Well, it’s the last week of Big Brother Reluctant Celebrity Edition; how y’all doin? If everyone could hear that last sentence in the intonation of Dr. Nowzaradan from My 600 Pound Life I’d appreciate it, because that’s how I said it. And hey, if you’re not enjoying this season, there’s always the fact that it’s not as depressing as My 600 Pound Life. So. There’s that.
When last we saw the houseguests: Omarosa won HOH and everyone started calling her Omi, Brandi threw a sympathy vote to Shannon (well, to Mark but FOR Shannon, you know what I mean), Omarosa and all the men but Ross made a reeeeeaaaaal shaky Final Four, and finally Omarosa nominated Brandi and Ross for eviction. Oh, and she threw a weird wink at Marissa.
DON’T MAKE EYE CONTACT, MARISSA
Also I guess viewers were supposed to vote for one of three overly complicated veto twists, but I forgot.
This episode picks up right at the nomination ceremony, and Omarosa’s inexplicable wink is emphasized with a music sting. In the DR, Omarosa explains she nominated Brandi because Brandi is shady.
Ross isn’t scared to be on the block, he’s mostly just excited to have been nominated by the one and thankfully only Omarosa.
After doing a solo dance in the kitchen, Omarosa tells Ross she nominated him because he made too many deals with too many people, but like – has she seen this show before? That’s what you do. Oh wait, she’s just sowing seeds of discord and it’s WORKING because Brandi spills that she, Ross, Marissa and Ari have a Final Four deal.
This seems familiar…
Brandi DEMANDS to know who told Omarosa about the Final Four alliance that she just told Omarosa about, and also wants to know what that wink was all about. Marissa’s wink denial sounds so guilty; she pulls the whole “Oh yeah, I’m in an alliance with Omarosa, and I said put up two of my allies, and we’re best friends forever now”. The questioning by Brandi constitutes a personal attack to Marissa, and the whole thing makes her very sad.
You can tell because her face does this.
Ari and Marissa decide that James and Mark have a deal going on with Omarosa; which does make sense since they’re the only two not on the block and with no blocked allies. Having figured out this new alliance, Marissa runs off to inform Brandi and Ross. Also, I don’t know if these celebrities are being supplied with enough fruit.
Outside by candlelight, the gang plays “the Twitter game” where they ask each other questions they make up presented as Twitter questions. The most interesting thing I learn is that Brandi looks wonderful in soft lighting.
She should carry candles everywhere. Wait, that’s dangerous.
We can’t get through an episode without Omarosa talking about the White House – you know that – so this time Grandmark helps her out by Twitter asking what the most interesting time in the White House was. It was this:
Brandi uses the game as a means to ask James about his not-so-secret alliance, but she phrases it cleverly. Just kidding – she says “James, did you make a deal with Omarosa and Mark?”
James’ voice goes into full wacky morning DJ mode as he brushes the question off and corrects Brandi’s “Omarosa” pronunciation. It’s “O” as in OH hell no, “Ma” is in Keshia had to leave because she’s a breast feeding ma, “rose” as in at least this is better than The Bachelor, and “uh” as in uh, why didn’t they vote Omarosa out first?
The next morning, Ross warns James and Grandmark against trusting Omarosa – good timing, since James has already been doubting that sham of an alliance. Instead of that bad idea, James has an bad idea of his own – he and Mark will team up with Marissa and Ross in a Final Four! Wonderful idea, except that James is approximately at the bottom of Marissa’s list of people to save.
The sound of labored breathing can only mean one thing – workout time with Mark and James!
Oooh, careful Grandmark
Over crunches and leisurely elliptical strides, they decide that of the people on the block, Brandi should go instead of Ross. The only problem with that is that Omarosa wants Ross out and they both seem terrified of her. Oh, and Metta is still kicking around somewhere.
How you holding up, big guy?
Speaking of Metta, either James stole his owl or there are duplicates, because James summons Marissa to have a chat with him while he creepily strokes it. It being the owl, calm down.
Say hello to my feathered friend
James tries to reel Marissa in to his dream Final Four, but Marissa doesn’t want to leave Ari out in the cold. When his powers of persuasion fail to convince her, James turns his conversation to the owl and ramps up the petting.
I’m gonna make her an owlfer she can’t refuse
I mean, Marissa. Couldn’t you just like…lie? Say you’ll work with him and save Ross! It’s not like you have to keep your word. I can’t sigh any harder, my chest hurts.
Now it’s time for the thrilling live veto competition, and the reveal of the veto twist that America chose! Well, most of America. Some of it. I’m sure at least one person remembered to vote. The veto options were: Spotlight – forces the veto winner to use it, V.I.P. – gives the veto winner the power to use the veto twice, and Diamond – gives the veto winner the ability to name a replacement nominee after the use the veto. Got it?
You and me both.
Metta wants to know if you can nominate yourself if you win the diamond veto –
Nobody better nominate Orwell
but that’s a moot point, because America chose VIP veto! “Which one is that?” says Metta, speaking for us all. Julie explains again, s-l-o-w-l-y, that this means the winner can use the veto power twice if they choose.
Yeah, all our minds are totally blown
Since it’s a live veto comp, I bet it’ll be an extra exciting one!
Or assembling a puzzle, whatever
Minutes stretch into hours, days and weeks drift by, all to a pseudo-techno dance tune punctuated by the sound of frustrated clattering and Grandmark cheering everyone on. After what feels like years, Omarosa gets her puzzle assembled – but so does Ross and he makes it back to the button first!
Ross has to think fast and decide how to use the veto, because the time is now. He uses the first veto on himself, forcing Omarosa to come up with a replacement nominee. Will she put up Ari? James? Who is the strongest competitor?
Ross declines to use the second veto – so like, great twist CBS! Also, why did Metta sign up for this if he can’t be away from his wife for two weeks? I love him, but come on.
Final speech time! Metta takes the opportunity to say thanks for the chance to be in the house and gives Shannon – his favorite Shannon – a shoutout. How will Brandi ever top that?
The vote is unanimously for Metta – I’m glad he is finally free of this strange show he somehow stumbled into and never understood, but I’m also sad to see him go. Exit interview!
Julie, dumfounded, asks Metta if he’s aware there are only 6 days left. True to form, he non-answers that question by just talking about his family. Oh, and this:
Just call me ceresical
Next Julie wants to know who Metta would like to see win.
“I love Shannon”
Since Shannon isn’t technically an option, Metta’s winner pic is Ross (although it really sounds like he’s saying “Russ”).
Alright guys! Seven celebrities left, four episodes to go, and Wednesday is a double eviction! Fingers crossed it’s somehow Omarosa and Omarosa – see you then!
Keep your owls close and your owlnemies closer
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