Is that a Book of Mormon in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
Howdy, Trashmii! I hear it’s a bit brisk in most of the country. It’s the same here in LA. Why, it’s going down to the 40s tonight! That’s practically sub-zero temps! Brrrr!
This episode is the gayest (closeted) thing ever!
We open with Kody telling us the family has been in transition for nearly four years, and then going on to recap pretty much everything that’s ever happened in this series. We hear again about the commitment ceremony. Meri says most polygamists don’t have commitment ceremonies. Well I think most people in general don’t have them, so whateves.
The adults are off to Emerald at Queensridge, where Kody wants to throw the “party”, and meet with general manager Ken Kimble. Now first, since the camera was already there, I am pretty sure Ken knew ahead of time who was coming. Second, he like the rest of the universe, just could not care less how many wives Kody has. Christine springs “we’re all his wives” on Ken, who responds, “We’re not the church, we’re not the government, we’re capitalists. We’re here to make money”. No kidding, the venue rents for over $10K. Of course, that’s all-inclusive!
In interview, Kody points out that polygamists don’t actually renew their vows, because their vows are eternal and marriages are a spiritual union. So it’ll be more of a party. He says he doesn’t want to go cheap on the party, unlike when one of his wives wants a party, and says his reputation is on the line. Reputation as what? Frat boy?
Speaking of boys, Kody’s
lover “best friend” Brett is coming by with his wife, Ava. We learn that Kody and Brett served a Mormon mission when they were younger. During that time, Kody’s father converted to polygamy, and afterwards Brett left the Mormon church.
Kody, Brett and Sean, Janelle’s trainer, are going to “install” wrestling mats in Janelle’s garage, so she’ll be unable to use that garage for anything else. Like putting her car in there in the boiling summer sun. Janelle tells Kody she needs the garage for storage, so Kody asks Christine if he can use her garage.
Christine then asks to speak privately to Kody, and according to Kody says she’ll agree to the mats if he’s a better husband, she gets more time with him and “more grocery money”. Really? Grocery money is a quid pro quo in this family? And why isn’t Kody spending the same amount of time with Christine as with the other wives? Admittedly, she’s a pain in the ass. But isn’t there a regular rotation? Or – is Robyn still getting most of his time?
The mats are “installed,” which seems to involve just laying them on the floor (and, inexplicably, partway up the walls). Kody tells us he’s going to use the mats “daily”. Hunter says Kody likes reliving his high school wrestling career. Honey, he’s still living in high school. Then we see some hot wrestling action between Kody and Brett. By “hot” I mean gay. Very, very gay. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that). Get a hotel room, already!
Why, it’s Wrestling Wednesday at the Mother Lode!
Kody tells us “Brett and I were immediately close, we were kin. I wouldn’t call it a man crush (no, it’s much more than that!), we just liked each other right from the beginning”. Aw, kismet! Brett tells us how he and Kody took different religious paths and how he doesn’t believe in religion at all. Except, I’m sure, for the Religion of Man-Love.
Meanwhile, Janelle informs us that it’s “imperative” a spouse has friends outside of marriage, and the wives all remind us of Kody’s “Testosterone Tuesday” every week, which they see as a good thing.
Back to Brett, who tells us Kody is his longest-term friend and “best friend that’s a guy”. Thanks for emphasizing that part! He perceptively remarks that the move to Vegas seems to be good for the kids, but not for Kody and the wives.
Kody’s going to take Sean and Brett to do something allegedly exciting. The wives prepare what look like a million sandwiches (on white bread – super healthy!) and pudding cups, and take Ava to what they call a zoo. It’s a zoo the way my two cats in the living room are a “zoo”. There are a few animals in what appears to be 600 square feet, and you can pet them.
Robyn informs the world “no offense to anyone, I’m not an animal person”. Of course not, little miss delicate would never be able to tolerate real life. Everyone else gets to pet the baby kangaroo, a snake, and a camel (which they feed by holding carrots in their mouths).
Ava shares that she finds polygamy fascinating. Clearly she hasn’t been around the Browns often. Ava says there is some tension with the wives, which is awkward (DUH!) but also some “bonding moments”.