Welcome Trashies!!! Has everyone recovered from last week? MisRed has been a little under the weather, but is on the upswing. She has full support-staff in attendance, which is rare, as Sunshine, normally likes to sleep in.
Nice that the younger Weimaraner uses the ancient Weimaraner as a dog bed. Literally.
Last week, we were treated to PK’s cheap-ass Commuter Ferry 50th Birthday Party for which the party planners are still trying to collect payment. “GlassGate” divided the ladies, and Dorit called Teddi a “Psycho.” Dorit’s performance of Fever was… it was…well… IT WAS. Let’s leave it at that. Teddi invited the girls to a pot-luck at her Beach House.
Your performance sucked, Babe
Dorit, summons P-Kay to “the great room” of his rented mansion, and compliments Dorit on the work she did on his party. Frankly, he should be thanking the party planners because you know all Dorit did was show up with those cement boulders of hers squeezed into that strapless gown.
Dorit is wearing a baseball hat with the Balenciaga logo ($350), Oh! and $1,095 Givenchy track pants. Knowing Dorit, she probably isn’t even getting paid wear them. P-Kay says it was so nice of Erica to help her with her “dance” to Fever- which I’m sure will be used against Erika later. P-Kay says that Boy George likes to sing with people who can’t sing because it makes him feel like a better singer. He then gives this example “Like if you go out with a super-fat person, it makes you feel thin.”
Ahhhh, ok, we now know the entire psychological basis for Dorit’s marriage. Thanks for clarifying.
BTW, in Vulture’s recap of this episode the genius Brian Moylan refers to PK as “a bloated pustule of arrogance and regret.” Bahaha, I love it.
Dorit and PK review “GlassGate” and how Kyle defended Teddi at P-Kay’s party. Dorit doesn’t understand why Kyle, with whom she is good friends, would stick up for someone she just met as opposed to sticking up for her. Dorit says “It just feels so wrong.”
Are you freaking KIDDING me?
Not that Kyle is a saint or always fights on the side of good, but really Dorit?!?!? Kyle defended Teddi because you are being RIDICULOUS. And by Ridiculous, MisRed means petty. And by petty MisRed means annoying. And by annoying, MisRed means stupid. And by stupid, MisRed means YOU, DORIT!!!
Dorit gives PK a gift from the kids. Um, what in the actual f*ck is this? It’s a 3D print of Dorit and the kids. It’s essentially a Barbie doll of Dorit and the kids.
Even Pig Boy can’t keep a straight face
This is, officially, the Dumbest thing MisRed has ever seen. PK says that Dorit looks like Barbara Streisand and Phoenix looks like “one of them ghost babies from a horror film.”
Way to be gracious, PK, also way to compliment that kid of yours. I mean, Jagger looks like a hostage, which, let’s face it, he, sort of is.
Oh well, that’s not the one we care about anyway…
PK and Dorit promptly knock it over and break off Phoenix’s head and it rolls across the floor.
Over at Vanderpump Dogs, they have received a “bag full of fresh puppies.” It’s, literally, a duffle bag full of puppies. What? Do they get delivered every morning like a newspaper?
Too bad they can’t just get delivered directly into Ken’s shirt
Get in my shirt, puppy, before I knock you spark out.
Lisa learns that the lawsuit against them was dismissed- and LVP is super happy.
Yayyyyy so happy our prayers have been answered!!
MisRed has been worried all week.
The American Woman shilling continues
Kyle meets Teddi for workout clothes shopping. Teddi says that this whole thing with Dorit is like water-torture. Teddi says that when Dorit is wrong, she gets excuses not an apology.
Seems like Teddi has Dorit all figured out
Kyle says that Dorit talks a lot and sometimes its endearing- hmmm, we must not have had a camera crew present for that, and there are other times when it’s just annoying.
Camouflage all you like Kyle, we will still see that back fat
Teddi says that she will never bring up the issues again, but doesn’t think Dorit can keep up her end of the bargain. They discuss the pot luck at Teddi’s beach house.
