LL introduces his sons, both dressed in Kanye’s The Matrix collection. It’s sweet to see LL introduce them together as if he loves them the same. Then they launch into a very weird song that combines Hakeem’s rap aesthetic with Jamal’s falsetto cover of Money for Nothing by Dire Straits. You know who else covered this song? Weird Al, in his magnum opus UHF. But of course everyone is feeling it. Especially the old nervous White Man. Who knew he was such a Dire Straits fan? Everything is perfect, except LL is now losing his voice and Cookie has to pick up the slack. BBK, the Devil, raises an eyebrow but lets Cookie handle it.
Cookie wisely refuses to read the stiff BBK, the Devil, speech from the teleprompter. She calls LL a crazy SOB who is also a musical god with dreams that they hustled to make happen. “What’s the first rule of hustling?” she asks. “Supply and demand,” calls out a generic banker type. She is bonding with her audience and they are eating it up. She and LL created a new sound that everyone loved and couldn’t do without. She pitches LL like crazy and brags about all three of her sons, and about how important it is to them to keep it in the family, and invites all of the investors to join them on their quest for Total Domination. I’m sold! Who do I make the check out to? LL is beaming from the sidelines, teary in the knowledge that she’s done a better job than he could ever do. Even BBK, the Devil, knows it.
Following the event, BBK, the Devil, heads out on a fake trip to Chicago to work something out with legendary non-addict Lana Del Rey, who is not addicted to pain killers at all. LL invites everyone else back to his place, and promises to tell Cookie what’s going on with his health.
At the Lyon’s Lair, everyone is sitting around basking in what Cookie just pulled off. Jamal holds his daughter for 3 seconds before the maid takes her upstairs. Cookie flirts with Malcolm the security chief and asks for his help because he’s been setting off her panty alarm. LL finally admits he’s been diagnosed with ALS, and he recites the wikipedia definition to his family. Hakeem and Andre almost fight because Andre is more concerned with the business implications of this admission. Andre then screams continuously and runs full speed out of the room in a manic fit, and Whitesnake/Kelly Ripa follows him. Wonder what weird sexual situation she’s planning to calm him down THIS time. There are not enough BJ bibs in the world, girl. She finds him sitting, fully clothed, in the shower.
She slaps him out of his angry stupor and reminds him of their mission. Always be closing, Kelly Ripa. Always be closing. Unlike many twitter people, I didn’t find this moment touching or emotional. I found it legitimately terrifying. We are starting to see the depth of the rage and ambition inside all of the characters.
LL implores Hakeem and Jamal to be strong, and they share a tender “we’re a team!” moment. Cookie and LL tuck in for a night of slow jams and deep feelings. LL is flattered by all the nice words from Cookie and feels he owes her. He recognizes that his success was all due to her vision and drive from the beginning. She tears up, and tells him she deosnt want to lose him. They start slow dancing to a song LL wrote for her and, inevitably, they get busy like it’s old times. BBK, the Devil, inexplicably returns to the house and catches them in bed. She pulls back and fade out, y’all.
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