Hey Trashies! So we’re more than halfway done and we’ve had only three eliminations. That leaves eight HGs for the next eight days, so buckle your seat belts! In other news, Omarosa is off our newsfeeds. I was waiting for the screaming headlines, “Omarosa Says Spicer Can’t Pronounce Words”, or “Omarosa Claims She Didn’t Do Trump”, but thankfully, we’re back to indictments and school shootings, and the like.
We open where we left off, at Ariadna’s nomination ceremony, where she nominated James and Shannon. Shannon crawls in bed to continue her Unabomber mope-fest, while Ariana tells James he’s not the target. Then she urges him to win veto. James yells in the Diary Room, “That’s so lovely to hear, but you know what would have been far more clear? Is not putting me on the block!”
Now Brandi tells Shannon she was not the mastermind behind this, it was a combined force of her, Marissa, Ross and Ariadna. Shannon feels most betrayed by Marissa and Ross, because she had a Final 4 with them. She’s already thinking jury, and says neither will be getting her vote.
Marissa, Ari and Ross join them, and Shannon moans and cries about how she doesn’t understand why people see her as a threat, it’s not fair! She says Ross and Marissa are both superfans, and she only won two competitions, just one more than Marissa, Ross and Ari. So there. Brandi says it was the first two, back-to-back, and everyone saw her as a target from the get-go.
Brandi says she thinks Shannon has a Final 2 with James, but Shannon denies it. Omarosa comes in, and Shannon tells her to leave, but she won’t, so Shannon says, very well, she’ll address Omarosa right there and then. Omarosa makes Shannon look like a whackadoo, causing Shannon to cry and whine that she doesn’t love the game anymore, and won’t be able to watch it again. So there, nyah.
So Brandi, Marissa, Ross and Ari are sitting around HoH Headquarters saying how much they like Shannon while Omarosa throws beady-eyed glares at them. All of a sudden, Brandi asks Omarosa if she slept with Trump.
It seems there are rumors floating around that some other Celebrity Apprentice contestant did (ewwwhhhhh). Brandi’s never heard anything about Omarosa, but she was just wondering, because Trump likes her so much. Omarosa says that’s because she’s ratings gold, therefore she doesn’t have to sleep with people to get shit, she just has to barge around acting telegenically reprehensible.
Then she starts one of her combative rants about what “they” do when “they” don’t have any other mode of attack. *sigh*
Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Marissa turns James into a stripper while watching him get into the shower. Ross bashfully turns his back and covers his face. Marissa keeps telling Ross to watch, but he’s too embarrassed. She say she’s turned on, and she needs to go home and be with her husband, who’s sitting at home watching this with her son.
It’s time to pick players for the veto competition! Ross, Omarosa, and Brandi will be joining Shannon, James and Ari to compete for the Power of Veto.
Early the next morning, Metta takes us along to share a little bonding moment with Orwell. He felt so alone and at sea in the house, but once he found Orwell, everything was alright, and he knew he could take it to the end. He carries Orwell everywhere, cuddles him and bounces around with him. They even visit the john together.
Brandi says they’re having a showmance. Then Ross tells Metta the owl’s name is Orwell, and Metta freaks out that it’s a boy. Ross and Mark laugh their asses off.
The next morning, Shannon awakes bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, ready to get back into the game. She tells Omarosa she was gunning for Keshia last elimination, and Omarosa cuts her off, saying she doesn’t care about the game, she’s just worried about poor, dear Shannon. She says her heart is hurting for poor little dumpling, because she was cwying, then she tells Shannon she doesn’t want a boy to win. Also, she throws Marissa under the bus, telling Shannon Marissa wanted to backdoor her at Monday’s eviction.
Then in the Diary Room, she says she’s hedging her bets and frankly doesn’t give a rat’s ass about Shannon.
Next, Omarosa diabolically goes and tells James he’s really the target. She says, “They want you out, and I’m at the bottom of the totem pole.” James goes to Marissa, Ross and Mark, who laugh heartily, and tell him Omarosa isn’t even on the totem pole. Brandi goes and confronts Omarosa, who denies ever having talked to James.
Then they rope James in, and Omarosa completely makes up a false version of the conversation they never had on the spot. “Did I not say this? And did I not say that?” she lies, while calling him a liar. James says he’s not going to perpetuate drama and walks out. Since nobody in the house has been lying except Omarosa, this one’s a no-brainer — they all take James’s side, even Brandi.
Now Ross and Marissa get together with Ariadna and Brandi, and decide to make a deal with James, so they’ll be safe if he ever wins HoH.
