isn’t over this and you know it’s going to be brought up from now until the end of time. AND Dorit still hasn’t admitted any wrongdoing or taken any ownership.
How long before this dog will be on the cover of Vogue Thailand?
The ladies all head back to L.A. We are treated to a “Yayy, we are back in LA montage.” Kyle gets some laser treatments from Maloof’s ex, Dorit pretends to recognize her kids and one of them DEMANDS gummi bears, Rinna has a new puppy.
Rocio allowed out of the dungeon to serve tea
Teddi heads to LVP’s house for tea, and they review the NYC situation. Teddi says that it would be so much easier if Dorit would just admit to her sh*t but she won’t take ownership over anything. Teddi also says that she has spent a lot of time with both Kyle AND Dorit and she’s never heard Kyle speak badly about anyone, but that Dorit does speak badly of people.
LVP interviews that Dorit could put more thought into what she says, (MORE?!?! MisRed would settle for ANY!) but sometimes, when you have a friend, you make allowances for them.
Teddi says that Kyle was standing up for LVP and that maybe LVP could say to Kyle that she feels badly that she sat there silently while Kyle went to bat for her. LVP seems to not really understand why Kyle is upset, nor does she seem to comprehend that Kyle was, despite the poorly-timed attack, sticking-up for her. Teddi says that Kyle just needs to hear an official “I’m sorry.” LVP makes a face like she’s passing a kidney stone.
Please darling, I don’t GIVE apologies, I GET apologies
LVP acknowledges in her talking head that she may not have realized Kyle was sticking up for her, and she should give her some credit for that.
At first MisRed was like- how could LVP not have realized what was happening? But then MisRed’s two brain cells got together. A) They were drinking B) Kyle and Dorit were talking over each other and it was difficult to understand. C) If LVP couldn’t decipher everything Kyle and Dorit were saying, LVP probably thought that Kyle was upset about the fight with Dorit. D) Lisa is getting older… E) Rinna’s vag was about 8 inches from LVP’s face during the entire fight.
And last, but certainly not least, F) PK is gross.
Over at Rinna’s, they are playing with the new puppy. They are missing Delilah, who has, finally, moved to NYC, it seems. They discuss Delilah and how she’s homesick. This scene was just a chance for us to get some Harry Hamlin.
We are splitting the check
LVP arrives at Villa Blanca to have lunch with Kyle. Kyle has, yet, another new purse. Kyle says that she is so exhausted from NYC. LVP pours Kyle some Rose in a water glass… and guess what? The planet did not spin off its axis.
LVP says she doesn’t do well with emotional stress and that her issues with Dorit are upsetting because she feels there is so much at stake, because of her long relationship with PK. Kyle asks if she feels there is anything at stake between she and LVP? LVP says- yes. Kyle, again, says she feels she’s held to a different standard. LVP asks her if Kyle wants to see her bloody wounds? LVP says that Kyle holds HER to a different standard than Rinna. LVP says that she is BETTER friends with Kyle- she’s only known Dorit for a few years- and she and Kyle have worked to cultivate this close relationship. Kyle says she can only take so much.
You may want to sit down for this, Lisa ACTUALLY apologies. OH wait, NOW CALL THE PRESS. This is monumental. LVP says she is sorry that she neglected Kyle and she didn’t realize Kyle was so upset. Kyle is, understandably, shocked and wishes LVP had come to the idea on her own without Kyle having to prod her. Sh*t, Kyle doesn’t even KNOW about Teddi’s intervention. But Kyle says, any apology from LVP, she will take.
The GGs will be so excited to see THIS!
Next time: Rinna and Camille go lingerie shopping because Camille now has the vagina of a 16 year old. Well sh*t, from who did she steal that?
Dorit climbs on top of LVP to apologize to her.
Gotta more pleasant than climbing on top of PK
Camille gives Dorit a gift… MisRed’s guess: a strap-on. LVP has herself a birthday party and the editors would like for us to believe that Dorit storms out of the party. MisRed’s guess is Dorit just got up to go to the can.
Did we make any progress in this episode? MisRed THINKS so, however, it will take until the reunion for the full extent of Dorit’s lies and bullsh*t to come to light. What do you guys think? Are you exhausted from all of this pettiness? Me too.
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