Coming off last week’s Celebrity Apprentice triple-dog-dare firing by Trump, Team Leeza/Vivica/Geraldouche hear the phone in the suite ring – which it has never done before! – and they are called back into the now very empty boardroom. Trump tells them about his slight breach of etiquette of bypassing the individual firing for a group firing.
I think I just peed a little!
Then Trump is Trump by making them all beg for their jobs since he’s decided he’s going to fire someone else!
You’re gonna do what to the who now?
Vivica says she wants to stay but doesn’t really give a great reason for him to keep her there. Geraldo says he’s not surprised he’s one of the last ones because he’s pretty sure he’s going to win. He says he’d rather fight Leeza than Vivica.
Leeza says Vivica is a strong competitor, a great leader, but Geraldo’s experiences serve him better. Vivica sort of takes one for the team and says that Trump should keep Leeza over her, but she cries a little when she says this and Trump calls her honest. She says Geraldo has raised a lot of money, but Leeza is the better leader. Although Trump likes her honesty, he doesn’t like the fact that Vivica is sort of bowing out, so he fires her (which he was going to do anyway, he wants the final to be full of Leeza and Geraldo). Vivica is happy with the $50,000 she won for her charity and truthfully I think she’s glad to be out.
See ya, bitches!
The final task? Head to Orlando, Florida, on Trump’s private jet to sell Universal Orlando Resort packages to unsuspecting people. Winner will get $250,000 for charity.
HAHAHAHA…I’M GOING TO KILL YOU!
They have to produce a commercial, sell vacation packages, make their presentation back in New York at a red carpet event where they will invite celebrities and assholes from Faux News. The project will be based on – say it with me – CREATIVITY. BRAND MESSAGING. SELLING. TRUMP’S TYRANNICAL DECISION-MAKING.
They get to Orlando and here are the teams: Team Leeza is Brandi, Johnny and that Jonas brother. Team Geraldo is Ian, Lorenzo (both of whom did not totally get along with Geraldo) and Vivica (who is going to tear his eyes out later).
Leeza immediately gets started by attacking the project in a smart, business-minded way, paying attention to creativity, brand messaging and how they are going to sell. She’s just crazy that way. Her idea is to focus on the magic of the resort and she’s asked Olivia Newton-John to come to the event and sing “Magic” from the very awesomely bad movie Xanadu, let’s hear it for roller skates!
Geraldo, on the other hand, asks for ideas then bulldozes over everyone with his stupid idea of focusing only on Harry Potter, talking about “reporting from Diagon Alley,” and basically strokes his ego like a masturbating teen. He really is predictably exhausting.
Where is Voldemort when you need him?
Leeza totally gets it – she focuses on making the resort a “premiere family destination,” showing an overly-scheduled family just running around enjoying themselves, the “universal family moments” (get it?) you can have at the Universal Resort. During the brainstorming meeting, Universal execs show up and tell them to highlight the resort – everything about it, from the fun the kids can have to the getaway for mom and dad. My feeling is, the only way the mom and dad are getting away is by hitchhiking to Mexico when the kids aren’t looking.
Team Geraldo listens to the Universal execs not at all, while Geraldo spews out the idea of the “inner hero” in all of us, saying, “Courage, kids, the dragon is real.” The execs kind of look dumbfounded, like if they move he’ll bite them, or worse, tell them another one of his dumbass ideas.
Oh look, it’s half past douche.
Leeza is working it – she’s already secured $120,000 from a friend, which leads me to believe these resort vacations are for the 1%! Brandi and Johnny work hard by stopping for hot dogs and beer. Is it me, or did anyone else notice Brandi really eyeing Johnny?
Can I see your Oscar Mayer now?
Geraldo begins his dialing for dollars and I know his coffers are deep. He probably has $10 in coins in that handlebar porn ‘stache of his. He has decided to write and direct the commercial and do the presentation all by himself, he’s just that special. Geraldo’s poor team is just all over the place trying to figure out what to do.
I was going to save Geraldo’s ass…but it turns out he just is one.
Olivia Newton-John is in! Yay for Leeza! Brandi and Johnny are responsible for getting props and costumes, but Brandi prefers the rollercoasters. You’d think with a personal life like her’s she’d prefer the swan paddle boats, but whatever.
Hope Leeza doesn’t see us not working!