Hello Trashmii and Happy New Year! The bravo gods knew that we would be indulging on too much holiday food and movies and have given us the gift of new episodes throughout this holiday season. I have mostly figured out my recapping technical dilemmas and am thankful that the ridiculously overpriced cable bill that I pay was the answer to my problem. This was a particularly good episode filled with a birthday, back injuries, Scar realness, sleep deprived loopy cheftestants, awkward dancing and whole hog barbecuing. But before we get started how pissed do you think DJ BJ MeatDouche was that he was cut before this challenge?
Now that so many rookies have dropped I guess this season is no longer the rookies vs. veterans
The episode begins with the cheftestants still reeling from the trash fish challenge in the stew room. Katsuji is basking in his win while EBF is blotchy faced and begging Brooke not to make her sit at the loser table in the lunchroom.
OMG Brooke I am like so sorry, I hope you don’t like blame meeeeeeeeeee
EBF is upset that she showed poorly infant of her former boss who fired her, but even more upset that all the veteran female chefs only seem concerned that Brooke is upset and not comforting her. It feels really mean to laugh at this and yet I found it hilarious.
We started the new day off with celebrating Sylvia’s birthday. She is on the phone with her mom getting her birthday wishes, then receives some cake and fruit from her fellow cheftestants.
Just like a true office birthday party, fruit for those who are no longer eating gluten
Sylvia talks about how there is a Top Chef birthday curse but she isn’t scarred and in fact wanted to spend her birthday on the show competing. Were you guys aware of this so called Top Chef Birthday Curse? They show flashbacks of Leah, she of the Hosea loving and Gene, who I vaguely remember both being eliminated on their birthdays. They also threw a clip of Stefan being totes thrilled everyone was wishing him happy birthday but not one of him actually being eliminated on his birthday so that was confusing. Sheldon is in pain from aggravating a past back injury and is visibly aching.
The chefs enter a completely dark kitchen with no Scar and are baffled.
In the Control Room Scar waits with the production team and the guest quickfire judge laughing at the caged moneys trying to entertain themselves and hide their nervous giggles.
Amanda points out that the garage door that they usually hide the elimination challenge behind is closed but everyone blows her off telling her that door is always shut. Then suddenly the time on the clock starts and the door opens to reveal….. flour.
They find butter, lard and buttermilk in the refrigerator. As they are all shouting what they think this challenge could be Sylva says, OH NO and strokes his invisible villainous beard.
ITS THE BISCUIT CHALLENGE
That’s right in retaliation for shitting all over the Biscuits lady’s hospitality and biscuit making lessons they are now being forced to what every Top Chef contestant fears the most, baking.
So many of them question thats really the challenge and then a voice from above comes through and tells them they have 30 minutes left on the clock but no confirmation of what they are suppose to be doing.
Do not displease me, mwhahahahahahahahahahaha
Sheldon says he has never made biscuits before but he’s standing next to Brooke and what she is doing he is copying and hopes it will all work out for him. Yes, that sounds foolproof. Lewbert asks EBF about her dish and she is going savory with rosemary and country gravy. He is doing a biscuit with a scallop (groan) and is concerned maybe it is a little more well done then he would normally do. Jamie is putzing around the kitchen looking flustered apparently, he has never made biscuits, which Casey finds hilarious since he has a restaurant in the SOUTH, as if! Shirley says she is making what she calls “Italian biscuits,” and shouts to Sylvia that she is her inspiration, which Sylvia answers dryly that she has never seen an Italian make a biscuit. Touché. Sylvia is not worried about this because as she has already told us she was once a pastry chef. At one point during all of this Scar asks if they can do the quickfire challenges like this all the time. Personally, I love the idea because on the floor she is all like this:
But behind the scenes she was more like this when watching them cook:
That is how I feel Scar watching you eat some of this stuff
Katsuji explains the science behind using cold butter in a biscuit. John shades Sylva for making some sort of classic French pastry with a whole cut and a scallop dropped in the hole. Sheldon goes to retrieve his biscuits only to find them in cracker form and not the beautiful ones that Brooke popped out of the oven.