Two hags looking for Hollywood
Erika and Rinna meet for lunch- and Rinna is upset over Delilah leaving for NYC and about the 6 scripts she has to memorize for her jobs next week.
Hustling, Days, Hustling, Middle, Hustling
In case you missed the seventy-five times it was mentioned last week, Rinna is scheduled to be on Days of our Lives and The Middle.
Rinna discusses her role on Days and how she went from being a drug-addict stripper to a FBI agent. Which totally happens every day. Rinna can’t make it to Teddi’s beach party- which is a shame. She could have brought some of Harry Hamlin’s meat and perhaps a pie infested with rat feces.
LVP arrives for a dinner meeting with Dorit and Kyle. Guess who is late? Dorit- that’s right. She is in “ridiculous traffic.” Yup, we’ve heard this one before. LVP is like- you live 30 seconds away from me, how come I was able to get here on time? Does this dumb bitch not have Waze? But Kyle is late too, so… yeah.
They were to meet at 7pm and Dorit and Kyle arrive at 7:28pm. Well at least LVP knows how Teddi feels now- but honey- double it. Neither Dorit or Kyle apologize for their lateness. LVP shares the news that the lawsuit was dropped. The girls raise a glass to this good news and then swiftly move onto “GlassGate.” Dorit says “The whole glass thing is just so ridiculous.” Yes, yes it is.
Why do they torture waiters with neckerchiefs?
Kyle asks if Dorit was mad at her for “chiming in.” Dorit says that “you don’t do that as a friend.” Kyle says that she felt that Teddi and Dorit were almost speaking two different languages and needed an interpreter.
Dorit says that Kyle was “butting into the conversation.” Kyle asks if she felt the same about LVP’s involvement? Of course Dorit didn’t feel LVP was butting in. Well that’s because LVP was on Dorit’s “side.” Kyle thinks that makes no sense and that it was “two against one.” LVP says that she wasn’t “against” Teddi and that they have a good relationship. Kyle is like- ok, maybe “against” is the wrong choice of word.
Cueing up “Against-Gate.”
Kyle says she was trying to diffuse the situation.
Finally, Kyle is like “I don’t want to talk about this anymore- it’s getting annoying.” Kyle feels like the two of them are coming at her. Kyle begins to get upset. Dorit jumps up and moves to Kyle side of the table to comfort her, I supposed. Kyle says she was trying to be devil’s advocate because Dorit wasn’t seeing Teddi’s point.
LVP is like – f*ck this, I’m leaving. She says, “I waited a half hour for you guys and now I’m out of here.”
In her interview, LVP says that Kyle is crying over nonsense. LVP, it seems, is angry because they are supposed to be there celebrating LVP’s lawsuit dismissal and now they are not celebrating LVP’s triumph, but talking about Kyle being upset.
Okayyyyyy. Normally, in MisRed’s mind, LVP can do no wrong, but in this case… uh, LVP is being cray.
Both Dorit and Kyle follow LVP out onto the sidewalk to try to reason with her but LVP isn’t having it. LVP gets in her car and speeds away, leaving Kyle and Dorit looking like this:
Kyle surmises that if LVP isn’t the focus, she gets mad. And she certainly doesn’t care about Kyle’s feelings at the moment. Dorit says that LVP is not behaving like an adult because she is upset that, for 5 minutes, the focus wasn’t on her, and that she doesn’t even have those issues with her 3-year-old- whose name she cannot recall.
It’a not adult behavior. But being perpetually late and complaining about stemware is.
Ohhhhhh Dorit, you shall pay for this later, my dear.
Dorit says LVP has said to her that when she’s around the other girls, Dorit doesn’t pay attention to her. Dorit says that it all stems from LVP’s upbringing- that her parents weren’t particularly caring toward her and didn’t really tell her they loved her, etc. Kyle didn’t know this information.
