It’s the first two hour episode of the season, and true to character I’ve come up with a fun drinking game for everyone! Take one shot for each of the following.
-you think to yourself “This really could have been a one hour episode!”
-whenever you find yourself liking or sympathetic to Omarosa. Also punch yourself in the leg for this one (but MEAN it)
-each time Metta is particularly cute but really should have taken the time to watch even an episode of the show before
-Shannon’s jaw unhinges and she swallows a fellow houseguest
Up top there’s a refresher of the past two epsidoes: Shannon was HOH, then Rudy stole that power with a gift bag twist, Rudy nominated James and Chuck, and everyone was real into those gold under eye things.
I’ve tried them and they did NOTHING for me.
We cut to directly after the nomination ceremony, where James is pissed that he was nominated for “no reason”.
“Everyone loves me, this is ridiculous!”
Brandi can’t wait for James to get evicted, since he’s irritated her from the jump, but I have a serious question. Did Brandi have a stroke at some point? One corner of her mouth always seemed glued together; but it’s NOT THE SAME CORNER. Usually it’s her left, but tonight it’s the right, someone please get to the bottom of this mystery.
Inquiring minds and all that
Rudy explains to Chuck that she only nominated him because he went for the gift bag twist, but Chuck thinks he would have gone up regardless. The women’s alliance agrees they need to evict James while they have the chance, so to keep him from going for the Power of Veto, Shannon tells him that Chuck is the real target. Chuck wanders off to rage workout while James and Grandmark bond over a tiny firepit and swear eternal allegiance to one another.
Later, Omarosa interrupts Rudy pumping breast milk to propose a BGM (black girl magic) alliance within the larger seven person alliance. She’s already thinking ahead to the when there are only women left, and beyond that – the final two. I’m sure she’s making valid points but I am too distracted by her onesie and animal slippers.
Who is this person
Wacky music signals that it’s time to pick players for the veto competition! There will be six players; the HOH, the nominees, and three random draws. Rudy gets “Houseguest’s Choice”, so she chooses Shannon, James draws Ariadna, and Chuck draws Mark.
And Brandi makes this face
Rudy chooses Omarosa to be the host, after asking Ross if that’s okay with him – his words say yes, but his face says “you bitches”.
Meanwhile, Metta’s made a final two with Orwell
Rudy steals Mark away for a little chat, and asks him who he would save if he got POV; he says James, but he’s open to being bribed to use it elsewhere. Next Rudy uses Chuck’s weird hand cooler thing as a ploy for some alone time; she tells him to play as hard as he can and pull himself off the block.
I don’t know what that hand cooler is, but it makes me think of this
After a commercial break, we get a “fun” segment where Julie talks to the houseguests and asks then what they’re missing the most – it’s family, across the board, but it was jarring when Omarosa said “I miss my husband, Pastor John Allen Newman”. Using a partner’s title like that seems pretentious and weird, but hey – it’s Omarosa.
Next, Julie quizzes them on some pop culture happenings with a True or False game. Topics include: the Grammys, Blake Griffin, Kylie Jenner’s baby’s name (Stormi Webster, blech), government shutdown, and the Super Bowl winners. Wow, this was kind of a time-filler segment, it’s almost like this episode didn’t need to be two hours?
Now it’s time for the Power of Veto competition!
I don’t know about that bindi
It’s the time honored BB competition of rummaging for letters in muck and assembling then into the longest word possible in ten minutes. The back yard has been decorated like a spa, but with giant noses, so the comp is called “The Four Sneezins”.
Not only do the players have to dig in mud, but they also are getting pelted with snot and goo. I’m loving the juxtaposition of the spectators just crushing bottomless mimosas in spotless white robes as they watch and cheer.
Finally, time is up! I think they showed this comp in real time; I know I thought to myself “this could have been a one hour show” at least twice. So how did they do? Ariadna was going for “warning” but only got out “waing”, Grandmark pulled out “some”, James almost spelled “family” but not quite, Rudy got “primed”, and Chuck actually did great with “spanned”!
Since Shannon is a superfan, I’m sure she came up with a great word; but presumably not TOO great, since that’d really make her a target coming off of her HOH win-
Oh no baby what is you doing
Wow, that won’t be threatening and cause people to gun for her harder at all. Nope.
Now that the alliance has the POV, Rudy and Omarosa want Shannon to replace Chuck with Grandmark. James is still the target, but they want to “shock and awe” Mark. Ross thinks this nonsensical plan doesn’t make any sense, and Shannon doesn’t like it either because it’ll mean an even bigger target on her back. Feeling the pressure, Shannon starts to stress-cry, so if anyone was doubting the similarities between her and the Rousso sisters…um…stop.
