BB Celeb Recap: Relax, It’s Going to be Not Okay
Hey Trashies! Wow, so much has happened already, including a little history-making crossover redemption story for Omarosa that could only happen in this grand reality show we call the U. S. of A.
This episode, the Power of Recast twist is revealed to the HGs. We also start with an all-female alliance, like that ever works. But the season is so short, they could run out of time before the gals all turn on each other and blow each other’s shit to smithereens. What? Why are you looking at me like that? It could happen.
So as we open, Julie tells the cold, wet, metalicized gang that there’s a twist which could allow the HGs to overthrow the current HoH, and the power is contained in their gift bags. Everybody is excited, except Shannon, who’s royally pissed. The gang files in the Diary Room to take turns commenting on the twist. Brandi is the most awful, of course, saying, “Normally I give my gift bags to my housekeeper, because it’s full of crap, but this one I might actually want.” Here’s hoping Brandi’s friends are giving her actual bagfuls of crap. Ross cracks a joke about having to suck up to ten people now.
“Count ’em, 10!”
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After some pantry dancing from the girls, and speculation from the guys as to where Ross will go (gee, I wonder), Shannon gathers the gang in the living room to explain the Gift Bag Twist. Here’s how it works:
Some of the bags contain BB swag, and some contain the Power to Recast the HoH. Prior to each nomination ceremony, the BB Gift Bag logo will appear on the screen in the living room, and during that time, the first HG that goes into the Diary Room and declares that they want to open their gift bag will get to do so at the next nomination ceremony. If their bag contains the Power to Recast, that HG will immediately take over the HoH, and will nominate two other HGs on the spot.
The ousted HoH cannot be nominated, and once the Power to Recast is used, the twist is over. Finally, if more than one HG wants to enter the Diary Room at the same time, a random draw will determine who gets to open their bag at the nomination ceremony.
Dang, that’s complex.
Now Marissa comes up with a strategy, while wearing crocheted daisy cat ears and a matching bumble-bee stripe top. She says that if a guy goes for the bag, all the girls should go in after him, and force a random draw. Then they’ll have 6:1 odds of retaining power.
”Keep in mind this is my idea — meow”
So it turns out that secretly James and Chuck have been friends for years outside the house. They decide to always stick together, and we get the first named alliance of the season, courtesy of James: “The Celebrators” — because they’re celebrities (sorta), and if they make it to the final two, they will celebrate.
“Amiright or amiright?”
Ar this point, James cracks a joke, in case we weren’t impressed enough with his alliance-naming skills. He says this alliance should be unstoppable, because you have one of the most athletic, strong-minded warriors there have ever been, and then you have — Chuck Liddell. Haha, get it?
Now Mark tries to talk to Shannon. He asks if she has any thoughts, and in the grand tradition of undercover BB poker champions, she gets nervous and spills her water, then has a major freak-out because he says she’s a threat. She says, “Excuse me,” and goes and shrieks in the Diary Room, then she pulls it together and asks him to be a pawn.
Up in HoH Headquarters, Shannon brings Ross into the girls’ alliance. Specifically, she breaks the ice by telling him Mark sees her as a threat, and now she wants to whack him.
“Oh, you’re not a threat to me AT ALL! Nah-ah, nope!”
In the workout room, the guys discover Metta doesn’t know you can make deals in this game. In fact, it appears he knows nothing about Big Brother at all, and they can’t even be sure he knows exactly where he is. Later, in the kitchen, the men realize they’re seriously outnumbered, so they decide to socialize with the girls. They end up being invited for a spa day, where Chuck gets an avocado and honey facial, and Metta gets his nails done. Horrifyingly, this makes Brandi hot.
“Are we done yet?”
Once they escape the clutches of the females, James whines that they’re being emasculated, thereby earning 20 more points on the Douche-O-Meter.
Now Shannon and Omarosa have a bonding moment in HoH. Keshia joins them just as Omarosa is saying how her loyalty to “a person” (gee, I wonder who) cost her 100 other friends. Keshia asks if Omarosa understands how bad that looked for her.
Omarosa says when you’re in the middle of the hurricane, it’s hard to see the destruction on the outer bands. Then she brings up Keshia’s support of Bill Cosby, and compares it as a similar situation. Horrified, Keshia says it’s apples and oranges.
“Anybody got a towel?”
_________________
Now Chuck, James and Metta take turns talking to Shannon. Chuck divulges that the guys are working as a foursome. James makes the mistake of telling Shannon she’s a strong competitor, so he becomes her new prime target. Then Metta cries to her that he misses his wife and children, so she decides she’s not going to get rid of him, because he wants to go home so badly.
I could’t help but notice the pandas on Metta’s outfits, so I did a little digging, and found out that in 2014 he signed on to play for the Sichuan Blue Whales in China, and at that time, he changed his name to The Panda’s Friend (really), and launched a clothing line. That name lasted a year, then he went back to being Mr. World Peace, thank goodness for you, me and the rest of the planet.
Also he’s not married, so we don’t know who exactly he’s missing so darned much.
Let’s hope he does
______________________
Now comes the famous clip that made headlines. Ross has a talk with Omarosa, where she opens up about the horrors of having been appointed to serve in Trump’s administration. In this talk, she says, “I was haunted by tweets every single day, like, what is he going to tweet next?”
“Eek!”
She cries and cries, and when Ross asks, “Should we be worried?” she nods. Ross moans, “Oh, don’t say that, oh, ’cause we are worried, but I need you to say, ‘No, it’s going to be okay.'” But Omarosa says, “No, it’s going to not be okay. It’s not. It’s so bad.”
Say it ain’t so, Omarosa
And finally, Ross asks, “Would you vote for him again?” and Omarosa answers, “God, no. Never. In a million years, never.”
Well, that was reassuring.
________________
Now the girls and Ross confer in HoH Headquarters. Shannon wants to nominate Mark and Metta, and backdoor James. She gets the guys to agree not to open their gift bags, and in the process, she finds out James is scared to wear a leotard. So she goes back and reports to the girls, who laugh their asses off. Brandi says he must have a very small “outline situation” going on down there.
Keshia has the idea of putting James and Chuck on the block, if either of them break their deal.
__________________
The BB Gift Bag logo comes on the screen! And there is Chuck, going for the gift bag. All the girls and Ross line up and force a random draw, and they all ask to open their gift bags, except Marissa. Hmm, what’s she up to?
“Please fix the ‘leak’ in the ‘propane tank’, if you know what I mean”
Now they gather in the living room. It turns out that everyone who asked to open their bag also drew a colored chip. Shannon draws a colored chip as well, and whichever houseguest’s chip matches Shannon’s gets to open their gift bag at the nomination ceremony. The color is orange.
Now the gang gathers around the square table, and it is determined that Keshia has won the draw.
Tweedle Nip and Tweedle Tuck
Shannon is no longer HoH, and Keisha nominates Chuck and James, as agreed upon. So now that the Recast Power has been used, the Gift Bag twist is over, but — OH NO — now James and Metta declare war on the girls!
That’s it for now, Trashies! Tune in for more exciting developments as they unfold at breakneck speed…
xoxo
~AS
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