Kyle feels she has a different relationship with LVP than Dorit does and it upsets her- she tells LVP many private things about her and her family and she doesn’t get the reciprocity from LVP. UGH. Well of course you hope that when you confide your secrets in someone they would feel comfortable enough to do the same. However, it doesn’t always work that way. MisRed has tons of friends who confide their deepest and darkest in her. But MisRed doesn’t reciprocate because she can’t trust some of these betches. Perhaps LVP doesn’t trust Kyle… because Kyle is a pot stirrer. Just a thought.
Then in typical Dorit fashion, she brings it back around to herself saying that LVP has a jewelry line (that Dorit didn’t know about) and then was dragged into a photo shoot and couldn’t even have her own hair and make-up people!! OH THE HORROR. Kyle knew nothing about Lisa’s jewelry line either.
Kyle tells her close friends EVERYTHING and she feels she and LVP don’t have an “equal” relationship.
Dorit thinks they need to address the situation with Lisa- but Kyle is like- “Oh she’s not going to take either of our phone calls, trust me.”
Rinna is reviewing her schedule with her kids, who appear to be about as interested as MisRed. Are you aware Rinna is going to be on Days and The Middle? Just in case you hadn’t heard.
Yeah Mom, we know, you got a job
Amelia (the udder one) is supposed to be getting her driver’s learners permit, as soon as her Tesla arrives- you know, as one does. But she doesn’t feel like she is ready to get the permit. Rinna is encouraging her to do it because she will feel good about herself and it’s a freeing feeling to be able to drive herself. Amelia doesn’t want to do it- she isn’t ready for that much freedom. Rinna doesn’t really understand because Amelia is a go-getter, but Amelia wants to hang onto her childhood for a little longer.
Ok, so maybe don’t be an International Model. Maybe don’t travel the world. Maybe go to school and be a regular kid. MisRed means, just a thought.
Uh oh- it’s pot luck time…
At the beach house Teddi is preparing for the arrival of the women. Oh dear, MisRed isn’t one to countertop shame, well, actually, yes she is, honey, Teddi, you need new countertops.
Teddi is nervous but she “loves a pot lucks.” Something tells MisRed she won’t after today. She also loves Horses- which will surely continue after today. She IS happy that they only have stemless wine glasses so she won’t get dragged into another glass situation with Dorit.
Over at Kyle’s one of her dogs is humping one of the other dogs.
At Kyle’s house, she is waiting for Dorit to arrive, who is late. Shocking. When Dorit finally arrives, they discuss the whole LVP situation. Kyle maintains she didn’t do anything wrong.
LVP and Erika are riding together and Erika has not brought anything for the pot luck.
MisRed will give you two guesses and the first one doesn’t count
LVP has a cake. Erika jokes that she left her Jell-O-Salad at home.
They review the Kyle / Dorit dinner and how the girls just glossed over her lawsuit dismissal. Lisa is upset. Erika is like “You wanted more.”
I couldn’t understand why it wasn’t all about me
Rinna facetimes Erika and it comes up that LVP is upset and it’s probably best that Rinna ISN’T going to Teddi’s.
Rinna interviews that she wishes she were going to Teddi’s because she would really like to see a “Royal British Shit Fit.” Bahahahaha.
All of the Billies
Rinna arrives on the set of Days of our Lives, she reminisces about her history on Days. The one thing they do not reminisce about is her hairstyles… because it hasn’t changed since 1993.
Erika and LVP arrive at Teddi’s and Teddi shows them around- she has Corn hole set up. LVP says “Ken would be good at this, he’s been trying to get in my hole for years.”
Teddi shows them around- LVP doesn’t understand why Teddi was hesitant to have the girls to the beach house- LVP thinks it’s lovely and very Teddi.