Scar finally appears and tell them that as chefs they always need to be thinking on their feet and cook with what is available to them.
Don’t you ever embarrass mommy in front of company again when she gets a famous biscuit lady to do a demonstration for you and shit all over your opportunities
She introduces the guest judge that Sylva tells us was voted to have the best biscuits in the country.
After asking Sheldon why his biscuits are so flat Scar asks if he is hurt and what wrong. He explains that he thinks he might have pulled something during a challenge, aggravating a past injury but is planning on playing through the pain.
The bottom of the biscuit:
- Shirley too dense and the mascarpone too salty;
- Sheldon undercooked, well conceived poorly executed; and
- Jim overworked and Scar chimes in that the scallop was hammered.
Top of the biscuit:
- Brooke immaculate dish;
- Katsuji, well done; and
- Jamie everything about the dish was top notch.
And the winner is ……………. BROOKE! She will also have immunity for the next challenge.
From making dough to low and slow
Scar welcomes the guest judge, Rodney Scott Owner and Pitmaster of Scott’s Bar-B-Que. Jamie says that this guy is a legend in South Carolina and he’s excited to see what they are going to do with him but he knows its barbecue. Rodney explains that South Carolina is known for its barbecue and for its two different styles of sauce, a mustard base influenced by the German and French as well as the vinegar base influenced by the British.
They will be prepping everything for a barbecue that will attended by 150 people including a performance by Darius Rucker. Yes that Darius Rucker, everyone is super thrilled. Scar asks them to break into three teams of four and it proves to be difficult for them to split themselves up. Katsuji doesn’t want to be with EBF because she complains too much and its going to be a long challenge. They will have 14 hours to prep and cook before the party tomorrow. To get a taste of the local flavor they will be going out to the country to taste test at Rodney Scott’s place and another place that does the mustard base sauce. As the group heads out to sample some barbecue with Mr. Scott Sheldon tell his team that he is going to go get an MRI because the pain is so intense.
The first place they got to is Sweatmans Bar-b-que, open Friday and Saturday only. I can only imagine how good you have to be to only be open two days out of a whole week. The guys bring them into the main smoking area and answer all their questions about heat and sauce. One of the guys mentions he has been doing this since he was 12 and now he’s 52, Katsuji wants to know why he looks so much better than John. They take them back outside to taste the finished product
At Scotts, Rodney does the explanation of the vinegar and peppers as well as the difference in the temperature of cooking.
The chefs are grabbing handfuls of meat right of the grill and frankly I am jealous. I think I am bad luck for barbecue restaurants because every time I find one I love they end up closing the branch I go to. Not the restaurant as a whole, just the storefront I patronize. The teams are now strategizing Lewbert has a real nerd moment about what barbecue is and the green team listens intently as Sylvia explains her radical idea to show Americans potato salad that isn’t full of mayonnaise. I don’t even know what to say about that, except I can’t imagine trying to do this in this sort of demographic. In other cities this might have been a great move. In a town like Charleston, although refined would expect anything a with the word salad in it at a picnic to have mayonnaise in the salad. Sheldon returns to the yellow team and he is down for the game plan they have put together.
Off to the site the teams start to break down their hogs and start the fires. Although Casey makes it sound like a total drag and process this actually looks like the most fun I have ever seen the chefs have.
Brooke is thrilled to be the recipient of John’s vast knowledge of barbecue everywhere
The Americans teach the young Italian woman about important American outdoor foods
By morning they are getting loopy
John slowly realizes in the morning light that they have no all-purpose flour for him to make his rue for the smoked Mac & Cheese and he starts freaking out, not old John level just panicked. Katsuji comes to his rescue with Xanthan Gum, in exchange he wants the credit and peeled garlic.
Shirley tells us how confident she is in this challenge because she has baby piglet on the menu at her restaurant and shares this photo that seriously makes me rethink all that bacon I bought yesterday because it was a great sale.
