Previously on Almost Human, there were some more crime thingys… and Dorian ran into a version of himself working as a mechanic who has yellow wiring and not blue so we could tell them apart. Wild times. We also learned that MX’s don’t have genetalia and Dorian does. Because i needed to visualize that every time I look at him. (my husband now makes horse noises whenever he comes on the screen. it’s… distracting)
Special thanks to Slickery for covering last weeks episode while I was on vacation, and extra special thanks to Polly for modeling an interpretation of each scene, mostly because adorable doggie tummy and big eyes are far better than a lot of the plot points currently developing on this show.. And in thanks I will return the favor with a picture of my dog/child, Sarkozy, and I will raise the stakes with the addition of my kitty-kat, Waz. They say hi.
(Yes they’ve both mastered the “please feed me I’m pathetic” look, I promise they’re both well fed and loved) Ok, back to the show. My husband is currently only watching because he’s waiting for the day when all the MX’s turn evil… that’s gonna happen right?
There’s rolling blackouts from a solar flare. Richard the Dick is reading us all in on protocol (he’s the energy marshal, which sounds an awful lot like the adult version of being a hall monitor, LAME). There’s a priority charging system in charging the androids, MX’s get first priority. There’s some banter about how much of a Dick Richard is (WE KNOW) then Dorian walks up to Richard the dick and punches him in the face.
It’s AMAZING. i have not laugh/yelled that loud in a long time. Dorian is deeply upset that the MX’s have charging priority over him. He delivers some pretty solid wounded to the core faces in this scene by the way.
Dorian says he has “barely half a charge” (remember that, it comes up later) and blames his crankyness at a low charge. He gets emotional on low batteries. Which seems like a massive design flaw, but sure, let’s take him out in the field anyway.
Sidenote I feel really bad for the actors who play MX’s – they just stand around looking menacing every episode but they’re lucky to get one or even half of a line per episode. Aw. Poor fella’s. Also why are there no lady MX’s? Too busy being sexbots? Not cool, pretty sure there’s a use for robotic female officers (especially ones with empathy skills, wouldn’t they be useful in a hostage negotiation or something? Am I over thinking this show way too much? Sure am… )
Time for the car-o-feelings. Can’t you just plug Dorian into your cigarette lighter? Anyway is cranky about MX’s getting priority charging. Dorian wants his own space, i guess he wants to move out? But since he;s city property he needs to move to a place where he’s supervised. Oh god, he wants to move in with John. This just reminds me of when Bender and Fry moved in together on Futurama. Hope Dorian doesn’t have to cut off his antenna. John refuses to empty out his trophy room for Dorian. Why does he need to, does Dorian need a bed? Can’t he just have a 1×1 square foot cube to stand in? Why does a grown man need a trophy room? John starts telling a rambling story about being a high school superstar athlete and Dorian powers himself down to save power and avoid the long drawn out story (they used to call John the white cheetah since he was so fast. Why white is it a racial thing or was he just a blur of light?). John makes him wake up and starts the story over again. ugh. it’s cute, my husband is in tears over this banter. I’m so done with the car of feelings, there’s way too many feelings in there.
Cut to another scene, hey it’s that guy (he played Felix Gaeta on Battlestar Galactica – because apparently all sci-fi shows are filmed in Canada with the same 10 actors) ) Anyway he’s driving a car talking to his girlfriend on the phone (but not the palm phone again thank goodness for that) – his name is Ramon by the way. Some teenage-looking street kid stops him to wash his car.
Then the kid sprays his face with his car washing mister. Then he blacks out and wakes up with a blinking beeping thing strapped to his neck (so, a bomb, this show SERIOUSLY loves bombs).
He gets instructions to play along if he wants to live. There’s a lot of cameras watching him. Fun. We see some dude typing and a little logo that says there are 166 viewers. Well that’s not good.
There’s a briefcase with a guy next to him, he takes it and goes to the bank where he works. He needs 427,000 credits on a drive (well this show uses bitcoins as a currency but it’s all over the place so I have no idea how much money that amount is comparable to – remember an alleyway carwash costs 10 bits so I’m pretty sure 427,000 can’t be as much as it sounds) we see comments posted by commenters on this weird murderporn website being run by the guy who attacked Ramon. (ugh, commenters, they’re the worst, right guys? GUYS?). Ramon takes the gun and walks into the bank where he tells his nice coworker to give him money. She triggers the silent alarm but gives him the money. He’s in his car, Dorian and John are in pursuit. The guy will die if he pulls over. Side note it appears license plates are now barcodes. awesome.
John and Dorian manage to shut off Ramon’s car with some sort of EMP ( I’m guessing – they used a blast of blue light that stopped his car, feel free to discuss). They pull Ramone out of the car. Dorian investigates the bomb. Not enough time to diffuse it, they put a shield up and promise to find his killer. Ramon says “tell my wife I..” and explodes. Let’s assume it was “I love her” and not “I was keeping all that porn on my computer for a friend”
The bad guy is reading all of the comments on the internet that pretty much say “that was awesome” and “do another one” because even in the future the internet is the worst place for humanity. By the time Ramon blew up there were over 3000 viewers. Swell.