Shannon hears Brandi calling James, and goes to Metta, telling him she’ll join forces with him and whomever he’s allied with against James and the gang. Metta interviews in the Diary Room that he has a personal vendetta against Shannon for not sending him back home when he wanted to see his “wife” (fiancée Maya Ford), so he doesn’t know why she thinks he’d want to do anything for her.
Meanwhile, upstairs, the gang tells James they want to make a Final 5 with him. It’s a cold exchange, and the deal comes with no deets, but James says he’ll agree. He interviews in the Diary Room that he’s just telling them what they want to hear.
It’s time for messages from home! First up is James, who gets love from his mom and baby sister. Next is Metta, who flops to the floor when Maya appears. Mark gets a hello from his wife and kids, then Omarosa’s mother and husband say they’re praying for her. Up next is Marissa, who gets a video from her son and husband, and then — no way, it’s Andy Cohen, checking in for Brandi!
How exciting! Now Shannon’s boyfriend Simon comes on to tell her she’s the most intelligent, caring, and amazing ray of sunshine that ever caressed the Earth, and in this game called life, she’s his ride or die. Then he makes out with the dog.
Next up is Ross’s husband Salvador, holding their adorable pooch. Then Ariadna hears from her sister and her sick father, then bursts into tears, and everybody piles on to hug her.
Now Omarosa dishes a little more White House gossip, this time to Mark, who’s the only one who’ll stick around and listen. She says Sean Spicer can’t pronounce words, and she also believes that if there was anything impeachable in Trump’s closet, he wouldn’t have made it this far into his administration. That’s her $0.02. Say what you will about Omarosa, the bitch does not burn her bridges.
It’s time for the veto competition! Marissa calls the gang in, while wearing Valentine’s Day antennae.
It’s time for the veto competition! The players have to enter a dark restaurant and find their way through four rooms while being sprayed with pea soup, slimed, honeyed and spaghetti-sauced, then find a light switch in the shortest time.
Ross cracks a bunch of cheesy jokes (haha, get it?), then James goes through with laser focus, after bragging he won a bunch of Nickelodeon Kid’s Choice awards, and therefore is an expert in slime. Ari falls into the honey, and reports that it doesn’t taste like honey. Omarosa loses her pants and shoes, and ends up back where she started. Brandi stifles her gag reflex while flipping the bird through the whole thing. And finally, Shannon is vegan, and can tell that the cheese in the cheese room is not vegan.
Here are their times:
James: 6:24 — (Which is also the date of Ariana & Stassi’s Dueling Birthdays on my latest VPR Recap: Vagina in a China Shop, huh!)
James is the winner!
Shannon cries and mopes some more, and knows she needs a miracle at this point. Up in the HoH room, Ari and her crew discuss putting up Omarosa or Mark for the renom. They’re scared of making Omarosa mad, and are leaning towards Mark, because he has no power.
It’s time for the veto ceremony! James takes himself down, and Ariadna puts Mark up. Mark thinks they’re underestimating him. Shannon tells James he needs to break up pairs; Ross & Marissa, and Brandi & Ari. Ross says Shannon’s going to scorch the earth before she leaves.
It’s time for the eviction ceremony! Mark asks who’s going to do the dishes and the towels tonight if he leaves, and Shannon plugs two websites, rhinoreview.org and animalavengers.com, to help stop elephant and rhino poaching.
Here’s how the votes go down:
Ross votes to evict — Shannon (but supports her cause)
Marissa votes to evict — Shannon (with tears)
Omarosa votes to evict — Shannon
James votes to evict — Shannon
Brandi votes to evict — Mark (hmm…)
Metta votes to evict — Shannon
Shannon is out, 5 to 1, but doesn’t find out who cast the rogue vote. She tells Metta where to find Orwell, then it’s out for her exit interview. Julie asks if she played too hard too fast, and should she perhaps have not spelled the word “responsibilities” in the veto comp? Shannon says she didn’t know she was up against a pack of four-letterers. What surprised her most about her time in the house was the boredom and paranoia.
And finally, sweet Metta says he respects Shannon like Kobe Bryant, and he loves her like a sister.
It’s time for the HoH competition! The remaining HGs start playing the next HoH competition, which is a tilting wall comp with spectator seats on a basketball court. The first three HGs down will get to eat slop, which apparently they’ve all been asking about.
That’s it for now, Trashies! Sunday we get a new HoH and Monday is the next live eviction. Stay tuned!
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