This will haunt my dreams forever, thanks Shirley for sharing
Sylva has made some sauce that sounds horrible by blending the flavors of the two. Amanda points out that he has changed direction since they all talked and thats not really the flavor profile they discussed. Also he is getting really bossy with her, but being a veteran she knows not to let anyone tell her how to do her dish because as we all know that is Top Chef suicide. Katsuji is working on his beans and decides to cut meat from the head so they down waste anything and add it to his beans.
Tom starts to make his rounds with Mr. Scott and starts tasting a few things. The yellow team explains their hog game plan and when Tom notices the pans roasting in the grill John explains his new method for Mac & Cheese born out of desperation that Brooke describes as having a beautiful Velveeta texture.
EBF attempts to remove the chip of her shoulder
Next stop the green team and immediately Big Daddy notices that Katsuji’s beans smell sour.
Do you smell that
Katsuji is in tizzy after they leave because he can smell it too but doesn’t know how to overcome the sourness or what he did to cause it in the first place. EBF’s beans are not done with 38 minutes left until serving and with a pot that big they aren’t going to get there because there isn’t nearly enough liquid. In most challenges I would say not enough time to make a proper bean like Amanda ran into in the last challenge. But boo you should have presoaked those bitches, it would have been cold enough in the night to keep and started those first thing in the dawn. Also you shouldn’t add acid to the beans until they are done. Feeling insecure Katsuji comes over to fuck with her and tastes her beans and says holy shit and she immediately goes running to Sheldon to whine. You can tell Sheldon has a lot of kids because he immediately turns all dad and is like ok and thats the last time we are going to talk about this, ok.
The chefs have to carry their giant dishes to the serving area where lots of Charlestonians are gathering to eat some food and hear a 90’s signer perform.
Lets not even speak of the missing credit in my title card
There is SO much awkward dancing, head swaying and wooing in this scene it was hard to know where took look. It brought to mind the Dave Chappelle skit he did with John Mayer and the electric guitar. I kept rewinding and rewatching this for LOLS. By then end of this song or set Scar was standing completely still and Tom’s face looked like this.
Can you believe that I am standing in a field of swaying people doing the White Man’s Overbite
The yellow team serves the judges and Darius first.
Sauce is delicious, the beans are not as well done as they should be but the heat is perfect and the meat was moist.
They love the hash, but the sauce isn’t as interesting. The diners loved the pickle, apparently that is very traditional for the area.
Immediately Gail notices the sourness of the beans, the potato salad is puzzling and the slaw is mushy and the sauce is not good.
Waiting for the judges table the green team is not in good spirits because they know their assses on the line. Katsuji is visibly freaking out and feels like his lack of cooking with pork cost him this time.
The winners are the yellow team! They really took what they learned and elevated it to the next level. The standout dish from the team and the member who showed the most leadership is …..John.
I can’t believe I finally won with freaking Mac & Cheese
Green team is on the chopping block. They go after every single chef and dish but for Tom the worst was the sauce. Sylva tries to explain his reasoning behind doing the sauce they was he did and ends up in a bit of a little spat with Tom after he compare it is falling in love with a girl but then go and cheat on her.
In the stew room Katsuji starts inn everyones frayed emotions and says yeah I really do think it was the sauce because people didn’t want it when they came back for seconds. Sylvia starts to say her goodbyes and everyone tells her not to say those things yet.
Sylvia please pack your knives and go
Another rookie bites the dust and Tom reassures her that she still has a chance in last chance kitchen.
So what do you think trashies? Did Sylvia deserve to go home for her shitty no mayo potato salad or should it have been Katsuji for the bad beans or Sylva’s terrible sauce. Personally sour beans are a deal breaker and I refuse to believe despite him being a kosher chef he doesn’t know enough to throw the hock in there, you had a whole hog! Next episode Sheldon takes a tumble and I hope it isn’t the end of the road for him. ALSO Top Chef is moving up to a new time now that the real estate show is over so down forget!