The cracks widen when Omarosa starts Omarosing and bossing Shannon around, and Ross gets weirded out that Rudy keeps talking about the group’s responsibilities as women and says things like “may the best woman win”. Brandi and Ross meet in the pantry to agree that nominating Grandmark just for funsies is a dumb plan, and Brandi gives me my new 2018 mantra.
Yes yes y’all
By the firepit of secrecy, Ross and Marissa have a chat about how Ross has always felt marginalized, and that’s why the lady alliance constantly overlooking and speaking over him is affecting him.
Marissa has put on her serious hat for this convo.
Meanwhile, since James and Ariadna forgot how to spell in the veto comp, their punishment is the “Big Brotox Treatment”, which is…unsettling.
For 48 hours they must wear these baby outfits, crawl on hands and knees, and when a the sound of crying comes over the speakers, drink from bottles.
Marissa is TOO into it.
James is a really good sport about the whole thing. Haha! Just kidding. He constantly sulks and turns his bonnet into a super cool headband.
Ross talks Shannon into asserting herself and refusing to use the veto, but Rudy, Omarosa, and Brandi still want her to use it. Omarosa just shakes her head at Shannon and talks to her like a very disappointed kindergarten teacher, and it seems like the only person who isn’t scared of Omarosa at this point is Brandi.
“I have her shoes on right now, I’m not gonna lie. I’m wearing that bitch’s shoes. She’s my bitch!”
You know who’s not wearing Omarosa’s shoes? Shannon. And she IS scared of Omarosa, or at least it appears that way. They have their own firepit chat where Omarosa tries equal parts flattery, threats, and Keeping Up With The Kardashians quotes to get Shannon to do what she wants.
Now it’s time for the Veto ceremony! James pleads on his knees to be kept, and Chuck says he’s had a good time with everyone “killing time”, which must be an inside joke because Grandmark’s face does this.
Nice jaw mobility
Shannon decides to not let Rudy and Omarosa poach her game out from under her (get it? Because of the animal poaching in South Africa? Are jokes still good if you say “get it”?), so she declines to use the veto. Ross is overjoyed but plays it cool.
Does it seem like the pace of the episode is picking up a little bit? Well we can’t have that! Let’s have a chat with previous winners.
At least they didn’t find an excuse to bring Paul back
Julie asks our former champions their thoughts on the game, and everyone agrees that Omarosa is surprising, Shannon needs to calm her ass down, and Metta is unwell. Also, Josh claims that his strategy the whole time last year was to seem like an unstable, non-threatening mess, and that’s how he won.
Winner predictions! Ian thinks James (if he can survive this eviction) but he’s not rooting for him, Derek thinks Marissa (but is rooting for Shannon), Nicole agrees with Derek on both counts, and Josh is rooting for and predicting a win for Ross. So say we all.
Okay, there’s only 20 minutes left in the show, how are we going to have time for the eviction and HOH competition?
“I’ll never tell”
Before we can get to the eviction vote, we have one more covert convo where Ross and Shannon agree they don’t trust Omarosa, and that the alliance is pretty much dead so they should just flip and get Chuck out this week.
Wow wow wow
Shannon and Ross get Brandi, Ariadna, and Marissa on their flip-side by telling them Rudy’s been making side deals with Chuck, so it looks like it’s about to be sayonara, Chuck! Wow, okay, another commercial break. I’m starting to doubt this show’s time management.
Alright, it’s time for James and Chuck’s final pleas for safety!
That wording is…unfortunate
The votes play out thusly: Brandi gets choked up voting for Chuck, Ariadna votes Chuck, Omarosa votes “my dear friend” James, Ross votes Chuck, Marissa and Mark prove they’re true fans by saying “I sadly vote to evict Chuck”, and Shannon – shockingly – votes Chuck. Metta starts talking before his mic is even on, and never lets Julie ask who he chooses to evict. So I don’t know if he knew what his vote was doing.
I mean, Chuck asked people to vote for him, so…
So that’s it, Chuck’s out seven to one. How will they react to the news?
AND WHAT IS OMAROSA WEARING?!
Everyone plays it pretty cool, but Omarosa slips Chuck a note on his way out the door! WHAT WAS IT?!
I need to know
I’m equally sad to see Chuck go and that we have to keep dealing with James. The exit interview is a little stilted and awkward, but Chuck manages to get in that he’d rather be on the Amazing Race and I demand CBS cast him on it.
One down, 10 to go. I really have no idea what’s going on, but I do know I like this season infinitely more that BB19. See you next week!