What’s up, Trashsters? We are one week and roughly 37 televised hours into Celebrity Big Brother! So far we’ve had a women’s alliance that didn’t last through the first Veto ceremony, but honestly, who survives an alliance with Omarosa? Shannon Elizabeth has proven herself to be a badass humanitarian, kick-ass speller, and terrible Big Brother contestant. Chuck Liddell went home last night, surprising no one except Omarosa. Oh… And Mark McGrath is the personification of that awkward feeling you get when you’re a teenager and your dad tries way too hard to be funny in front of your friends. I hate him. I hate him so much.
Metta World Peace has no idea how Big Brother works.
How the fuck do you agree to be a part of a show and not even watch a single episode in preparation? I have anxiety attacks if I go to a new restaurant without researching the menu and dress code online. I deeply envy the oblivious.
Can we talk about Omarosa’s attire briefly? This is fucking Big Brother, bitch. I expect to see sweat pants, stress-eating pounds, and errant facial hair. What’s this ball gown shit?
Two-and-a-half weeks is not nearly enough time for everyone to give up
Shannon tries to talk to her and Omarosa tells Shannon she’s coming across as the mean girl of the season, which is like the super bitchy pot full of bitches calling the kettle a bitch. Shannon dissolves the Omarosa alliance and goes and snitches on herself for their former side deal to everyone else, because Shannon might be a bit of an overthinker. I’m judging her game play, but this is probably exactly how I’d play Big Brother. I’d suck ass at this game. And totally show off by making a 19 letter word in the Veto Comp.
Omarosa and Keishia are desperately trying to explain Big Brother to Metta. He thinks he voted for Chuck to stay by voting for him. Lol. Is this an act? Please tell me he’s playing a ridiculous character. Although Chuck did ask everyone to vote for him, so….
HOH time! It’s the spin around a bunch and then bowl game
In tutus, because Big Bro is all about dat class
Omarosa and Shannon fight before the comp starts, with Omarosa trying to convince Shannon that she cares about her and she wants her to not regret her decisions. Lol. Then she chooses to face off against Marissa because she assumes chubby = bad at everything. Bitch, that chick was on Broadway. She knows how to spin!
Marissa takes out Omarosa, who immediately fakes an asthma attack. Okay, fine, maybe it’s real, but it’s Omarosa, so let’s just assume she realized she’s gonna lose and now she’s pretending to need an ambulance. Asthma is a serious disease, but Omarosa is a seriously shady bitch.
Is it asthma? Or is it an attention tantrum?
Back at the comp, Ross beats Metta, Mark beats Brandi (who you’d think would be used to handling balls while everything was blurry), James absolutely murders Ariadna, Mark edges out Shannon, James beats Marissa, Ross just barely beats Mark, and the final battle is Ross vs James. Shannon wants James to throw it, and promises if he does he’ll be safe and his alliance will trust him. Yeah, that never goes badly for anyone.
Ross is doing such a bad job that James is struggling to lose without letting on that he’s throwing the comp, which is funny to watch. I was about to say that James should stick to his day job, but then I remembered his day job is actually acting, so maybe he shouldn’t.
Anyway, Ross wins HoH and Keisha looks nervous as hell. Omarosa is still MIA, and now Ross is considering putting up James and Shannon if she doesn’t come back. Official word from Big Brother is that Omarosa is coming back into the game before the noms. Now we get to see how Ross plays this week out. He seems to be leaning towards taking Shannon out anyway, which is smarter since Omarosa is not gonna win anything that BB doesn’t hand right to her.
Nomination time! Ross nominates Omarosa and Keisha and tries to do the requisite “It’s not personal, just playing the game” speech but Omarosa keeps cutting him off and being generally horrible. Which, let’s face it, is why she’s here. And that wraps things up for tonight. My computer is being sort of horrible about screenshots right now, so sorry for the minimal pictures. I’ll be back to recap the Veto comp tomorrow. Stay trashy, y’all.