Dorit and Kyle arrive and Dorit has actually brought a ton of food that her mother made. Ok, well good on her. Of course, Dorit pats herself on the back for being so giving and extending this olive branch to Teddi. Teddi says that just for Dorit she skipped the stems on the wine glasses.
Nobody helps Kyle the Pack Mule
Dorit asks how long LVP and Erika have been at the house and they say they have been there for an hour. Dorit says they had a nightmare situation- and LVP says “Are you sure you didn’t just leave late? I know because I waited for you at the restaurant the other night for a half an hour.”
Kyle is like… oh dear… she knew they were going to get into something but she wasn’t planning on jumping right into it with LVP upon arrival.
Come at me, Dahling
LVP says she felt dismissed at their dinner and that’s why she left. Her lawsuit being thrown out was HUGE news for her and she felt a little brushed aside. She says she felt drained. LVP says she didn’t like the fact that she was accused of planning to be mean to Kyle.
Kyle says, “Maybe you didn’t like it that it wasn’t about you for a minute.”
She and Dorit say that the whole thing was abrupt and she thinks that LVP didn’t like the fact that Dorit and she were talking and it wasn’t about LVP. Kyle says that LVP was upset that she and Dorit were “having a moment” that didn’t include LVP. Kyle then goes on to ask if it was Dorit that was sitting there crying- would LVP have gotten up and left?
Lisa responds, “I don’t know.”
Kyle interviews that this says so much about how LVP cares about Dorit and Dorit and Kyle and Kyle. Kyle isn’t sure LVP genuinely cares for Kyle and she feels their relationship is unbalanced.
LVP says “I don’t want to talk about it anymore.”
Kyle is like WTF. She leaves the room to put her stuff in the bedroom. She interviews that LVP is going to expect an apology from Kyle and Kyle is not going to apologize. Furthermore, Kyle expects and apology from LVP and she KNOWS she’s not going to get one.
So great. Perfect. MisRed loves a good impasse.
Who wore the ugly macrame dress better?
Later, Kyle and Teddi go outside and talk, Kyle is pissed off. Erika is, apparently, having some very heavy menstrual flow. This information must be important later, if MisRed’s only guess.
The Coven Gathers
Camille arrives and all of the girls gather on the beach. Kyle says it’s a little more of a peaceful time and the review, for Camille’s benefit, the whole situation with LVP and leaving. Kyle doesn’t feel LVP is being honest about why she left. Kyle also feels that LVP favors Dorit. Kyle says that she and Dorit both didn’t dwell on LVP’s lawsuit, and they both were late, but for some reason only Kyle is being held responsible for those two offenses. LVP says that she doesn’t favor Dorit in any way. Kyle says she feels that Kyle confides in LVP more than LVP confides in her.
I’m sorry you are upset.
LVP apologies in Classic LVP Style, apologizing for leaving and asks for an apology from Kyle for saying she was plotting to attack Kyle. Kyle is shocked she got an apology. MisRed is too. Kyle apologizes as well. But Kyle doesn’t feel LVP is being completely honest about why she left. MisRed is sure she will never know.
Erika is like… yeah, well, we’re petty. Three bitches fighting over a friendship.
Next time- eh, you know what? MisRed has no clue what happens next time. Kyle wants to buy some $2,300 earrings. Dorit tells Erika that some of the girls were talking about her.
Possibly Erika leaves the beach house because she doesn’t want to bleed all over Teddy’s sheets? Not sure. Dorit tells the other ladies that LVP has said to her- in the past-PRIVATELY- that she’s jealous of the other ladies. Oh dear…Dorit is gonna be in trouble.
Dorit you’re in trouuuuuuble
Rinna’s face looks is hysterical.
Oh good, the heat will be off me for once
This was a lame episode. Eh LVP getting her feathers ruffled- seems a little contrived, but perhaps it’s a clue of things to come. Will LVP turn on Dorit- sweet Jesus, I hope so. Time will tell. What do you guys think of the whole LVP hissy fit? As always, MisRed loves your comments.
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