Welcome back! We haven’t seen the RHOA in a couple of weeks so I can’t wait to see what storylines and hairstyles await.
I take it back. I take it all back.
Kenya is producing a domestic violence PSA with Derek Blanks and she wants it to be seen on national TV. She was stabbed by an ex at 16 and nearly killed so she wants to speak out against it. Sheree arrives fresh from a Party City Lady Gaga wig clearance sale in a Golden Girls pants set. Sheree has apparently agreed to be a part of this and wants their production to be joint, not just a Kenya project. Remember when Sheree couldn’t agree to it because she was going to do one with the national organization? Yeah. She probably tried the same ‘ownership, producer’ angle with them and they told her that her last production still had black mold and several liens so thanks but no shanks.
Sheree is still blaming Kenya for outing her as a domestic violence victim which is partial BS but totally deserved. She threw the Matt situation in Kenya’s face and it blew up in her face like her kid’s old air mattress. Sheree wants to learn more about behind the scenes stuff so Kenya makes her an offer.
Kenya: You can be my intern.
Sheree: I don’t work for money. Why would I work for free?
Marlo goes to NeNe’s house for drinks. I thought it odd that NeNe allowed Marlo to let herself in because she wasn’t ready. She literally has a camera crew in her house, filming it for national TV. I’m sure Marlo wouldn’t have minded the Doritos being room temperature. Plus, we still don’t know what kind of work she does so an escorted entrance through NeNe’s trove of unbolted, lease to own tchotchkes might have been wise. The women have a charming display set out including drinks, snacks and an oddly prominent roll of paper towels. It’s not even on a holder. It’s just laying flat – like Marlo on a high roller poker table. Marlo is hosting a tea for NeNe and Porsha so they can become friends again and unite against Kenya. NeNe agrees to go because they’re paid by the scene and Gregg’s home health aide won’t pay for itself.
Cynthia and Noelle are at home cooking and chatting with Daddy Will. She’ll introduce him once they’re exclusive but until then she’ll just date him in the privacy of national TV. She puts a forkful of spaghetti in her mouth and then reads a tea party invitation text from Marlo aloud. She’s smacking and making all kinds of mouth noises that are setting off my misophonia. Anyway, she’s going to the tea because she’ll never turn down a chance to inappropriately wear beachwear to an event.
At OLG, business is booming and so is the blood pressure of Aunt Nora, Bertha and Momma Joyce. They want to make changes at the restaurant. It takes Momma Joyce about 45 minutes to spit out that they want a new hostess but when she does, it starts an avalanche of criticism.
Aunt Bertha: I don’t like the way Todd looks at my purse.
Aunt Nora: Why’d Bertha get a new wig and I didn’t?
They also think that there are too many people in the restaurant, the cooks have dirty, saggy pants, they don’t like the uniforms and they want to be included in the business decisions. Kandi and Todd agree with a lot of what they are saying and agree to make some changes so the OLG doesn’t start a riot. Also, the entire OLG is wearing variations of Joyce DeWitt’s hair from 1977-1983.
Porsha is at Dish Nation smelling Ricky Smiley. While in hair and makeup, Marlo calls to confirm the tea party. Porsha’s sister is tired of filming with her so she’ll go anywhere at this point.
Kandi visits Sheree at the chateau. Sheree thinks it’s weird that Kenya isn’t granting her partner status in the PSA but it seems she’s going to do it anyway. This is why she’s not a producer. She has no follow through whatsoever. Kandi tells her what NeNe said about Tyrone being a con artist. Sheree says that they’ve all done things that can put them away and NeNe and Gregg both have mugshots. Ummm, so do Sheree and Porsha so let she who is without mugshot throw the first selfie stick.
Cynthia arrives at Marlo’s house for the tea party and says that she’s never been to the Hamptons except for the Hamptons in New Jersey. Did the map move or is Cynthia still missing that part of her brain that allowed her to marry Peter? Cynthia sips the tea and is shocked that it’s actually vodka with cranberry. Her boob already popped out of her dress, so after a few more sips, maybe we’ll see the whole Bailey Vag-ency.
Porsha and NeNe are there and they try to work things out again. Porsha says that she was a good friend who tweeted during NeNe’s stint on DWTS and she flew up to see her on Broadway. NeNe thinks that’s nothing – Porsha wouldn’t reply to her texts for up to a week. NeNe claims she always had Porsha’s back but as soon as Porsha had success, she dropped her. There’s eye rolling and ignoring and they decide to stop the makeup session. Marlo vows to never invite them to her home again.
“A tearful reunion would’ve finally gotten me a peach. You bitches suck.”
DonJuan, Kandi and Todd interview a GM candidate. He’s giving canned answers like “above and beyond” and “thrive under pressure”. He seems like the kind of guy who’ll steal $100,000 and run a prostitution ring out of the kitchen but they’ll never suspect him.
“It’s essential to lean in when you think outside the box so let’s circle back on this paradigm shift.”
Todd: I’m impressed.
Kandi: I may be sma-AAALLLL but you’re hired.
It’s time for Kenya’s PSA. Shamea shares an abuse story from her first marriage.
She also wears a blouse with beef curtain cuffs.
NeNe shows up in yet another wrinkled v-neck and ignores everyone until Cynthia calls her over to check out her sarong. Meanwhile, Cynthia’s mom Barbara shares her story and it’s all really terrible and sad. When Barbara starts to cry, Cynthia tries to comfort her but Kenya puts her in a chokehold and keeps her off camera. Say what you want – Kenya knows a good shot when she sees one.
Sheree is hours late so Kenya gives her a call. It turns out that Sheree has been in a car accident.
Kenya: This is seriously jeopardizing your internship…
A woman slammed into the rear of Sheree’s car when traffic stopped but like a champ who still thinks she’s going to get producer credits and the first ever PSA Golden Globe, she makes her way to the shoot. Sheree knows a payday when she sees one because she utters “my back” all the way up the stairs and into the restroom. I’m sure she’s hurt and stunned but she’s also behind on contractor payments and could use a good lawsuit. Kenya feeds her a cupcake and pain pills, my bedtime snack, and then props her up like a marionette because Derek Blanks charges by the hour. They complete the PSA and everyone seems to be getting along for now.
Next week, the women see a medium who’ll give Allison DuBois a run for her e-cig. What’d you think? Should the aunts have a say in the restaurant? Will Kenya’s PSA ever be on national TV? Local TV? Public access? Love you for reading and commenting!
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