Last week, Kenya and Kandi argued on the bus about the impact foreign parasites will have on the bird species in the Galapagos. We found out that Mynique’s husband has a thing for short women with big heads. Lastly, Porsha shamed us all when she refused to wipe her gross tear streaked face after a crying fit. Oh, and that whole Underground Railroad thing happened too.
This week, NeNe really wants the girls to stay in the house for the day and bond or “bund” as she, and only she, says. They start chatting about what else? Sex. Kandi shares that she had Skype sex with Todd the night before because men like to see their women play with “it”. Porsha doesn’t think that anyone should come face to face with a vagina. I guess the vagina is a sideways face of sorts but can we back this underwear railroad train up a bit? If someone doesn’t want to be “face to face” with it, that’s a deal breaker in my book.
Confusingly, Porsha shares that she has a tattoo down there and she had a piercing until she got pregnant. Okay. So I guess Kordell would go downstairs and play but the lights had to be off and he had to be blindfolded with sunglasses over that. Mynique obnoxiously questions her about being pregnant. Obviously she doesn’t have any kids lady so just assume she lost the baby and move on with the show. Conversation turns to The New Normal and NeNe’s claim that it was cancelled because people still hate gays. That’s so true! Just like they cancelled Modern Family, Glee, DeGrassi High. Oh wait, those are all still on? NeNe needs a new excuse.
Cynthia pipes up with her proclamation that she essentially wants to redo her childhood with Noelle. Cynthia doesn’t want her to be too sheltered because then she’ll turn into…Phaedra.
NeNe says that she was raised in the South and rules were strict. You had to cross your legs, go to school and wait until 21 to become a single stripping mother like any proper Southern girl. She will not allow Brentt to date at 14. Cynthia says that she’s not looking for anyone’s approval. Analysis: These women are here to make a show and part of that is saying aloud what you’d normally think to yourself. The problem with NeNe’s critique is that it opens her up to criticism. I’m not judging Bryson but he got arrested twice and had a child in his early 20’s when he was not married. If this is what strict parenting gets you, she might want to pay her $1400 for a class at the Cynthia Bailey School of Dating and Dong.
Cynthia is getting a little annoyed and NeNe keeps talking about how bad girls are. Did you know that in Atlanta they twerk at the movies, the mall, Jamba Juice and the post office? I thought Kenya was being stupid by twerking everywhere; she was just exposing us to the local art scene. NeNe’s not taking the hint to stop taking digs at the fast ass teens of Atlanta, which by the way will probably be on the Bravo fall schedule, and Cynthia is getting increasingly annoyed. Well, Cynthia starts crying. Actually, sobbing is more apropos. It’s a full on “My mom is gonna kill me because I left the gate open and Sparky ran away” cry. Or, “I just found out that Momma Joyce is my mother” cry.
She leaves the table and Kenya and Porsha start comforting her. Kenya says that she never had a mom who talked to her or even took ownership of her so she thinks Cynthia is doing the right thing. And now they’re both crying. Meanwhile, NeNe is trying to get everyone on her side and starts asking if she was wrong. They don’t feel that she should lie about her feelings but they say Cynthia probably feels judged. NeNe clarifies that if she judges someone, they’ll know it. Well damn! It gets worse than that?! She says that Cynthia always ends the conversation and Kandi tells her that maybe they just shouldn’t discuss Noelle then. Back upstairs, Kenya and Porsha get Cynthia to calm down and Porsha specifically directs her to “breathe, wash your face, put your smoky eye back on”. Damn, she made me like her for a minute. That was one of the silliest things I’ve ever heard in response to a serious situation but it was so perfect in that moment.
Kenya and Porsha have a *moment* after the crying episode and they “bund” over wanting children so badly. Kenya sees in Cynthia what she always wanted from her mom but she doesn’t even want a daughter because she wants nothing to remind her of the relationship with her mother. Can someone please send her a telegram and let her know that gender selection hasn’t been perfected? Porhsa says that she’ll pray for her.
NeNe talks to Cynthia and they simply disagree on parenting methods. Cynthia insists that it’s different because they’re raising different genders.
Meanwhile, Kandi and Phaedra are prepping their Southern dinner and briefly discuss how to incorporate the girls into Kandi’s upcoming musical. NeNe is on her way to have fun but encounters a crying Porsha. Someone must’ve used regular gas instead of premium in our little engine that couldn’t. She’s struggling with the divorce and NeNe mentions to the camera that this friendship is one-sided. Back at the room, Porsha says she was on Instagram and saw a picture of her former stepson which made her sad. NeNe says that you go through lots of emotions. You’re going to be sad, bitter, angry and then you’ll marry them all over again.
NeNe tells her that she can pause the divorce and tells her to talk to Kordell. What in the world?! This has got to be the worst advice I’ve ever heard in my life. NeNe reassures her by saying that she needs to know that she did everything she could to save her marriage. On the one hand I agree with trying to save it but once a man publicly humiliates you and you repeatedly imply that he’s gay and abusive, why would you think it’s a relationship worth saving?
The girls are about to go to a drag show and they are all in totally different casual outfits. The scene literally went from girls in summer dresses to Cynthia dressed like an extra from Flashdance and NeNe dressed like Mr. Clean. By the way, NeNe is drinking a lot. It must be all of the stress from campaiging for gay rights. NeNe, for all of her concern with “bunding”, says that Kenya is acting strangely because she’s giggling and being pleasant with Phaedra. Technically it’s not bonding but it’s a huge accomplishment given their issues. NeNe wants them to actually talk and put their issues aside. Kandi and Porsha are ready to go.
Oh, and Kenya had her dog brought to Savannah because she was sick. A sick dog in an historical mansion? Sounds like a great way to lose a security deposit.