Everyone’s getting ready for their first Matchup Ceremony. So much pomp and circumstance. This week, the men will be selecting a lady to pair up with and face the dreaded handprint lock screen. Next week the women will pick.
Wes is up first. He doesn’t choose Jessica so I guess their consolation date after Brittany and Adam hooked up was lackluster. Instead he picks Kayla, who looks pretty disappointed. Ouch. Next up is Ethan, who boldly picks Shanley, much to the dismay of Chris T. Adam is next and he picks Brittany. Given how little either of them seem to care about abandoning their dates for each other, they probably deserve each other.
John picks Simone. When she comes up she tells Host Ryan she’s worried, because John is so skinny, that maybe he has a really tiny penis. Everyone is really uncomfortable. John says “this is just typical us.” Oh how cute, they’re an us. Chris T. chooses Jessica. Shanley makes this big production about how she’s okay with it, Jessica is who she would pick for Chris T. if she could.
Dillan is last to pick and he winds up with Coleysia by default. He is NOT happy, saying he had three other girls in mind but they were all already chosen. Coleysia is understandably taken aback, and also upset at being the one no one wants. Ouch. She starts crying and Dillan rightfully feels like an ass.
Following his tantrum, the matches shake out like this:
Wes and Kayla
Ethan and Shanley
Adam and Brittany
Dre and Jacy
John and Simone
Chris T. and Jessica
Joey and Paige
Chris Scali and Ashleigh
Ryan and Amber
Dillan and Coleysia
Host Ryan then starts the long and arduous ceremony. For each match they have correct, a beam of light blazes brightly in the night sky, but in order to make this an hour-long show they light them up one at a time. Also, very bright lights must be shone upon the contestants in order for the light beams to work. Or something.
This week? They only have two matches correct. Only two! That’s not very good at all.
Host Ryan sends them off with a reminder: Your perfect match is here. You just need to find them. We close out the premiere with castmates interviewing about game strategy. Wes wonders whether they should go for someone they’re attracted to, or someone who seems straight out of left field? I vote b given how bad they all are at relationships. Amber interviews that she’s going to try and suppress her own feelings; she’d rather squash that shit all the way down and play for the money. Should be an interesting show!
Episode 2 opens with a 7-minute recap of the first episode because MTV clearly thinks their viewing audience has the combined attention span of a flea. Or they’re training them for eventual Bravo viewership. It could totally be that.
It’s after the first Matchup Ceremony and everyone starts strategizing. Well, sort of. Mostly they start drinking and talking about what to do next, but “strategizing” isn’t a word I’d use with this group necessarily. Ryan advocates picking all different couples for the next Matchup Ceremony. That way they’d know that any of their newly correct matches were independent of the two they got right the first time. Not a bad idea. But really they need a math major up in there. Basically this is just a 10×10 logic problem, no? I’m near positive this can all be solved using statistics.
Kayla and Wes are laying in the girls’ bed talking; he picked her at the Matchup Ceremony and now they really seem to be hitting it off. Kayla tells him she was a preacher’s daughter, and that guys always looked at her as a challenge which skewed her perception on men.
Elsewhere in the house a GIANT PARTY is unfolding. Jacy comes in and starts macking on John and Simone is NOT into it. John interviews that he was initially drawn to Simone, but that her jealousy is extremely unattractive, albeit ego boosting. Jacy cracks me up by calling John by both his first and last names all night. “John Jacobs where are you?” “John Jacobs let’s dance!” I have a tendency to overuse last names and it drives my best friend crazy.
Chris T. and Shanley refuse to separate from each other, even though the Truth Booth last episode told them they weren’t soul mates. He interviews for the fourteenth time about how strong his feelings for her are, then we see her begging him for sex in the hot tub. The head up to Pound Town and he wastes no time getting himself ready for her.
It’s the next day, and Ryan can’t find his journal. Correction, his two journals – he has a personal journal and a dream journal. He’s pretty pissed, made worse by the fact that no one else is helping him look or seems to care. Ethan interviews that only a complete idiot would have a journal in a house where 20 other people can find it. Agreed.